Bondipsychotherapy in Sydney, Australia | Counsellor

Bondipsychotherapy

Locality: Sydney, Australia

Phone: +61 423 184 955

Address: 9-13 Bronte Rd, Bondi Junction 2022 Sydney, NSW, Australia

Website: http://bondipsychotherapy.com.au/

Likes: 144

Add/Update information

Reviews

Tags

• Medical and health
• Counsellor

25.01.2022 The family: an emotional system. The concept of the family emotional system highlights the fact that human behaviour along with that of many other social species is not only self-regulated by individuals but also co-regulated by the interdependent systems in which individuals are embedded (p. 10 Noone & Papero). The co-regulation that occurs in families is extremely complex. It’s often easy to see a behaviour in a person as belonging solely to that individual without consider...ing the context. Within families some individuals are more prone to function for themselves while others automatically function for the group. Families that are more able to adapt to stressful events are the ones which have a flexible balance of connection and autonomy. Individuals in more 'mature' family systems are able to discuss their differences calmly without attacking, defending, complying or cutting off connection. It is speculated that family units significantly lacking in the emotional autonomy of its members, where there is pressure to think and act the same, provide the basis for intense symptoms in one or more family members.

25.01.2022 When Gertrude Stein (1922) wrote, a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose, she was bringing the reader back again and again to the simple rose. She was suggesting perhaps, what a rose is not. It is not a romantic relationship which ended tragically four years ago; it is not an imperative to trim the hedges over the weekend- it is just a rose. Perceiving with this kind of ‘bare attention’ is an example of mindfulness. Most people in psychotherapy are preoccupied with past or fu...ture events. For example people who are depressed often feel guilt and sadness about the past, and people who are anxious fear the future. Suffering seems to increase as we stray from the present moment. Suffering arrives in innumerable guises: stress, anxiety, depression, behaviour problems, interpersonal problems, confusion, despair. It is endemic to the human condition. Some of our suffering is existential such as sickness, old age and death. Some suffering has more of a personal flavour. Mindfulness, a deceptively simple way of relating to experience, has long been used to lessen the sting of life’s difficulties, especially those that are seemingly self-imposed. Successful therapy, like successful mindfulness, changes the person’s relationship to his or her particular form of suffering by learning to relate to ALL experience- pleasant, unpleasant and neutral. -Adapted from Mindfulness and Psychotherapy by Germer, Siegel & Fulton

24.01.2022 In conversation with Jenny Brown, director of The Family Systems Institute at the conference ‘Dialogue with Difference’, discussing the differences between Gestalt Psychotherapy and Bowen Family Systems Theory, especially the role of the therapist. In Relational Gestalt the therapeutic work is between therapist and client, in Bowen Theory the work is between the client and his/her family members and other significant relationships.

24.01.2022 In Buddhist meditation practice it’s called monkey mind. In therapeutic terms it’s often labelled rumination. Whatever the perspective, the reality is that our thinking is often unhelpful. It is frequently fuelled by emotional reactivity or propelled by distraction, the act of not paying attention to anything in particular. When we are instead able to pay attention to how our minds work we see first hand how much of our thinking is unhelpful. Either it goes around in cycles (...rumination) or it jumps from one thing to another (monkey mind) or it is ‘emotional thinking’ , thinking we do when we are in a strong feeling or threat response. However, there is thinking that is skillful. When we are calm, self regulated, and we are paying attention on purpose, we can do our best thinking. The type of thinking that emerges from the pre-frontal cortex and is thoughtful, able to stay factual and align with reality. Rather than panicking about the difficult work meeting I am having in two hours for example I am able to stay on task, with what is happening now. I am more able to direct myself to where I want to go and how I want to be. Rather than yelling at my child for interrupting me while I am working from home, I am able to think thoughtfully about how I would like to respond. My peace of mind, my happiness, and my hell are all in my control because how I respond to challenges (with a trained mind) is in my control See more

22.01.2022 Half way through my Masters of Social Work and just received this award for my work so far...I wouldn't usually share it but I think it's important to celebrate our 'wins'.

22.01.2022 Being interviewed by Jenny Brown yesterday at the Family Systems Conference Dialogue with Difference on Relational Gestalt Therapy, Bowen Family Systems Theory, and how each therapeutic framework sees Self, the therapeutic relationship and the role of the therapist/coach.

21.01.2022 My latest blog: "Self-isolation: the perfect self-retreat... unless you are (never) alone!"

21.01.2022 People often complain that their ‘relationship’ is in trouble. They want the ‘relationship’ fixed. We tend to speak of relationships as if they are things in themselves. A relationship is not a thing. It has no responsibility of its own. It is simply a process that results in the way two people interact with one another. Rarely do I get a client coming in saying, I don’t like the way I am behaving in my relationship and I want to change. I want to be a better person in my r...elationships. Few of us like to own up to it, but our own personal emotional immaturity is a major part of the difficulty in our own relationships; this usually goes back to relationship issues with our families of origin and the way we continue to manage our lives with those people today. What is unresolved with our families is likely, in some form, to be unresolved with our adult partners. -Adapted from ‘Becoming Your Best’ by Ronald Richardson

21.01.2022 I will be presenting my article published in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy in 2008: "From Gestalt Therapy to Family Systems: How Theoretical Frameworks Inform Clinical Applications", at the annual Family Systems Institute conference ‘Dialogue with Difference’ on October 29th. The conference explores Bowen Family Systems Theory alongside other approaches to clinical practice such as attachment theory, Gestalt, Gottman, CBT and dialogical approaches. The conference will be live streamed and interactive and promises to engage in some interesting and respectful conversations on difference.

21.01.2022 A well-thought-out principle and long-term view can guide decision making in preference to acting on feelings and anxiety in the moment (Kerr, 2019). It hurts more in the ‘here and now’ to manage one’s own impulse to react. My older child has hit my younger child, my partner has not offered to pick me up from the airport on my way back from a work trip, my best friend has not returned my calls. What ‘hurts’ in the moment when one chooses not to yell, not to distance and not...Continue reading

20.01.2022 The task of being a parent in our anxious, child-focused society requires a parent to swim against the emotional tide. We will need to shift our focus from worrying about our children to being a responsible self. . The sea of ever-changing advice coming from child psychology has not always helped parents who want to do their best for their child. Peter Stearns, professor of social history, notes that as parenting manuals emerged in the 20th century they fuelled a century of ...anxiety about children and parents’ own adequacy. As parents outsource their child-rearing wisdom to ‘experts’ they become more uncertain in themselves. . In brief, if you’re going to assist your child to grow their resilience, the first step will be to increase your own resilience in tolerating your child’s upset without rushing over to smooth everything for them. . The grown-up parent, who really wants to be a loving resource to their child, is prepared to work on themselves and not make a project out of their child. . Adapted from ‘Confident Parenting’ by Jenny Brown PhD See more

19.01.2022 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IGLzZJ0CmgE The Social Determinants of Mental Health

18.01.2022 This is relevant to how we are each responding to COVID-19 depending on our particular present and historical context and conditions.

18.01.2022 When we get too intensely focused on each other and our relationships a little humours goes a long way...

16.01.2022 Not too late to register for the conference Dialogue with Difference- I will be presenting on Thursday 29th - delayed stream available for 2 weeks!

14.01.2022 Reading Micheal Kerr’s ‘Bowen Theory’s Secrets’...Bowen theory does not view anxiety as a psychiatric disorder. Anxiety exists in all people and, in some form, probably exists in all living things, flora as well as fauna. Neuropsychiatrist Eric Kandel (1983) has studied anxiety in an organism whose evolution dates back to the early Cambrian period of 500 million years ago, the California sea snail Aplysia californica. This organism has central ganglia and peripheral motor ne...urons, but none of the more complex brain structures and physiology that mediate anxiety in human beings. Kandel discovered processes in this mollusk that, despite its not having a complex nervous system, have remarkable parallels to chronic and anticipatory anxiety in human beings... What psychiatry textbooks term anxiety disorders are but one of myriad symptomatic manifestations of overly active evolutionarily ancient anxiety systems p. 109. See more

12.01.2022 You may have paired up with someone who is a private person- who doesn’t want to debrief after every dinner party or talk in detail about the symptoms of his stomach flu. If so, don’t count on the power of your love or your nagging to create something in him or her that wasn’t there to begin with. When we interpret genuine difference as a problematic distance, we can end up making things worse. After a while, we can end up resenting the very qualities that drew us to our part...ner. His love for his work now is reframed as ‘workaholism’. Her love for conversation is now reframed as ‘intrusion’. If we stop forcing our partner to be someone ‘we’ want them to be, we may not solve the problem of our difference, but we may come to accept him/her as they really are. We might end up taking his distance or her want for closeness less personally just as when our cat wants her space or our dog wants to play, we don’t anxiously ask ourselves what has gone wrong?. Adapted from Marriage Rules by Harriet Lerner, PH.D. See more

12.01.2022 For those of you who want the link to the conference Dialogue with Difference here is the link- the conference will be available as a delayed stream for up to two weeks http://www.thefsi.com.au/events/clincal-conference-2020/

11.01.2022 Bowen Family Systems Theory proposes that human beings are inherently more sensitive/ reactive to family members and significant others, than they are to people of less importance to them (Bowen, 1978). Murray Bowen proposed that the work of self-development was more effective and long-lasting when worked through with family members rather than in the client-therapist relationship. Bowen understood the function of the therapeutic relationship through the phenomenon of the ‘fa...mily emotional system’, the idea that the family functioned as a whole, a unit or system (Kerr & Bowen, 1988). Bowen noted that ‘the successful introduction of a significant other person into an anxious or disturbed relationship system has the capacity to modify relationships within the system’ (Bowen, 1978, p. 342). Further, he observed that a therapist who formed a relationship with a member of the family could become that ‘significant other’ just like a teacher, a minister or a friend could. Bowen noticed that an ‘important relationship’ could decrease symptoms just like a substance or a behaviour could. If the relationship with the therapist became important enough without becoming disturbed, the client’s symptoms would subside but the relationship with the family would at best stay the same and at worse deteriorate. Bowen theory ultimately maintains that the work of differentiating a self is more effective when done in situ within the family of origin than within the therapeutic relationship (Bowen, 1978). -From Martina Palombi’s article From Gestalt Therapy to Family Systems published through Wiley in the Australian & New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy, 2018. . Martina will be presenting this paper at the Family Systems Institute Conference Dialogue with a Difference in Sydney, October 28 & 29, 2020

09.01.2022 It’s difficult to be objective about one’s own internal monologue. Thinking can be based on facts and therefore more aligned with reality or it can be steeped in emotional reactivity. There is thoughtful thinking and emotionally reactive thinking. How I think about my partner in the midst of an argument is different to how I think about him when we are connected and having fun together. If I was to take what I think seriously in the midst of a fight I would be narrowing my perception of reality. Being mindful of what we think when we are having strong feelings is one way to gauge whether to believe our thoughts or not. Thoughts are not facts. They are thoughts.

08.01.2022 On a panel with my colleagues Jane Cooper and Dr Emma Robinson at the Family Systems Institute’s conference Dialogue with Difference answering questions about the use of self of the therapist, how different therapeutic frameworks lead to different clinical outcomes, and the difference between integrative and eclectic approaches versus a comprehensive theory.

08.01.2022 In 2020 let it begin with me... If I am angry that something is not changing, let change begin with me. If I am upset with the state of the world, let me take action. If people in my life, family members, friends, politicians, are not acting the way I want them to act, let me act the way I want to act. If I don’t want conflict or disconnect in my life, let it begin with me.

07.01.2022 Just got news from Wiley publishers that my article From Gestalt Therapy to Family Systems: How Theoretical Frameworks Inform Clinical Applications, published in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy was among the top 10% most downloaded papers.

06.01.2022 What’s important is striking the balance between separateness and togetherness that works for both you and your partner. That’s easier said than done because individuals have different needs for closeness and distance. Moreover, when we’re upset by the other’s unavailability, we may automatically go into pursuit mode, which only makes the problem worse. If you chase a distancer, they will distance more. If you distance from a pursuer, they will pursue more. Consider it a law of physics. By Harriet Lerner, PhD.

06.01.2022 Panic or Calm in the time of COVID-19- by Martina Palombi

05.01.2022 Accepting the fact that problems are part of life and if dealt with well facilitate our growth, can be useful. We have a tendency to avoid problems, to believe that if only certain obstacles were not in our way we would be happy. Happiness or calm is not experienced because of a lack of difficulties. Of course, some of us are dealt luckier cards in life, but even the powerless have power in how they respond to difficulties.

04.01.2022 We all need reminders that stopping is possible. Covid-19 is one such reminder. Stopping is going nowhere happily, turning away from the hurry that fills so much of modern life. Each day you can give yourself a mini vacation by stopping your DOING for a few moments. Let go of paying bills, returning phone calls, crossing things off your to-do list, and take some time just to be. The next time you are given a few free moments or days- try not to immediately fill them. - Adapted from ‘Contentment’ by Robert Johnson & Jerry Ruhl .

04.01.2022 That sweet night: a secret. Nobody saw me; I did not see a thing. No other light, no other guide Than the one burning in my heart.... John of the Cross Dark night of the soul

03.01.2022 O dark night, my guide, More desirable than dawn. - John of the Cross.... Dark night of the soul

02.01.2022 Check out my new blog: Keep Calm and Self-Differentiate.