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25.01.2022 Our next Foundation Training - in about 5 weeks from now.

25.01.2022 Wonderful interview with Marshall Rosenberg from 2003 and still so relevant. This extract is a great reminder for when I get into political analysis. Killian: Nonviolent Communication seems to focus a lot on feelings. What about the logical, analytic side of things? Does it have a place here? Rosenberg: Nonviolent Communication focuses on what’s alive in us and what would make life more wonderful. What’s alive in us are our needs, and I’m talking about the universal needs, th...e ones all living creatures have. Our feelings are simply a manifestation of what is happening with our needs. If our needs are being fulfilled, we feel pleasure. If our needs are not being fulfilled, we feel pain. Now, this does not exclude the analytic. We simply differentiate between life-serving analysis and life-alienated analysis. If I say to you, I’m in a lot of pain over my relationship to my child. I really want him to be healthy, and I see him not eating well and smoking, then you might ask, Why do you think he’s doing this? You’d be encouraging me to analyze the situation and uncover his needs. Analysis is a problem only when it gets disconnected from serving life. For example, if I said to you, I think George Bush is a monster, we could have a long discussion, and we might think it was an interesting discussion, but it wouldn’t be connected to life. We wouldn’t realize this, though, because maybe neither of us has ever had a conversation that was life-connecting. We get so used to speaking at the analytic level that we can go through life with our needs unmet and not even know it. The comedian Buddy Hackett used to say that it wasn’t until he joined the army that he found out you could get up from a meal without having heartburn; he had gotten so used to his mother’s cooking, heartburn had become a way of life. And in middle-class, educated culture in the United States, I think that disconnection is a way of life. When people have needs that they don’t know how to deal with directly, they approach them indirectly through intellectual discussions. As a result, the conversation is lifeless. If I said to you, I think George Bush is a monster, we could have a long discussion, and we might think it was an interesting discussion, but it wouldn’t be connected to life. . . . maybe neither of us has ever had a conversation that was life-connecting. https://www.thesunmagazine.org/issu//beyond-good-and-evil

18.01.2022 In my experience, people often try to damp down anger in themselves or others because they feel so uncomfortable with it. It's also not "spiritual" or "evolved" to be angry. This can add a layer of shame to the already complex layers that the angry person is experiencing. Anger is a very powerful energy and if we can give the angry person enough empathy and help them to connect with their needs, that anger will most likely transform into the deeper underlying true feelings o...f sadness and grief . "Anger is a very valuable feeling in NVC. It's a wake-up call. It tells us that I'm thinking in ways almost guaranteed not to meet my needs. Why? Because my energy is not connected to my needs, and I'm not even aware of what my needs are when I'm angry." Marshall Rosenberg "Most of the time, whatever we are feeling is about us... our egos.... the wounds from our childhood we still haven't healed, guilt we are feeling about something, or our simple unequivocal need to be "right". All of these things chip away at our happiness and inner peace. And leave us in a state of conflict and suffering with the people we love most. So, the next time someone pushes your buttons and you find your blood boiling, stop... take a deep breath. And bring it back to you. What are you willing to own? What are you willing to let go of to end the conflict? Because you can't change what other people say or do, but you can change your reaction to them. You can own your piece of it. You can choose to not allow what they are saying or doing upset you. You can see at it as a fabulous opportunity to look within and discover things about yourself you didn't even know were there." Dian Killian Some more wise words about anger from Marshall Rosenberg: "When I am connected to my needs I have strong feelings, but never anger. I see all anger as a result of life-alienated, violent, provocative thinking." "Killing people is too superficial. To me, any kind of killing, blaming of other people, hurting of other people, is a very superficial expression of our anger." "Fully expressing the anger means not that I just express these deep feelings behind it, but to have this person get it." "To fully express the anger means getting our full consciousness on the need that isn't getting met."

17.01.2022 I took part in Zen Coaching's webinar, which Kare facilitated last week. I attended some of his sessions when I was in South Africa, a place he visits often. I really enjoy and appreciate his work, I find it brings me immediate peace and I have integrated it into my own work. He has been influenced by NVC and Zen meditation, among many other practices. https://www.facebook.com/zencoaching/

17.01.2022 THE NEXT TIME YOU FEEL TRIGGERED, pause and return attention into the spaciousness of your body. In just one instant of pure compassion, shift awareness out of ...the spinning narrative and tend to the life that is surging within you. Once you have soothed the activation and returned into the here and now, you can return to narrative and re-author it from a place of presence and vision. It may feel as if you need to turn away or quickly seek relief, but this is the old groove that has been laid down in your network for billions of moments. Ground into the earth. A new pathway is longing to find its way here. Provide a home for its emergence and safe passage for new circuitry to form. You are okay. Go slow. Stay with the sensations as they rise and fall in your belly, your torso, and your heart. Touch them for a few seconds at a time, infusing them with curiosity, warmth, and kindness. Just a few seconds, then rest. You can hold and contain so much more than you imagine. Waves are washing in, not as obstacles or enemies of the path, but as allies of integration. As emissaries of wholeness, they are filled with important data for the journey ahead. In the radical commitment to no longer abandon yourself, the new way is disclosed and illuminated. As you return, over and over, into the aliveness of the somatic world, the tangles and the knots will dissolve by the warmth of self-kindness. All that will remain is a luminous field of awareness, openness, and creativity. This is what you are. -Matt Licata Photo by Kabe Russell

17.01.2022 " Here’s the deal. The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. When we make that kind of deep bow to the soul of a suffering person, our respect reinforces the soul’s healing resources, the only resources that can help the sufferer make it through." Parker Palmer https://onbeing.org//the-gift-of-presence-the-perils-of-a/

15.01.2022 Blaming is an immensely painful way of coping. When blaming, we tend to function from the position of lone hero / self-critical witness. Listen in as Sarah Peyton works with a participant facing her judgments about others not caring for the planet. Time investment: 6 minutes https://nvctraining.com/index.php

12.01.2022 https://hawaiinvc.org/the-zero-step-what-we-do-before-we-o/

11.01.2022 The heart that breaks open can contain the whole universe. Joanna Macy Join us for weekly empathy circles. Today at 2pm is the Women's Empathy Circle. https://www.facebook.com/events/306508183681965/

11.01.2022 Self- practice for very intense emotions: When I am experiencing intense emotions, I may not yet able to identify my needs, let alone make a request. This is when I'm most likely to end up speaking critically. When I do not have enough awareness and presence at the time to speak compassionately, I want to remember that I have a number of options available to me. I am not as stuck as I think. Feeling that I have some freedom and choice is immediately empowering. Here are just ...a few: 1. Remain silent and focus on my breath; 2. Tell the other person that there is a lot going on for me right now and I am concerned that if I speak, I will cause disconnection or more pain; 3. Reach out and receive empathy from a neutral person ("empathy buddy"); 4. If you and your partner are already familiar with Thich Nhat Hahn's "Love Mantras", they can be like an anchor thrown to a drowning person. This is the fourth one: "Darling, I suffer. I’m trying my best to practice (in this case, Compassionate Commnication). Please help me. To find out more, here is a link to Thay explaining these mantras: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1th_cAuv6cg

10.01.2022 Only a free person can be a happy person. The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom that you have in your heart. Freedom here is not political freedom. Freedom here is freedom from regret, freedom from fear, from anxiety and sorrow. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

09.01.2022 "Where are you from?" Here is a beautiful self-empathy journaling process by NVC friend, certified trainer and assessor in training, Olga Nguyen. I found her words inspiring and hopeful (for processing and transforming intense emotions). I also touched into some discomfort for the many times I have asked this question too, out of delightful curiosity about meeting someone from a culture or place other than my own. And I have also experienced being asked this question many ti...Continue reading

07.01.2022 With NVC, we judge and discern based on whether the behaviour meets our needs as opposed to whether it is "right" or "wrong".With NVC, we judge and discern based on whether the behaviour meets our needs as opposed to whether it is "right" or "wrong".

06.01.2022 I enjoy creating collages to help me connect to my needs.

05.01.2022 "Every judgment is a tragic expression of an unmet need." Marshall Rosenberg"Every judgment is a tragic expression of an unmet need." Marshall Rosenberg

05.01.2022 Five word definition of NVC: "Who needs what right now?" Jim ManskeFive word definition of NVC: "Who needs what right now?" Jim Manske

03.01.2022 Being fully present is being willing to sit with the Unknown. Loving this 7 minute reminder and description of empathic listening from certified NVC trainer, Shari Elle. https://youtu.be/yCgBZ_Ga8I0

02.01.2022 In contemplation of Marshall Rosenberg's words:When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings. Spring Joy I spring from rock to rock... Tumbling living water Frothing and dark The Cascades Then I see young ones, families together Masked. Protected from what? The sunshine, the vibrant cool and warm and delicious air? Anger burns in me. Hot and hateful.... Speaking to me of a longing to be free. Freely express my joy, my sadness, MY RAGE!!!!!!! Freely to dance, to sing and clatter loudly early on a Sunday morning even THOUGH everyone else is sleeping. Wake up, I am the little child, rising with the Sun. I am the birds, so joyful and chirpy this day. Awake, awake!!!! See more

01.01.2022 "For me, empathy is the thing that removes blocks to action, not the thing that makes me feel better" Dominic Barter