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23.01.2022 Why Everything Suffers From Comparison Since the advent of television, the internet, and so on we have an enormous pool of other people to whom we can compare ourselves. Even if we are relatively well off, there are others who are richer. Upward comparisons tend to make us jealous, hostile, and stressed and lower our self-esteem. A downward comparison, in contrast, involves us noting how fortunate we are compared to those who have little. Such comparisons boost mood and self-...esteem and lower anxiety. Simply saying to ourselves every morning and evening I have a lot of things to be grateful for. And thinking about them brings us closer to our reality and increases our happiness. Grateful people are healthier, happier, and more optimistic than people who are not. Because more choices bring more opportunities for comparison, the recipe for happiness is simple and twofold: Make your decisions irreversible; and Constantly appreciate the life you do have. See more

23.01.2022 Will Power The traditional belief that will power is an in born trait that you either have a lot of or you don’t is false. Self-control is strongly linked to success and emotional stability. Some people have it more innately than others, but it is something that we can learn. Decartes said I think, therefore I am, and Walter Mischel’s is I think, therefore I can change what I am. First, we have to want to change, but the fact that wanting is so important tells us somethin...g fundamental: that the life we make can be largely of our own construction. Our Inner Conflicts People do not always have to be prisoners of their subconscious minds or pasts, the neurotic tendencies we may have acquired in childhood are no longer necessary-if we leave them behind we can fulfil our potential. See more

19.01.2022 The Greatest Taboo. Often families of the departed find it difficult to accept that their relative could take their own life. The reason we have a taboo against suicide is that we believe that it indicates cowardice-taking the easy way out- when in fact it is more about an inability to endure the pain of being alive any longer. We forgive people who kill themselves to end physical pain, yet not mental distress. We should never be judgemental, because those left alive cannot feel or even imagine how people who commit suicide really feel. These days, with greater care and awareness about the condition most people do not end up killing themselves as a result of depression. But if they do there should be no more reproof attached than to the victims of terminal cancer.

14.01.2022 Success, effort and mindset. Carol Dweck’s research into mindset has been influential, revealing how beliefs that people carry through their lives affect their chances for self-confidence, happiness, and success. As we know from our own experience and by observing the lives of others, raw intelligence does not equate to success. Many other factors come into the success equation, including beliefs. If you believe that intelligence is a factor given at birth, instance then your... life will be about proving to others that your fixed amount is high. You have to look smart and act smart if you want people to think that you really are smart. You do not ask Will I learn something from this? but rather, Will I succeed or fail/be accepted or rejected/ be seen as a winner or loser? This in a nut shell is Fixed Mindset. With a Growth Mindset, on the other hand, we will see our natural traits or abilities simply start as a starting point, and through experience, effort and learning move toward what we want to do or be. Our IQ or personality only form part of our potential, rather than restricting us. Life is about the excitement of wondering how far we can go by developing our interests and skills to the max. The two outlooks could scarcely be more different. One sees our qualities as carved in stone, the other as part of a moveable feast. Each puts us on quite different paths of thought and action. People with a Fixed Mindset don’t believe in effort, have a fear of challenge and have much less appetite for risk. If things are not going well, they are likely to give up, asking, What’s the point? In contrast, Dweck notes, The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the Growth Mindset. The growth and fixed mindsets can be seen as basic psychological domains, like introversion and extroversion, yet recognising them in ourselves provides a space in which we can change. As soon as you think you know everything and deserve to be recognised and rewarded for it, you have stopped learning and are inviting failure. Continual reinvention and discovery is the only thing that will keep you relevant, useful, and valuable to others. See more

11.01.2022 Feel The Anger, But Don’t Express It. In the West people think that it is healthy to express anger, and unhealthy to bottle it up. Dr Martin Seligman writes that when we dwell on something that has been done to us and how we are going to express it, the feeling gets even worse. Studies have shown that it is expressing hostility, rather than feeling it, that is the link to having a heart attack. Blood pressure actually goes down when people decide to bottle up their anger or e...xpress friendliness. The Eastern way of Feel the anger, but don’t express it is a key to happiness. Our brain is built so that we can’t make ourselves forget things just because we want to. But what we can do is forgive, which removes and even transforms the sting. Not forgiving doesn’t really punish the perpetrator, whereas forgiving can transform ourselves and bring back our life satisfaction. See more

09.01.2022 Please visit www.phillipgrew.com.au