Heart Talk Counselling | Education

Heart Talk Counselling

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24.01.2022 A lot of us begin #therapy as clients with the expectation that the therapist will be the expert, that they’ll speak (or help us find for ourselves) some magic ...words that must be uttered for us to heal, and that- like most professional relationships- there won’t be difficult discussions that engage conflict. In fact, experiencing and then repairing miscommunications, disagreements, and ruptures is a key part of how #goodtherapy works. See, how we respond to relational #conflict is a story uniquely wired in to each of our brains, and if we always do what we've always done, that wiring gets stronger- and if that story is making it hard for us to form supportive, satisfying relationships, that's a problem. . Good relational therapy makes room for emotionally charged conflict, and makes it safe for us to choose to stay, engage, and experiment with handling conflict differently. Doing so has a powerful ability to change our brains by giving us vividly emotional experiences that help rewrite old stories with new endings in a way that just learning about relationship skills can't- creating a greater capacity to form and maintain fulfilling relationships beyond therapy. Get a poster/handout of this doodle via the link in my profile, or read the blog post for more of the science behind this concept. #counselorsofinstagram #ruptureandrepair #attachmenttheory

24.01.2022 So helpful to remember every presentation can be so different

24.01.2022 Safety warning about some of the videos sneaking in to TikTok. Remember anyone can upload anything and this is not an app for kids.

23.01.2022 This clip is so deeply moving. It is another description of how we create a securely attached experience and why we would want to. So much possibility becomes available in this space as we dare to experiment with our authenticity and truly being seen. This is the reason much of my work is based around conscious communication (NVC) and the attachment parenting program Circle of Security. We are ultimately doing the work of learning how to get beyond our pain, clear the s...pace between us and experience the resonance of the connection between our essential selves. The human brain is cleverly designed to be soothed by connection with another. Such presence can not only calm the nervous system, but create new neural pathways. What power we have over one another to influence deep healing! https://youtu.be/HEaERAnIqsY

17.01.2022 Great clarification!! Neuro diverse or not, we all use some strategies to regulate ourselves with our senses. So helpful to be aware what soothes vs. what further dysregulates

17.01.2022 Great post for parents managing screen addicted gaming kids.

16.01.2022 Fantastic words on child anxiety

15.01.2022 For all the lovely families I support who struggle with their children’s mental health in the school system, you are not alone

15.01.2022 Love this! Robust internal boundaries protect us from those around us who may have poor external boundaries (vocalising judgements of us). So important to help us honour our good selves as we venture out with our tender hearts in the world

13.01.2022 haha! What a revealing perspective. So many of the divine neuro diverse kids I see hold such grief and rage at the messaging they have received that the way they are and the way their brain works is simply wrong... that they must fit into our way to be deemed acceptable. The result is typically exhaustion, confusion, self-loathing and often depression. What if we just let them know that different is beautiful and okay. More often than not these children actually have phenomenal gifts and things to teach us. What if we just support them to tolerate our very strange ways, and then to thrive and discover their own unique capacities

12.01.2022 When kids school you on emotions and life!

12.01.2022 Get triggered or alarmed easily? Find it hard to come back to a calm state? Vogel tone is a fascinating resource of our nervous system. The best part is we can work with that and repair it. Some fantastic info on this in the below article

11.01.2022 TIME OUT FOR US (to calm down so we can be available to them) AND TIME IN FOR KIDS (with us after we have calmed, to reconnect, re-regulate and organise confusion and feelings around what happened) #circleofsecurity

10.01.2022 Important words for all girls and women

10.01.2022 This is such a wonderful and important post from the spectacular Karla McLaren

09.01.2022 For most of us this level of self-care will always have to be something we do intentionally and need to remind ourselves that we are worthy of, over and over again. To allow this for ourselves means that we concede we are actually enough regardless of our output of productivity. For many of us this directly opposes the very different and numerous messages we received that in fact, any love we wanted to receive needed to be earned. Therefore, to allow such tenderness fo...r ourselves, from ourselves means we must challenge these deeply held subconscious beliefs and tend to do grief and rage dwells in the heart of our younger self. It is a journey that sometimes needs outer support, but always needs our mindful noticing so that over time we may shift to a new more liberated paradigm. A paradigm where we matter just for being us

08.01.2022 Wise wise words what true long lasting emotional intimacy requires...

06.01.2022 #circleofsecurity Most commonly our pain blocks our compassion. This is true not only in all our relationships but also in our relationship with ourselves. The most common thing I see working with parents when they struggle with this (as their child struggles), is the pervasiveness of harsh and strict reactions. Predominantly such parenting is generated from very loving intentions and deep concern that the child will learn and fare well in life. Sadly, this often has th...e opposite affect on children and is very detrimental to the parent/child relationship. When we explore this thinking and the reactions that follow, what is revealed is often the subconscious patterning learnt by these parents long ago from their parents. It is because these relational habits are locked in the subconscious, despite higher ideals or intentions, when our stress response engages, these old learned habits take over (attachment style). The knock on effect is always seen in symptomatic acting out behaviours in childhood, as their confusion at our reactions leave them desperately trying to get through to us that they need safe connection and closeness. This by no means needs to translate as the opposite extreme of permissive parenting. The balance lies in what we call in Circle of Security, parenting with no nonsense tenderness. It is never too late and can be a confusing process to navigate pulling off particularly during such times of stress as those we are enduring now. The first step is healing and care for parents which is one of the reasons I love the program so much

05.01.2022 How we teach self regulation in the face of big feelings with little ones So much Circle Of Security in this clip! Beautifully and succinctly said by the wonderful Gabor Maté https://youtu.be/nKB7vFK1R8s

05.01.2022 Important information about the new Netflix movie Cuties and the way grooming works. trigger warning

03.01.2022 Pathological Demand Avoidance, the Confusing Condition Usually, individuals with PDA are very bright, have good ability for pretense (fantasy, imagination), and... have strong verbal skills. On the surface, they may appear not to have a disability. They often seem quite social, with fair eye contact, and can initially mask their weaknesses pretty well. Whereas on the surface, their skills appear well developed, their underlying social skills and ability to read social situations are poor. They often make up elaborate reasons to avoid requests, demands and any expectations (they are sick, too smart for something that stupid, will do it later, redirect peoples attention elsewhere, etc.) They even find it hard to meet their own desires and expectations. Eventually withdrawing into a defensive mode of avoiding all meaning life activities that parents and others try to coax or demand them into doing. Unfortunately, most adults (parents, teachers, professionals) view them as defiant, manipulative, and purposely oppositional, which only fuels their need to command and demand even more. Anyone that is that bright and (on the surface) capable, their opposition cannot be due to a disability. Unfortunately, underneath that strong social façade and pretense is a person who feels very inadequate, scared, and insecure. The anxiety and fear control every aspect of their daily life. The need to control everything, following nothing, and avoid all daily demands is driven by this anxiety and strong feelings of inferiority. Life is too scary and overwhelming that they often mix reality with fantasy to create a world that they feel safe and competent. This usually means refusing to follow anyone else’s guidance, since to do so leaves them vulnerable to uncertainty and increased anxiety. This is not just common anxiety, but a deep-rooted fear. You cannot win the command and demand battle with PDA kids. They become more resistant and sophisticated in their avoidance, sabotage everything that looks like external control, even refuse to do what they like if others are requesting it. Pressure only pushes them further into being defiant and not trusting the guidance of others. Only by backing off the demands, letting them control and trust that you will let them, and gradually building a collaborated relationship with them, can you lessen the anxiety and build more trust in your guidance. All of the strategies represented in the several posts before this one. Children with PDA are the most complex and vulnerable children to help. They resist almost every parenting, teaching, and disciplinary techniques common to children. The harder you try to help (by instructing, directing, prompting, etc.), the more they resist, the more they act out, and the further away they become from feeling safe with others. Very frustrating and heartbreaking for parents and teachers. When you try to reverse your strategies to a low-demand, collaborative, working partnership model, you are chastised by other parents, family, teachers, and professionals. This disability is still very new and not well recognized in the field. I recommend that parents join some of the PDA networks online so they can communicate with other families traveling the same journey. You need the support and guidance that they can provide. For those who are members of these groups, please post here the links to the websites. I do not have them available. Just remember, The more resistant the child is, the more scared and inadequate they feel! Anxiety and fear of uncertainty rule every action in their lives. Most importantly, if you feel your loved one is PDA, explore these websites, talk with others, and then present this to clinicians for assistance.