James 'Fish' Gill | Public figure

James 'Fish' Gill

Phone: +61 492 415 852

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24.01.2022 Grief will slice us clean open like a fisherman guts a gasping herring. Grief will press us down like a drowning man pushes a rescuer under on instinct. Grief will drag us under like the pull a Southern Ocean undertow. ... Grief will lead us into darkness like a siren seduces sailors with her song. Grief will claw at us like an Easter tide robs the shore of sand which was once hers. Yet grief, if we open to her, will also lead us home to that which is untakeable, undrownable, unbreakable, unquestionable, and unanswerableand unwavering within us. But make no mistake, none of us can hold our grief alone.

22.01.2022 LOVE IS UNLOSABLE Go on and trace a path through the constellation in the freckles of your beloved with a melody so sweet it summons you both back home each starless night. Go on and so perfectly freeze and frame the smile of your firstborn that forever you may marvel at how the mouth, nosebridge and brow of generations past are alive in her.... Go on and pause in prayer, turning to teachings that welcome you so tenderly into wisdom that all the world can’t help but turn to wonder. Go ahead and keep your secret cove a secret, so when you elope to watch the uneven evening even it’s as if the sky is dissolving just for you. Go on with your eloquent essays of adoration for those things you love so deeply. Write it on walls and on windscreens, in lovenotes and on napkins. Burn it across a bushfire sky. But don’t be mistaken in thinking that these things give you love, or that when they leave you, when they end, when they crumble, when they burn down, when they turn to dust, when they are tainted, when they forget you, or when they go (and I’m sorry but they will go) ...that your love goes with them. No. That which you touch, and which lights up your every cell, is NOT the source of your love. No. It is the recipient of your love. It elicits your love. YOU are the source of love. The very love you so desperately do not want to lose. It’s the truth of you. It’s what you are when all else goes. And it’s unlosable. @raefallon

21.01.2022 LEADING LOVE It’s Friday night in Northbridge and I am in an underground performance space watching two performers drool on themselves while lights strobe and distorted guitar squeals and groans. My daughter is beside me. I flash a confused look her way and she grins back at me, wide eyed. Later, still in the show, we are walking down James St with neon headphones on. She seems unperturbed.... She had bought the tickets, chosen the show. I’ll come with you unless there’s someone you’d rather take she’d said. (cue heart explosion) This is the same daughter who for many years, even until recently, was deeply embarrassed to be by my side. I had wondered for all that time what I was doing wrong: our relationship seemed distant no matter how deeply I loved her. When we dare to create a VISION for our love with someone we cherish, we can be guided by that vision through tricky times. Certain habits of the way we express our love may begin to show up as actually incompatible with that vision, and we can find new ways of cultivating the love we are committed to, new words, actions and gestures. Recently I created a VISION for my relationship with her: that she would be able to fully rest in the fierce, unbounded fatherly love I have for her. Fully rest. Then it struck me. Some of the ways I had been loving her for years were not aligned with the love I yearned for between us. I started to see that my habits of loving weren’t always hitting the spot. If you know me at all, you know I’m one for openhearted sharing. Recent events in my life had given me a story of loss that was vast. I shared of my pain a lot. I suddenly saw that my openhearted sharing of current sorrows and confusion was not leading her to safety in our relationship. My intention was to love her fully by sharing my heart, and yet it became clear that there was an unintended impact: I left her concerned, worried for my emotional and mental wellbeing I was leading her to un-safety. I see now she needs different kind of presence from me in order to feel totally secure in the fierce, unbounded love of her Dad. I’m finding my way, and my vision guides me.

20.01.2022 YOU’RE GOING TO NEED PEOPLE TO HOLD YOU. Though we can’t see yet what is coming, there are joys and sorrows on their way, of that we can be sure. Unimaginable joys are coming. Bliss we can’t yet see. Laughter, relief, peace, safety and the deepest love are all coming.... And we will need good people to hold us as we sigh, sing and shout with joy. People who can hold us by the shoulders and yell into our face how fucking proud of us they are, how they see what it took, how we inspire them, remind them, and light them up. People who know the words to our song. Unimaginable pain is also coming. Sorrows we can’t yet see. Loss, disappointment, betrayal and hopelessness are all coming. And we will need good people to hold us as we bend, bruise and break into parts we fear won’t mend. People who will wait and cradle us and listen and not leave, because they have needed the same. People who can sing us better with their song. Get good people around you. Hold them. Be held by them. Because the widest joy and the deepest pain are coming. #siblings

14.01.2022 MEN YEARN TO LEAD HEALING There’s something innate in every man that makes him yearn for a better world. How can I say this? Because I have sat with men for long enough to know. You’d be floored by what I hear when men feel safe to open. I’m also going to assert that he feels (though perhaps way below the surface) that the responsibility of leading his family, his relationships and the world to safety is ultimately his. ... Yearning is not enough though, clearly. Willingness is not enough. We need courageous action, founded on transformative relationship skills. And you can be 95% sure that he was just never given the skills - to live from centre, to hold you while you rage, and to be deeply, unquestionably present in any storm. Don’t confuse a lack of skills for a lack of yearning to do so. When we confuse these two we further imprison men in the past. The push back you are seeing from some men around the current recent events might be an expression of pain. It’s fucking hard to witness and show up to the pain and fear to which we have contributed. I know this in myself. Yet we must. Don’t read I don’t know how! as I don’t want to or I don’t care. Trust me that men are fiercely willing to create change, yet deeply confused about how to proceed. The combination of yearning and incapacity is tying men in knots. The men I am fortunate enough to support to heal relationship conflict consistently say to me at the beginning of a program I just can’t seem to get it right! I’m busting my guts and yet she is still hurt, angry and blames me for everything. Yet, they step into the fire courageously and turn themselves inside out to begin the process of creating unwavering safety even as they sit with feeling criticised, misunderstood and like they are failing. To you men, I honour you. You lead by heart. And we have work to do.

10.01.2022 READY FOR LIFE-CHANGING SKILLS TO TURN HURT TO HEALING, AND GROW PEACE WITH THOSE YOU CHERISH? ***Early Bird Tickets available until 31 December 2021*** PM me with questions or to talk more about the skills you'll gain

04.01.2022 OUR HEART IS OUR KINGDOM That which happens in our heart is our dominion. Wholly ours. In the hours we feel buoyed by brightness and beauty it is because we swung open the kingdom gates and welcomed it in. ... We did that, such is our capacity to love ourselves. In the hours we feel taken from it is because we welcomed that in too. We drank and danced and devoured the pretty stranger, only to wake at dawn to notice what was gone. We did that, such is our capacity to deceive ourselves. See the kingdom of your heart. See the fields, both fallow and fecund, over which you preside. See that you choose what grows or dies on these fields. See that no one but you rules your heart. #comebacktoloveretreat #heartcoach #radicalresponsibility #consciousrelationship #leadbyheart #transformingrelationship #breakup #healthyrelationships

03.01.2022 LOOSENING THE KNOTS OF THE HEART To my ComeBackToLove-ers March 2021, Thank you for the courage it took to share your stories, though they were so deeply tender. You pave the way for us all to be just as we are, in the joys and sorrows of our love.... Thank you for the laughter that danced in the space we found as the knots of our hearts were loosened. Your laughter still sings in me like morning birds, still rises in me like the tide, still holds me as the earth holds me. Thank you for your willingness to look inward as the way to grow peace on the planet. The world is bending under the weight of wrong and right. The path of radical compassion is simply the only way we can find peace. Thank you because my liberation is bound up with yours. Next COME BACK TO LOVE Retreat: September 2021, WA. Details will be released soon. DM me to receive early notice. Only 8 places available.

01.01.2022 LEAD BY HEART I am fiercely fucking courageous. I am deeply kind. These gifts are not mine: they come through me to you. And I promise you this now:... I will always turn towards the heat, always. I will always face the flames of hatred, of hurt, of blame, of fear. I will meet you there, always. I won’t leave. There’s nowhere I’d rather be. Together we will dissolve hatred, hurt and harm. I’ll stand there with you until only the deepest love remains. Together we will sow the seeds of peace, for the people we cherish, yes, but for all people. We will lead by heart. #comebacktoloveretreat #heartcoach #radicalresponsibility #consciousrelationship #leadbyheart #transformingrelationship