Ingrid Smith, Post Partum Doula | Businesses

Ingrid Smith, Post Partum Doula

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25.01.2022 The festive season is nearly upon us. A magical time of year. Gatherings, gifts and food. I can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about it. It can be one of the first times we as parents are given the opportunity to create our own traditions and we can also choose to make sure they truly serve our family. As the quote goes tradition is just peer pressure from dead people. If your extended family always has Christmas dinner from 7pm but your child is always crank...y and ready for bed at 7pm then bow out. Perhaps next year your kid will have a later bedtime or opt for a lunch instead. If pre-baby you always made the pavlova and went to the market early for prawns but the thought of managing those two things with a four month old is just impossible then dont. Our stress levels undoubtedly are felt by our children and a magical festive season can not be made with a strung out mum. This week I invite you to do less. Or to do more of what will bring you and your children joy. See more

25.01.2022 Sitting with children as they do their own school work or art has given me space to play too. In the past I would have worried about the imperfections too much to enjoyed the process. But modelling behaviour that encourages growth to the kids is helping me overcome my perfectionism. PS: go get some while it lasts

24.01.2022 The real benefit for these kinds of classes is social engagement and getting out of the house for caregivers!

24.01.2022 Breastsleeping is a fabulous way maintain your supply and ensure you meet your breastfeeding goals

23.01.2022 Be gentle with yourself mummas

22.01.2022 When we allow ourselves space to step away from the dominant narrative around children waking overnight we can find joy in meeting our children needs.

21.01.2022 Care work is work

21.01.2022 If it doesn't feel right, it's probably not

21.01.2022 Your presence is the gift. Not things, not classes, just you.

20.01.2022 Such a good short story

20.01.2022 Dr Ross Greene with the goods. When we lower our expectations of children to a more realistic level rather than societal so many "behaviour problems" simply melt away.

18.01.2022 Most definitely

18.01.2022 The joy, the liberation and the love when we are not afraid is all encompassing

18.01.2022 So our parenting brain too needs to respond rather than living in a reactive state to our children's behaviour. The more practice we have the better we get at it. Although some days it is a tough slog, it is worth the work.

17.01.2022 Surrender In the beginning of my parenting journey I had no idea what this idea of surrender was about. Once I had some idea it chafed at me. Why should I give in to my child? And in my straight to the point and short blog tonight, I will tell you. Because if we dont surrender, youll be fighting your child at every age and stage of development. Mary down the road and my mum says that toddlers should be out of nappies by now.... Dave at work said that they just sleep trained because babies over how ever many months dont need night feeds. All the other babies at mothers group sleep in the car/pram/cot. It is possible to toilet train a small and not really ready toddler. You can teach a baby to not feed at night. Little ones can cry themselves to sleep rather than be held or fed. But I can tell you its not enjoyable, not for you and not for your child. You will be at battle with them. OR you could surrender and know that this season of our lives is so very short. Find out what is truly normal for children and surrender in the knowledge that this dependence slowly decreases when independence is built through solid attachment. HINT: solid attachment is mighty hard to build when you're at battle constantly.

17.01.2022 Absolutely true

17.01.2022 The ABA helpline is an amazing resource. Talking to another mother and getting up-to-date information is all it takes sometimes to get a breastfeeding relationship back on track.

15.01.2022 The problem with the Dunning-Kruger effect when applied to gentle parenting is two-fold: in our enthusiasm untempered by experience, we in fact can damage the cause when attempting to dogmatically convert everyone. Then as we actually become wiser the less vocal we get about parenting. Partly because we know that its complicated and partly because we are more secure in our belief. In my journey as a gentle parent I have come full circle. I initially did not see anything part...icularly troublesome about sleep training or the mainstream narratives around parenting. I was swayed by my husband, who could not imagine the idea of letting the baby cry alone. Seeing how he was the one doing the bulk of the night time settling with our first born (massive shout out), it was not in my control thankfully. In my burst of zeal for all things gentle/attachment/respectful/responsive parenting, I am sure I was fervent rather than understanding and strident instead of compassionate. I apologise if you encountered me during the height of my misguided confidence. I have certainly been quieter about gentle parenting once I realised there was more to it than I first thought. I had the rather obvious realisation that it is not all about the practices people associate with attachment parenting, like breastfeeding, babywearing and bedsharing. The true hard work of gentle parenting is addressing our own triggers, managing our own self care and learning healthy coping mechanisms. When I first read about these concepts I completely dismissed them, believing that parenting is about managing and controlling children rather than ourselves. The slope of enlightenment definitely seems like a tricky place to be and still be an advocate for gentle parenting. Acknowledging that there is no end point simply a journey of further learning is a good start. Rather than be silent on gentle parenting, standing strong in our truth without the need to convince or have acceptance, is powerful. Simply being. Say proudly you bedshare. For a future where people aren't prepared to let their baby cry because the thought of sharing a sleep surface with their child is so culturally unacceptable. Comment that you do time in and it works well for our family. For a world where emotions are not punished. In conversations about terrible toddlers flip it and mention how terrible it must be to have control over very little in their lives. For a society that understands normal child development. And when parents say they are overwhelmed with parenting ask and assist them with self care to recharge.

15.01.2022 Especially in these somewhat tumultuous times

14.01.2022 I like this way of explaining some of the mental load that mothers (primarily) take. And I see you and your work

13.01.2022 Our society fails parents (and in turn children) on such an epic scale that individual parents take on these kinds of tropes as some kind of personal failure instead of the complete lack of support structures

12.01.2022 We are a carrying species, thats not something thats going to change by decree or attempts to nullify it Dr James McKenna. No matter how many baby sleep "ex...perts" make the claim, needing to be held to sleep, needing to be worn for naps, needing to feed to sleep - these aren't behavioural problems. They aren't "habits", be they easy or hard in our current society. they are the expectations of our species. We would never say that a Monkey has "bad habits" for staying with his mum night and day, feeding on demand for years. We would never claim a kangaroo Joey needing to exterogestate in their mother's pouch for months after birth was a "behavioural problem". We would never claim that a baby Gorilla needs to be separated from its mother for 12 hours a day to "learn independence". Yet, when it comes to human babies, we dismiss our species-specific needs and biological expectations, labelling them as simply behaviourally driven faults that must be squashed, and a whole industry has sprung up around convincing vulnerable new parents that doing so is not only possible, but necessary for their child's wellbeing. Parenting is hard, but even harder without all the information on alternatives to what has become the norm in our society. Daily we hear from so many families who are relieved to find out that theyre not failing by following their intuition but it takes some months of searching. No-one should have to search far to be reassured that responding and connecting with their child is never the wrong choice - Renee Vida Images . . . . . . . #beyondsleeptrainingproject #carrymammals #contact #comfort #closeness #normalinfantsleep #notaproblem #notabehaviouralproblem #notafaulttofix #sleeptraining #unnecessary #sleeptrainingculture #sleeptrainingindustry #atoddswithhumanbiology #sleeptraining #naturalparenting #babyshower #pregnancy #pregnancystyle #ministyle #drjamesmckenna

12.01.2022 This can be so hard to do but our little humans are emotional sponges

12.01.2022 Happy World Breastfeeding Week. I had two pretty complicated but rewarding breastfeeding relationships. I am indebted to many people for the support they provided us. My top tip for breastfeeding is to reach out early and often to your local breastfeeding support group.

11.01.2022 So many useful suggestions here

11.01.2022 I have been thinking about how to support your motherhood journey while also managing my own. 2020 is a year of transformation for our family; my partner and myself are embarking on further study alongside work, paid and unpaid, and my eldest child is starting school. So I am launching two virtual and low cost ways to help your family. Firstly, the post partum support prescription. My post partum support prescription is an hour long in-depth discussion to help you get clar...ity about how you might embrace the early challenges of parenting. I will then follow up with an individualised support prescription to assist your family in the post partum period. The prescription will include such things as what needs to be organised before the baby comes and what can wait; sleep, feeding and settling strategies that suit your family and how to build your village. Secondly, the no BS biologically normal sleep consult. This two hour consultation is designed to empower you with knowledge on normal baby behaviour. A true alternative to sleep training is available. My focus is mindset shift, understanding biologically normal baby sleep and truly gentle ways to assist children to sleep easier. I do not support traditional sleep training and as such I offer no guarantees of 'sleeping through' etc rather I help your family understand the sleep needs of your child better. This package also includes the initial consultation, extensive email/messenger follow up and a range of resources. Both of these products can be scheduled online via my calendar. The beauty of all this is I can support you regardless of where you live, if you are in your pajamas still or if you are nap trapped on the couch. https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18830836

10.01.2022 No blog piece this week. But I have been thinking on kindness and the kindnesses we can give ourselves. It is very hard to give our children unconditional forgiveness when we can not forgive ourselves. It can be tricky to love our children in their complete human imperfect ways when we do not love ourselves. This week I invite you to think on how more fully accepting, forgiving and loving yourself can allow your children to also be more accepted, forgiven and loved wholly.

09.01.2022 With the weather heating up, this is really important. Years ago with my first bubba, I did this not knowing just how warm it can get inside a pram. For some reason this information hasn't gained a lot of traction over those years though. Share widely friends

09.01.2022 To that mum who feels like she's failing, who is always reaching out, I see you because in the start I was you: - First it was that babe would only sleep in arms - 4 month old being fussy - A six months old that isn't interested in solid food ... - The 7 month old "still" not sleeping through the nights, send sleep training advice - Then the crawling 9 month old wanting to eat the dog's biscuits a million times a day - Followed by a 12 month old that wants to walk everywhere by themselves at a snail's pace - A 18 month old toddler that refuses to nap in their cot and now can climb out - The 2 year old who cries at the dinner table over the food they actually like but have thrown on the floor - 3yo still refusing to toilet train Again and again reaching out for help from the digital village. To the same kind of places getting the same kind of answers. Here is the thing: your child is not difficult and you are not failing. But the advice is. It fails when it prioritises parents over children instead of a family balance. It fails when it plays into the dominant narrative in which children are controlled and trained rather than treated as whole human beings. Imagine if instead you stopped fighting your damn child on every damn thing? Imagine if you looked for advice from other mothers you respect, from professionals who understand normal child behaviour and from your own heart.

08.01.2022 I spent much of today surrounded by a like minded community. The feeling of being seen, understood and valued is all-encompassing. When we find this village in our parenting much of the doubt and uncertainty simply falls away, giving us more room for the joy parenting can bring. If you haven't found your gentle parenting village yet keep reaching out, it truly is worth the effort.

07.01.2022 The seas of motherhood can be rough, very rough indeed and you are not alone mummas.

06.01.2022 If you need some virtual help with breastfeeding in these uncertain times @themamacirclewithdebbiejay is offering some free sessions

06.01.2022 This small child loves slow walks and positively soaks up knowledge on flowers and plants. Today we walked for a rare moment together just her and me. There is something magical about looking at the world through a child's eyes and at their unhurried pace. Afresh and with wonder: it is truly one of the joys of parenting.

05.01.2022 I first read about 'sites of mutual fulfilment' from the rather amazing Lucy at Lulastic. Essentially it is a space where your children’s and your needs can be met. Those needs might be company and connection, maybe fresh air and outdoor play, intellectual or creative endeavour. Sometimes they might be a place you can truly enjoy an activity together other times they are activities in parallel. These are places where the play flows, where things seem easier and we walk away ...Continue reading

05.01.2022 Many new parents find it hard to nap with their children during the day. It is however a really great way to catch up on sleep impacted by the very normal night time waking of our small humans. One thought that often plagues new mothers while trying to sleep is the dishes, laundry or messy house and napping with the baby seems unproductive. A grumpy and tired mumma is not operating at peak performance. But resting is productive when we see that it allows us to do our work of parenting in an intentional and gentle way. This week I invite you to examine if your attitudes towards rest are serving you. And rest, nap, take a break and sleep.

04.01.2022 You are enough. The festive season can be a hard time of comparison with many gatherings and happy snaps on social media. But I am here to remind you that comparison is the thief of joy. Social media is the highlight reel of people's lives, I assure you that even the most merry looking feed still has toddlers refusing naps, babies waking overnight and preschoolers demanding just out of shot. You are enough.

04.01.2022 Your baby is the manual, she will guide you on when she needs to feed and sleep with far more accuracy than any book. The stress many new parents (me included) feel about making fit their babies onto a schedule will melt away when really focus on your beautiful child.

03.01.2022 My eldest child started school recently and I have been reflecting on the nearly six years we've had together at home. They have been a blessing but I wish I yelled less, been more patient along with a whole host of other things. These niggling regrets and nagging guilt have a purpose. Rather than suppress the rather unpleasant feelings we can welcome them as sites of self-growth. We can change our parenting journey, tomorrow is a new day.