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24.01.2022 You hear phrases like "do you go in just to comfort her? What, even if she's been fed and changed? What a cheeky, demanding little madam! She doesn't need anyth...ing - she just wants you and the more you go in the more she will want you!" Or "does he actually really need something or is he getting you up in the night just for a cuddle? He's really got you under the thumb hasn't he the naughty boy! You don't want to be doing that, you're rewarding him for waking." "Just for a cuddle?" "She doesn't really actually NEED anything, she just wants you!" Since when did human emotional needs become something to be trained out of? Something to be made to feel bad or wrong for requesting? Something to be actively ignored? Something that is just 'wanted' as opposed to genuinely needed? When was the last time you answered the phone to your partner saying 'sorry but do you ACTUALLY need something? I mean like a sandwich or a change of clothes? Because I'm only here for you if it's that sort of thing. If you're ill that's also ok to ring, but if you're phoning me just for a chat or with any kind of emotion or problem, I'm sorry but that's really NOT OK. You can't have emotions or needs with me, you need to manage those by yourself. Call me only if you have a physical need. Otherwise, be quiet and stop it. Your emotions are unwelcome and they are disturbing me." That relationship wouldn't be a great one would it. Pretty dysfunctional actually. Why do people treat babies in these bizarre ways then? Attributing so little importance to their emotional well-being? We all have emotional needs. Babies are no different. Emotional needs are a beautiful and essential part of humanity. They are something to express, not something to be suppressed and squashed right at the start of life. Just the way you might call your mum, your partner or your friend to offload, or de-stress in some other way, babies need to de-stress too. Babies are not mature enough to de-stress by themselves. The way babies in the early years (note, not just newborns!) reduce their stress is predominantly by being close to you and being soothed by you. As they grow up they will find other ways to soothe themselves and genuinely calm down without your help but this is not an appropriate expectation of their underdeveloped brain in the early years. The healthiest way to train them to soothe themselves in the long term is by soothing them repeatedly yourself, via being connected to them. We're born to be best soothed by being connected to those around us, no matter our age. Our mental health is best when we're in a position of emotional connectedness. No one's mental health thrives when they feel disconnected, misunderstood, minimised, separated or all alone. So next time someone looks shocked that you respond to your baby "just for comfort", hold your head up and remember the brilliant work you are doing. Training that little growing brain that you're there, and that you'll be there till they feel calm again and that they're not alone. Doing this for your baby again and again and again lays pathways in their brain that help them to have healthy relationships both now and in the future.

21.01.2022 "Caregivers should be mindful of the way they touch the child. The baby is building a sense of self, self-and-others, self-in-the-world." Psychology Today r...eviews the latest ZERO TO THREE book, authored by Ruth Anne Hammond: https://bit.ly/2rYD5Nr Purchase your copy here: https://sforce.co/32Z4MCs

21.01.2022 It’s never too early to start communicating with our babies.

20.01.2022 Had the baby massage lessons with my little one, a little while ago. He still enjoys the contact and time we spend together practicing what I learnt. Well worth the experience, highly recommended.

19.01.2022 Research shows just 30 minutes of skin to skin with dad on the first day of a newborn actually rewires dad’s brain. Stimulating many hormones especially Dopmin...e and Oxytocin so dads get connected to their babies and want to nurture them. YES. Dads, get those cuddles in! Repost @dontforgetdads : IG @elliana_allon #doula #blackhills #rapidcity #skintoskin #daddyhood #newdad #newbaby #newborn #fourthtrimester #infantcuddles #familycenteredbirth See more

15.01.2022 Today is #WorldMentalHealthDay2019 raising awareness and promoting mental health and wellbeing throughout the Globe. Did you know that the warm interactions of ...#InfantMassage has life-long benefits for promoting both parent and baby mental health and wellbeing? ... find out how, below... #BabyMassage #interaction #communication #attunement #empowerment #time #bonding #confidence #parenting #mentalhealth #wellbeing #buildingfoundations #WMHD2019 #IAIMUK

12.01.2022 We see so much stuff about responding in the fourth trimester being ok, but not thereafter. Your baby still needs you. Nothing magical suddenly happens to yo...ur baby's ability to manage the world when they exit that period of time. Their need for you does not lessen. Respond to their distress. Cuddle. Feed to sleep. Feed back to sleep. Pick them up. Keep them close. Whatever they indicate they need is totally ok. There are no bad sleep associations. No bad nap associations. No bad 'sleep props'. The fact that you might be an 'association' for them to feel safe enough to sleep isn't bad - it's biologically normal. This tiny little person needs your help to feel safe enough to fall asleep for naps, at bedtime, and again in the night and there is nothing wrong with them. They are not 'behind'. There is no 'sleep problem.' The sleep 'problem' is society's expectations, not your baby.

10.01.2022 Interesting article on co sleeping in a different culture. #babies #africanbabies

10.01.2022 If you are interested and would like to have a casual chat, come on over and say hi

10.01.2022 What a lovely mind collected these. They called it nature dancing.

09.01.2022 SELF SOOTHING A controversial word in the realm of parenting. So many different ideas about it. Grobrain teaches parents that this is a skill - exactly the sam...e as crawling, walking or talking. It cannot be taught. No strategy can speed it up. It'll come when that individual child is ready and able to do it in correlation with the maturation of their brain. This is usually much much further down the line than the majority of parents are told or expect. The brain learns how to do this throughout the early years (*not just the early months!!) and beyond, by being soothed repeatedly by an external source, (their parents or caregiver). True self-soothing is not something the brain learns to do in a few days or weeks by going on a crash course/a parent led intervention (as many will have you believe). In the same way that crawling, walking or talking occurs when they are ready (with variation child to child), the ability to sleep without your help is also reached naturally when they are ready. This repeated soothing from you, again and again and again (and again....!) throughout the early years, creates brain connections in the part of the brain responsible for regulating emotion. This then enables the child to know how to soothe themselves and manage emotion as they grow up and their brain matures. Do not be led to believe that if you don't 'take action' it will not happen. That is a fear that is often banded around to parents, making them question their instincts to respond and creating fear about things never changing. This anxiety can interfere with the parents response. Please hear from us that true self soothing will come. It will. And until the child is ready to do that and demonstrating that they are TRULY happy to be left or go back to sleep without your input, you can continue to respond with complete confidence

06.01.2022 Interconnected

04.01.2022 Who has heard the advice, Stop holding the #baby so much you’re going to spoil them. And did it make you hesitate to do what your instincts directed, to cal...m your crying baby? There are no reasons to think twice when cuddling with your upset infant, no matter what well-meaning advice you receive. It’s impossible to spoil them. J. Kevin Nugent, director of the Brazelton Institute at #Children’s Hospital in Boston and a child psychologist, says that a newborn baby learns from their interactions with their parents that the world is reliable, and can trust that their needs will be met. Responding to baby’s cries isn’t a matter of spoiling, he said. It’s a matter of meeting the child’s needs. Babies are #neurobiologically wired to stop crying when they are being carried. This is a part of our evolutionary biology that helps our species survive. Studies published in the Current Biology journal, the first of which was by Esposito et al., show that the infant calming response to carrying is a coordinated set of central, motor, and cardiac regulations that is an evolutionarily preserved aspect of caregiver-infant interactions. These studies also help to have a scientific explanation for the frustration many new parents struggle with... that a calm and relaxed infant will often begin crying immediately when he or she is put down. Scientists have known for years that the cerebellum is directly linked to a feedback loop with the #vagus nerve which keeps heart rate slow and gives you resilience under pressure. The cerebellum only accounts for about 10% of the size of a baby’s brain but it contains over 50% of its neurons. As adults, we can calm ourselves by practicing mindfulness, which puts the cerebellum at peace and creates a parasympathetic response of well being. This appears to be the same response that occurs in infants when they are being carried. Notre Dame psychologist Darcia Narvaez led a research team that found children become healthier and happier adults when they have parents who treated them with #affection, #sensitivity, and #playfulness since birth. By surveying over 600 adults about affectionate touch, free #play and positive family time in their childhoods, it was found that adults with less anxiety and overall better mental wellbeing had positive childhoods. Professor Narvaez encourages parents to respond to their baby’s cries, whether it means holding them, touching them, or rocking them; it’s all optimal. What parents do in those early months and years are really affecting the way the #brain is going to grow the rest of their lives, explains Narvaez, so lots of holding, touching and rocking, that is what babies expect. They grow better that way. And keep them calm, because all sorts of systems are establishing the way they are going to work. If you let them cry a lot, those systems are going to be easily triggered into #stress. We can see that in adulthood that people that are not cared for well, tend to be more stress reactive and they have a hard time self-calming. The researchers found that free play is vital for child development, as well as growing up in a positive, warm home environment. Narvaez believed that humans need these important things from the time they are born. Therefore, she recommends parents follow their instincts. Although it places a large responsibility on parents to be responsive to their baby’s cries, she adds that we really didn’t evolve to parent alone. Our history is to have a #community of caregivers to help, such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends in the baby’s life. Professor Narvaez says, We need to, as a community, support families so they can give children what they need. https://theheartysoul.com/holding-your-crying-baby-isnt-sp/ https://www.psychologytoday.com//the-neuroscience-calming- https://www.researchgate.net//236251169_Infant_Calming_Res #neurochild #childdevelopment #familygoals #villagelife #dyads