Della Rose Murphy | Coach

Della Rose Murphy

Phone: +61 450 729 552

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25.01.2022 One of my favourite ways to explain drama to people is through the relationship drama triangle. Most of us have grown up and learned to relate to ourselves and each other by playing the role of ... * Saviour * Persecutor * Victim We learned how to play these roles as a child, as adults we continue to act out these roles. Each one of the roles is an attempt to gain control or security over another. Playing any one of these roles leads to self victimisation, or you not feeling empowered. Are you a Saviour, Persecutor or Victim? Think about which role you play predominantly: Critical, blaming, controlling, superior. It’s all your fault You’re useless, let me do it! He/she just has no idea Powerless, hopeless, stuck. Poor me! I love to be taken care of Getting attention from people makes me feel loved The enabler, pain reliever, dependant. Poor you! Let me help I hate to see other people in pain. I am in a lot of pain about their pain I know what’s best, and I am really good at taking care of other people When we have had enough of playing a particular role, we will switch into playing another role in the relationship. Next time you experience drama in a relationship, pay attention to which role you are playing. You can get out of any of these roles at any time you want, if you choose to. When we choose to step outside of the drama triangle and observe what’s going on, we are no longer a victim, and we are outside the triangle. When we take ownership of our problems, stop blaming others for life situations we can start to feel a sense of empowerment within ourselves. Hit or who needs to understand the drama triangle.

25.01.2022 ‘ ’ ’ ’ The above is a telling statement about conscious vs unconscious thought. We are not programmed to think, parents saying ‘ ’.... We are not taught to be curious, teachers saying ‘ ’. and society often saying it’s best we conform ‘ - , ’. At what point do you stop and think ‘ ?’ If you ever ask people if they are truly happy, it’s a very jarring question. ’ , . We value being busy so much, that time to really reflect is overtaken by screen time, or another useless meeting, or another TV show. ! There is a version that is connected to your day dream. There is a version of you that is fuelled by passion and curiosity. At the same time, there is a version of you that never becomes conscious of their unconscious until it’s far too late, your life has been lived on automatic. Each level of your conscious awareness has a role to play in shaping your behaviour and thought. Start exploring its depths. . ’ . Comment if you agree

24.01.2022 How to be Happy Now without thinking you need a partner, better job, more money A common cycle a lot of people find themselves in, is the I’ll be happy when.. trap. You don't need more of anything to be happy NOW. It’s an illusion!... I am sure there has been a time, or many in your life, when you finally got that something you 'thought' would make you happy, and when you go it.. *drum-roll*... it didn't. In my experience, it all comes down to one thing Expectation! You might have grown up with certain expectations, or inherited some beliefs from your parents or other people. Whatever it is, we should all be working on removing these false beliefs - beliefs like - I need something, before I can be happy. Stop kidding yourself about what life is meant to be like, or who you are meant to be, and what others ‘should’ or ‘must’ be in order for you to be happy. It’s time to be free, and be happy now, and it starts with practicing gratitude. When you start practicing gratitude, you start to see more and more things you can be grateful for. Practicing gratitude help improve general well-being, resiliency, interpersonal relationships.. it reduces stress and depression. It can also help you sleep better.. Give up searching for happiness and appreciate all the things you have right now. Each morning when you wake up, as soon as you open your eyes start to reinforce what you are grateful for. It will immediately focus your mind to Look for the Positive. I would love to know. What is something you appreciate in your life right now, what are you grateful for today?

24.01.2022 When I was in my teens I was given money for criminal compensation to see a psychologist (story for another time) but... I went to see the psychologist, and it made me feel so uncomfortable. He asked me how I felt, and was asking questions to make me reflect on past situations. Two things I hadn’t really done a lot of before that. I couldn’t really see how it would help me, and it felt like a waste of time. To me I was just lamenting over my past and getting nowhere...... It would be a decade before I’d book in and see another psychologist to seek help... Not the first session, but the first 3 appointments I cried before the sessions. The thought of talking about and feeling my emotions was terrifying. I wasn’t ever one to talk about feelings, ever! I‘ve kept reasonably quiet about it until recently, because I needed to make sense of it all. What I uncovered from working with my psychologist over the past few years has really changed my life though, and I really wish there were more people out there de stigmatising seeking help. I never got help because I saw it as weak. Like there would be a label stuck to my forehead saying ‘you’re broken’, and that’s the last thing I needed. It took a decade for me to wake up, and to realise that I was not less than for seeking help. Facing my fears, and working on myself deeply is what let me to study psychology myself. I sometimes wish I had the courage to do it sooner, but I just couldn’t. It terrified me. If you’ve been hurt or have difficulty in relationships just know that it’s ok to say ‘hey I’m not ok, I need help figuring this out’. It’s the best thing I ever did, and would do it again in a heartbeat. Working on yourself in the context of relationships will bring the most phenomenal growth (I think). What do you think? #Trauma #Healing #LifeCoach #Psychology #Relationships #Love #Happiness

22.01.2022 I am me. You are you. The very fact that you are a person, an entity of mind and soul, a divine masterpiece of million of cells, means that you deserve respect, kindness and sovereignty. Personal sovereignty means you have boundaries, not barricades. A boundary is what you accept of yourself, and what you accept of others and the way they treat you. It is your RIGHT to walk away from relationships and people that don’t respect your boundary. For example, jokes, not a joke, co...nscious or unconscious I NEVER expect someone talking about my thinking. You are not allowed to call me stupid. Call me dumb. I’ve had silly ideas, but all based on logic, and I am not stupid or dumb. I will not accept those words FROM MYSELF OR OTHERS. Both provide some type of protection, but the protection of a barricade limits all the positive outcomes, whereas the boundary has unlimited potential to secure a future of hope and healing. Not knowing how to set healthy boundaries creates barricades. Learn how to set boundaries if you want to cultivate healthy relationships and reinforce your personal sovereignty. You are you. And I love you for being you. Set boundaries, review your barricades, lean into yourself and know the universe wants the best for you. How are you with setting boundaries? Is it easy for you?

17.01.2022 There are lots of different things one can do to change but for me I always come back to these three things. 1. Reflecting on events in my life and ponder how they have shaped me and my behaviour. 2. Owning the choices I make every day and in every moment, no matter how painful it might be - admitting I screwed up and course correcting. 3. Thinking about and knowing what I want. It changes constantly as you grow, but having an idea of what you want, and the person you want t...o become gives you a sense of direction, which makes you feel good. If you’re stuck in a bit of a rut at the moment, look at the three points above, ponder them, journal on them, talk with a friend about them. From doing exercises like this regularly, you will have more of a sense of self, more direction and with that will bring a sense of contentment.

16.01.2022 I used to struggle a lot with judgement. I used to be extremely judgemental about others and what they would share on social media. I didn’t like that I did it, but I didn’t know how to stop doing it. The more I tried not to, the worse I became. It's a vicious cycle!... I didn’t know that it was because I was judging myself.. The more I judged myself, the more I would judge others.. The more self critical I was, the more critical I was of others The harsher I was to myself, the harsher I was to others The colder I was to myself, the colder I was to others.. The list goes on As soon as I stopped judging myself for not being perfect, I stopped judging others. What you see on social media is a highlight reel of someones life. If you continue to compare your worst days, to someone else’s ‘best days’, you’re always going to fall short. It will always end will you feeling like sh*t. The most effective way I have found to break the cycle of judgement is to practice kindness + compassion towards yourself + others. Start with cultivating self-love and compassion within yourself, and you will find it naturally comes easy to give to others. Do you struggle with comparison or judgement? Share if you know someone that needs to hear this

15.01.2022 Sunday well spent #ForthFalls #Tamania #DiscoverTasmania

15.01.2022 Do you have full body Fu*k yes Self-Acceptance? Or do you look in the mirror and see something that you want to look different? If your physical appearance chan...ged tomorrow, would you still have huge amounts of confidence? Or is your self-esteem tied up in looking ‘put together’? Theres a difference between confidence and self esteem Confidence can change when external circumstances change you have a zit on your face, you don’t have a 6 pack, you’re not dressed as well as you’d like. So you feel ashamed to go out in public. High self esteem is the belief you have about yourself. Do you value you? Do you feel worthy of your desires, worthy of love If you are continuously self sabotaging, needing to look perfect or pushing love away you may want to delve into this a little deeper! Reflect, look at yourself in the mirror and ask the question, journal if you have to. Crack yourself open and start accepting yourself for all that you are.

13.01.2022 , ’ . Help a girl out by filling out my survey https://forms.gle/nnHpxpfSnYuzjnDx7 The answers will be used for my own research so I can better decide how to help people like you on their life + relationship journeys. Your answers are COMPLETELY private and will absolutely NOT be shared with ANYONE.... I will be selecting 5 people to hop on a call with for a FREE life + relationship strategy session! I will be emailing the winners in the next week! Thanks again for being generous with your time - your responses will be put to good use as I figure out how I can best serve self-motivated and driven men + women get UNSTUCK from unfulfilling life situations through my content and future services. YOU ARE THE BEST! Della xx https://forms.gle/nnHpxpfSnYuzjnDx7

13.01.2022 Being proud of being busy is becoming a tired and overused cliche. I really think this is great news for everyone. At one point, I would brag that I woke up before everyone, did PT sessions, then worked all day in corporate, then trained myself that night. You know what I gained? Being tired. Being uninspired. Lacking creativity.... Space is what lets us grow. Just like a fish grows the size of its tanks, humans grow to the size of their curiosity. I strongly coach people to take time to let their minds go back to a state of wonder, not constant stimulus. Every day, I recommend sitting in front of a blank pad, phone off, no stimulus, and just draw for 10 minutes. Draw circles, draw people, draw lines. Most people find this hard at first as nothing will pop to their mind to create when they sit at the pad. Please please try this. After a week or two, you will instantly have ideas pop into your head to draw. The only rule, 10 minutes, just imagination don’t try to recreate something, just let your mind wander and realise, in that head of yours, magic lives. I’d love to know. Do you find time to creat space for creativity?

10.01.2022 Here’s an interesting question not a lot of people ask themselves: ? Like - would you wanna hang out with you? It’s sometimes a really painful question to ask, but an important one. If you wouldn’t be pumped to spend the day with you, what could you do to turn that around?... What’s something that’s interesting or that you like about you?

09.01.2022 A lot of people are experiencing feelings of fear at the moment. It’s important to remember that fear isn’t necessarily a bad thing! Fear keeps us safe... it did back in the day. It’s just now, the fear we experience most of the time isn’t going to kill us. Faith is the antidote to fear!... Im not sure if you know this or not, it’s a good thing to know that we all still have a little girl or boy... and a bratty teenager inside of us still that gets scared at times. We are the parents of those different versions of ourselves now, and as the parents we have to acknowledge them being scared inside of us, for trying to keep us safe. Appreciate and love them for that. Then choose whether or not you want it, saying thank you bit I choose that I don’t need to be fearful anymore. Once you’ve done this you can do something like writing the fear on a piece of paper, then tell it I let go of you and burn it. It symbolises you no longer have the fear.

09.01.2022 In this post I want to bring awareness to what Codependency is. I post this to bring awareness to emotional difficulties some people might be facing, and understanding the concept might help make sense and bring meaning to difficult emotional experiences. Those who share experiences of codependency feel as though it’s a real problem in their lives. In a small study done on self-identified codependents, there appeared to be a pattern, three identifiable factors: a profound lac...k of clear sense of self, an enduring pattern of extreme, emotional, relational, and occupational imbalance, and an attribution of current problems in terms of parental abandonment and control in childhood. Codependency is not something that should be stigmatised or labelled, but something that should help you make sense of painful, enduring and distressing life experiences. And once you know better, you are able to do better. The information in this post is based on The Lived Experience of Codependencyby Ingrid Bacon, Elizabeth McKay in International Journal of Mental Health (2020)

08.01.2022 ' . If communicating how you feel isn't something you ever do, it may be one of two reasons, because ...... . ' .... . ' . , or worry it will land the wrong way, you may need to look at assertive training or developing those skills. There are many different ways to communicate how you feel, but the most important thing is to know your intention. First, just reaffirming to yourself you have good intentions will help you feel more confident about expressing how you feel. Here is just one phrase to help you communicating how you feel: Instead of saying You’re doing ____, and it’s making me feel ____, say I feel ____ when you ____. See how it's received. ' , instead of analysing why you feel that way, pay attention to the feeling inside of you and try to name it. Once you have named the feeling inside of you, you can use the above phrase to communicate that. Expressing how you feel, if it's not something you have been taught to do effectively can be scary for a lot of people. Realising that your emotions are valid, and that you are vilid is an important step in the process of opening up. Also looking at the drama triangle, to make sure you are outside of it is important also (previous post). If communicating how you feel is something you struggle with, this is something that I teach. I will be writing a lot more about it in coming posts. As always, send me a DM if you'd like to chat about it!

06.01.2022 #Lifetool - 'A Ship In Harbour Is Safe, But That Is Not What Ships Are Built For' Although written in 1928, this quote is about you, today. You are built to be resilient, you are built to be at sea, in adventure, against the elements. You are built to survive the storm.... One of my biggest mistakes so far in life? Staying in harbour when I know I shouldn’t. Being in relationships just because they were comfortable. Being in jobs I hated just because there was a paycheque. Being in friendships, just because I’ve known them for a long time. At some point, I’d leave the harbour. And its horrible. Without the security of being close to land, the loneliness, the insecurity, the anxiety, they collectively feel like they are going to sink the ship... But it doesn’t, you don’t drown, you live in adventure. You begin to love the open sea. You being to trust that ships, ships are meant to be at sea. You need to trust in yourself. Trust in your instincts. Do not live a life in fear of ‘what if I’m alone’ ‘what if this doesn’t work’. Don’t let the negative scenario win. Sometimes, you need to say to yourself ‘this is going to work, and I trust I’m resilient enough to weather any storm until it does’.

06.01.2022 The Mother wound is rooted in the relationship we have with our mothers It manifests in mothers, and is passed on from generation to generation.... You may not even know you have one, but some of the traits of the wound are: Distant Cold Not interested in love Not appreciative Not receptive Not open Cruel Abusive Denies feelings Plays a victim Dismissive Lacks self care If you have any of these traits, you may have been impacted by the mother wound. Don’t worry! It’s not the end of the world, nor should you go blaming your mother for how she has wronged you. She too has been impacted by the wound. You are the parent now. Healing the wound begins with investigating: How you talk to yourself, what is your inner dialogue? How you nurture yourself, self soothe when difficult emotions arise. How open are you to love, does it scare you? The first thing I will ask people to do, is look into their eyes in the mirror and say the words I love you. Some people say it, but are disconnected. Some can say it, but feel really uncomfortable. Others burst out crying. A lot of people want to run or have to look at their nose instead Doing this one exercise will give you an indication of where you’re at. See what comes up for you when you do. Hope this was helpful, if it was. Hit save and comment below so I know to post more like it If this is something you need help with, send me a DM with the word Mother! I’d be happy to help you.

05.01.2022 I present to you: a passion of mine I still have so many more to add; but I am in love with my collection thus far. I kind of fell into using essential oils. After telling a friend of mine that I was stressed, she said to me my mum gave me an oil called stress away that really helped with my stress. She gave me her details and I purchased a kit with the stress away oil right away.... Oils are a huge part of my life now. I used them for cooking, cleaning, relaxation, room deodoriser, gym, congestion, meditation, sunscreen and more. My favourites at the moment have supported me with deep inner work, they are: VALOR - grounding blend, also helps you feel empowered and uplifted. PRESENT TIME - helps you focus on the here and now, also aids the release the past and move forward. Used as a grounding blend to bring alignment back to the mind and body during times of uncertainty. INNER CHILD - encourages you to connect with your spontaneous, joyful and authentic self. Diffuse this soothing blend to process thoughts and emotions that are keeping you from moving forward. RELEASE - facilitates the ability to let go of negative emotions such as anger and frustration. When diffused, it promotes harmony and balance. FORGIVENESS - supports the ability to forgive yourself and others while letting go of negative emotions - an important part of personal growth. HARMONY - spiritual and emotional blend helps with releasing emotional burdens and stubbornness by creating harmonious balance in the mind, spirit and body. If there is anything you would like to know. Or you have any questions. Or would like to discover more #comment below or send me a DM! X

04.01.2022 Comment if you agree

03.01.2022 I was told once Della you’re drawn to guys with broken wings I was young at the time, and I didn’t really understand what that meant. It took me a long time to discover that you can’t change people. They can only change themselves.... You might say to yourself ‘but we help each other change’, and I agree to a degree, but it has to be their willingness. It has to be their responsibility to change. I dated a guy once that had issues. He told me he wanted to be better, to do better. I believed what he said, and every time he asked for money to help him get ahead I gave it to him. Heck, he even moved interstate and I paid for it. Call me lucky, call me naive, but I have always looked at people and seen the best in them.. I dated another guy who also had issues, and he would tell me a similar thing, only this one didn’t need my money. He needed my attention. I thought I could give him enough, and I tried, but no. It ended after I found out he was chatting to another 20 girls behind my back. After that relationship I went cold. I didn’t want or need anything from anyone. What followed was a string of relationships with limited intimacy and no real deep connection. I thought I was tough, strong and independent. I even thought it was a good trait that I lacked emotion. What I really lacked was the ability to take a good hard look at myself and see what I needed to change. To listen when people said things like ‘you need to express how you feel’, or ‘Della learn to have more fun and lighten up’. And I should wear more colour.. I am not saying you have to accept everything people say, but if they love you, there might be some nuggets you’re unaware of at this moment. I ask my friends constantly now what do you see that I don’t? For me there was a lot I needed to change. It wasn’t until I stopped trying to help other people change, and looked at myself, that I actually changed. In the end it’s up to you. Until you decide it’s time to change, you won’t change. This is the same for me, you everybody. Just stop it stop trying to change people, and work on YOU! Have you ever tried to change somebody?

03.01.2022 There is so much power in bringing the right energy, to the right times in life. To look at yourself and know you can exude masculine and feminine energy frees you from a cage society tries to put you in. Every male and female can enjoy the feeling of moisturising themselves after a shower by a candle. It’s a moment only for you, where you can tap into feeling into your body, and moving against the pressure of your own hands.... Every male and female can look into another persons eyes, and say, without hesitation, I hear your opinion, and I disagree with it. The key, for me at least, is to recognise they are both in me, and both are necessary for my life. The backward momentum in my life was when I worked in corporate, and I was so keyed into climbing the ladder, that my energy was overly masculine only on the basis of momentum. You are whatever you want to be. Whenever you choose to be it. You can wear a frilly hyper fem dress and work on your mustang in the garage if you want. Labels are for containers, and you are too fierce to be contained. Comment YES if you agree

02.01.2022 ? You have to pass through certain challenges to get to the next stage, and you have to pass through stages to unlock the next level. Unless you get out of your comfort zone and start participating you’ll stay in the comfort zone.... If you don’t overcome the challenges like worrying what other people think you won’t get to the next stage. If you don’t get better, acquire new skills you will never get to the next level. The comfort zone is a nice and warm place to be, its kind of like someone hugging you. Things are comfortable and predictable. On the flip side, pushing yourself outside the comfort zone is uncomfortable. You will be met with mistakes, failures, objectives, hoping... One thing that helps me whenever I am stepping outside my comfort zone is remembering the following: = = = = & What’s something you’ve done recently that was challenging?

02.01.2022 Head on over to my IG @dellarosemurphy and say hello I am a lot more active on my stories there!