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Amity Therapies

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15.01.2022 ? The most important part is what you need. Often, we are not really clear what our needs are, they get mixed up in the jumble of what we DON’T want. It is important to be clear in yourself that & .... We are often clear what we DON’T want. We know we DON’T want him to not be listening when we speak, we DON’T want him to be speaking to his ex-girlfriend every other day, after you cooked a great meal, we DON’T want him to leave all the washing up for you to do. It is so easy to launch into a tirade of: You never listen to me, it’s so rude, I’m talking, and you are staring at your phone. I might as well go home right now. This is expressing what you DON’T want, called a ‘negative need’, then adding a threat to the end. ’ , ‘ ’: When I am talking to you and you are looking at your phone, I feel like I don’t have your full attention. I feel disappointed and frustrated because I value connection and your input into my life. Would you be willing to put your phone down for 5 minutes and hear me? You might like to do some on this. Start with a list of negative needs and next to each one, write a positive need. Take your time to visualise the positive need, what would it be like if the positive need was happening in your life? What would it look and feel like? You might even like to say it out loud a few times, so when it comes time to say it out loud, you have heard yourself say it clearly a few times. Let me know what positive needs you discover! #selfcare #communication #relationships #psychotherapycentral #wellbeing #mentalhealth #healtogether #selfhealers #therapythoughts #psychoeducation #therapistsofinstagram #protestbehaviour See more

12.01.2022 We're all capable of that!

08.01.2022 Have you found yourself in relationship arguing about the same thing over and over with no outcome? If your answer is yes, you are not alone. ... % ’ . What does make a difference is a soft start up. John Gottman found that in % . It makes sense. Compare this -: You are home late AGAIN. I don’t know why I bother cooking anything for you, it’s cold now. To this - (feelings, using ‘I’ statements): Hey, I’m feeling a bit sad you are so late again, the food is cold. Notice in the harsh start-up there are lots of ‘you’ statements, which tend to illicit defensiveness because they often contain judgement and criticism. The soft start-up allows us to raise an issue without blame. If you try the soft start-up and it is met with negativity, you can try affirming your intention. You can say something like, I’m not trying to criticise you, I know you are really busy at work at the moment. I want us to be closer and have more quality time together. This is usually reassuring for the other person to hear. Before your next conflict discussion, try to plan to use the soft start-up and see what happens. *Gottman Method Couples Therapy John & Julie Gottman Reminder: If you re-post any of my posts please type in the @psychotherapy.central tag that way I get a notification and I can thank you, or add it to my stories! Thank you! #selfcare #communication #relationships #wellbeing #mentalhealth #healtogether #selfhealers #therapythoughts #psychoeducation #jennifernurick #therapythoughts #psychoeducation #mentalhealthmatters #counselling #healing See more

05.01.2022 Inquiry is the bridge!

01.01.2022 Threatening and demanding are NOT ways to get your needs met in the long term. , , ... and energetically they are pushing back the energy you just threw at them. It is NOT likely to end well. ? If you talk to your ex-girlfriend again, we are over! If you don’t do your share of the housework, I’ll stop doing any housework! ? You have to help me with the shopping now. You need to stop giving her so much of your time. Rather than threatening or demanding we need to get clear on what need is not being met and WHY this is important to us. Doing the inner work might look like journaling the questions above: What happened? (factually) What feelings do I have about this? What of my needs are not being met? Clear request. If you are used to demanding and threatening as a way to get your needs met, . Think about this. Who was it in your home you learnt this behaviour from? Now think about where THEY learnt it from. Probably from one of their parents. It is a behaviour that is passed down from generation to generation until someone changes it. If this has been passed down in your family, know . . To start to change these patterns takes time and focus (it has for me, and I’m still learning!!), but it can be done. If you are finding these posts helpful go to the three dots at the top right of this post and hit turn on post notifications Then you won’t miss a thing! #intergenerationaltrauma #familyhealing #selfcare #communication #relationships #wellbeing #mentalhealth #healtogether #selfhealers #therapythoughts #psychoeducation #therapistsofinstagram See more