A fan's notes in Carlton North, Victoria, Australia | Australian restaurant
A fan's notes
Locality: Carlton North, Victoria, Australia
Address: 787 Nicholson Street 3054 Carlton North, VIC, Australia
Website:
Likes: 4178
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23.01.2022 No one asked me for my top ten quarantine albums as they fear their minds being blown by my controversial opinions. But much like every party I’ve ever been to, I don’t let a lack of invitation stand between me and ruining things for others. You can’t pick that they would stammer not knowing that whilst they had partied with friends I had studied the word as I unleashed the full rational might of a keyboard warrior hardened by the reddit threads of foo fighters fandom. Much l...ike the foos stance on HIV, I often confused and offended my foes with barely cohesive thoughts about topics outside my domain of knowledge. Looks like your chickens have come home to roost
23.01.2022 Well personally I feel I look quite rakish in mask, like a dyspeptic zorro or a depressed raccoon. One didn’t spend their 90’s youth not prepping for this day. As someone who still uses cyber as an adjective, I m ready to be encased in pvc, antique ww2 gas mask at the ready as I bring out the twin guns of neon dreadlocks and nitzer ebb. I’m ready to dance...I’m ready to party... but first I’ll need to stockpile so affordable banquet food. Call now for this weekends feast. La...st week we had twice as many people try and book on the day as had preordered by Friday. That was fun. One organised person even tried to preorder 3 hours after the kitchen had shut last Saturday. I’m calling to preorder tonight’s $50 Texmex feast that’s only available today. But it’s 9pm? Yes can I preorder it for collection in 20 minutes? Then we share a laugh. Book now. There’s optional liquor attached.
23.01.2022 Because i always forget to take photos of all this magnificence my only recourse is to slide into others profiles and steal their stories, personal details and photos. It’s like I’m always on the outside, looking in through the window of others lives, envious of the shared moments and easy laughs on offer, knowing that my only chance to be included is to fake some backstory and claim to be aUkrainian orphan Benjamin buttoning it and hoping that someone adopts me. That new fos...ter child sure does drink and swear a lot for a 12 year old... but they do love fortnight so we should just be thankful they’re not calling anyone a hard n word on call of duty and count our blessings. You are right though... it does seem strange that a young Eastern European child would speak with a broad kiwi mumble and have really strong opinions about bbq dub but who are we to judge? If only all those records hadn’t have been destroyed in the suspicious grease fire... So book now for all this fun this Saturday... $50 three containers of food. $50 for bonus negeoni $20 for bonus aperol spritz Call now.
20.01.2022 Don’t let the high production values of our promotional activity fool you, no expense has been spared to get your trembling eyeballs on this picture and zap that information straight into the quivering wet mass of lizard brain that keeps you upright throughout the day and able to communicate you needs to me directly. Need food, then mating, then death you stammer. Well I can assist with one of those my instinctual compromised friend. Just dial 0406095604 to place an order or ...you can even dm the business. Must find host for genetic material! I often find the provision of a $50 feast designed for 2-4 people assists markedly in that pursuit, as our tagline for Ballard’s has always been - you can’t spell ballards without balls. Lasagne warm, lasagne friend? Whatever happens in the privacy of your own home where questionable decisions no doubt fueled by excessive consumption of our top notch $50 portable negroni jar is you’re own affair bud. Then just the sound of gentle mewling and squelching. So book now as I gently stare at those social media figures and wonder how I managed to lose another wad of followers...
16.01.2022 So as the inevitable landlord dealings have left me feeling like Kevin bacon in a steel mill, I’ll keep this brief and only nearly hit the Instagram word limit. We have food, you want food, we want to cook you food. Sure I went off topic a bit yesterday and words were said but that was Tuesday tam and now we’re back to Wednesday working tam where I realise I need customers to
16.01.2022 A fans notes is permently closed. Go to ballards. A fans notes is permently closed. Go to ballards. A fans notes is permently closed. Go to ballards. A fans notes is permently closed. Go to ballards. A fans notes is permently closed. Go to ballards ... A fans notes is permently closed. Go to ballards. have you heard? Fans notes is closed but the same surly service and tasty treats are available in thornbury?!?
14.01.2022 As my brain has now retreated to a screen saver mode where Australian cricket defeats just play on an endless loop I don’t have much to add to this, this long dark tea time of the soul where all existence is a struggle and the sense of pointlessness wraps me like a day dream or a fever. Self improvement is masturbation I mutter as I stare at the sole remaining untapped keg of beer with growing panic. Yep. For the weekend. It’s food.
09.01.2022 I reek of cumin, paprika and a palpable lack of vitamin d due to the fact I haven’t seen the sun in what feels like years. But my rickets are your opportunity so take advantage of my bow legged stance and gorge at my family feed trough this Saturday night. So much food... ever so tasty. Available for collection from ballards 915 high st thornbury
08.01.2022 Look it’s not available at fans but you couldn’t go there anyway as selfish youth have ruined everything. I’m looking directly at you right now. That’s why you should apologise to me by coming up to ballards in thornbury and ordering a tex mex banquet for 2-4 people for only $50. I’ll mumble something about being more angry than disappointed but you know that it’s a facade and that deep down I can’t stay angry at the kids... where else would I buy my pingers and floor baggies from? Then we all start dancing to beats that sound like dated fruity loops. Call 0406095604 to order food for collection this Saturday night.
05.01.2022 Oh boy did you see that new episode of rick and morty? The simultaneous sound of a million apoplectic reddit users assholes puckering as one was a straight thunderclap for the ages!! But...but...but ricks pro capitalist rant was out of character for my beloved surrogate whom like me is ever so smart. It wasn't pro capitalism you muppet it was anti consumerist as all you fuckers define yourselves with conspicuous consumption (Szechuan) and limited edition crap. It's straigh...t up telling you a show is entertainment not a cult and that maybe if you left the echo chamber of anime and comic books that passes as a personality you wouldn’t be so threatened by any perceived insult to middling geek entertainment and maybe you wouldnt have your mind blown by ideas that have been prevalent in story telling since Ancient Greece God I love the self sabotaging zeal of Dan Harmon, that self hate fueled attempt at destroying everything that provides you with financial security just because by setting something loose in the world it’s now being enjoyed in a manner out of your control. Hahaha what an asshole... But anyhoo, so which of you whinging fuckers wants to ruin another Saturday night for me by unironically enjoying our 3 heaving trays of Mexican feasty food for the low price of $50? Maybe you’ll queue up asking for me to roast you as I wonder if one day the New Yorker will ever publish my letter. Damn fans...ruining everything...
04.01.2022 Many people don’t realise that I am fueled creativily by my hatred of Italian food stuffs and tourists trying to recreate that one magical moment captured in a Tuscan field in autumn as we thought that the gods themselves were envious of the passion we showed as we lay exhausted and entwined in our dewy sheets of soiled regret... ah Tibor... I wonder where you are now? But much like my youthful enthusiasm and ability to turn the heads of swarthy field hands, those moments are lost to the past. That’s why we need to recreate them here in dismal thornbury this Saturday night as restrictions appear to remain unchanging like Tibors long flowing locks and eternal buttocks. Bookings only. A lot of food. Fun.
02.01.2022 So what’s been my favourite encounter with those heroes of the paper fortress so far in this journey through the mire of governmental assistance? Was it that saucy exchange with the ATO over the mygovid verification process? But you need a myGovID! But I have a myGov Id! No that’s a myGov id, you need a myGovID id! Did you think of maybe renaming it a business ID or something so that we don’t end up doing a sub par whos on first routine as I casually dream of flames licking ...concrete and a thousand floors of beuracratic incompetence engulfed in smoke. Well that’s above my pay grade sorry mate. Fair enough, we’re all just doing our job right, I’ve installed the app and I’ve jumped through every demeaning hoop you’ve demanded, now can i please access my own businesses financial information so I can do what you’re demanding i do. Hang on a moment mate? Says here youre foreign... we can’t let you have access to that information. You mean my information? Yep pinko, we only accept pure Australian ID like a passport or birth certificate so if you’re not born in this country then you can fuck right off back to what ever banana republic you’re from. So you have now digitalised a taxation system that requires everything to be processed online and it did not occur to you that it is possible to own, operate and conduct a business in this country as a non Australian? We don’t make mistakes, this is not an oversight but a clear message to fuck off we’re full. Fair enough, obviously smarter minds than mine have with great foresight and wisdom decided this is the way forward so I what? Just casually wait over here till you start issuing fines for late lodgements and the sort so I can be rounded up and deported as a foreign national? That’s right mate, now stop tying up the phone lines with your worthless presence and let a true Aussie battler qualify for their due. Thanks ATO! Now tune in tomorrow as I outline some of the ways they really didn’t think jobkeeper through in their transparent attempt to keep unemployment down rather than have Scotty boy go down in history as the Aussie PM with that spike on their record!
01.01.2022 So I said to that landlord, choke on my freedom, the people will not be angry victims no more as an eagle landed on my upthrust wrist and a thousand Prince guitar solos reverberated throughout the land. The cheer went up from the assembled throng standing out the front of a fans notes for they too realised that what I had done was not just a victory for myself, but one for everyone. I had taken that first step on the path towards an enlightened new future where market forces ...were now beholden to the people, their footsteps behind mine turning that narrow path into a road wide enough to sustain the basic living rights of all. Yep... I certainly didn’t turn up cap in hand losing whatever remnants of dignity I had left to ask for exceptions, deferrals and waivers, nope not me. I most certainly didn’t immediately turn around and evict a tenant as I twirled a moustache and counted money. Nope, I’m not a pawn in throes of capitalism, I have freedom... so, so free. But anyhow let’s cook some food for the true warriors of the resistance this Saturday by offering up such a bounty, such a glorious bounty. Ah bugger... I’ve made myself sad again...
