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AConnectedLife

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25.01.2022 Today is World Mental Health Day. 2020 has been a harder year for most than any year before. This year, more than ever calls for self-compassion. Understanding that in this moment most people are finding life difficult and many are not functioning at their best. Striving to treat yourself as you would a dear friend. Knowing that while this moment is a struggle, it is temporary and just like any adversity you have faced before, this too shall pass. Building your self-compassion muscle will help to dull that negative inner critic. It will soften the blow of the challenges you face. Self compassion will help you to be resilient so when we’re on the other side of this difficult time so you can bounce back and go forward in the direction that aligns with your hopes for the future. Be kind to yourself.

24.01.2022 Podcast Recommendation https://podcasts.apple.com//ladies-we-need-t/id1277424411 Have you ever had a partner threaten to end their life if you end the relationship? A partner who makes you feel guilty for hanging out with other people, to the point where you rarely see your friends and family? Or perhaps your partner has you feeling so codependent that you don’t have the confidence to live your life separate to them. ... This episode articulates & defines so well the type of domestic violence that’s often invisible & hard to describe. Emotional abuse is insidious. It changes the way your brain functions and what you perceive to be normal. An emotionally abusive partner has the manipulative ability to make you question yourself & at times to have you question your sanity. The effects are long lasting & shape the way you view future relationships. If you are currently in a relationship that you know is unhealthy & toxic, please reach out for help 1800 RESPECT.

22.01.2022 Offering phone & video counselling, coaching and leadership support for individuals and mental health & wellbeing consultancy services for organisations. https://www.aconnectedlife.com.au

22.01.2022 Valuable insights on how to descelate an overwhelming interaction from The Gottman Institute https://www.facebook.com/149200885864/posts/10158260021570865/?d=n&substory_index=0

20.01.2022 So many of my clients are reporting that they can’t shift the feeling of being flat, disconnected or demotivated. Some are getting teary at the slightest thing, some are declining invitations to connect & some are waking up with a sense of dread. What follows is usually patterns of unhelpful thinking styles including being self critical, rumination & catastrophising. What I want you to hear is, if you are feeling this way, that it’s a totally appropriate response to everythi...ng that you have endured this year. Your brain has been functioning from the flight or flight response for an extended period of time. In the beginning this can lead to hyperarousal where you’re very high functioning at 100mph. However, once you get to the peak of that, your brain kind of short circuits & you go into hypoarousal, leaning towards fatigue, burnout & helplessness. If this is you please reach out for support. You’re not alone & help is available. Second image credit: @drlaurenfogelmersy

17.01.2022 Switching gears from surviving to thriving. 2020 has been a year like no other. For some it has been a good opportunity slow down, reassess and find balance in their busy life. However for many it has been a real struggle. We have lived through rapid change, uncertainty and have been more limited than ever before. Many people who have experienced trauma in the past have struggled with it resurfacing due the the constant stimulation of their fight or flight response in the br...ain. And for those who continued to work through the pandemic, often you are taking on a bigger workload than ever before without the opportunity to have a meaningful break or enjoy your usual self-care activities. As a result there are increased rates of burn out and mental health and wellbeing implications. As we navigate our way out of the worst of the pandemic and enter into the summer period, this is a great opportunity for you to switch gears from survival mode and work your way up to thriving. Rest: Don’t skip this part. Allow yourself time to rest, recuperate and recover. Sleep in, try to not overcommit to things and just take it easy. Let your central nervous system and your brain have a break so you can build back up your energy and resilience. Recover: What does self-care mean for you now? What are the little, practical things you can do for yourself that add up to make a big difference in how you feel for the day? Are you nourishing your mind, body and connections? Are you allowing yourself time to enjoy your hobbies? Is it time for a massage or pedicure? Treat yourself. You’ve earned it! Re-energise: Invest some time into thinking about your future. What lessons can you take away from this year? What values do you want to live by? How can you map out goals or steps to build the life that is most aligned with where you want to be. Who can you connect with that will support you, encourage you and champion you? What will help you to get your spark back and motivate you to live a life of meaning and purpose?

17.01.2022 If you’re feeling quite anxious about the rapidly changing environment in the world right now, give this episode a listen. You’re not alone & your feelings are valid Big Feels Club https://www.facebook.com/457689564603611/posts/1143361412703086/?d=n

16.01.2022 Many of my client’s ‘Negative Inner Critics’ are really loud at the moment. Here’s a timely reminder for you if your is too - Not All Thoughts Are Facts!

16.01.2022 For those of you who don’t know me in person, this is me, A Connected Life founder; Kate Harrison. I’m so excited to share with you that from February I will be working exclusively from my private practise in Niddrie. My intention is to create an inviting, safe and calm space where you can explore your challenges and work towards building the life you want to create. ... I will be sharing my journey of creating this space with you and will be transitioning to face to face bookings from Wednesday the 3rd of February 2021. I will continue to also offer phone and video services. I provide generalist counselling for a wide range of issues including (but not limited to) anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, identity exploration, stress management, goal settling & navigating major life change. I love working with women to help them to build a life of meaning and purpose and I have a particular interest in couples therapy of which I am currently completing further training in. I have been fortunate to have been able to work in very dynamic spaces where I have been able to support people of all demographics, cultural and diverse backgrounds. I so look forward to building a community centred around acceptance, compassion & connectedness & I am hopeful that if you or someone you know might need a little (or a lot) of extra support, then you’ll keep me in mind. Read more about the support I offer here: https://www.aconnectedlife.com.au

13.01.2022 You know your business is becoming a reality when the business cards arrive! So looking forward to welcoming my clients to this very special space in February.

12.01.2022 a connected life’s intention is to help with self acceptance, strengthening relationships and to help you make the choices now that will ensure that you flourish in your future. Life is messy. It’s complicated & unpredictable. Just when you think that you have things figured out, along comes a challenge or an obstacle that may derail you from your path & the life you want to live. That’s when the unhelpful thoughts and actions might kick in, disconnecting you from the person ...you want to be, the people you care most about and the direction you want to take in life. a connected life will help you to live your best life by giving you the tools and resources to help you make choices that are most aligned with your best life. Implementing value led & strength based strategies will help you be present and connected, to have clarity about how you want to live your life and help you overcome your biggest challenge- your negative inner critic.

10.01.2022 Often when we’re not coping we want to hide ourselves away from the world. When mood, motivation & morale is low usually our natural instinct is to isolate ourselves from others. However, human connection is exactly what you need in those moments. Neuroscience tells us that when we connect with others our brains respond positively, triggering a chain reaction of mind & bodily reactions that naturally enhances mood, energy & most importantly a sense of belonging. So next time when your struggling & your autopilot response is to disengage with your favourite people, please try to fight that urge & reach out for support. Read more about the benefits of human connection here: https://www.mindwise.org//the-importance-of-social-connec/ Image created by @kaha.mind.

10.01.2022 This Thursday, the 10th of September is R U Ok Day. This year, we need this more than ever. If you’ve noticed a change, if you have a feeling something is off, if you’re concerned that someone isn’t coping, please do ask R U Ok, because a conversation really can save someone’s life. Ask - Mate, I’m worried about you. Are you coping ok? Listen - Create a safe space free of judgement & be prepared to sit with discomfort. Look for non verbal signs & trust your gut. Encour...age action - Let them know about the support services available or services that you have used in the past that have been helpful such as EAP, Lifeline or Mensline. Check in - A day or two after the initial conversation check in to see how they are going. Do they need more encouragement, support or are they more ready to talk now? For more information: https://www.ruok.org.au/

10.01.2022 Helping my clients to identify their unhelpful thinking styles or patterns & how they push them towards unhelpful action is one of the key tools that I use in counselling. When we are stressed, overwhelmed or experiencing challenging situations, our negative inner voice can get really loud. It can lead us to worry about the worst possible outcome, to fixate on past interactions, to apply a negative lens to things that aren’t really all that bad & it can cause us to be rigid ...with tunnel vision. These unhelpful thinking patterns can derail us from the direction we want to take with unhelpful coping strategies like numbing, avoidance or defensiveness. Whilst we have no control over our thoughts & the emotion that our minds attach to them, we do have control over what we do in these moments. By identifying your autopilot unhelpful thinking patterns & recognising your warning signs of when you’re slipping into an unhelpful autopilot response, you are able to then apply a circuit breaker to course correct into helpful coping strategies. This builds healthy coping habits. Begin to notice with general curiosity and without judgement, what your unhelpful autopilot response is when you’re feeling challenged. Is there a particular theme, thought or judgement that leaves you feeling uncomfortable? Are you inclined to want to push it away, burry it or ignore it? Rather than jumping to an unhelpful coping strategy, learn how to sit with the discomfort & accept that it’s a natural response to a less than ideal scenario. It’s ok to experience a range of uncomfortable & sometimes conflicting emotions. You still have control over your choices in this moment. Balance out the discomfort with a ‘circuit breaker.’ Play some uplifting music, exercise, connect with a loved one, eat something delicious & nourishing, be with nature, whatever it is that brings you back to the present moment in a helpful way. Be self-compassionate. Balance out the uncomfortable thoughts with helpful, uplifting thoughts based on facts & evidence. Know your worth. Celebrate your successes. Be proud of your progress. Remember that it’s totally normal to have shade & light coexisting together. One does not have to cancel out the other. You can learn to hold onto the light & let the darkness pass. Then course correct in the direction you want to take.

10.01.2022 Are you stuck in a loop of thoughts that are making you feel awful? Perhaps you’re recognising that you’re repeatedly falling into unhelpful thinking patterns such as catastrophising, rumination or applying a negative bias? Is your inner critic really loud and pointing out all of your supposed failings, deficits or all the reasons why you might not be good enough? Then repeat after me; NOT ALL THOUGHTS ARE FACTS! When we get stuck in our heads (and who hasn’t been this year?...??), we often forget what is real and based on evidence and what is just a thought passing through. We can tend to hold onto the negative stuff because that’s what packs the biggest emotional punch. It’s really important to challenge these thought patterns, to externalise them and balance them out with self-compassion, actual truth and positive feedback. Hold onto the thoughts that make you feel good and let the unhelpful thoughts pass on by. Reach out for support if you’re finding this too difficult to do by yourself.

09.01.2022 Podcast Recommendation Wowee. This episode had me not only adding the book to cart, but also clicking to complete payment without hesitation! Burnout is the most prevalent mental health issue I am seeing in my clients at the moment. Without an ounce of exaggeration I can tell you that just about every second or third client I am speaking to is reporting symptoms consistent with burnout. So many people have reached the peak point of stress, overwhelm, hyperarousal, runnin...g on fight or flight & haven’t had a meaningful break away from their work or kids or other responsibilities since early this year & their minds & bodies are shutting down. When I tell them that what they’re describing to me sounds like burnout, it’s like a lightbulb moment. They are just so exhausted that they can’t see past their fog to what’s really going on for them. I have been facilitating workshops about this topic for the past couple of months & this podcast articulates so well what many people are experiencing. I’m really excited to read the book! It also reinforces what I tell all of my clients- you need to let yourself feel the uncomfortable stuff. The more you try to push away, avoid or bury the hard stuff, the bigger it gets in the background & the more you lean towards unhelpful coping. Take a listen to this podcast if you think this sounds like you. https://podcasts.apple.com//unlocking-us-wit/id1494350511

08.01.2022 Today is R U Ok Day, a national call to action to help Australians feel connected & supported. I’m so pleased to be facilitating R U Ok training sessions for organisations across Australia today as this is an initiative that I whole heartedly believe in. If you have a feeling that someone is struggling, please use today as an opportunity to reach out. If you are struggling please know that help is available in many different ways. A conversation really can change a life.

08.01.2022 This year has been exhausting. 2020 has pushed many of us to the brink, turned our lives upside down, taken away many of our self care options and most detrimentally, we have been physically disconnected from the people we love, the things that we love to do and in many cases the things that make us feel like ‘me’. The last thing that you need to be doing is investing your precious energy into things that don’t serve you. Setting emotional boundaries is a vital act of self care. These aspects beautifully illustrated by @themindgeek, are some key points to check in on to see if you are investing your emotional energy into things that will not fill up your emotional cup. It’s ok to let go of things that serving you and shift your focus to the many wonderful things that can.

08.01.2022 Are you finding that no matter how much sleep you get, you still feel tired? Is it hard for you to fall asleep or stay asleep? Are you finding it difficult to concentrate or do you lack motivation? Perhaps you’re feeling quite negative at the moment or struggling to maintain connections with others or interest in things that you usually enjoy? It’s possible that you’re experiencing burnout. This year has been so challenging in so many ways. We have had to rapidly adjust to n...ew ways of living, working & connecting all the while coping with anxiety, stress & uncertainty. If you are feeling burnt out, that’s totally understandable & an appropriate response to enduring so much heavy stuff for so long. If this is you please take some time to pause, reassess & engage in self care strategies or support seeking actions to course correct. It’s time to put on your oxygen mask so you can recharge & be your best self for the people who rely on you. Second image credit: @journey_to_wellness_

08.01.2022 Happy International Self Care Day! Now, more than ever we need to do the things that bring joy to our hearts. If you are in iso you may need to reassess what self care means for you. Pick three of the categories below & try your best to do three self care actions today. You deserve to feel good!

07.01.2022 Love this. I always say to my clients that uncomfortable emotions need somewhere to go. You need to do something with them to help you process & move through challenging times. This graphic represents this message perfectly.

07.01.2022 Please, please, please do not beat yourself up for not feeling ‘grateful’, ‘blessed’ or ‘inspired’ right now. You might have spent 7 months juggling work with your kid’s remote learning. You may not have seen your best friend face to face in months. You may have lost your job. You may have had to cancel your wedding, milestone birthday, graduation, holiday, the list goes on. You may be grieving the death of a loved one & not be allowed to attend their funeral. You might be re...ally angry that you have tried your best to do the right thing according to the guidelines yet your neighbour has clearly had visitors every week while you’ve been desperately missing your family. We are enduring a once in a life time catastrophic event. Yes, eventually we will be on the other side & life will gradually return to normal but when hopes are dashed weekly and uncertainty is the new certain, it’s ok to feel shitful. Do not expect yourself to thrive when you are barely surviving. This is temporary and it will pass. Feel the roller coaster of emotions & be realistic in your expectations. Balance out the heavy mental burden with self care & simple pleasures. But don’t beat yourself up for not being grateful. See more

06.01.2022 A reminder to all of the incredible women who might be struggling with their self talk about their bodies during this difficult time. Life is hard enough at the moment. The last thing you need is to be hard on yourself. The number on the scales is not your worth. The shape of your body is the least most interesting thing about you. Focus on how your body functions for you, not how it looks. Remember all of the incredible things your body has endured throughout your ...life. See your scars, your wrinkles, your bumps & your wobbly bits as the marks of a life well lived. Gently course correct an negative self talk with self compassion & appreciation. See more

06.01.2022 Top Tips for Staying Healthy, Sane & Grounded During Lock Down. Nourish your body with good food. Balance out the treats with well rounded meals with a high nutritional content. There is a direct link between the food you put in your tummy & your mood. Move every day! This is so important. Whether it be a leisurely morning walk, a brisk paced walk around the block in your lunch break or online yoga sessions, movement is essential for keeping your body functioning properl...y. Exercise is a natural mood enhancer too. Build self-care into every day. Choose really simple, practical, small actions that you know will add up to make a big difference in how you see the day. Paint your toe nails, put on a face mask, do some meditation or mindfulness, call your favourite person, read a light hearted book, snuggle with your pet, tend to your garden, bake a cake! The list goes on... Pay attention to your inner voice & gently course-correct if it’s harsh, critical or unhelpful. Accept that negative thought patterns are only natural during difficult times but they can be balanced out & coexist with positivity, gratitude & value led choices. Stay connected. Talk to someone you love, admire, respect or who’s company you enjoy every day. Share your struggles, make someone laugh or tell someone you care. Human connection is vital for getting us through any difficult time.

05.01.2022 The Circle of Control (TCOC) model is a tool that I use with my clients on a regular basis, particularly for my clients who are experiencing anxiety or crisis. TCOC is super helpful when your mind is spiralling, when you’re feeling powerless or if you’re in a situation where your options are very limited. This has been hugely relevant while navigating the pandemic. The intention is to help draw your focus back to the things that you can control or influence. By mapping out an...d acknowledging every facet of the situation, accepting what’s out of your control & choosing actions that are aligned with what you want to achieve will help you feel calmer, more empowered & less stressed. Draw a circle on a piece of paper & write a title of the situation at the top. Write down all of the things that are out of your control on the outside of the circle. These are usually things such as other people’s actions, decisions, responses or things that have happened in the past. Inside of the circle write down everything that is within your control that is helpful to the situation. This may include your response, managing your time, your nutrition, exercise, self care & boundaries. Acknowledge that the things you have written outside of the circle are valid concerns, however remind yourself that because you have no influence over them, it’s not helpful to invest your energy into them. Focus on what is within your control & map out a plan based on that. Keep the piece of paper where you can see it regularly as a visual cue to stay on track.

05.01.2022 Setting boundaries around who you invest your emotional energy in is an act of self-care. Ask yourself; do they recharge me? Do they champion me? Do they challenge me in a helpful way? Do they encourage me to be my best self? Do I walk away feeling better than before we connected?

04.01.2022 When you’re overwhelmed, stressed, burned out, sad, (the list goes on...), that nasty little voice inside your head can get really loud. It’s tells you that you’re failing, that you’re not worthy and it breeds shame and dispair. The antidote is self-compassion. Being mindful when your negative inner critic is talking, then course correcting with understanding and kindness and remembering that you’re not alone. If you’re struggling, know that almost everyone else is too. The... way you are feeling is valid. You do not have to beat yourself up with guilt because you’re not ‘grateful’ at the moment. Be kind to yourself, be understanding of others and do the little things that spark joy for you whenever you get a chance.

03.01.2022 We built a little website! https://www.aconnectedlife.com.au

02.01.2022 A client of mine in session yesterday was sharing with me the lightbulb moment & realisation she had about a really difficult situation following the uncomfortable conversation we navigated in her previous session. She said to me ‘Katie, thank you so much for walking with me through the mud & sticking with me. It was so valuable to experience that.’ My response was ‘I bloody love the mud! Bring the mud to me!’ The mud is where real growth is. Sitting with discomfort & really ...examining why it feels so awful is where the breakthrough happens & where we are able to reconcile, accept, grow & move forward. Coincidentally I was listening to Brené Brown’s latest podcast episode this morning & in the beginning of it she talks through a very similar concept. When you’re in the mud or the shadow, or however you want to describe it, when you reach the middle ground between what was & what will be, no matter how you approach it, it’s hard. ‘The middle is messy, but that’s there the magic happens.’ Brene reminded me of a really simple strategy to help you persevere through that stage. Name it - what does it feel like, look like, drive you to do? Normalise it - be self compassionate & know that learning is uncomfortable so it’s only natural you feel this way Put it into perspective - is it really as bad or as difficult as you’re perceiving it to be? Know that this feeling is temporary. It will pass & the learning will serve your growth & resilience going forward. Utilising this concept will help to snap you out of your unhelpful autopilot response & prompt you to reassess, problem solve & grow. https://podcasts.apple.com//unlocking-us-wit/id1494350511

02.01.2022 These brilliant graphics by @blessingmanifesting beautifully illustrate the contrasts between healthy & unhealthy relationships. I cannot tell you how many times I have had conversations with my clients highlighting toxic patterns of behaviours with past or current partners that they, up until that moment, thought were ‘normal.’ So often women are conditioned to please, comply with or conform in response to unhealthy dynamics or power imbalances in relationships. It’s so help...ful to understand the warning signs & to know your worth. If you are experiencing ongoing incidents or interactions where you have to mould yourself to fit into someone else’s demands, that is not healthy. If you are constantly walking on eggshells, making excuses for their behaviour or doubting yourself, that is not healthy. If you have children it’s so powerful to talk with them about what a healthy, respectful relationship looks like so they can better identify if they are falling into unhealthy patterns as they grow up. Relationships do require compromise & there are often rocky patches that require working through, however if the scales are unbalanced & you’re finding your spending more time in the second image, then it’s time to reassess your options. See more

01.01.2022 Let’s talk Attachment Theory. Have you ever noticed that you seem to fall into the same problematic patterns over and over again in relationships? Maybe you find it difficult to let your guard down with a romantic partner? Possibly you find yourself becoming quite insecure and clingy? Or perhaps when things start to get serious, you want to run for the hills! There is a reason why this happens and once you understand it you will feel like a light bulb has gone on in your hea...d. The way you form relationships as an adult has a direct link with the relationship you had with your primary caregiver as a child. If the care provided was inconsistent, ambivalent or absent, then as an infant you are conditioned to form bonds in particular ways. You brain is hardwired to respond to current connections by mimicking the experiences that formed your attachment style when your brain was developing. The good news is that recent research indicates that we have the ability to change these tendencies by raising the awareness of our autopilot behaviours then course correcting when we feel ourselves falling into unhelpful patterns. For more information read this link: https://positivepsychology.com/attachment-theory/ Second image credit: @yourjourneythrough @ Melbourne, Victoria, Australia