Justin Seto Counselling | Counsellor

Justin Seto Counselling

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25.01.2022 Holding and Letting Go I have been finding myself thinking over the last few weeks about the idea of holding and letting go. I speak of holding and letting go in more of a metaphorical sense then a physical one. I would argue that everybody at some point and time needs to be held. Starting as children we rely on our parents to hold us, and as we grow older, we build up networks of support such of friends, loved ones and people we trust to help us when we feel we stumble and c...Continue reading

25.01.2022 Depression and the Holiday Season With 5 sleeps to go until Christmas, we are well and truly into the holiday season. While this is normally a time of year that is associated with fun, presents, joy and community, good food and good company, this is not the case for everybody. Particularly for those that are in a situation where they do not have access to family or have been separated from their family, this time of year can prove to be especially challenging. During the hol...iday season feelings of loneliness and isolation can become especially strong and are felt quite keenly. When you look around it can be very easy to look at what appears to be everyone else having a good time while you are feeling down and lonely. So, what can you do? If you find yourself feeling down, depressed or lonely during the holiday season then often the best thing to do can be to talk to someone. One of the most effective means for combatting depression is connection. Connection with other human beings and with community. It is when people feel alone, when they feel helpless and become stuck that depression has a strong invitation to charge in. If you do not have any connections in your local area, then I would encourage you to step out and look for a group or activity which you have an interest in that you can attach yourself to. Another idea is to see a counsellor who can help you to build up connections and engagement in your local area. This can be particularly useful if you find engaging with groups or individuals face-to-face challenging. There are a number of telephone services that are available which I have included in my last blog post. If you find yourself in a crisis situation where you need to speak to someone immediately please use these services. I would encourage you to engage in a face-to-face service if you are able, as in my opinion the greater amount of effort required to attend a face-to-face appointment will build skills and resources that you will be able to take forward into other areas of social engagement. If you are friends or know somebody that you feel may be at risk, then I would encourage you to reach out to them and ask them if they are ok. Please remember, help is available if you ask for it and there are people out there who care.

24.01.2022 Year in Review We have now well and truly kicked off the start to the New Year leaving 2018 behind and launching into 2019. Generally speaking the New Year is considered a time for resolutions, to try and change things and do something different to improve on the previous year just past. However, in doing so it can be very easy to set goals that while beneficial, are quite frankly unrealistic. Before launching into new resolutions, it can be useful to review the year tha...t has just passed and take a moment to reflect and absorb the lessons and experiences that took place. While 2018 is now over, there are still potential nuggets of wisdom that can be unearthed. And when you find them it could change the outlook for the year just passed. Instead of thinking I just want to forget that whole year, you can think Well there were some good things in there after all. There are things I learned that will serve me well in 2019. As humans we have a tendency to focus on the negative and ignore the positive. I have touched on this previously with my post on perspective last year. What is also important is the language that we use when we ask questions. An exercise I experienced with my fellow uni students highlighted for me how powerful it can be when you change the questions you ask. Questions that focus on the negative encourage you to colour your experience as negative, and questions that are focused on the positive and what you did well will colour your experiences as learning experiences that taught you something valuable and highlight your strengths and resources. Instead of asking what you did wrong, ask yourself what you would do differently next time. Instead of saying that nothing went right in 2018, ask yourself what went well what were you pleased with? You may be pleasantly surprised at the difference. I have listed below some questions for you to think about as we start the New Year. - What went well in 2018? - What was I pleased with? - What did I do to make these things go well? - What lessons did I learn? - If I could give myself advice at the start of last year, what would I tell myself? - What did I discover about myself? - What challenges did I work through or overcome? What does it say about me that I was able to do that?

24.01.2022 SMART Goals As I mentioned in my last blog post, the start of the New Year can be a time when it is very easy to make sweeping resolutions that result in goals that are unrealistic. The potential fallout from this is that you may lose the good intentions that inspired your resolution if you experience failure shortly after attempting to enact your new goal. One way to try and circumvent this is to be careful in choosing what goals you set. In particular I like the SMART acro...nym for goal setting which provides a focus for goal setting. SMART Goals Specific Be clear with what you are aiming for. Having a more specific goal will help you to be more focused. Measurable The goal should be able to be measured. This will assist you to see how far you are progressing towards your goal. Achievable There needs to be a balance when you are setting goals. You want to set a goal that will challenge yourself, but at the same time you do not want to aim for something that is well beyond your capacity. Realistic Match your goal to your circumstances. Ask yourself if the goal you are setting is something you believe would be achievable in the specified timeframe. Time-related Set a timeframe to achieve your goal and decide how you will know when you have achieved it. How will you know when the goal has been reached? And how will you celebrate reaching this milestone? Setting SMART goals will set a concrete point for you to direct your focus. The more details that you have planned out, the more solidity you add to your goal. When tackling a larger goal, you can also break it down into smaller goals that will slowly build you towards your desired point. If you enjoyed this post, please hit the like button and share it with your friends. I would also really appreciate it if you put a comment below and let me know if you have any suggestions for other topics you would like covered in the future.

23.01.2022 Identifying Burnout Todays post is the start of a series that I will be writing over the next few weeks covering burnout, compassion fatigue and carers fatigue. In todays society it can often feel very easy to become overwhelmed with the responsibilities that are placed on us, the increased pace of information communication and often as a result the added weight of expectation that we experience. There will probably come a time when you find yourself feeling that everythi...ng is too much, that you are drained and feel that you have nothing left to give. This could be an indicator that you are experiencing burnout. There has been a large amount of research that has been conducted into burnout which has primarily focused on the impact that working can have on an individual and also how people in the helping profession experience burnout. This does not mean that people who do not work in an organisational setting or helping profession do not experience burnout. In my opinion, particularly now as we find that more people are looking after elderly relatives such as parents and grandparents as well as children (Sometimes referred to as the Sandwich Generation), there are a lot more people that are at risk of experiencing burnout. Some of the key identifying aspects of burnout include: - Increased feelings of emotional exhaustion - Development of negative and cynical feelings and attitudes - Callous and dehumanised perception of others - Feelings of dissatisfaction and unhappiness about yourself and your accomplishments If you find that these aspects resonate strongly with you, then this could be a strong indicator that you are in the middle of experiencing burnout. Should this be the case, then I would strongly encourage you to speak to ask for help. Talk to a trusted friend or family member, and if required (or if you do not have anyone available) then please contact a helpline or professional service that operates in your area. In Australia, Relationships Australia has a list of telephone services available. Please feel free to message me if you have any questions, and if you enjoyed this post, please hit the like button and share it with your friends. I would also really appreciate it if you put a comment below and let me know if you are looking forward to the planned direction of this blog or have any suggestions for other topics you would like covered in the future.

23.01.2022 3 Tips for Acknowledging Success When working with clients, I often notice that it is difficult for some people to notice when they have made significant progress towards their goals. Particularly if I have worked with them for an extended period of time, I have the privilege of an outsider perspective looking in. In the spirit of trying something different, I have put together a small list of how to acknowledge success. 1. Do a time comparison. When you find yourself feelin...g down, think about how you respond now compared to how you would have responded 6 months ago. Is it different, the same? If it is different, what have you been doing to make it so? If you respond in the same way, how have you maintained? 2. Pause and acknowledge. When you do something different, take a moment to pause and acknowledge the significance of it. These moments can pass you by very easily, so it is important to capture them and acknowledge them for what they are. If you are so inclined, record it in a journal so you have something to look back on. 3. Look at things positively. All progress is good progress. In particular I find myself encouraging clients to appreciate their progress no matter how insignificant it might seem. If you normally have trouble leaving the house, even stepping into the front yard can be significant. Celebrate these small wins, particularly when it feels like there are few to be found. Nobody else knows your journey as intimately as you do. If doing what someone else may find to be insignificant is a big effort for you, this should highlight how much more you will appreciate it when you do it. If you enjoyed this post, please hit the like button and share it with your friends. I would also really appreciate it if you put a comment below and let me know if you have any suggestions for other topics you would like covered in the future.

23.01.2022 The Importance of Self-Care As I’ve been writing this series on burnout, caregiver fatigue and compassion fatigue (compassion fatigue will be next week’s post). What has really stood out for me is the importance of self-care and maintaining a healthy level of well-being. When covering these topics, self-care is one of (if not the most important) factors in preventing burnout and fatigue. That is not to say that you should only consider self-care when you think you may be expe...Continue reading

23.01.2022 Compassion Fatigue To wind up this series, this week’s topic is compassion fatigue. First of all, what is compassion fatigue and how would we define it? I would like to start with a very comprehensive definition put forward by Dr Charles Figley and Professor Paul Henry Kurzweg (A big thank you to my Uni Supervisor for recommending that I look into Dr Charles Figley as an expert on Compassion Fatigue). Compassion Fatigue is a state experienced by those helping people or anim...Continue reading

22.01.2022 The Challenge of Making Change As we approach the conclusion of the first month of the New Year, my thoughts have been directed this week towards some of the challenges of making changes. Particularly as around this point of the year people will be examining the New Year Resolutions that were set and how they are tracking in terms of being able to enact them or let them go. Making change is not something that is inherently easy. Unfortunately, it is not always as simple as s...etting out a plan and sticking to it. Change is hard. Change is different. It is definitely not a comfortable space to sit in as you attempt to combat old habits and set new ones. To address this, I would encourage a change of mindset. The way that you frame your situation in your mind can have very powerful consequences. Be prepared to push yourself. Yes, change is hard, and is going to feel uncomfortable. The point of change is to push yourself outside of your comfort zone and embark into new territory. One thing I tell my clients is the importance of staying safe, but not having to be comfortable. It is important to stay safe when making change, but push yourself to be uncomfortable and to adjust to it. As you start to enact your desired changes, you will likely see results. Pause and acknowledge these successes and look back and review where you are now to where you were previously. Change is hard, but it is also exciting. There are new horizons around the corner, just waiting to be explored. Next week I will be exploring a more theory-heavy topic around change Stages of Change. If you enjoyed this post, please hit the like button and share it with your friends. I would also really appreciate it if you put a comment below and let me know if you have any suggestions for other topics you would like covered in the future.

21.01.2022 Caregiver Fatigue Continuing in this series on burnout, today’s topic is caregiver fatigue. Caregiver fatigue has many similar characteristics to burnout, with the main separating factor being that the negative feelings that you experience can be directed towards the people that you are caring for. To begin with, I should clarify that when I refer to a ‘caregiver’ I am talking about people that are in a position where they are the primary caregiver for a loved one and also p...Continue reading

20.01.2022 Addressing Burnout Following on from last weeks blog where I talked about how to identify burnout, the next step is figuring out what to do about it. As I was writing last weeks post, I was mindful that people who read it and identify as having some level (or particularly a severe level) of burnout would be wondering what to do next. I am also going to be listing some telephone counselling services for Australia and the United States at the bottom of my post for those that ...Continue reading

18.01.2022 Being in the Present As we are progressing into 2019, I become mindful that the year is well and truly in full-swing now and the responsibilities and duties (both professional and personal) are starting to stack up. When we have a lot on our plate it is very easy to experience feelings of distress and feel overwhelmed. We can feel like our problems and responsibilities are weighing us down and this can become all-consuming and prevent us not only from engaging with others aro...und us but also from enjoying what is right in front of us. This reminds me of the importance of being able to just be or to be present in the moment. What does that mean? Well to me it means being free of distractions and not allowing the thoughts and emotions that might be swirling around to take focus and prevent you from engaging with what is right in front of you. Today we live in a time where we are surrounded by distractions that encourage us to split our attention in multiple directions at once. While doing this can sometimes be quite productive, I would put forward that this is not a helpful position to be holding at all times. As I have covered before in posts on self-care, it is important to have a space where you can be free from worries and problems. One of the best ways to do this is to be present in the moment, free from distraction. One of the exercises that is helpful for doing this is mindfulness. Anxiety will encourage you to focus on the future and the what ifs and should, depression will encourage you to focus on the past and what you have done wrong and what you had before mindfulness encourages you to take a step back and focus on what is happening right now. There are many different variations on exercises for mindfulness. To begin with I have found it is easiest (at least for myself) to use a guided track where someone is reading a script or directing you through an exercise. As you practise this over time you may find other ways that you prefer to utilise it. If you do not want to try it in its standing form then you could try asking yourself some of the following questions when you want to try and be present: - What is happening right in front of me? - Who else is with me? - What can I see? Taste? Smell? Hear? Touch? (Identify several things) - What do I appreciate about this moment? - As I experience this moment, what makes me smile? If you enjoyed this post or found it useful, please hit the like button and share it with your friends. I would also really appreciate it if you put a comment below and put forward suggestions for other topics you would like covered in the future. Crisis Support Numbers - Australia - Lifeline 13 11 14 - Mensline 1300 78 99 78 - Beyond Blue 1300 22 4363 - Kids Helpline (5 25 years old) 1800 55 1800 - United States - 1 800 Suicide 1 800 784 2433 - 1 800 273 Talk 1 800 273 8255

17.01.2022 Caregiver Fatigue Continuing in this series on burnout, todays topic is caregiver fatigue. Caregiver fatigue has many similar characteristics to burnout, with the main separating factor being that the negative feelings that you experience can be directed towards the people that you are caring for. To begin with, I should clarify that when I refer to a caregiver I am talking about people that are in a position where they are the primary caregiver for a loved one and also p...Continue reading

17.01.2022 The Importance of Self-Care As Ive been writing this series on burnout, caregiver fatigue and compassion fatigue (compassion fatigue will be next weeks post). What has really stood out for me is the importance of self-care and maintaining a healthy level of well-being. When covering these topics, self-care is one of (if not the most important) factors in preventing burnout and fatigue. That is not to say that you should only consider self-care when you think you may be expe...Continue reading

14.01.2022 Compassion Fatigue To wind up this series, this weeks topic is compassion fatigue. First of all, what is compassion fatigue and how would we define it? I would like to start with a very comprehensive definition put forward by Dr Charles Figley and Professor Paul Henry Kurzweg (A big thank you to my Uni Supervisor for recommending that I look into Dr Charles Figley as an expert on Compassion Fatigue). Compassion Fatigue is a state experienced by those helping people or anim...Continue reading

10.01.2022 Just uploaded the first video in my new Youtube series 'Mental Health and...'. Please enjoy. I appreciate any questions, comments or feedback that you can provide as this helps me to tailor future content. A very big thank you to Mind Body Strength for allowing me to interview them for this video and to provide insight from the fitness industry on this topic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBzwtewBuhA

08.01.2022 Perspective Have you ever found it interesting how two people who go through the exact same (or similar) event can come out on the other side with completely different experiences? This reminds me of the idea of perspective. When I think of perspective, I find it can be useful to use the analogy of a pair of glasses. You may be familiar with the term rose-tinted glasses where someone views an event or experience positively despite there being negative effects that outsi...de witnesses can see. When viewing past events this can also be labelled as nostalgia. I would like to expand this analogy of rose-tinted glasses and put forth the idea that people construct their own sets of glasses based on their family of origin, personality, lived experiences, upbringing and surrounding culture. These form the construction of the lenses, through which they see everything and everyone in their lives their friends and family, their co-workers, even the person that serves you at the checkout. So what relevance does this have? Well for me, it is a reminder to practise empathy to remember that everyone wears their own set of glasses that will be different to the ones that I wear. This difference is a reminder to be respectful of others. When we see people behave in ways that we would find quite easy to label as distasteful or rude it is easy to stay with that judgement and move on with our lives. Yet we dont know what has happened to that person in their past, or in their present that has constructed their perspective in a particular way. We do not know the lenses that they have constructed through which they see the world. The way that we have constructed our own lenses can also affect what we choose to focus on. Do we choose to focus on the positive events that occur during our day, or do we focus on the negative aspects? The mind is very powerful, and whatever we pay attention to will grow larger in our mind than what we choose not to pay attention to. My invitation to you this week is this when you see somebody behaving in a way that you would consider to be rude or distasteful, take a moment. Take a moment to think about what it would be like to be in their shoes at the moment and what could be encouraging them to behave in this way. If you want to take this a step further you can also engage in self-reflection and ponder on the construction of your own lenses and how they might influence the way that you see the world.

03.01.2022 Stages of Change This week we are looking at the Stages of Change model. This model was developed in the early 1980s but James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente to explain the process of change for substance use and dependence. I believe that this model is not only useful when looking at addiction, but also can be broadly applied to making changes in your life on a general level. Depending on where you are at, you may find that you breeze through these stages or find it very dif...Continue reading

02.01.2022 Disrupting Anxiety I have been finding myself thinking about anxiety a lot this week. Anxiety is a common theme that runs throughout the human experience regardless of time or place. At times it can be quite helpful by being a strong motivator and reminder of some of the necessary tasks we have to do. It is also a natural driver that helps to stay in a state of watchfulness or alertness. Sometimes though, it can be quite harmful and can feel like it becomes all-encompassing. ... So, what can we do about it? When anxiety comes knocking in a way that is decidedly not helpful, it can be useful to disrupt it. Why disruption? Disruption is a short-term solution, but may be required to allow some breathing space before engaging in deeper work to manage anxiety and take a good look at it. The idea in itself sounds simple, and yet when anxiety makes its presence known it may seem like an impossible task. This description may not be true for everyone, but in my own experiences (both lived experiences and sitting across from clients) I have found that anxiety tends to play tracks and push certain trains of thoughts. The litany of shoulds, the mountain of what ifs, the replaying of scenarios in the mind, endless self-questioning and doubting. I have listed some simple suggestions that could be useful to disrupt anxiety. Whether it is useful or not will depend on what works for you. The main idea I am putting forward is to try something different that is outside your normal routine. I encourage you to experiment and find what is useful for you and keep it in mind when anxiety comes knocking. These suggestions are intended to be easily accessible and is not an exhaustive list. If you have some that you find are useful which are not listed below, please comment so that it can be shared with others. If you find that you have persistent anxiety, I would recommend that you speak to a qualified professional such as a Counsellor or Psychologist who may be able to assist you on your journey with anxiety. Exercises for disrupting anxiety: - Talking to a trusted friend or family member. If you do not have a trusted friend or family member there are telephone counselling services available which you may find useful. Relationships Australia has a list of services here - https://www.relationships.org.au/relationship-a/crisis-help (Please note that these numbers are for Australian-based services) - Do something different. This could be something as simple as walking out the front door onto the porch, or walking into the backyard. The idea here is to do something that is not in your normal routine - Get back in touch with nature - Go for a walk - Take a bath or shower - Splash water on your face - Practise some breathing exercises/meditation exercises - Write a journal about your day