Beyond the Divorce in Sydney, Australia | Education

Beyond the Divorce

Locality: Sydney, Australia

Address: Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia 2000 Sydney, NSW, Australia

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22.01.2022 I had a lovely conversation with my 17 year old about a friend with social anxiety a few days ago. She asked how she could help her? It's tougher for her generation as the millennials are all about social media likes, comments and peer approvals! It was easier when I was a teenager. If I faltered or excelled, only my closest friends and family would know. Along with the anonymity was privacy. Now it's plastered all over your social media accounts. Because it's chronologicall...y recorded in technicolor, our achievements, as well as our flaws and failings, are a reminder of our experiences. Hence social anxiety is such a current social dilemma. My advise to her is this...."If she's not swimming too well in the water, she wants to grab you and wants you to be her new best friend. Resist that as she needs a bouy and if her weight is too heavy, you can't carry her, you'll drown too. You can help her by extending your concerns for her well being, ask her how she is without immersing yourself in her troubles (extending her a rope or pole while your on solid land). Resist the desires to hop on the bandwagon with other girls in condemning and ostracising this girl (she did say and do a few silly and socially naive things). She probably does suffer from social anxiety and may not have the skills or finesse to master these situations yet.... it'll come with age and experience! Friendships is a skill that one will master with age. Experiences, good and bad, are your teachers! Feel the pain, look for the lessons..."What can I do to make the situation better?"

19.01.2022 Christmas Day 2020. I'm awake at 6.48am, going to prepare some Han Sui Gok to take to my son's place... he's hosting Christmas this year! How proud am I of this man and his girlfriend? He's just somehow managed to keep it altogether, they are a beautiful couple! I feel the empty nest syndrome as both my daughters have chosen to live with their dad after the physical separation. I feel rejected as I believe I'm a good mum with a kind heart. Clearly, this isn't the case, thei...r decisions reflects a different reality. I cried to myself after many weeks. I tried re-framing my position, distract myself with friends, work and podcasts. Three months have flown by and as I listen to one of Esther Perel's new "Where do I begin series?" A thought hit me.....It is time for me! Let go of the role of caretaker to everyone. Just sit back and relax, take the time out to figure what I want to do with the next half of my life. Change is never easy and no one ever wants to think of themself as "faulty" or "not good enough". By just surrendering to the situation wait for a clue, my next step in life will come to me. I go back to bed and lying fast asleep is my new partner. I think of how the last 2 years have been for us and I marvel in amazement how Ioving someone to the best of your ability can completely change the dialogue of your life and hence the script of your future. The serenity on his face makes me smile. I don't place my eternal happiness on this relationship or anything absolute anymore. I know happiness is an emotional state that is always in flux. That one thing in life that is constant is change! I know that he's helped me make the last 3 months manageable. He didn't have to do anything extraordinary, just cheeky, funny comments here and there. Lighten the mood around me, I'll find my way. I think of 2020 with exhaustion and am glad that most my friends and family have made it through unharmed. I remain mindful of my present, thankful for the past and intrigued by what future challenges and lessons are yet to unearthed. May peace and tranquility grace us all, that our challenges in life, no matter how big or small bring us all a bit of wisdom to tackle the next terrains of our journey.

18.01.2022 I had a lovely conversation with my 17 year old about a friend with social anxiety a few days ago. She asked how she could help her? It's tougher for her generation as the millennials are all about social media likes, comments and peer approvals! It was easier when I was a teenager. If I faltered or excelled, only my closest friends and family would know. Along with the anonymity was privacy. Now it's plastered all over your social media accounts. Because it's chronologicall...y recorded in technicolor, our achievements, as well as our flaws and failings, are a reminder of our experiences. Hence social anxiety is such a current social dilemma. My advise to her is this...."If she's not swimming too well in the water, she wants to grab you and wants you to be her new best friend. Resist that as she needs a bouy and if her weight is too heavy, you can't carry her, you'll drown too. You can help her by extending your concerns for her well being, ask her how she is without immersing yourself in her troubles (extending her a rope or pole while your on solid land). Resist the desires to hop on the bandwagon with other girls in condemning and ostracising this girl (she did say and do a few silly and socially naive things). She probably does suffer from social anxiety and may not have the skills or finesse to master these situations yet.... it'll come with age and experience! Friendships is a skill that one will master with age. Experiences, good and bad, are your teachers! Feel the pain, look for the lessons..."What can I do to make the situation better?"

14.01.2022 I was annoyed at myself today! I had an angry customer at the store, I lost my cool! Could I have taken better action? We have a new staff member, she's young and energetic but she's new and still learning. She made a couple of "inefficient" decisions and said customer was inconvenienced for a bit, he was irate and started abusing the poor girl! Aftee Christmas trading is busy, customers are impatient, we can't be at our most efficient pace. ... I firmly and maybe abrasively advised the man, to give me the patience to train my staff and handed him the requested item. I know at a deeper level, the golden rule of customer service is "The customer is always right!". I think this is hog-wash! I have a store full of people that is looking on, I rolled over and be compliant to his demands, am I rewarding bad, arrogant behavior? Other people will think, this is normal retribution for poor service. I have a young and impressionable young girl that is starting out in the workforce. Should I not come to her defence and at least provide her with some "shield" from that abusive attitude? Just because she's on the other side of the counter of a sales interchange, does that mean she doesn't deserve respect, patience and understanding? Everything within reason! Once he's left, I had 2 customers approach and acknowledged my actions to protect my staff and joked about not getting on my wrong side. My young lady thanked me for "helping" her out of a sticky situation. On reflection, instead of getting defensive straight away, I should apologize first. And then proceed with assisting him but I'm human with emotions and once those are triggered, it's difficult to treat someone with courtesy and respect when they can't find it within themselves to give to a 17 year old girl. Before you hurtle abuse at sale staff (and i have been on the receiving end of poor customer service at stores!), ask yourself these questions? * Give her/ him the benefit of the doubt. They might just be starting out. * Look at the situation, not enough staff, busy spell at the store, unusually high traffic. * Ask to speak to someone who can handle your problem. * Be clear in your request. * Be reasonable in your expectations. * Sales staff are people too. Would you speak to your daughter, wife, friend like that?

10.01.2022 I was annoyed at myself today! I had an angry customer at the store, I lost my cool! Could I have taken better action? We have a new staff member, she's young and energetic but she's new and still learning. She made a couple of "inefficient" decisions and said customer was inconvenienced for a bit, he was irate and started abusing the poor girl! Aftee Christmas trading is busy, customers are impatient, we can't be at our most efficient pace. ... I firmly and maybe abrasively advised the man, to give me the patience to train my staff and handed him the requested item. I know at a deeper level, the golden rule of customer service is "The customer is always right!". I think this is hog-wash! I have a store full of people that is looking on, I rolled over and be compliant to his demands, am I rewarding bad, arrogant behavior? Other people will think, this is normal retribution for poor service. I have a young and impressionable young girl that is starting out in the workforce. Should I not come to her defence and at least provide her with some "shield" from that abusive attitude? Just because she's on the other side of the counter of a sales interchange, does that mean she doesn't deserve respect, patience and understanding? Everything within reason! Once he's left, I had 2 customers approach and acknowledged my actions to protect my staff and joked about not getting on my wrong side. My young lady thanked me for "helping" her out of a sticky situation. On reflection, instead of getting defensive straight away, I should apologize first. And then proceed with assisting him but I'm human with emotions and once those are triggered, it's difficult to treat someone with courtesy and respect when they can't find it within themselves to give to a 17 year old girl. Before you hurtle abuse at sale staff (and i have been on the receiving end of poor customer service at stores!), ask yourself these questions? * Give her/ him the benefit of the doubt. They might just be starting out. * Look at the situation, not enough staff, busy spell at the store, unusually high traffic. * Ask to speak to someone who can handle your problem. * Be clear in your request. * Be reasonable in your expectations. * Sales staff are people too. Would you speak to your daughter, wife, friend like that?

10.01.2022 I found this on my feed this morning and felt it should be shared. In my community of "nurturing mothers" and "kind friends". The need to please is intense. Sometimes the boundariesp between others and self gets a blurry! Sometimes in relationships there does not have to be a 50:50 contribution for it to thrive. But for those who seem to be contributing 70 to 80 to the relationship and still feel taken for granted, you've to stop and question WHY?... Maybe Anthony Hopkins hit the nail on the head with this! Love this! #constantlyevolving , #betterboundaries https://www.facebook.com/570910032/posts/10158544281900033/

09.01.2022 I remembered my initiation into the self development world! I wanted to go there to help me mend my marriage. The tools and skills I learnt then are relevant and helpful still. It wasn't an emotionally charged up, fist pumping event. But I found the ringing all your friends and sharing it with them (Landmark's marketing strategy) off putting. But overall a thoroughly positive and pivotal moment in self awareness!

07.01.2022 When I went through my divorce, I was sure my ex-husband was 100% to blame for our demise. I was sure that if I had picked a different husband to marry, it would have been different and my marriage would still be in tact. Five years on, I can look back with more clarity! If you're divorced or separated, you belong to 50% of the population. Not good, not bad, just is! If you're still in a marriage that's great, you belong to the 50%. In that 50%, you have people staying m...arried but just getting by because financially they can't afford to be apart, family and cultural pressures says that marriage is forever, the children's well being is very important... they are miserable but can't or don't know how to get out. That's about 30% If you're married and you're both happy, that's even better! You belong to 20%. I've met many people on my coaching journey and they all share a similar story.... that they were the "victim" in all their stories. That they did everything right and their ex's were the bad guys! The "victim" mindset leaves you completely powerless. In this state you blame the ex, your lawyer, the legal system, your children etc for your dire situation. I'm not saying this isn't the case, in many situations they are contributing to your problems. However to know that you have absolute control over your thoughts and actions empowers you to take action and move to a space that you want to be. And retrospect, I now see how I contaminated my marriage and it doesn't matter how flat you make a pancake, there's always two sides. To the 20% that's in a happy, healthy marriage.... well done! It takes self-awareness, good communication skills and empathy to have what you have. To the 30%, in the unhappy marriages, you can make it better. Start introspecting and see how you can make your marriages better, communicate with your partner, create a combined vision that you're both excited about. Whatever you do though, honour yourself and your needs, don't give up on yourself because you need to keep the marriage. Your daughters won't respect herself in future relationships and your sons won't respect their partners later in life. To the 50% that's divorced. Enjoy your freedom. There is no better love than Self-love. If you're waiting for someone to "complete you", it'll be a long wait! Learn to appreciate your strengths, work on your weaknesses and how to pick yourself up when you've fallen down. When you're vibrating at a higher energy level, you will attract people at that level. And it doesn't really matter where you are in life, it's exactly where you're supposed to be. We are all special and beautiful. Cultivate that, embrace that and believe that!

05.01.2022 Christmas Day 2020. I'm awake at 6.48am, going to prepare some Han Sui Gok to take to my son's place... he's hosting Christmas this year! How proud am I of this man and his girlfriend? He's just somehow managed to keep it altogether, they are a beautiful couple! I feel the empty nest syndrome as both my daughters have chosen to live with their dad after the physical separation. I feel rejected as I believe I'm a good mum with a kind heart. Clearly, this isn't the case, thei...r decisions reflects a different reality. I cried to myself after many weeks. I tried re-framing my position, distract myself with friends, work and podcasts. Three months have flown by and as I listen to one of Esther Perel's new "Where do I begin series?" A thought hit me.....It is time for me! Let go of the role of caretaker to everyone. Just sit back and relax, take the time out to figure what I want to do with the next half of my life. Change is never easy and no one ever wants to think of themself as "faulty" or "not good enough". By just surrendering to the situation wait for a clue, my next step in life will come to me. I go back to bed and lying fast asleep is my new partner. I think of how the last 2 years have been for us and I marvel in amazement how Ioving someone to the best of your ability can completely change the dialogue of your life and hence the script of your future. The serenity on his face makes me smile. I don't place my eternal happiness on this relationship or anything absolute anymore. I know happiness is an emotional state that is always in flux. That one thing in life that is constant is change! I know that he's helped me make the last 3 months manageable. He didn't have to do anything extraordinary, just cheeky, funny comments here and there. Lighten the mood around me, I'll find my way. I think of 2020 with exhaustion and am glad that most my friends and family have made it through unharmed. I remain mindful of my present, thankful for the past and intrigued by what future challenges and lessons are yet to unearthed. May peace and tranquility grace us all, that our challenges in life, no matter how big or small bring us all a bit of wisdom to tackle the next terrains of our journey.