The Brigid Project | Charitable organisation

The Brigid Project

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24.01.2022 Do you need a lawyer? Hell, yes. Brigid podcast 4. Lawyering up, ladies.

24.01.2022 Brigid Podcast: Anni and Bronwyn talk leaving and risk from perpetrators.

24.01.2022 This is very insightful - the need to act now, and to act directly with perpetrators - rather than waiting decades for a culture shift.

24.01.2022 Slow progress, but some help to victims of the worst domestic violence. Victims able to give evidence by video link, and delayed reporting to be not held against them.

22.01.2022 COVID19 and an abusive partner: Anni and Bronwyn talk leaving early, and surviving the pandemic with a perpetrator.

22.01.2022 A very excellent ABC 'you can't ask that' about domestic violence. These people are amazing! I think it sums up exactly how women (and men) get trapped in abusive relationships. The only thing I think they could have done differently was to include a couple of women who were survivors of emotional abuse (only) - given that this is the most common form of abuse, and so psychologically damaging and often harder to leave than physical violence.

21.01.2022 What is this? Should we think the woman made some random crap up, and called the Police for no reason, then retracted it? Or, rather, the guy assaulted her, and she was scared, but then she wanted to keep being in the relationship? Let's start looking at the complexity of domestic violence and the absolute failure of the criminal courts to address violence against women. https://www.smh.com.au//manly-centre-dylan-walker-denies-p

16.01.2022 Sums up new Fam Court inquiry.

14.01.2022 Coercive control is illegal in England, Wales and Scotland. There would be some advantages to criminalising it in Australia, in that it would define a lot more domestic violence behaviours as criminal than is currently the case. This would be affirming for a lot of victims, potentially help some to realise they are in fact being abused, and improve police and public understanding of domestic violence. But yes, very hard to see prosecutions being viable. https://www.abc.net.au//coercive-control-domestic/11703442

14.01.2022 Financial abuse is a common form of domestic violence At its core is the desire to control a woman through controlling her access to money. It is also about financial double standards (I will tell you what to spend, but don't you dare tell me what to spend; my money is mine and so is yours). Financial abuse is especially dangerous for women who have children and leave the workforce for a time, as a perpetrator will never see that both parents are contributing to the family, b...ut rather that the woman is using his money and so he can tell her how to spend it, and be angry and resentful, and amp up his control through monitoring her spending. To potentially avoid a financial abuser, things to watch out for at the dating stage are, him: telling you how to spend your own money spending money on something nice for you (like dinner out or a gift) then being resentful and angry afterwards either extremely controlling and tight of his own income and spending (not through being poor) / or completely reckless / or both 'borrowing' money from you, then not paying it back constantly forgetting his wallet/having a non working ATM card so you have to pay avoiding/resenting his own financial commitments - especially child support having lots of consumer debt; claiming to be broke then buying expensive toys on credit resentful of wealthy people and those who earn more than him. If you see any of these signs - do not move in with him, do not open any joint accounts, do not take on any of his debt, do not sign a lease or make any other joint financial commitments with him. Healthy signs are being fair about joint spending (you both contribute half or according to your income if a big difference) respecting your financial autonomy spending within his means, but not being obsessive or stingy about money and, if you yourself have an issue with spending (e.g. running up lots of credit card debt) that he talks to you about it in a supportive non-judgmental way. https://www.abc.net.au//women-share-their-stories/11156442

13.01.2022 This edition of The Drum (ABC), explaining why men abuse women. Absolutely accurate - but total trigger warning! We've often joked about the perpetrator handbook at the Brigid Project, because male abusers all do the same things in terms of abuse and control, often right down to the detail (e.g. domestic control: obsessing over the kitchen sink, and going nuts if a dirty cup is left in the sink, or the dish cloth not put a certain way, going straight into a rage if things don't go exactly as they want, storming off, being rude to your friends, or ruining social occasions - so you stop wanting to go....). https://www.abc.net.au//2/the-drum-monday-june-24/11242508

12.01.2022 She is murdered and he kills himself. RIP Liqun Pan 'Pan Pan" - just 19, a student and living in a nice middle class apartment complex in Sydney. Violent, cowardly, abusers and killers are everywhere. https://www.smh.com.au//man-in-coma-following-fall-from-un

12.01.2022 Do you need a lawyer? Hell, yes. Brigid podcast 4. Lawyering up, ladies.

12.01.2022 Domestic violence and COVID-19. Is there still time to leave your abusive partner? If you have an abusive partner, ideally you’ve been able to leave them well before Australia moves to lockdown completely. Living with an abuser in lockdown is going to be really tough for you and your children. Also, during lockdown, women’s refuges will have limited capacity, and family and friends may not be in a position to help you. But on the positive side, this could be the motivation yo...u need to leave for good, when this is all over. Women we know have recently been able to find a new place, or go live with their parents or friends. In some cases, an abuser might agree to live separately during lockdown, for example if you can persuade him it is in his interests, or if he’s a healthcare worker or frontline responder. Abandoning-type abusers are more likely to agree to leave, although controlling abusers are unlikely to agree to live separately even if it is in their own interests There are also some things that will make leaving now easier: access to government stimulus money and extra support payments will make leaving for women without a job more affordable than it ever will be again. You may also be able to access Centrelink crisis payments and domestic violence support from your bank. Rents are also being slashed in some areas and there are far more listings as short-term rentals become long-term and real estate agents are offering virtual property tours, so you won’t need to explain your leaving the house. Of course, there will be challenges in organising furniture and household items, given social distancing but these will be nothing compared to months locked in with an abuser and retailers are still delivering. Once community transmission of the coronavirus spreads further and the lockdown intensifies, leaving will become much harder, if not impossible e.g. in NZ police have stopped people moving house. If you cannot leave now, then use your time in lockdown to start preparing, and figuring out what you’ll need to have in place if the right time or opportunity comes up, or what you will do if you need to leave urgently. Call 1800 RESPECT to talk through your options. And of course 000 Police if you are in danger. Next post: life in lockdown. See more

12.01.2022 At last the dialogue that women 'drive men' to abuse and murder them is shifting. Here the senate votes to remove Australia Day honours for the social commentator promoting domestic murder victim blaming. Only 2 against - no surprise that one is another handmaiden to abuse.

12.01.2022 The dangers of coercive control. Preethi Reddy's former boyfriend had never been physically violent, yet he murdered her when she moved on with her life. Here, Preethi's sister, Nithya, talks about how coercive control is a major red flag - especially for post separation violence and murder : "if there has even been the dynamic of non-physical coercive control and possessiveness in a relationship, then it can absolutely escalate." Coercive control behaviours include restricti...ng what you do, who you see, what you spend your money on, or what you wear, not wanting you to go out by yourself, and not allowing you to make your own decisions. Coercive control can start off seeming like the actions of a devoted loving partner and an alpha male: he wants to spend all his time with you, and cares about how you look and you being sensible. It ends up with punishing behaviours for not following his rules, e.g. silent treatment, angry rages, threats, harassment [e.g. calling or texting constantly], destroying things you care about. It feels like being suffocated and a living death. Women can then start policing themselves to try and keep the peace. As one of our Brigids said "I just ended up doing what he wanted, coming home when he said I had to be home, showing him all my receipts, because to not do so wasn't worth the grief."' Women can be unsure that coercive control is domestic violence as it often involves no physical violence. However, it is a major form of domestic violence in itself, and a frequent driver of emotional or physical violence to control a woman. It is illegal in several countries, a high risk factor for post separation violence, and nearly always present in men who kill partners or former partners. If you are dating someone and he starts to try and control what you do, or is possessive or jealous, these red flags should be taken very seriously - dump this guy and run! If you see it in a girlfriend's new partner, make sure you talk to her about it. When leaving a man who is coercively controlling, do not underestimate the risk he poses to you, and take strong measures to protect your safety. Do not feel any obligation to tell him you are leaving, or to meet him to discuss things - this can put your life in danger. RIP Preethi Reddy. https://www.smh.com.au//preethi-reddy-s-sister-nithya-on-l

10.01.2022 With great sadness and anger. When will domestic terrorism be taken seriously? Men killing their ex partners and children pose a far greater risk to life than terrorists in Australia, yet just a fraction of the resources is devoted to stopping domestic violence murders. We also have a very good idea of the men who pose a risk to their ex-partners and children: those controlling, stalking, jealous types. So many women's lives could be saved if men who fit this profile were tr...acked and monitored in the same way suspected terrorists are. Most of the women we know at the Brigid Project were stalked or given extreme grief by their ex partner after they left. Attempted murder or dangerous attacks by domestic violence perpetrators are incredibly common. So, if a man is stalking his ex, say by hacking into her phone, following her, or turning up at her work or kids' school - then it will save lives if he is instantly arrested, and then monitored - not wait for a protection order, then wait for him to breach it (by attacking or killing). These men also need to be imprisoned for the crime of domestic terrorism. Rest in peace, Hannah and your sweet children. We owe it to you and all the other murdered and abused women and children to do a lot better.

10.01.2022 Very distressing to see the poisonous Pauline Hanson given a run and a role in reviewing the family law system. The fact is nearly all victims of DV tell the truth; and the lies are with the perps who claim it never happened, or that they are the victim. The Family Law Act has no provision to restrict a DV perpetrator's access to his children - and many will use the family law system to keep abusing their victims. Oh, and hello, the Australian Law Reform Commission conducted a thorough review of the family law system, published just months ago - calling for much tougher measures to protect women and children. But, into the bin. https://www.smh.com.au//a-fraction-of-fathers-lose-access-

08.01.2022 Not paying child support is one way perpetrators continue to abuse their ex-partners and children. You may have heard that the Child Support Agency can stop non paying parents from leaving the country. And this isn't just for the rich non payers owing huge sums (see below), if your ex has run up just $2000 in unpaid child support and is going overseas, you can call the CSA and he will be stopped at the airport and required to pay before leaving Australia. Awesome! https://www.kidspot.com.au//af38d4b5709950272a1f91554c3b37

07.01.2022 Do abusers ever change? Anni and Bron discuss whether abusive men can change their behaviour. Spoiler alert: it can happen, but it is rare, and any change is likely to be very limited. https://soundcloud.com/anni-gethin/do-abusers-change

07.01.2022 Scholarship for DV survivors. This is great. Domestic violence is hugely disruptive to study (at so many levels) - good on Newcastle Uni for recognising this fact. https://www.theherald.com.au//university-of-newcastle-la/

06.01.2022 So much domestic violence is not physical, but is still abusive and coercively controlling behavior by the perpetrator. Women can be confused, as their partner slowly takes away their power and freedom - cutting them off from family and friends, from financial support, from work, from their own interests. This new book NO VISIBLE BRUISES What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us, discusses the dangers and invisibility of coercive control. See link for a good review.

05.01.2022 Brigid Podcast 3. Red flags. Anni and Bronwyn discuss identifying and acting on red flags that a man is an abuser - including signs of inappropriate jealousy, controlling behaviours, quick to anger, lying and being dismissive of your needs. Are sending dick pics or constantly losing things red flags?

04.01.2022 Good news from Labor! Even if not a lot on perpetrator accountability. https://www.smh.com.au//labor-doubles-funding-to-curb-viol

03.01.2022 Suing the DV perpetrator: yes you can (well, sometimes). DVRedress is looking to run cases in the near future - and here is a piece about how it works. http://www.broadagenda.com.au//can-perpetrators-of-domest/