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Better than a Ham Sandwich

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25.01.2022 ROAD TRIP!! Honestly, if I had all the time and the money in the world, I would just DRIVE around the world for the next 30 years. Actually, correction. I would pay for someone else to drive me around the world.

24.01.2022 'Murica. The only place in the world where you can pick up a gun and a kayak at the same shopping centre. #mindblown

23.01.2022 My final day. Oof. This is a hard one to leave (although I think I say this every time). What a crazy couple of months. . I feel like this was my first time in being back in the "real world"- surrounded by people that weren't on spiritual journeys or healing holidays. People that lived, worked, and partied.... . Gotta say it was a struggle. My newfound sober life had consisted of me either hiding in isolation, drowning myself in work and studies, or holding up in retreats and communities where alcohol was either not allowed or just not really consumed. . I had bubbled myself. . I had people come up to me, excited that I was an Aussie, as every Aussie they'd met in their travels was a total piss-head and fun as hell to be around. . God, i felt like i was letting them down, letting me down, letting my country down.....I found myself telling my story A LOT, trying to convince everyone that I wasn't boring, that I was fun, and cool.... . And then there was that turbulent and short lived dalliance with a gorgeous guy that confirmed my biggest insecurity and biggest fear- that I was no longer fun, and that I sounded better when I wasn't sober. Fuck, that one stung. Still does. But in that same moment I also realised that I don't actually want to belong to his world anymore. . I don't want to need drugs and alcohol to be the only way I can enjoy myself. I was imprisioned in my own addiction, and whilst It's hard sometimes (ok, more than sometimes) I am so grateful that now I'm the one in charge. And it's raw and its vulnerable and its EMOTIONAL AS FUCK. . But it's real, you know? . And damn, this realisation was rewarded so quickly with the connection of a beautiful human who essentially put my faith back in this path I chose, and that I will find a guy one day (when I'm ready), that will have the same life, the same values and the same goals. . That I don't have to sacrifice or settle. . Such a beautiful way to finish up Nicaragua . Well, actually, it finished in Managua smack bang in the middle of the riots....but that's another story for another time :) . Onto the next adventure :) xxx

23.01.2022 There is nothing more therapeutic than driving through magnificent landscapes with the windows down, car snacks and loud music.

22.01.2022 SO I WENT TO A JESUS GROUP. Now, lets just put that in context. I'm Riss. Proud atheist, yet budding spiritualist. . Ok, Now I'll continue. ... . I had spoken to my ex recently who had told me he couldn't afford to keep paying his share of our house repayments, which meant I had to sell, foreclose, or keep paying the repayments now by myself. Whilst trying to wrestle with this from the other side of the world, I had also recently injured my knees- halting my boot camp workouts and limiting me to swimming only. And if there's too things I hate, it's limitations, and being in a quiet place with my thoughts. . Panicked, I splurged on a pair of waterproof headphones, which failed immediately, forcing me to accept defeat, and plunge into the pool with that annoying voice that babbled incessantly about, well....... . complete and utter bullshit, really. . So when a friend said to come along to his group, I dramatically thought "Fuck it. It can't get much worse, can it?" . Well, I was surprised. I mean, some of the Jesus talk hit sore points and I cringed, changing many words to "Mother Nature" or "Universe" so my head would actually listen to the message behind it. . And they were beautiful messages- I was reminded to banish my fear and my doubt. That I am Joy. That I give Joy. I was reminded to feel my body's pain. To feel its trauma as it rose up- my neck painfully constricting in an attempt to silence it. I was reminded to Let It Go. . As we wrapped up, one of the leaders came to me and did some Jedi like shit that blew me away. . "Quieten your mind. Remember out of the ORDINARY comes the transformations in life." He smiled at me, as if he could see my mind whip itself into a frenzy- did he make an educated guess? Or could he really see that my fear of being ordinary is what fueled all my choices? . Whatever it was, it caused me to return. Twice more. See more

22.01.2022 WALK YOUR OWN DAMN PATH. Don’t walk someone else’s. Don’t walk the path your parents want for you. Don’t walk the path that was paved out generations ago for us to meets societies standards.... . Fuck the standards. If they don't fit you, don't measure yourself by them. . That being said, I'm the first to admit that walking your own path means you could get rejected by others. Or gossiped about. Or completely alienated. . And fuck, this can STING. Because we humans are biologically PROGRAMMED to seek approval. . Because approval means acceptance and acceptance means survival. . So of course when you venture out into the unknown, and the unapproved you will have people questioning you. Hell, you'll have YOU questioning you. But what's worse than the fear and the setbacks is having that pining aching feeling in your heart that never goes away- that feeling that keeps telling you that there is more to life. There is more than you in your current situation. And I'm not glorifying my existence as the nomad, or the lone wolf. Walking your own path means doing what you love, what you dream of, what sets you on fire- be it to travel, to have a family, to start your own business, or to help someone with theirs. The best thing I ask myself over and over again is what do I truly and deeply want? And I don't know, a lot of the time. But I always know what I DON'T want. . So I take myself by the hand, and I start walking in the other direction, instead. #walkyourownpath

22.01.2022 So for the next 4 weeks, I would be spending my time at at a live in boot camp! It was ride or die- I would be up at stupid o'clock every morning, training and working out for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, and half a day on Saturdays. You name it, we do it: Hiking, cycling, Beach boot camp, swimming, spin class, zumba, running, curcuits, weight lifting, stair climbing......the whole fucking lot. We'd be weighed and pinched and assessed and dunked in tanks and set up to wierd... breathing things and made to run until we cried for our mothers. Our food was measured to the gram, breakfast, lunch and dinner. We were grouped in relation to fitness ability, and given our weekly timetable of when we did what, where and when. Because, why, would you do something as boring and long winded as just including a 30 minute walk into your daily routine, when you CAN PUNISH YOURSELF STUPID AND GET IT ALL DONE RIGHT NOW! It had been over a year since I'd stacked on 20kgs, and I was still about 12kgs over my ideal weight and no matter what I did, I couldnt shake it. I was impatient, and grumpy and pretty defeated and unhappy to be totally honest. That along with the fact that I like to do things to the extreme, so, there we have it. #gohardorgohome #whatthefuckdidijustsignupfor

18.01.2022 WALK YOUR OWN DAMN PATH. Don’t walk someone else’s. Don’t walk the path your parents want for you. Don’t walk the path that was paved out generations ago for us to meets societies standards. ... . Fuck the standards. If they don't fit you, don't measure yourself by them. . That being said, I'm the first to admit that walking your own path means you could get rejected by others. Or gossiped about. Or completely alienated. . And fuck, this can STING. Because we humans are biologically PROGRAMMED to seek approval. . Because approval means acceptance and acceptance means survival. . So of course when you venture out into the unknown, and the unapproved you will have people questioning you. Hell, you'll have YOU questioning you. But what's worse than the fear and the setbacks is having that pining aching feeling in your heart that never goes away- that feeling that keeps telling you that there is more to life. There is more than you in your current situation. And I'm not glorifying my existence as the nomad, or the lone wolf. Walking your own path means doing what you love, what you dream of, what sets you on fire- be it to travel, to have a family, to start your own business, or to help someone with theirs. The best thing I ask myself over and over again is what do I truly and deeply want? And I don't know, a lot of the time. But I always know what I DON'T want. . So I take myself by the hand, and I start walking in the other direction, instead. #walkyourownpath See more

17.01.2022 So, I might not have been in Pretty Boy's team, but that didnt mean I didnt have workouts with him. . We talked briefly during sessions, before sessions, after sessions, with me chucking every bit of charm and wit and killer smile I had at him...all whilst trying to come across nonchalant (read- desperate). . Whatever I did or didn't do worked, as we started secretly hanging out whenever we could (he wasn't allowed to hang out with clients). ... He would pick me up around the corner or down the street, away from prying eyes and show me the sights, the hikes, and the beaches. . Apart from being eye candy, he was funny, a total gentleman, and goddamn it, seriously one of the nicest guys I have ever met. . But this bloody gentleman was still not making any moves and I had no idea if I was in the dreaded 'friend zone' or not, and I was waaayyyyyy to chicken shit to make the first move. . So he took me to the beach for sunset, blankets on the beach and all that, and we ended up falling asleep, waking up at midnight, heading back to his, and going to sleep. . Still nothing. . So the next morning, as we got ready to head back to boot camp, I summonded up ALL MY GODDAMN COURAGE and asked him if he liked me. He smiled at me and said yes. . And so there we have it. Pretty Boy and Ham Sandwich. Together in a "whatever-this-is" kind of situation.......a "lets-enjoy-it-while-it-lasts" kind of scenario......I was only there for a month, so how about all the relationship good stuff with none of the commitment crap. Fuck, isn't that just an excellent strategy? . We thought so :) See more

16.01.2022 Oh yeah, so in between getting distracted by the opposite sex, I was working out 6 hours a day. . I've found out I hate spin class. I love hiking. Walking steps makes me angry. ... I love the weights (reminds me of when I was a kid working out with my dad). I love swimming laps but I hate that I cant wear my headphones underwater so have to hang out with my thoughts. EPSON SALT BATHS SAVE LIVES. So I havent lost any weight, and I havent gained any muscle and I'm hungry all the fucking time, but I did start toning my muscle (can you SEE that gun???), and managed to charm the head chef into feeding me between meals, AND also figured out which people never finished their meals and were happy to push their plate in my direction. . #nailedit #becausefoodmakesmehappy

13.01.2022 GOING TO FESTIVALS SOBER I still havent determined whether it's pleasurable or torturous. A bit of both, really. Word of advice for the addicts- stick to the small ones. Go for a more hippy vibe rather than the EDM vibe. Bring lots of healthy snacks for all the emotional eating you WILL do.... And give yourself patience and compassion. It will never be like it used to be....and that's a good thing, remember? This festival was the second one I attempted sober, and 10 times the size of my last festival. The bad days had me emotionally eating my way through the food trucks and hiding in my tent, listening to the thumping base and feeling miserable and lonely in my new "Better Way of Living". But the good days had me smiling at everyone around me, feeling uplifted and ecstatic and living so presently and feeling so fucking proud of myself. All of the feels. It ebbs and flows, and the important thing is not to attach meaning to it. It is what it is, just the human experience. See more

13.01.2022 Ok social media family, it's time for my next bedtime story, called 'The Pretty Boy'. . So. First day at this boot camp I'm sitting there, and in walks all our personal trainers, who we would be assigned to. 6 of them. All fit and healthy and ready to make our lives a living hell, and as I assessed my new torterers, my stomach dropped. ... . Of course, there fucking had to be the token Californian Pretty Boy with muscles for daaaaaaaaaays. . I glared at this hot specimen, feeling all my insecurities and body hangups sky-rocket, terrified that I would be in his team and then have to focus all my time trying to convince HIM that I was the coolest person in the world, instead of focussing all my time on ME. . As I contiued to quietly creep on Pretty Boy, mentally assessing the potential insecurity dominating disaster this could be for me, another trainer blocked my view. Zac was a pocket rocket- a shaved head muscle man that reminded me of a bulldog that wanted to be loved by everyone. . Thank fuck. . I was safe. . . . Or so I thought....... #staytuned

12.01.2022 Don't you love it when you get to do something like glide down adorable canals, looking into the backyards of people's houses and see how the filthy rich in California live........and still get to call in exercise? Fuck running on a treadmill, seriously. #runningisforlosers

12.01.2022 Fun weekends of exploring the coast, wandering through night markets, fucking off the calorie counting and EATING ALL THE THINGS #myfavouritedayischeatday

09.01.2022 My boot camp experiment was over and I said goodbye to my darling Pretty Boy and left in the same body I arrived in, along with 2 injured knees, and headed to LA to meet up with some friends for an epic road trip. Funnily enough, my plan to run myself into the ground didn't live up to the unrealistic expectations I had put on myself - the measily weight lost and muscle gained giving me a pretty ruthless comedown. If I learnt anything th...is month, it is that we have to let our body, mind, and spirit know we are safe and that we are willing to rest. I know that self-care is a word that people are throwing around a lot and fuck, I'm kinda tired of hearing it. But honestly, we just don't do it enough. Just take a fucking break and do something restorative, you know? But as this gal doesn't really learn from her lessons, I was off on the next fast-paced adventure. One day, I promise, I'll learn. but there's too much fucking world out there, ya know????? See more

08.01.2022 I get asked if I ever stop smiling. Well, yes. There are a lot of moments when I don't smile. Activities and experiences however, you cant wipe the fucking smile off my face.... Found skydive vouchers on Groupon- just over 100 bucks to get thrown out of a plane. What a world we live in hey? And to think I used to spend three times that amount to get shitfaced and remember nothing the next day

08.01.2022 Nothing like swinging by Hollywood to see one of my favourite people on this whole fucking planet. We shopped and wined and dined and pretended we had buckets of cash and were someone important. We took the dog for a walk each morning for coffee and yabbered like two school girls. And I got looked up and down by Scott Speedman. Winning.... #celebritygoals #yesiknowheisnthugelyfamousbutilltakewhaticanget

06.01.2022 Because nothing makes you feel more American than going to the "patriotic section" of Walmart. Why does this entertain me so? #murica

04.01.2022 So Pretty Boy took me for a hike on the weekend to Potato Chip Rock (doesnt take a rocket scientist to figue this one out). . We headed out there and hiked up the top, which was just beautiful, took some pictures on the chip, and continued on. . It was a STINKING hot day. Totally underestimating the hike, I only bought a small bottle of water with me, and numbnuts bought nothing, apart from his raging hangover from the night before. ... . We also managed to take the wrong turn and went a good hour or two in the wrong direction, in the midday summer heat. No water. No shade. . GOD it was bad. There was a lot of silence and a bit of worry that we would perish before we could find out way to a road or to cell reception. All in all about 5 hours we trudged, finally making it to a park at the bottom, and after spending some quality time with the drink fountain, we laid in the shade for a good hour trying to regain some kind of normalcy.....Pretty Boy telling me later that he was fighting headaches and pins and needles and nausea the whole time. . Hahaha fucking idiot. Who would've thought it would be a good idea to bring water and some form of sun protection on an all day hike? Go figure. . #notthesharpesttoolintheshed See more

01.01.2022 HOW OFTEN DO YOU WALK INTO A TOILET TO FIND IT TOTALLY MATCHES YOUR OUTFIT?!? This is the toilet in my friend's house, in Hollywood. I will not tell you how long I stayed in here, but it was significant. I mean, look at the fucking state of this place ... Without even factoring in the pure MAGIC on me being totally colour co-ordinated with a freaking toilet, this colour scheme alone deserves an award. And the fact there is a full-length couch is there as well, let's not forget that. An impromptu photoshoot, with me opting for the "I'm-not-even-fazed-that-this-is-the-best-toilet-in-the-world-because-im-too-cool-for-that" look. #itsluckyiminatoiletbecauseimwettingmyselfwithexcitementrightnow #toilethumour See more