Ellen May | Therapist

Ellen May

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25.01.2022 My wonderful friend and colleague Harmony (of Harmony Scott Coaching: https://www.facebook.com/HarmonyScottCoaching) wrote this great article on ways to bring more feelings of love, intimacy, satisfaction and comfort into your life by increasing the feel good hormone, oxytocin, with some simple techniques - AND you don't have to be in a partnership to give these a try, she includes some options for those of us who are on our own as well. Well worth the read :) <3

24.01.2022 What does it feel like to be soft with yourself? For me right now it’s like a gentle, full body exhale. And a pause, all emptied out of breath, before the next inhale. It’s a quiet approval of however I happen to be. This, how I am right now, this is okay. In this moment I’m tired, I have a bit of a headache, my eyes are over spending so long in front of a screen and this is okay. I can be soft with these feelings, and not rush to fix them or change them or feel ‘better’. By... letting myself feel how I’m feeling, I’m not subtly judging my experience as lacking or not enough or wrong. It’s resting into the pile of pillows at my back and letting myself be supported. Feeling my weight be held by my bed underneath me, and the floor underneath that, and the whole earth underneath that, so my muscles can gently relax and some of the tension they’ve been carrying can slowly melt away. It’s letting my body take up the space it takes up - there’s no boxes here to contort myself to fit into. It’s pointing my toes to stretch my feet and ankles as I type words. Letting my body move as it wants to, noticing how good it feels to stretch. It’s nourishing myself with music. Headphones in, lost in a world of gentle flowing beats that feel like they’re rocking me and helping me unwind. Being soft with myself is kindness, gentleness, permission to be how I am, to be who I am, and to let that be endlessly okay. No striving, no pushing, no trying to measure up to impossible ideals. Just kindness, acceptance, and knowing that however I am, it’s okay. Let this be a gentle invitation to be soft with yourself in this moment, too - however that looks for you. And if you’d like some support with exploring this more deeply, I have space for another 1:1 client right now. Message me and let’s talk about what that could look like

24.01.2022 The sun rising on modern day rock art. I love finding unexpected things like this - I collect these moments as evidence that the world is a magical place. And the more I look, the more evidence I find :)

24.01.2022 Some time ago I had the privilege of being part of an honour guard for grief. A friend put out a call for people with medicine drums who could spare some time one evening to come and hold a sacred space for someone recently bereaved. I was one of eight women who had the time to give - we met at the beach, wearing blue (the one who had died’s favourite colour). Barefoot, we lined a path through the sand that had been strewn with rose petals, leading to a circle of fairy lights... laid out on the ground with more rose petals. Each of us with our medicine drum, keeping a rhythm that felt to me like the heartbeat of the earth. While we were quietly drumming, waiting for the people who had come to honour and grieve their person, I had a moment of beautiful clarity where thought dropped away for a while. All there was was the solid earth beneath my feet, the sound of the waves, the twilight sky and the drums of the other women beside me. The family and friends walked slowly through the sand, hands holding hands and arms around shoulders, through the path of drums. I looked at the feelings on their faces. Sad, solemn, grieving, blank, numb. The drums made a space for all of their experiences.. They gathered around the circle of fairy lights on the sand, and chairs were found for those who couldn’t sit comfortably on the earth. We stood behind them creating a circle of sound to hold them. When everyone was settled, we turned and slowly walked away, down towards the sea, leaving them to be with each other. My heart felt full, and connected a little more to what it means to be human. It was an honour to play a small part in the family’s honouring of their person, and I loved that they’d created something that felt so unique and personal. I’m wishing them so much grace in their grieving. <3

23.01.2022 Here's a novel question for you - what's working for you right now? We're so conditioned to look at what's NOT working. All the ways we aren't good enough and don't measure up. It takes effort to train ourselves to re-orient to what IS working. What are we doing well? What pleases us? What is satisfying about ourselves and our lives? What's working?... The more we focus on what's working, the more we see... What's working for you today? <3 #whatsworking #traumahealing #somaticexperiencing #traumacoach #seethegood

23.01.2022 One more sleep! If you're a last minute kinda person, we're getting close to the last minute!

20.01.2022 There’s no going back. There’s nothing to go back to. The moment has passed, and now we have a new moment that’s already beginning to fade into the next. Moments like stepping stones through the river of time, each sinking below the stream behind us as the one in front rises to meet our feet. The transient nature of time touches our faces and takes seconds and minutes and years from us and in their place gifts us with memories, with smile lines and with scars. There’s no goin...g back. There’s nothing to go back to - the only way is onward, into each new moment carrying with us our wisdom and our wounds, into our uncertain futures. The uncertainty is unsettling but it’s also the birthplace of all things, if instead of dread we learn to dance with not knowing what comes next. We need a different kind of trust. Trust in ourselves, instead of in the structures we built to fix intangible things in place - endlessly seeking to know our future, to know that we are going to be okay. Things that we can never know, so instead we need to trust - trust in our resilience, trust in our two hands, trust in our capacity to keep breathing, trust in the depth of strength we hold in our bones and in our bodies, trust in our ability to reach out to the support that’s there around us. Trust in ourselves, as we let go of each passing moment, and learn to dance in the spaces in between. In those in between places, life happens. A different kind of aliveness. Wild and unpredictable, soft and spacious, expansive and surprising, at times tedious, at times frustrating, at times painful a kind of aliveness that calls out to us and asks more of us, that calls us into presence, that invites us to step into ourselves in a way that’s raw and real. It’s in this kind of aliveness, inspiration lives. It’s in this kind of aliveness, curiosity and creativity flow. It’s in this kind of aliveness we’re called to follow our wild and unpredictable hearts. There’s no going back. There’s nothing to go back to. There’s only us - this body, this heart, these hands - we are the constant in our own existence, even as, moment by moment, we too continue to change. It’s not for everyone, dancing with the mystery. It’s not for everyone, stepping into the living dark. It’s not for everyone, turning over stones in the depths of your subconscious, following the path of your own heart. Moment to unpredictable moment. Is it for you?

20.01.2022 Some interesting insights on grief and feeling our way through the pandemic. "One unfortunate byproduct of the self-help movement is we’re the first generation to have feelings about our feelings. We tell ourselves things like, I feel sad, but I shouldn’t feel that; other people have it worse. We can we should stop at the first feeling. I feel sad. Let me go for five minutes to feel sad. Your work is to feel your sadness and fear and anger whether or not someone else is feeling something. Fighting it doesn’t help because your body is producing the feeling. If we allow the feelings to happen, they’ll happen in an orderly way, and it empowers us. Then we’re not victims."

18.01.2022 Today's Art in the Park! So lovely to share time drawing and chatting with these wonderful humans Next Art in the Park is the 9th of May

18.01.2022 I was thinking about this earlier, and then I saw this beautiful post that perfectly expresses what I was thinking, shared to a friend's page. I was thinking about the loneliness of being in the world right now, and the desire for community and connection and togetherness as something that's core to existence, not a 'nice to have' when we can find the time. I have a lot of questions and I don't have many answers, but I trust that I'll find them - and probably find them in community with other women. <3

17.01.2022 Hello, art journals, it's been a while. I had just sat down and thought 'why can I smell tea tree?'... I can smell tea tree because half a bottle of tea tree oil with the lid not on properly had spilled aaaaaall over everywhere. Now my room smells very... fresh. Waiting for these to dry so I can add more on top.... What are you creating today? #arttherapy #artjournaleveryday #artjournal #artastherapy

17.01.2022 If you want life to be a grand adventure, it makes sense to devote time to having adventures. Spending time outside of plans and schedules and to do lists. Sometimes I forget this. Today I remembered. I woke well before dawn, so I got up and went to the beach to watch the sunrise, then had breakfast, got in the car, picked a random waterfall and started driving.... It was a beautiful drive on a beautiful day - good music, good company (my own) and the pleasure of new sights and new sounds and new places. The feeling of my bare feet on warm rock. The twisted tree roots. The clear cold water. The sky so blue it didn't look real. No phone reception and not being able to hear any human made sounds. Can you give yourself time and space for something surprising to happen this weekend? Even if it's just a tiny window. Open it, and see what magic comes in #grandadventure #lifeismagic #liveyourdream See more

17.01.2022 How were you enough today? It's so easy for me to list all the ways I didn't measure up to my own impossible standards. It's harder for me to look at how I was enough. And so that's what I'm practicing, because I always like a challenge.... Accept the challenge? Whatever you did and whatever you didn't do, how were you enough? #selfworth #selfcare #selflove #bekindtoyourself #youareenough

17.01.2022 Preparing for a workshop I'll run in a couple of months! Refining the process, testing the mad ideas. Can't wait to share it, it's going to be very fun.

16.01.2022 Day 1 of my End of Life Doula training - feeling like I'm very much in the right place, and excited to be bringing conversation about our final rite of passage into the work I do. #deathliteracy #deathdoula #endoflife #endoflifedoula

15.01.2022 Lots of interesting things happening in my Facebook group! Today I shared my favourite practice that I've been playing with the past few months, that's responsible for all kinds of magical shit happening in my life - come join us on The Grand Adventure. https://www.facebook.com/groups/thegrandmagicaladventure

15.01.2022 We're not meant to do life alone. But sometimes, we need to learn how to belong.

14.01.2022 I went to an online Death Cafe yesterday - a time and a place to talk about death and dying. It was riveting. Something I love about conversations about our own mortality and end of life is the realness of them. The raw truth. There's a vulnerability and honesty and tenderness and directness that I really appreciate - these kinds of conversations about the things that make us human are things something in me craves. Many things that were spoken about stood... out to me - but this one in particular. We can do hard things. And it's true - we can dream impossible dreams and make them real. We can embark on grand adventures. We can step into the wild unknown. We can get lost in the deep dark woods and face our monsters and demons. We can love. We can show up. We can stand for the people and things we care about. We can make differences. We can live. Sometimes we forget to own our greatness. We forget that we can do hard things. We forget how magical we are. If you feel moved to, share something hard that you've done in the comments - let's begin the weekend celebrating each other's greatness, and remembering that we can do hard things. <3 #wecandohardthings #deathcafe #endoflifedoula #deathdoula #livewell See more

13.01.2022 Happy Saturday I woke before dawn, so I went to the beach to watch the sunrise and feel the energy of a new day wash over me. <3 #earlymorning #sunrise #norushsaturday #welcometotheweekend

13.01.2022 Whatever you're desiring today, you're worthy and you deserve it. What's one thing you desire in this moment? If you feel like it, share a word or a sentence or an emoji in the comments, and know that you're worthy and deserving of it. ... #youareworthy #selfworth #selfcare #selflove #pleasurefirst See more

10.01.2022 Some questions I've been pondering: Yes or no? How do you know?... When you want something, how do you know that you want it? When you don’t want something, how do you know that you don't? How do ‘yes’ feel in your body? How does ‘no’ feel in your body? Is it harder to feel one or the other? Is your ‘yes’ a real ‘yes’, or is it a ‘no’ disguised with the desire to please? If you had clarity around your yes and your no, and fully owned and stood behind each of them, how would this impact your life? #yes #no #empoweredchoices #traumahealing #traumacoach #somaticexperiencing #thebodyknows #listentoyourbody

09.01.2022 Let's light candles and turn out the lights. And talk about who we really are, underneath our daytime faces. What are your dearest wishes? Your dreams? I want to hear you speak your innermost thoughts, unfiltered, held in the warmth and quiet of the night, in the dark of this new moon.... I have noticed that when all the lights are on, people tend to talk about what they are doing their outer lives. Sitting round in candlelight or firelight, people start to talk about how they are feeling their inner lives. They speak subjectively, they argue less, there are longer pauses. To sit alone without any electric light is curiously creative. I have my best ideas at dawn or at nightfall... Jeanette Winterson.

08.01.2022 Sometimes when I’m sitting here staring at a blank page feeling completely uninspired, I ask myself: what do I most need to hear right now? And then I write those words to myself, and share them with you, in case you need to hear them too. What do I most need to hear right now?... I most need a lullaby. I want you to sing to me - gentle, whimsical songs that settle my restlessness and sink me into soothing. Sing me a lullaby about a woman on a road, she’s walking barefoot, her feet talk to the warm rocks and she hears the song of the earth through her soles. She takes steps, one after the other, when there are steps to take. And when there aren’t, she stands in stillness and feels things. The stories on the breeze. The smiles of the stars. The curiosity of a woman who never learned to look away. I most need a lullaby. I want you to sing to me - songs from your heart telling my heart that everything’s okay. A lullaby that says: you can rest a while; and while you rest I will be the watcher. This evening is a friendly darkness. I most need a lullaby. I want you to sing to me - a song that feels like water, the rocking of gentle little waves on an empty moonlit shore that is alive with beauty. A song that speaks of stillness. A lullaby that gathers in scattered thoughts, gathers in tired limbs, gathers in restless energy that spins without finding any place to come to ground. A lullaby that wraps all of me in melodies and harmonies and invites in the quiet night. Sing me a lullaby What do you need? We can find out together. I have space for another 1:1 client right now - let's book in a time to talk and see if the kind of door opening magic that I offer is right for you right now. Even if we decide that now isn't the time or I'm not the person, you'll leave with some insights and a sense of where to next :) Send me a message to book in a call.

08.01.2022 Here's an insight that landed on my head once - success is a spectrum! I'd been so used to having success be a somewhat vague, nebulous thing that exists in a far off future. Success happens at the END of the adventure, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the result, the arrival. Success is an event that's over there.... But... actually. Success is a spectrum. It's all around me, AND I have capacity for more. Where are you already experiencing success in your life? What's working already? What can you celebrate NOW? <3 #successmindset #successquotes #youareenough #youareworthy #createcultivate #createyourlife

07.01.2022 There’s something to be said for having no idea where you’re going in life. When you don’t know where you’re going, the journey is the point. And when the journey is the point, you have all the time in the world....Continue reading

04.01.2022 Yesterday's beach hammock vibes. I'm getting so much better at self care. A few years ago I would never have taken the afternoon off to go nap in a hammock on the beach because insomnia was kicking my ass and I was exhausted. I would have made myself sit in front of my laptop and forced myself to keep working on shit that really didn't need to be done right that second because I was very attached to my rigid routines and made up rules of productivity.... Celebrating progress - more kindness, more softness, more ability to give myself the things I need. Like rest. And beautiful places to rest in. Link in bio for a free call if you'd like to learn how to meet yourself with more kindness too

04.01.2022 I've begun exploring and learning about the modern western relationship to death and dying, and as part of that, my own personal relationship to my own mortality. What I'm finding is this exploration is bringing so much richness, tenderness, humanity and LIFE into my everyday existence. I've been looking at ways to begin making friends with my own mortality and bringing an awareness of death into my everyday life - not as a morbid reminder that i'm going to die, but as a vi...brant encouragement to really fully live. I made a video about one way I'm doing that, using the power of symbol - imbuing an object with deep meaning, so it isn't just a 'thing', and takes on a life of its own as it travels through my life with me. Join my group (link in bio) to check out the video and have front row seats for more of this conversation. My group is open to everyone and I'd love to share more about this with you :) facebook.com/groups/thegrandmagicaladventure <3 #endoflife #symbolism #deathliteracy #endoflifedoula #deathdoula

04.01.2022 My whole life is about transformation. I like taking things and making them into other things. I take paper and paint and make them into pictures. I take hurts and transform them into healing. I take stuckness and limiting beliefs and turn them into freedom. I take clients and invite them on journeys to find their own transformation.... My life is always in a constant process of becoming, never static, shifting from what was into what will be. And it’s gentle. Soft like shifting sand. Spacious like the twilight sky on a clear night. There’s no pushing, no rush, no huge catharsis that’s too much for nervous systems to handle. If we change something and don’t like the result, we can change again. We’re all in an endless process of becoming, which gifts us so much permission and space - if there’s no end, there’s nowhere to get to, if there’s nowhere to get to, there’s no rush. Take your time, we have all the time in the world. I notice the things that change around me. Seasons and cycles. Leaves growing on trees. Young birds growing into adult birds. The shifting colours of the sky at sunset. My own face in the mirror. Silver hairs, lines in my face that smile back at me. I notice change in the people I know, evolving through their own journeys of transformation. Everything I've done in my life is in some way related to transformation. The jobs I've had, the study I've done, the books I’ve read, the personal life path I walk down, the art I create, the travel I do when travel is possible, the way I see the world. It’s all part of the process of becoming. Things changing into other things. The endless shifting dance of it. Are you ready to step more fully into your own process of becoming? Want to take your life and make of it something new? I have space for two new clients this month. If you’re curious about becoming one of them, send me a message, let’s find a time to talk. No pressure, just the next step on your own journey

04.01.2022 I’m rediscovering delight. Delight is a shock of unexpected beauty that calls me into presence. Little fleeting moments, things that surprise me and wake me out of my unseeing routine assumption that I know how today’s going to go.... Delight is eating chocolate coated frozen bananas, the first crack of the chocolate as my teeth bite through it that’s heard as well as felt in my mouth. Delight is getting out of my car and looking up and catching my breath at how unexpectedly brilliant the red of the flame trees in flower is against an impossibly blue sky. Delight is the sun setting behind the hills near home and having to look twice to see that it’s the sunset colouring the clouds and not the whole hill burning with bright yellow flame. Delight is writing words on a page that feel like they’re being written through me - unexpected thoughts and connections flowing out my fingers that I didn’t know were there. Delight is walking back to my car after a long day, looking down to see the ground covered in flowers shaped like intricate stars, like I’m walking through the sky. Delight feels like lightness on my face. Tension I’m not aware I’ve been carrying evaporates around my eyes and I notice how big the difference is between my practiced, serviceable, everyday not-all-that-present smile and a genuine smile of delight. So this is your invitation, into delight - allow yourself to be delighted. Make yourself available for small moments of unexpected beauty, calling you into presence. Let yourself feel the lightness that comes from these tiny moments of connection with something magic. And if you’d like to explore delight together, and find a pathway to more of it in your life, I have room for another 1:1 client right now. Message me and let’s find a time to talk and see if this is right for you right now.

04.01.2022 A long time ago in a faraway land (this sounds so much more poetic than ‘in Mexico in 2017’), I lay on a mat on the floor in a room. I was about to breathe myself into an altered state of consciousness to allow my body to move, make sound, let go, heal. As an intention for my journey, I found myself saying I want to feel powerful. Not long after that, I nearly got hit by lightning, but that’s another story (if you really want that story I’ve written about it before - let me...Continue reading

03.01.2022 Listen to this. Interesting and important words about race through a trauma informed lens. I'm not a podcast person but I'm glad I'm listening to this. I'm just 20 minutes in this is making a lot of sense of a lot of things, in a way that feels accessible and makes a way forward feel possible.... <3

03.01.2022 "Myth is a wild way of telling the truth..."

02.01.2022 Let's get lost and discover unexpected beauty around a corner we didn't know was there. Leave an emoji in the comments that shows where you'd like to get delightfully lost today ... #adventure #letsgetlost #expecttheunexpected #intotheunknown

01.01.2022 Felt the need for a drawing break and she showed up #draweveryday #arttherapy #hyperlapse #mystery