Blended Family | Therapist

Blended Family

Phone: +61 497 139 676

Add/Update information

Reviews

Tags

• Businesses
• Medical and health
• Therapist
• Family therapist

25.01.2022 HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to my BLENDED FAMILY!

22.01.2022 "Organised Chaos" Describe your family in2-3 words - and share a photo that captures it :-)

22.01.2022 Christmas in a Blended Family... It is different for every family, and often different year about. How do you make it work? What are your challenges?... We have struggled with this over the years, trying to find a cooperative balance for the children, but also for us. Our arrangement is 4pm Christmas Eve - 2pm Christmas Day Alternated with 2pm Christmas Day - Boxing Day + This always seemed logical, in that we simple moved our Christmas forward 24 hours when we were in year 2. Same traditions but Christmas Eve transitions moved to Christmas Night; and Christmas Morning/Lunch to Boxing Morning/Lunch. But even this had struggles. Being left at 2pm Christmas Day to just clean up, leaves you feeling empty. And going into Christmas Eve without your children feels hollow. "We" as a couple have been very open about how all of this feels, and done a good job of buffering the hollow. But it has always been difficult. And then we added a Blended Baby, which brings another level of complexity. Should he wait for Christmas, because his siblings aren't home? They get two Christmas celebrations, should he? We haven't figured out all the answers, but we continue to try. 2020 is Part B Christmas for us, so while our six big kids are elsewhere celebrating Christmas; our home and table are empty. We have enjoyed a beautiful night with family and friends, but the quietness in the house can be deafening when you come home. So this is my table, ready for tomorrow night, when all the kids come home. Tomorrow night we will have our 7 babies together at our table to start our Christmas. I am very much looking forward to it, but tonight also feels empty. As I am sure it does for many of you too. Merry Christmas to you all. May the moment you share with your children be meaningful and memorable.

19.01.2022 With all the stories around raising blended families, it is easy to get lost in the challenges and complexities of it all. But these last few weeks, and again today, I was reminded that we, the parents, are adults and need to behave as such. Every moment of every day be the person you can be proud of. Be the person you want to be. ... We cannot be reactive to our (step) children, we need to be the adult(s), even when pushed right to the edge of our sanity.

18.01.2022 DIFFERENCE as SAMENESS A lovely chat with a friend this morning raised a very interesting point about Blended Families that none of them are the same. They all have their unique challenges, wins, breaking points, and little moments that keep them going. As we chatted about some differences in our stories, she said (something like) I have never spoken to someone who had had the same challenges as me, but that didn’t matter because within their own uniqueness as a blend...ed family, they understood my uniqueness too and this we agreed on. Somehow in the shared experience of difference, blended families are the same. It doesn’t matter if his ex is nuts or you new BFF; if your parents/in-laws are welcoming or draw biological lines, if you love them like your own or struggle with this some days another blended family can understand. So now I a pondering whether this is unique to blended families, or to others too. She and I are both bio-mums and step-mums, having blended two families into one is this a requirement for the understanding? Or would the understanding be there for a woman who joined a family, without her own children. How close does the make-up have to be, for this shared understanding to apply? How many points of sameness are required, for differences to become unimportant? Do migrant families, connect with other migrant families, in ways different from how they connect with non-migrant families? And what if one is a blended family, and the other biological? Do same-sex led families find connection with other same-sex couples, despite their unique challenges? And how does this compare to a connection they feel with another family, who they have other similarities too (eg all daughters, or all sons)? This might seem like a silly question to be asking, but it struck me so I am sharing it. I 100% agree, that as a mum/step-mum I have been supported and by so many people, with many points of similarity to me. Other social work mums; other professional/working mums; mums of similar age etc but when it comes to living a blended family life it is only those who have lived this themselves who I believe can understand what I am talking about. Friends try, don’t get me wrong, they really make every effort to listen and to understand, but they just can’t. Any more than I can truly appreciate the unique challenges of being a migrant family or a same-sex parent. I can listen, I can learn but I never truly know, as I haven’t walked that path. So, advice time make connections with other blended families in all forms. Allow your point of connection and understanding to be vast and varied and hopefully, then you will feel supported in every part of your uniqueness, by many people who truly know.

18.01.2022 You Don’t’! That’s a joke, but it certainly can feel that way. It is hard, depending on your care arrangements and other life commitments like work, family, friends, and household tasks....Continue reading

17.01.2022 Mmm a sad scenario when this happens. Hopefully everyone grows in time and mutual respect develops.

15.01.2022 Sadly Blended families come from separated ones - this was no one's plan or first choice. Tonight I am struck by the blessings I have been given from my life with two "in-law" families. Life's hardships aside, I have been blessed with the most wonderful mothers-in-law - twice. Seriously mothers-in-law are traditionally stuck with the "anti" label, and the butt of many jokes. But for me, they have been wonderful, both times and continuing.... The first time, she was pretty much my biggest fan, and me hers. She was (is) beautiful. I recall a time when she was living in our home when my then-husband asked her why she always sided with me - she smiled and said "son" I side with the right! Haha... Of course, we differed too, but the love and respect between us was solid. When my marriage ended, sadly I feel it broke her as much as it did us, and it took her and me some recovery time. "Grief" was a word she used and I can understand why. Year's later she is still a welcomed guest in our home and conversations, and often sends little treats of love and kindness through her son or our kids (banoffee pie is my favourite) . And when out "blended baby" arrived, her love and blessings were abundant. I now have another magnificent mother-in-law. She is 1000% on our side, every day. She loves us all with her whole self, and there are no "steps" in her world. She fills our fridge in difficult times, our bellies once a week, and our hearts often with her open love and acceptance of us all. Again, our latest addition is her light. She moves anything and everything for another moment with him. Today I am still blessed with both - how amazing is that. Many women would be lucky to have one good mother-in-law, I have 2! We too often forget how hard family separation is on the Grandparents, on the patents who have opened their hearts to new children. Perhaps of we drew less "lines" we, and our children, could enjoy the better end of blended families - so many more people to love and call "family".

15.01.2022 98 followers, welcome to you all! Please share your story, tell us about you.

15.01.2022 Interesting... Your thoughts? https://stepmomming.com/kids-dont-come-first/

12.01.2022 98 followers, welcome to you all! Please share your story, tell us about you.

12.01.2022 I was asked tonight about parenting 7 children and how we do it. So, I thought I would share my response. 1. We are a team. As two working parents, we endeavour to give our children every opportunity available to them (should they commit and work hard enough to facilitate it); but this also means we aren’t available to manage everything at home 100% or be at their beck and call. ...Continue reading

09.01.2022 How many children do you have? A simple question for most, but strangely in Blended Families it can get complicated. Is that a "in your family" question? Answer 7 Is that a "how many have your birthed/sired" question? Answer 4 ... Or is it a "how many do you consider yours"? Answer 4/7 - depending on the day. It is a funny question, that we mostly answer as 7. We, our family, has seven children. Of course this then leads to a " wow! you look great for seven pregnancies" or "how was it carrying twins" or a wink and a "you go there big fella" towards the hubby. Of course this then leads to me feeling dishonest, or needing to clarify - when frankly the lady at the Coles checkout probably doesn't really care about the intricacies of our family make up.... or, as I often put it, isn't really asking about who had sex with whom to produce these children. But even as I have found my own answer to this question and to the questions that follow, I also notice how many other people hesitate when asked. As though they are stuck between claiming children that aren't biologically (or legally) theirs; or rejecting a child/connection by openly stating that they are "not mine". The same applies to children, when asked about siblings. It is interesting to see how they answer, when they live with biological, half and step siblings. I suppose that most answer the same way that their parent would, they take our lead. Do you correct people when they refer to you or the child in familial terms or with incorrect surnames? "Go stand with 'Dad' while we collect your bag" - how do you or the child feel if 'Dad' is actually Step-Dad or Bob to the child. Or if the teacher calls out to "Mr Smith" because that's you step-sons surname, while you are Mr White. I'm sure many of you have also experienced the 'apple not falling far from the tree' comment about a child having similarities to their "step" parent. Again, especially when the comment is made as a compliment, how do you respond? "Oh love you are beautiful just like your mum" ... doesn't really warrant a "ah no, actually she isn't mine". So are these just our 'smile and wave' moments as members of Blended Families? In a world where labels and names are so important in establishing connection and belonging, how do Blended Families navigate this? (Image from https://www.tvguide.com/movies/yours-mine-ours/197492/)

08.01.2022 APPRECIATION IN YOUR FAMILY (please share your stories and thoughts)

08.01.2022 Add your question/issue in comments, or pm if preferences to be anonymous*. Ask away, happy to hear from everyone. Carrie Hampton... Acc Mental Health Social Worker Systemic Family Therapist & Mum/Step-Mum of 7!! *Anonymous questions will be shared with identifiable info removed.

06.01.2022 I have been procrastinating about two things lately... * Self Care * Writing my book So today I've decided on a new strategy, write whilst getting a pedicure. Let's see how this works.... What's your motivation strategy?

04.01.2022 This is my ex wife and her husband. Our 3 kids and their 2 kids. Tonight they invited me over for dinner. ... 5 years ago she and I had to have a police escort just to pick up and drop off our kids. We only communicated through lawyers. I wanted to punch her boyfriend (now her husband). Tonight we broke bread, laughed, played with the kids and had a great evening. Never give up friends. PEACE is a choice. It's YOUR choice. Not THEIR choice. "Yea but he does..." "Yea but she does..." What your ex does is IRRELEVANT. YOU CHOOSE how and what you say. YOU CHOOSE how and what you do. Even when they are trying to fight with you. ESPECIALLY when they are trying to fight with you. CHOOSE to create PEACE by LIVING PEACEFULLY.

02.01.2022 Mmm, this isn't socks for me, it's hair ties. I know how silly that sounds, as they are not expensive... but buying 3 packs a week certainly wears thin. And the ridiculous arguments about who took whose and lost them, arghhhh! So I colour coded them. Each child had a set colour, that I knew was different from those at their other home. And that was all I purchased for them. No sharing, no excuses - you lose them then you are responsible. I also buy underwear that is a litt...le different. If children are the same size, then one gets block colours, one pattern... and always a different brand etc to the other home. Maybe this would work with socks too. With young children, send a list of items they left with, in their bag, requesting the exact list be returned. With older children, simply do not replace what they have left behind. This might sound harsh, but there are only so many pairs of socks one person can buy. There are other items that just kind of work - generally underwear is this - they come in one, they leave in one. So maybe it's the same for socks... except if they leave in socks/shoes, they need to bring those home if they return in thongs. In the beginning, we had Friday-Sunday care of my step-daughters, which meant they arrived in school uniforms, which we washed and returned with them - but they left our home in casual clothes. The list of missing items grew and grew. We attempted requests to the other household, which were sometimes responded to; and in time we were just clear with the girls that items would not be replaced. They brought them back the next week, or they were down a pair of jeans, thongs etc. They soon learnt. If your children are older, maybe allocate a monthly clothing allowance. They will soon learn not to misplace socks if that costs them the latest sweater or cool shoes. And without changing the topic too much, colour allocations works in other areas too. A single lots of colours towels in a children's bathroom is a nightmare. The single towel left on the floor is always "not mine!". So allocate colours to towels too, very soon Mr RED know that he is going to be held accountable, and needs to pick up his damn towel!!!! #blendedfamilyaustralia @blendedfamilyaustralia