Conscious Parenting 101 | Product/service

Conscious Parenting 101

Add/Update information

Reviews

Tags

• Other
• Brand
• Product/service
• Alternative & holistic health service
• Tutor/teacher

24.01.2022 #6. When you make a mistake I will not shame you, as I will not shame myself when I make one. Many years ago I was driving along our beautiful beach road, lost in thoughts of shopping lists, and school mum duties, and what the hell am I going to give my 3 for dinner, when I realised I’d overshot my turnoff. ‘Aaagh, I’m such an idiot!’ I spewed. ‘Damn it.’ But very quickly I heard a little voice from my 4-year-old in her booster seat behind me. ‘You’re not an idiot Mummy. Yo...u just made a mistake.’ As soon as she said it, I realised the absolute truth in her words. I had simply made a mistake. It made me wonder how many other times I’d berated myself for such a misdemeanour, and also how many times had my daughters heard me do so? I would never dream of shaming them by calling any one of them an idiot or any other name, so why was it acceptable, natural, even automatic for me to do so to myself? I searched my experience to discover where I’d first heard someone kick themselves over a similarly minor and very human misstep and realised it was my own otherwise gentle and loving mother. As a little girl I’d watched her lament her mistakes, always blaming herself for being less than she thought she should be. It appeared I had indeed absorbed this particular lesson of how to be a human. I vowed then and there that all such self-flagellation would end from that day forward. The thought that I could so easily pass on a trait of self-blame and doubt, not to mention the very real possibility that I could one day project it onto my children by shaming and blaming them, was awful. So, no more frowning in the mirror at crows feet and lumpy middle bits, and definitely no future projections onto them. You’ve probably heard the expression ‘what you dislike in others you dislike in yourself’. This is exactly how it shows up. We look in the mirror in horror at our Covid 19 weight gain, and then not long after, oh so coincidentally, we notice our child is looking a bit chunkier than they were a few months ago and then we feel the need to point it out to them. You feel bad about yourself and so you translate it into feeling ‘concerned’ about your child, which then makes them feel worse about themselves. This is classic projection. It’s subtle but its lethal. If you’ve eaten more than you intended, or are finding it hard to move because of a myriad of reasons, you’re not wrong, you’re doing the best you can with a bad fist. Forgive yourself and move on, but please don’t pass it on. Modelling compassion to yourself is one of the greatest lessons you can teach your child. They will learn firstly how to forgive and like themselves, so they can then forgive and like others. So if your child makes a mistake, forgive them, and forgive yourself while you’re at it.

21.01.2022 #3. I will set and hold boundaries and help you set yours. I will respect those boundaries. The ability to set and stand by our boundaries is one of the most important facets of not just parenting, but of life. Being able to say, ‘no, thank you’ to your insistent co-worker as they offer you the cake for the third time or ‘no I can't come, I have other commitments’ is deliciously freeing. And being able to tell our child that they don’t have to like everyone in their class or ...hug every relative who walks in the front door, will empower them and allow them to experience their lives as the autonomous beings they are. The ability to hold boundaries is not something that comes naturally to a lot of us. Many of us have grown up with parents who, in the past and even in the present, run roughshod over our lives. They believe it’s their job to tell us exactly what we should and shouldn’t be doing at any given moment, and the more we become used to their encroaching on our emotional space, the more we allow others to do the same. Eventually, many of us feel that our lives are not our own as we spend each day people-pleasing, giving in and doing things that feel intuitively wrong. As a parent, it is imperative that we model to our children what it means to stand by our convictions. It is the ultimate form of self-respect. This can be as simple as the proverbial ‘no means no’. If your child asks for something that you don’t want them to have chocolate for breakfast, a later bedtime or more screen time, hold firm. When we give in to ‘pester power’ it causes confusion and insecurity in our child. We’re saying we can’t necessarily be believed, and this can cause our child to subconsciously lose respect for us and ultimately for themselves. Even though on the surface they may feel happy to have gotten what they want, knowing they can manipulate their parents so easily doesn’t feel good at a deeper level. There is an intrinsic safety in boundaries and when it appears that there are none or that they can be moved around depending on the mood of the day, that feeling of safety is lost. We can teach our children to set their own boundaries by asking them about and then honouring their opinions, likes and dislikes. If your little one doesn’t want to pat the doggie or have just one more bite, allow them to say no thank you. When we push them against their will, we devalue them, telling them their opinions don’t count. If your teenager doesn’t want you to come into their room, then respectfully stay out. Yes, it’s your house and you pay the bills, blah, blah, blah, but everybody is entitled to hold space for themselves when they need to and they are entitled to do so without fear of encroachment. By honouring your sovereignty and that of your child, you are giving them the freedom to be the masters of their own lives. And that, as they say, is priceless.

21.01.2022 In preparation for Mothers’ Day*. Big ticket days like Mothers’ Day can cause us to traverse a startling range of emotions. Some of us might experience genuine joy. We may wake up to the sound of bubbling childish laughter accompanying amusingly messy breakfasts-in-bed with ruggedly handsome husbands leaning in doorways, looking on affectionately as they mentally calculate the cook time of the roast they’ll be preparing later (and then we might actually wake up). A lot of u...Continue reading

20.01.2022 #2. I will respect you as I respect myself. To respect another is (dictionary meaning) to show regard or consideration for them. I was once in a long term relationship which ended quite abruptly but with a friendship still intact. After it was over and with reflection, I realised the reason we were able to maintain a friendship was because that relationship was based overwhelmingly on the premise of unconditional respect. What that meant to me was that whatever thoughts and ...Continue reading

13.01.2022 Let's start at the beginning. The first sentence of the manifesto: You are a sovereign being. This might seem like a lofty phrase to address to your newborn, or your vocal toddler or your silent teen, but it’s beautifully simple in essence. ...Continue reading

12.01.2022 Hello lovely friends. I’m one of the lucky ones who gets to go back to work during these challenging times. I cannot express how grateful I am to be in this position. What it means for Conscious Parenting 101 is that I will be sharing my teachings on this page on the weekends now. I also want to reiterate that my offer of free help is still very much open, only it’s now for weekends.... So if you’re struggling in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out and message me any time. With love

10.01.2022 #5 Your age is not relevant There is a saying in our culture that ‘with age comes wisdom’ and while this is sometimes true, it implies that, conversely, young people lack wisdom. But wisdom is actually something we’re born with, and along the way we 'forget' bits and pieces or, rather, we’re made to forget as we strive to survive. Then as we age, if we’re lucky, we uncover and remember some, if not all, of the wisdom we've lost. Here’s what I mean. When a baby is born they ar...e fully authentic beings. They cry to alert us to their needs and eventually smile and laugh and frown to express their feelings. They haven’t yet learned that it might not necessarily be safe to express certain things. But inevitably a baby or a small child will come to learn that certain behaviours create certain corresponding reactions in the adults in their lives; the ones who’re in charge of their well being, and when the reaction is negative; perhaps a frown, or a raised voice or worse, they learn to quash their natural reactions in favour of a manufactured one; one that will get the response they need in order to stay alive. This is why and how we create a false self and every time we do this, we 'forget' a piece of our wisdom. Who doesn’t have a story of their little ones blurting out something impossibly wise? The expression 'out of the mouths of babes' was coined because it is commonplace for children to shock or amuse us with a knowing that seems impossibly 'beyond' their years. But it's not beyond their years, it's ‘before’ their years. It’s always been there. While we can certainly learn from our wise elders, we can just as easily learn from our candid toddlers and our innovative teens. Humans at any age have gifts to offer to people of all ages: elder to younger, teen to grandparent and even child to child. Age is, in fact, irrelevant.

05.01.2022 #4. I will always value your opinion. Part 4 of the Conscious Parenting Manifesto might seem like a bit of a stretch. Should we really value the opinion of a 2-year-old, or a 9-year-old or, heaven forbid, our teenagers? And do we have to value their every opinion all the time? If you’re feeling some resistance to this notion, you might be mistaking the word ‘value’ for the phrase ‘agree with’. I will always value your opinion most certainly does not mean I will always agree... with you. What it does mean is that your opinion is equally as valid as mine. So many times as adults, we dismiss our child’s opinions because we’ve had more experience, or hold different beliefs or values, and because of this we are inclined to disagree with them. But when we disagree we can easily, unwittingly make our child wrong, and when we make them wrong, we kill a little part of their spirit. We parents often forget that we make mistakes and misjudgements all the time. We get so used to being the ones we think should have all the answers that it’s easy to start believing that we actually do. Being open to the thoughts and feelings of our children is the way forward when what we crave is connection with them. If your 6-year-old says they think school is ‘stupid’ or their teacher is mean, it’s important to allow them to have these opinions even if you don’t agree with them. If we say ‘tell me why’, we may be surprised to discover they have a valid reason for thinking so. I’ll never forget a time when my middle girl was about 10. We were at a friend’s for a BBQ and all the children were shooting hoops, something number 2 had never really done. As she lined up her shot her opponent was doing what a defender does, making it as hard as possible for her to make the shot - jumping up and down and waving his arms about. I could see her getting frustrated and perplexed; wondering what was going on. I explained to her that it’s your opponent’s job to try to block your shot. She considered what I said and concluded ‘well that’s just mean’. Bingo! She voiced exactly what I’d always felt as a kid when I was made to play competitive sport and absolutely loathed it. Everyone else thought she was nuts (meaning they didn’t share her opinion) and they told her so. They tried to make her wrong. But because I’d felt the same way when I was young, in this instance I was able to both value and agree with her viewpoint. I hope that even if I didn’t share her beliefs, I still would have allowed her to have them without shaming her. Every child’s opinion is always valid TO THEM. The best thing we can do is hear them out. Listen. Ask questions with genuine interest. In doing so, you will undoubtedly learn more about the little human you’ve helped create and who knows, maybe one day they’ll change your mind.

02.01.2022 Hi Facebook friends, I've been waiting for the perfect time to make this announcement/offering and I figured what better time than in the middle of a pandemic? I'm starting a passion project aimed at helping parents and parents-to-be who are struggling in some way with parenting or who're nervous as hell about bringing a new life into this world, particularly at this time. For those of you who only know me as a Costume Standby, you might be wondering where one fits the other:... they don't really but I love both so it's my intention to do both. In a former life I studied traditional psychology, and last year I backed it up and became certified to teach and mentor the concept and practice of mindful parenting. I would like to offer my services free of charge, until this pandemic is well and truly over, to anyone of you, or anyone you know, who may be struggling. We can hold 1/2 hour sessions via Zoom or phone, or for the very shy, email or text. Please share this post or tag anyone who you think might benefit. I wish everyone strength and peace of mind in these disconcerting times. Cheers, Gabrielle Dunnmoore