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Chin Tu Fat Speaks
Phone: +61 417 649 242
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24.01.2022 CTF Media wishes to advise that contrary to the many salacious rumours currently making the rounds it's CEO Chin Tu Fat remains incarcerated in a dank and dark cell some 20 feet below the water line in the penal colony of Port Arthur Accordingly the Chin was no where near the Hobart waterfront yesterday when a certain prominent politician and former PM was head butted by a member of the public There is no truth to the rumour that the offender ran off swearing expletives in Ma...ndarin nor that the offender was a corpulent ASIAN looking gentleman dressed in prison rags Meanwhile the lawyers from Tort Tort and More Tort continue their efforts to seek a parole for the Chin Stay tuned for more developments
23.01.2022 CTF Media as major sponsor of the ARFC Pest of the Year 2017 is proud to confirm Tim Newton is the 2017 winner of this prestigious award Surrounded by such legendary pests like Murray ( no hands) Tancred Tim was near to tears when presented with his t-shirt Vowing to continue his pestilence into season 2018 Tim was last seen giving one of the barman at the Bowlo the complete shits by ordering hamburgers with his schooner ... Congratulations Tim Newton you are a PEST
20.01.2022 It’s been a long hiatus for the Chin what with Bretix and the closing of his pole dancing empire in Hong Kong but they say cometh the hour cometh the man RU Australia after its recent tragic RWC campaign needs a new CEO , a new coach and a new direction The Chin is stepping up not only to sort out how we play the game in heaven but also signing a coach who will have a new nay a unique approach to coaching... Yes you heard it here first but the Wallabies need the Dream Team mentor Tod ( the bus)Wadey. This coaching icon whose success is based on Thursday night training and bonhomie does not need an army of assistants just his little mate the Fuz to drive him home Supported by the complete pest in Murray Tancred (employed to just give everyone the shits thereby keeping the media off his back) the Bus has a vision further than the horizon No more complicated warmups, no more salad sandwiches washed down with energy drinks the Bus will have the Wallabies sucking on tinnies after mandatory one hour Thursday night training sessions ( Tuesday are optional ) and champagne after the wins that will follow Under the Chin’s astute direction the Bus will bring back basics and when Bill arrives in 2024 it will be boys let’s hit the Bowlo. ! Aspiring Wallabies can begin their journey to rugby stardom by getting on the Bus now Expressions of interest to [email protected]
19.01.2022 CTF Enterprises is pleased to announce Bacci’s Bowlo seafood and meat raffles In the age of Corona virus the Bacci is doing his bit to stamp out self isolation The Chin recently back from writing comedy for a clown in Washington DC has got right behind this venture... Do your bit buy some tickets and revel in the Friday night raffle ( vintage ) Tickets are $1 each or 10 for $ 1
18.01.2022 The Chin has some breaking news Former rent boy Adam Maughan has been discovered employed as a driver on the Brentwood Village shopping bus tours Apparently Adam is quite lucid on tour detailing to all attendees how he has scored the most tries ever for his beloved AVOCA Sharks as well as giving a definitive explanation of his famous sidestep which when used on a mammoth Pacific Islander from Kariong saw Adam classified as road kill Adam will be hosting an autograph signing t...his coming Friday at the Sands Café from 11am as he launches his sensational new autobiography The Hillside Boys.,.A Road to Nowhere Former SharkBait Editor in Chief Winston Harrison-Jones has written an explosive foreword to Adam’s autobiography and will be on hand to introduce this unique literary tone A must read for the summer holidays T-Shirts imprinted with Adam’s face Will be on sale with Adam willing to autograph your t-shirt for a small fee Rumour has it that the rest of the notorious Hillside Road gang Faggy, Roadie, Coxie and Tally will be in attendance. You may well be able to add a rare group photograph to the prized signed t-shirt given the only other group photo of the gang hangs in the Gosford Police station Be there early as seating is limited and the pies may not last if Adam gets to them first
06.01.2022 It’s been a long time since the Chin put pen to paper but favourable parole conditions that saw the release of the Chin from his Port Arthur hell hole means that he is back and back in a big way Using the services of investigative reporters Arse Tu Wide and Wade Tu Fat the Chin has discovered tantalising rumours from the cesspit of rumour and innuendo that is the Avoca Beach Rugby Club Even if the rumours are just that the Chin is confident that the end result will be scandal...ous in the CTP traditional way CTP Publications initially found some early season candidates for the prestigious Pest of the Year Award However the eligibility rules may have to change given for the first time a Pest may come from retired legends or from genders previously never mentioned Arse Tu Wide undercover in the Old Boys tent at the Blue Filth home game identified a number of past players who have flown under the pest radar in past years and now have blossomed into full blown pests Wade Tu Fat posing as a steak sandwich found himself pinned between pests like Darrin Ford and Roadie (Adam Bailey) and the legend that is Murray Tancred( 2KY ...never off the air) However there was great disappointment for the selectors when despite an initial surge of being a pest these candidates went to water when their wives ordered them out of the old Boys tent to go and get takeaway Chin has been somewhat disappointed with the level of pest shown by all in the back end of the season Even last year’s pest Tim Newton lost ground in his attempt to go back to back by mooning and swooning over a young lady during the away fixture at Warnervale . These young people today have no idea of what it takes to backup each and every week and be a pest No one has been reported all season for being thrown out of the Bowlo/pub What is the younger generation coming too ? Annoying Terry Sturgess does not count because anyone can do that Pottsie and the other bloke who looks like him With 3 weeks to go until the night of nights ie the Pest of the Year award the Chin remains despondent Could this be the first year there is no Pest ? Has politically correctness gone made ? Save the Chin and rise up you Pest contenders there is still time
