Frank Fettuccini & The Offswing | Musician/band
Frank Fettuccini & The Offswing
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20.01.2022 Frank Fettuccini; Vocals And Chocolate Frogs - Alex Kyle Gordon Zola; Guitars And Quotes From The I-Ching - Jim Swainston Len Guini; Drums And Percussion In A White Wine Sauce - Brendan Scammell Ric Ottacheese; Bass Guitar And Assorted Rashes - Darryl Lavery Mort Zarella; Keyboards With Style, Texture And Modern Plumbing - Simon Walters
12.01.2022 Wikipedia entry for Gordon Zola. Gordon Zola (a.k.a. Flash Gordon Zola) is the guitarist in Frank Fettuccini’s Offswing, a swing / rock / bossa nova group from Melbourne, Australia. His parents are Pastafa and Astapia Zolla, and he is convinced he is a descendent of Émile Zola. His first gig was in The Hot Cheese Club Sandwich of France, from which he was fired for having too many fingers (citation needed).... Notable performances include residencies at Cheeseworld and Big Al’s Pizza Parlour. Discography Solo Albums Fromage A Trois (1987) Smells Like Parmesan (1991) Kind Of Blue Vein (1995)
06.01.2022 Frank Fettuccini was born a poor, Chinese orphan in the late 1860s. When he was six years old he was enrolled at Mao Tse-Tung’s School For What The Un-Politically Correct Would Term The Educationally Sub-Normal: Xinjiang Uygur Zizhiqu Campus. Each morning, before going to bed, the students were lined up and made to sing the school theme song, What The World Needs Now (Is Love, Sweet Love). Too shy to vocalize or even speak the language, Frank would remain silent. When hi...s teacher yelled, Sing, you idiot!! Sing!!! Frank misheard what he said as, Swing, you idiot! SWING!! and he’s been swinging ever since. Now realizing that he would only ever become Chairman Mao’s second-last dancer, Frank fled to Australia, which had been discovered by U.S. President Bill Clinton some years earlier. After some initial embarrassing moments when he searched for fellow swingers on the Internet, he tripped over the hillbilly band The Offswing who were hiding behind a rock in the Australian Outback. Frank gave them a bath, shaved them down, taught them to walk, taught them to talk, taught them to sing, taught them to SWING and the rest, as they say, is a hysterectomy. Quoting from his favourite New Orleans Big Band, The New Seekers, Frank would now like to teach the world to swing; in perfect harmony!
