Eloise van der Merwe | Other
Eloise van der Merwe
Phone: +61 448 876 050
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25.01.2022 I read a quote this week that said Tenacity is setting a goal so big you can’t achieve it and then growing into the person who can. In our home we are constantly having conversations about who the choose to be, because for example, if I want to become an Olympic athlete, chances are if I keep doing what I am doing in the daily now, four years from now I will not be ready for the Olympics no matter how much I think about it and dream about it. I will need to be the self-disc...iplined, focused, dedicated person that I will need to be and adjust my daily plans and actions accordingly to have that come to fruition. So I need to be and act in a way that will get to the destination that I have set - the being always comes first. In the morning on the way to school, we choose a word for how we want to be during the day and a couple of ways to action that. We have had some beautiful conversations around that, how does it look to be kind, brave, content? Becoming happens every day, it’s a growth journey and as we keep cultivating who we are being more intentionally, the journey becomes so much more meaningful than just living in a way that is reacting to whatever is thrown at us. And growing into the person that can achieve that goal that looks so unachievable becomes a journey that has so much more depth! Dream big Beautiful Soul and then take radical responsibility for who you are and who you become. xxx
25.01.2022 I love the quote ‘Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.’ by Theodore Roosevelt. I often use it to reset when I’m feeling like I’m not sure where to go next or I’m not enough or you know all the things! Because here’s the thing, every single moment is an opportunity to start fresh, if you choose to. And once you start and there is momentum, then you’ll see how it all comes together. A friend said today that you could move the rudder on a boat all you like, but if it’s not moving, you’re not going anywhere and it’s not changing direction! What’s holding you back?
24.01.2022 The occasional butt print is ok, but it’s really hard to move forward that way! Action steps forward no matter how small will keep you moving to your destination, so stop and breathe every now and then just to reflect and recalibrate, but then keep taking steps forward Beautiful Soul!
24.01.2022 At the age of sixty-five, Laura Ingalls Wilder published her first book, Little House in the Big Woods. Anna Mary Robertson Moses, known by her nickname Grandma Moses, did not start painting until she was seventy-six years old. She decided to give painting a go when she could no longer hold an embroidery needle due to her arthritis. Colonel Sanders did not start developing Kentucky Fried Chicken until he was in his sixties. ... It’s never to late to start that thing that’s brewing in your heart!
23.01.2022 Clarity: the quality or state of being clear. Superchick sings: You can find a million words To build a wall of fear... Safe behind that wall, imprisoned here Take that someday step today To who you're meant to be And turn your dreams to plans so you can breathe Sometimes we just need to get really clear on what those dreams are! So many beautiful souls I speak to can tell me without any hesitation what they don’t want, but have a really hard time articulating what it is that they do want. When you set goals from your heart, add the emotions that you want to feel along the way and celebrate along the way, reaching goals becomes a really enjoyable process. If you are ready to turn your dreams into plans and want to do that with some support and accountability along the way, please don’t hesitate to DM me. I have 3 spots open for my programme and I’d be honoured to walk the path with you.
23.01.2022 Oh my goodness! I can so relate. I worked with a beautiful soul this year that shared the most gorgeous analogy with me that has been so helpful and meaningful in navigating life. This is my version of her wisdom, but it has made me stop amidst some interesting scenarios to laugh at myself and then move forward a little lighter.... As human beings we are complex and sometimes in situations we don’t show up as the best version of ourselves, especially when we are scared, angry, tired, afraid or feeling threatened. So picture the Muppet Bus at the end of The Muppet Movie, and imagine that your job is to drive the bus and keep everyone calm (everyone being all the versions of you or the way you show up)! Sometimes you need to pull onto the side of the road and say to Animal - ‘Ok, you’ve had your moment, now let’s sit down and move on!’ I then added that sometimes it’s Cookie Monster you need to tame, because let’s be honest, who doesn’t like cookies (or chocolate) when the going gets tough! Later that afternoon it hit me that the Cookie Monster would never have been on the Muppet Bus - different cast entirely and started laughing at myself - I have both the Muppets and the entire Sesame Street crew on my bus! Plus I live with four gorgeous human beings each with their own unique crew and so life is never dull at our place! But the point is, we can be so many things and feel so many emotions and sometimes within a very short space of time, especially when you are a parent, and it’s all ok and normal. Letting Animal drive the bus is probably not a good idea, and indulging your inner Cookie Monster might not serve you in the long run but don’t be scared to feel and live! And please don’t squash the emotions down as if they shouldn’t be there! Be tender, be fierce, soft, strong, fragile and courageous and be brave enough to be you!
22.01.2022 https://www.onefootforward.org.au/s/26881/27072
22.01.2022 When I think of the beautiful souls that have had the biggest impact on my life, it is those who I know live true to themselves and are strong enough to do that even when it goes against popular opinion. They were not afraid to be raw, honest and vulnerable, regardless of the outcome. I love the quote by Audrey Hepburn that says, For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. The women that I know that are unafraid to be themselves walk this well. Don’t underestimate what you bring to this world when you step into who you are!
20.01.2022 Today is International Dot day, in celebration of creativity, courage and collaboration. The book ‘the dot’ by Peter H. Reynolds is all about a little girl who says she can’t draw but has a teacher who knows otherwise. The blurb on the back says She know that there’s a creative spirit in everyone, and where there’s a dot, there’s a way So please today make your mark, take one small step, just the first onebecause you just never know!
18.01.2022 Exactly! Happy World Gratitude Day!
16.01.2022 I was just about to write a post about love note day and realized that it was yesterday! However, rumour has it that you can really write love notes every day of the year! So grab supplies and let someone you love know you care today!
15.01.2022 Did you look in the mirror this morning and know that the person looking back at you was you, or did she look like a stranger? Did you feel a little disconnected from her? Did you see a sparkle in her eyes and joy in her demeanour? I know that interrogation is not generally part of your morning routine , but when last did you check in on you? Take a few minutes this morning to check in with you and ask yourself a few questions: Am I going into today with purpose and intentio...n? Am I taking time to invest in me, so that I can love those around me with overflow and not from a place of depletion? What qualities do I want to be focused on cultivating in my life today? Am I coming from a place that is aligned with my values? Am I the me I choose to be? May you see with love and compassion the beautiful and unique soul in the mirror and know that when she takes the time to just check in on herself before she steps out into her day, it could make all the difference!
15.01.2022 I can’t quite explain the feeling - my chest tightened, it felt like I couldn’t breathe, the room spun, waves of nausea and then a feeling of intense overwhelm and grief all mixed into one. Time literally stood still as all the dots began to connect and I realised that what I was seeing was undeniable evidence that my marriage of 21 years was nothing that I thought it was at all and it was time to walk away. We had walked this path before a few years earlier and made it but t...his was different and I knew the finality in that moment. Two years today I walked into my room and closed the door, made five phone calls and collapsed. I can feel the intensity of those emotions as I type these words and what unfolded in the months to follow were painful and confronting. That evening my eldest two children and I sat at our dining room table and knew it was time to move on - we wrote down ideas and plans and dreams in a time that felt like everything was broken. In those days that followed I allowed others in, I accepted support (something I am not skilled at doing), I cried, I screamed, I cried some more. I tried to find some sort of normal in it all but it felt some days like I was walking in fog but my aim was to walk with love and grace and to stay true to myself. I wish I could say that I got that 100% right, there were times when I really missed the mark amidst all the crazy but one thing I can tell you is that I realised that the only person I could control was myself (on a good day)! A year later the children and I moved to a beautiful coastal town to start a new life and as I sit here this evening a year on I can honestly tell you that while I would never, ever have chosen this path but I have reached the beauty through the brutal by going straight through it even when it felt like everything was broken. I am not the woman I was back then - and please do not read into that that my life is perfect - it is a glorious mess at times, but I am me and am learning to live that out unapologetically. I am so, so thankful for the many that helped carry the pain, for those that sat with me while I looked anything but graceful with tissues stuffed up my nose and eyes so puffy it looked as if they had marshmallow inserts underneath them, those who were brave enough to enter my mess and love me through it. You will never know what that meant to me. And please know this, if you are where I was, there is hope, there is healing and there is a beautiful life waiting to be lived if you will just be brave enough to go through it and allow others in to carry it with you. And please, please know that you are not alone and do not hesitate to DM me or reach out if you need support.
14.01.2022 Take a deep breath right now where you are and then ask yourself who is it that you want to be in this world? If there is a large gap between that and who you are right now, then what can you do today to be more you? Live with intention, take that step of faith, love more, nourish more, move more, do the things that spark joy. You don’t get a rerun, this is it! What could you do today that would make your future self so proud?
14.01.2022 I read this quote on one of my favourite quote a day calendars about a week ago, and it was just such a reminder that sometimes I forget to see! I can get so stuck on all the things that still need improvement or fixing or attending that I can totally miss all the things in life that really feed the soul and I stop living with a sense of wonder. There is always hope. You just never know what is around the corner and if you are so busy and hurried that life gets blurry and fuz...zy round the edges please stop right where you are now and take a deep breath and look around you and see, notice, observe - deeply and fully in the moment! You’ll be amazed how it changes your day! xx . . . . . #inthemoment #breathe #lifeisbeautiful #senseofwonder See more
11.01.2022 My Afrikaans teacher had a saying pinned to her notice board that has always stuck with me: Never judge another man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins. Native American Proverb When someone has a physical injury it’s visible, and we make allowances for them because we can see that there is something hurting or preventing them from performing at full capacity.... While the person in front of you might look like they have it all together, please know that they might be falling apart on the inside or carrying burdens that you have no idea about. My bleary eyed seven year old came to me the other night and told me she couldn’t sleep because she had big feelings. I asked her if she knew what they were and how I could support her and she just looked at me and said, They are just big feelings Mum, I don’t even know what they are. I think there are many of us that have ‘big feelings’ right now and I just want you to know you are not alone, and we are all navigating this together. Be kind, love the person in front of you and reach out and check in on those around you, because you never know what is going on in another person’s world and you might just be the hope, the light or the love that they need today.
11.01.2022 When studying for my health coaching certification, there were a few principles that were foundational that really confirmed how I intuitively felt about health and well-being. I have had so many conversations this week with beautiful souls who just feel a bit out of it at the moment on so many levels - and let’s face it this year has been a rather different one to navigate! For me when I feel like my get up and go has got up and left, and nothing seems to spark joy, I know ...it’s time to get back to the basics and check the foundation. For me my checklist includes some prompt words: nourish, move, connect, rest/sleep and joy. When it comes to the word nourish, I’m not just talking food although that is important, but one of the key things to remember is that nutrition is a secondary source of energy! Primary foods, which are sources of nourishment other than food are key when it comes to fueling us! Foods that feed us on a deeper level. Primary foods include: Relationships Spirituality Career/Contribution Physical Activity Secondary food is what’s on your plate! And you can eat as much kale as you like and drink green smoothies loaded with nutrients till the cows come home and be miserable and unfulfilled if you are ignoring the primary foods that nourish your soul. And the next thing is, kale is not good for everyone! Joshua Rosenthal coined the term bio-individuality which basically means in his words, ‘No one diet or lifestyle works for everyone, and one person’s food can be another person’s poison.’ There is no one size fits all diet! And crowding out the other foundational principle that resonated with me - instead of making changes by cutting out things, add the good stuff in! For instance, add a cup of greens to lunch, or some seeds and nuts to your salad. And this goes with replacing things other than food too! Crowd out bad habits by replacing them with good ones, for example: Read an inspirational book for 10 minutes before you scroll through social media. Replace once cup of coffee with a herbal tea or a glass of water with mint or lemon in it. Play games with your kids one evening this week instead of watching TV. Go for a walk and some fresh air and sunshine before you open up the refrigerator.
10.01.2022 The only moment you can do anything with is the one you are in.
10.01.2022 Last night my little Viking clad in her gear that she and her brother had made from cardboard and tinfoil was walking up and down the passage with her nose in The Time Traveller book, researching Vikings so that she could back up the argument that Vikings do not bath! Eventually she agreed to take a ‘dip in the river’ after I announced that apparently they also ate eels and I could organise some for breakfast! My exhausted warriors went to bed with their helmets and weapo...ns beside them with smiles on their faces. I’ve always been a bit of a mean mum when it comes to screen time! My oldest two got to pick from a selection of pre-chosen movies each weekend and were allowed to watch only one a weekend and their selection included National Geographic Documentaries! I’ve slacked a little with the two little ones, and while they don’t get heaps of screen time, there is room for improvement! They haven’t noticed as I didn’t make any big announcements about it, but aside from remote learning, screen time has not really featured for the past 2-3 weeks and I dare say no one has missed it. I have had to close my eyes to trails of bits of paper and tape, but I think we’ve taken reduce, reuse, recycle to a whole new level and their imagination and creativity has been so lovely to watch. So I have to say that I am inclined to echo the Oompah-Loompas from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ‘So please, oh please, we beg, we pray, Go throw your TV set away, And in its place you can install A lovely bookshelf on the wall. Then fill the shelves with lots of books.’ And if that seems a bit extreme maybe just take some time out to read a good book with your children this week!
10.01.2022 I know a gorgeous soul who chooses a word for the year and she very intentionally lives it out. It is a very powerful motivation for how she shows up and how she does life and it is incredibly effective. However, I tried a word for the year and I’ve shared before, the finality of locking it in to one wordwell I break out into a cold sweat. What if I get it wrong? Just one word? It just feels like waaaaay too much pressure. I believe in the power of words and the process of ...being intentional and I like something a little more fluid and dynamic because that feels more aligned with who I am. And when I identify the words for each season, I have a collection of words that keep me inspired and push me to step out of my comfort zone and also to stay focused. And if I decide to add a word in along the way, that’s ok too! For this past month my core words have been TO BE present, aligned and focused, which for some reason has evolved into the process of letting go of things that are not for this season and making space to breathe and enjoy where I am right now! Our Garfield calendar yesterday said I am contemplating the future, or maybe it’s the past- mine look a lot alike. I get that your life is way more complicated than Garfield’s, but can you truly say that you have lived with intention and not just in reaction to what life has thrown at you? It’s a very different way to approach life when you know who you are and how you will respond in a situation because of that. It also means listening to that still small voice inside and jumping in with both feet because you just know that it’s right. It’s doing the things that you know you were put here to do, without needing a permission slip from anyone else. And in some seasons that means a no pleasantly, smilingly and non apologetically.
09.01.2022 As a recovering people pleaser who in my head always needed a permission slip to do anything I realise how subtly destructive it is to live a life where you always try to keep everyone around you happy and often care more about their problems than they do! Wholehearted living cannot come from a place where you are continually being what you think you need others to be and completely ignoring who you are in the process. I was always scared of stepping on people’s toes, upsett...ing someone or hurting anyone’s feelings which meant in my head the limitations I put on myself eventually became so debilitating that I felt like I was living in a small box that I had fully constructed all by myself just so that I was making sure everyone else around me was ok. I shared with someone that I often felt like a back up singer, and don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being the supporting role in someone’s life while they shine - in fact it’s a role I love BUTwhen you are not playing lead role in your own life the boundaries get really hazy and you suddenly feel like you are not even sure of who you are anymore! It feels like you are living in limbo land waiting for life to happen and reacting to whatever is going on around you! A coach I worked with last year said Who is it that you need validation from before you do what you know you need to do and why do you need anyone’s validation to be you? Sometimes it is easier to live pleasing others and in reaction to the circumstances because you don’t have to take radical responsibility for your life and own your actions fully and it feels like you are doing so much good in the world fixing and always being there to serve but from experience in the long run it’s soul destroying! There’s something about taking back the position of lead role in your own life and being decisive about where you are going and who you need to be there. Easy, errr no! But if you are willing to muster up the grit and grace you need to do it - totally life changing and every bit worth it! So here’s your permission slip to do just that - just in case you needed one! And if you need a bit of clarity or support in getting started, book a free Clarity Call - it might be just what you need in taking that first step back to you, and I'd love to hear from you. https://calendly.com/eloisevdm-coach/discovery-call
08.01.2022 Happy Dr Seuss Day! I have really been intentional about being present, slowing down and taking time to really see, which I have realised I clearly need to practice more - it’s not easy and sometimes feels very counterintuitive when life calls loudly from all directions! Take time out today to read a crazy Dr Seuss book, or just open your eyes wide and look for the wonder in today!
08.01.2022 Should - used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness! Jennifer Louden goes on to say that feeling, choice, and the ability to discern what is best for us drain out of whatever activity or relationship has become a should. How often do we do something because we think we ‘should’ or because we think that’s what society would expect of us in a certain situation. So often we don’t even question why we do things a certain way. What if you took a deep breath, an intentional ...pause before you took action and thought about what it is that you feel is the right thing to do or the next step to take? What if you trusted yourself to do the right thing for you? I took some time out today to look at my schedule and realised there were a fair few things that I feel I ‘should’ be doing that were actually just causing a simmering, underlying feeling of overwhelm! Sometimes saying no to something in a season opens up space for for joy and the ability to be fully present and relish each moment. What ‘shoulds’ are taking the time in your day that would be better spent on the things that truly matter to you?
07.01.2022 Years ago I read a story about a man who was watching an Empire Moth emerge from a cocoon. When it got stuck at a certain point and didn’t seem to be able to get beyond that, the man got impatient and snipped the last few threads on the cocoon so that the moth could get out easily. The moth’s wings remained shrivelled up and never developed because the fluid from its swollen body were never forced through struggle into the wings to prepare it for flying. Pain and struggle are... not something we sign up for willingly, but in the space of facing those struggles and working through the pain, we become someone we could never become without them. I think I’ve shared before about how I was told that pain was a gift and I needed to look at what it was I needed to learn from it and how I literally sat in disbelief wondering if the counsellor had heard a word of what I had shared. Sometimes the very thing we think will break us, the very thing that undoes us to the core, is the very thing we need to become who we are. Know that whatever you are going through right now, and no matter how tough it is, if you can muster up the courage to just take the next step, you will be one step closer to who you never knew you could be! That struggle to break past the point of fear will develop strength in you that you never knew you had and you might just realise that the gift of that pain was growing up and being you!
06.01.2022 A gorgeous friend made up an oil blend for me for my birthday with a blue cornflower in it! Her flower love inspiration led to some experimenting and I am obsessed with adding flowers to my blends now! My two favorites at the moment are the frankincense and chamomile flowers and rose petals with orange and frankincense oils!
06.01.2022 Each and every one of us has 86400 seconds in a day and how we use them counts! At the end of the day don’t let would’ve, could’ve, should’ve be part of your story.... If you are ready to take radical responsibility for your life and step fully into who you are through meaningful connection and positive change in a time when many are longing for both, then I invite you to check out the details of the Recalibration Initiative, a three month journey alongside women who are ready to do the same. If it resonates with you on any level, don’t hesitate to book a Discovery Call, it’s free and I’d love to connect with you. And I’ll say it again, if for one hot second you thought you should..you so should! https://www.eloisevandermerwe.com/recalibration-initiative
06.01.2022 I realised again last week the power of woman coming together to tell their stories. I am blessed with the most amazing tribe of woman in my life and would not be who or where I am without that! Happy International Women’s Day Beautiful Souls, and watch this space - I’ll be opening up some coaching spots in the next few weeks and looking to run a group coaching programme for those of you who would love to be part of a community of gorgeous women who are ready for change. Please DM me if you are interested or if for one second you thought - yes and then talked yourself out of it! Big Love xx
04.01.2022 Maybe today is the day to look at that challenge, tie up your hair and take some action! Put on your favourite tune and make it fun, light and easy! Sometimes that first step taken with a dose of cheeky just seems to chase the fears away!
03.01.2022 Happy Roald Dahl Day!
02.01.2022 I’ve been a bit quiet the past few days, just disconnecting, reflecting and recalibrating! A mentor once told me that when life gets super overwhelming and we can’t see the wood for the trees, it’s time to just step back and create a bit of space and try and do things a little differently than what we normally do- in his words he said, ‘it provides a landing strip for intuition’. I know that feeling, the one where important things start sliding because of things you ‘have’ to... do and then your non-negotiable become negotiable and then you may start to get a little cranky which can sometimes turn into tears and emotional irrationality! Those signs are signals for me that something has to give! Sunday morning I knew it was time to just focus on things that I know fill my bucket and nourish my soul, extra one on one time with my children, nourishing meals and lots of time out in nature! Creating a little space and time out really does wonders! If you are carrying projects and extra things that are creating that slow, simmering overwhelm that just never seems to go away, take a step back to see which of those things you really need to be doing. Maybe you’ll find some of them really aren’t for this season and you can gracefully let them go and find yourself enjoying the things that are for this season. And the most amazing things can happen when you let go and release what is not meant for right now. And Beautiful Soul, you do not need a permission slip to live life in alignment with your values and what is right for you and your family. That said, I am working on an amazing project that I will share in the next few months as it all comes together!
02.01.2022 Over a cuppa in a local cafe a friend asked What did I miss, what did I not see and why did you not feel you could share what was going on? I was in the thick of things and she was very proactive at checking in. I wasn’t sure what to answer that day but I have given it a lot of thought since. Reflecting on that and the fact that this week I have heard the words Ask for help! in three completely separate and unrelated courses/programmes that I am doing I have come to the ...conclusion that some of us are not very good at this! Being vulnerable is not easy for most of us. Brené Brown says We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can't have both. Not at the same time, and Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage. A beautiful soul that I am doing a programme with shared this week that she has to really stretch herself to ask for help because she does not want to inconvenience people and it’s an area where she’s had to do a lot of work. But owning that and stepping out and asking for help when she has needed it has resulted in so much growth. Asking for help and being vulnerable is clearly out of my comfort zone but this past 18 months has shown me that when I am brave enough to do that I’m also inviting connection on a deeper level, building trust and growing through the discomfort in ways I did not think were possible. I didn’t share my pain because I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, because I was working through the questions in my own head that I couldn’t understand and to be honest I didn’t want anyone to see how much it hurt and how small I felt. If you are in a place today where you feel like you are breaking inside and have no idea what to do next, please reach out. Don’t sit in it with all the big emotions by yourself! Just sharing your story is a big step in the right direction to finding healing and wholeness again. And even in that broken place, you can offer help to another beautiful soul because believe it or not when you do something for someone else, you heal too!
01.01.2022 I found this so powerful when I was in the midst of a ‘oh-my-I-have-no-control’ season in my life! And it’s something I come back to regularly! It’s a great reset for taking action steps in the areas we can control when other things feel shaky and uncertain.
