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24.01.2022 Working from home means online conferencing. The first 15 minutes of every meeting is taken up by most participants passively watching a train wreck. The least tech-savvy in the group desperately try in real-time to get their stuff to work, proving the adage that "some people just don't get it". This flurry is aided (abetted might be a better word), by ever-helpful colleagues who similarly never learn from experience. Anyway, I diverge. One of the wonderful things is that, on...ce the novelty of actually looking at one another wears off (give it 3-4 meetings), the group reverts to being content with audio and occasionally screen sharing. This is where the real productivity and fun begins. You can be dressed (or even partly dressed if you like). You can mute. And with the camera turned off, you can even duck off for a cuppa or a pee (or both) without others being any the wiser. Tragically, taking meetings online does not mean the end of jargon. Far from it. So to make those agonising hours slip past more easily, and to increase engagement levels, we introduce to you the Special COVID-19 Edition of Online Meeting Buzzword Bingo. Just print the sheet, jump into a meeting (any meeting) and enjoy!

24.01.2022 Bavaria is jewelled with picturesque towns and quintessential half-timbered buildings. Towns like Augsburg, Nördlinger, Dinkelsbühl, Bamberg, Nuremberg and the crowing glory Rothenburg ob der Tauber. You cant help but be charmed as you walk down the cobblestone streets and admire the cute colored buildings and medieval walls and towers. If ever in Germany, make sure to drive the Romantische Straße (Romantic Road), and call in or stop overnight at some of these beautiful places. Youll be glad you did!

24.01.2022 ONCE A CROOKED MAN My father is a measure twice, cut once sort of a guy. Meticulous in every way, and quite the handyman, he builds stuff that stands the test of time. Maybe its his German roots. Sometimes the apple falls a LONG WAY from the tree. I have none of those genes. Expediency and a lack of forward planning leads me to take shortcuts.... But after a day in Rouen in the region of Normandy, I think I must be French. The wonderful thing about Rouen is that nothing is straight and no one seems to care. Crooked is celebrated. Now, that's my kind of town. Unfortunately, the good folk of Rouen got busy erecting their ramshackled half-timbered buildings a couple of hundred years before fellow countryman and all round overachiever, Melchisedech Thevenot (who also wrote the popular 1696 book "The Art of Swimming"), invented the spirit level. Shame. I reckon I could have had one of the premier building companies in Rouen had I have lived back then. It just goes to show, career success is less about skill and more about being in the right place at the right time!

23.01.2022 The names Hood Phillip Hood! As you get older it seems you get more interested in your roots your genealogy. Some people, like my parents, have always been interested in dead relatives. Right through my childhood I remember being lessoned in the Gageler family tree and personally likened (in looks or traits) to distant relatives Id never met. And to this day, but now with the aid of the internet and facebooked limbs of the afore-mentioned tree, my parents continue to sus...Continue reading

22.01.2022 PLUCKED! I used to think it was just a lovers gaze, that she so adored her husband of many years that she just couldnt help herself but study carefully my every facial feature. But through much pain, I have learned that such tender expressions cannot be trusted. She is not ogling my blue eyes, my unwrinkled cheeks or my trademark dimples. No, she is strategising how she plans to rid me of one or more hairs that, in her opinion do not belong. Then without hesitation or warnin...g she strikes, unceremoniously plucking a single hair from my (mono) brow, nose, ear or neck. Unfortunately her first attempt is almost always unsuccessful, achieving little other than to put me in a state of heightened anxiety. She strikes again and again until the single focus of her disdain is eradicated. At this point I am typically annoyed and in some distress. I do not like being plucked. As these interactions often occur when we are out, my reaction usually buys a reprieve, but with the promise that the remaining culprits will be greeted with proper tweezers when we get back home. Needless to say I am not in a hurry to conclude our outing. I really DO NOT like being plucked.

21.01.2022 Use by. Best by Me: Is that OK? Her: Yep. Me: But what’s the use-by date?... Her: It’s fine. Me: But what is it? Her: It’s best-by, and it WILL BE fine. Me: Are you sure?. I’m not sure I think it’s use-by. [Frantically checks] Yes it is use-by. That’s NOT good Her: Have I ever poisoned you? Me: Not yet, but there’s always a first time. This is a weekly conversation in our our house. The problem is, I have reasonable life insurance, and she is the beneficiary. Death only. Nothing for total and permanent disability. So when she does finally poison me, she’s better do it good. I do not want to see out my days in a listeria-induced vegetated state. [Perhaps a bit dramatic] Apparently Australian households throw out something like a third of all the food they buy. Not us.

21.01.2022 Meet a very popular Hungarian street food, lángos. It's a deep fried flat bread made of a dough with flour, yeast, salt and water (a kind of bread dough) that is mostly eaten fresh and hot, topped with sour cream and grated cheese, garlic or garlic butter. The name comes from 'láng', the Hungarian word for flame as traditionally they were baked in the front of a brick oven. Nowadays however, the lángos is deep fried in oil and is sold as a fast food on a simple piece of paper. If you want an authentic lángos experience, we found the best ones were in subway stations and the backstreets of Budapest. Have you ever tried a lángos?

19.01.2022 One day exploring the fairytale location of Sintra was just not enough! Well be back to see more of Portugal in the future. Travel Tip: its super easy to catch the train and see Sintra on your own. Just make sure to arrive early, before opening time. We had Pena Palace almost to ourselves for the first hour, but it soon became very crowded.

18.01.2022 Food sampling some of Viennas signature dishes! The Weiner Schnitzels are huge, and the Viennese secret tip is pan frying in a combination of clarified butter and oil. Original Wiener Strudelshow had the best Apfelstrudel weve tasted so far (and I got the recipe). It was delicious, moist and not overly sweet. They add butter fried breadcrumbs to the apple filling, and soak their dough before rolling. And finally the moorish Käsekrainer, a sausage oozing with cheese and served with mustard, sauce and brot (bread). This was so yummy and could easily be addictive!! One more Viennese staple to go - Sacher Torte is on the agenda for today!

16.01.2022 Its true that the apple doesnt fall far from the tree. Tragically, I have passed on the Gageler Golfing Gene (known in the world of genetics as the G3) to my three sons, although the eldest is working hard to break free of its effects. The G3 is a debilitating quirk of biology, rarely seen at the level our family experiences it. Under its influence airswings abound and ball directions are unpredictable [in fact, for safety reasons, we have found it best to stand in singl...e file behind whoever is teeing off]. It also results in spontaneous laughing (often to the point of hysteria) and the inability to count properly. Combined with SLC24A5 (the depigmentation gene linked to pale skin), G3 causes wannabe golfers like us to spend all our time among the shade of trees or searching for balls in waterways, rather than enjoying the openness of sunny fairways. For someone with G3, the game of golf morphs beyond mere bushwalking to something more akin to truffle hunting, minus the dogs and the truffles. Anyway, on the cost-per-swing ratio, our family enjoys excellent value for money. See more

16.01.2022 Talk about spending money you dont have, on things you dont need, to impress people you dont like! Desperate to outdo his aristocratic rivals across the rest of Europe, in the early 1700s Russias Peter the Great commissioned the construction of a series of palaces and gardens in his newfound city, Saint Petersburg. The most important thing: it had to be bigger and better than Louis XIVs Palace of Versailles. And it was. Fortunately, Peterhof Palace and its gardens (jus...t one of his projects) survived the Russian Revolution and two World Wars, so today we can stand in awe of the opulence and beauty of Peters grand vision (and ego). Behind the Grand Palace sits the Grand Cascade, a spectacular system of 64 gold fountains including the large Samson Fountain. But these arent the only water features at Peterhof. There are many other fountains, hundreds of bronze statues, pavilions, groves, and manicured lawns and gardens spread over some 100 hectares (250 acres). Now thats what you call "keeping up with the Joneses.

14.01.2022 LEARNING DELAYED GRATIFICATION! Growing up our family had a black Labrador. His name was Peter. Labradors make great family pets. They have a gentle and forgiving temperament, which was important when my brothers and I would try to ride him like a horse. But one of things I most remember about Pete was how passively obedient he was when it came to being fed. He would wait patiently as we put his food into a bowl and would hold his position for minutes until we told him he cou...ld eat. You could quite literally take a bone out of Pete's mouth and he would not react. Contrast that a few years later with Randy, a podgy and aptly-named Australian Silky Terror of dubious background, who would push his nose into the bowl as you were putting his food out, then would aggressively defend any attempt by others to come near what was clearly his. Or many years later with our kid's first canine, Joey. A cute King Charles Cavalier, Joey would on more than one occasion, climb onto the kitchen table when he thought no one was watching, then to make off at speed (through his dog door and into the backyard) with a key component of the family meal. He tried that on a couple of times with chocolate as well although that dont go so well for him (or our carpets). Nowadays I feel an even greater affinity with my old mate Pete. Pretty much any time we go out for a meal, I am prevented from eating until instructed to do so by she who must be obeyed. The photography is clearly more important than my hunger. As I sit patiently salivating, my mind many a time goes to Pete who perfected the art of delayed gratification. I salute you, my furry friend.

14.01.2022 We woke up in Portugal saw a yellow tram, ate a pastéis de nata (or as we call them - Portuguese tarts ), drank licor de ginja (cherry liqueur in a chocolate cup), almost slipped on the road tiles, rode a tuk-tuk and walked a million steps at Sintra. If youve been to Lisbon before, what are the other must dos?

13.01.2022 Australians are pretty obsessed with "big" things. Who doesn't love (or loathe) the Big Banana at Coffs Harbour. Or Tamworth's Big Golden Guitar. Goulburn has the Big Merino, a hangover from when the country "rode on the back of a sheep". [I'm not sure about riding on a sheep's back, but I do remember as a child climbing up through the backside of that giant sheep once when the family stopped for fuel at the now-defunct Golden Fleece service station. That was one big ram. Hmm...m?... the things you remember.] And Hexham, obviously keen to promote malaria and Ross River fever, has its Big Mosquito. And then there are big Bogong moths, apples, chooks, cows, and mushrooms. Oh, and a giant clothes peg! Every two-bit town has some ridiculously large object hastily erected by locals in a desperate bid to get on the tourist map. Well it seems like European museums are obsessed with giant spiders. There are a bunch of the suckers outside the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam, and an absolute whopper guarding the Guggenheim, Bilbao (Spain). It seems they are all the work French artist, Louise Bourgeois (also known as Spiderwoman). Apparently she created these menacing structures in honour of her mother. Go figure?

12.01.2022 Use by. Best by Me: Is that OK? Her: Yep. Me: But whats the use-by date?... Her: Its fine. Me: But what is it? Her: Its best-by, and it WILL BE fine. Me: Are you sure?. Im not sure I think its use-by. [Frantically checks] Yes it is use-by. Thats NOT good Her: Have I ever poisoned you? Me: Not yet, but theres always a first time. This is a weekly conversation in our our house. The problem is, I have reasonable life insurance, and she is the beneficiary. Death only. Nothing for total and permanent disability. So when she does finally poison me, shes better do it good. I do not want to see out my days in a listeria-induced vegetated state. [Perhaps a bit dramatic] Apparently Australian households throw out something like a third of all the food they buy. Not us.

12.01.2022 One of the best things about travel is trying the local or regional specialities. During our time in Prague we enjoyed some amazing food, like koláe (semi-sweet pastry base with cheese and fruit), burká (young wine - sweet and slightly fizzy), Pilsner (light tasting local beer), gulá (beef stew always served with doughy dumplings) and trdelníky (Pragues version of chimney cake - a coal roasted dough wrapped and filled with every option known to man). Our favourite restaurant was Cafe Louvre, originally opened in 1902 and a favourite haunt of Einstein and other famous academics and artists. We loved its old world style, great service, stunning cake selection and the yummiest hot chocolate ever.

11.01.2022 COMMUNAL COMMODES There is something strangely appealing about the communal toilets frequented by the good people of Ephesus almost 2000 years ago. Located on the main street, these were very modern and ergonomic amenities, with fresh running water washing away any remnant of a bad meal. Imagine relaxing on the cool stone seat, engaging in deep conversation with people to your left and right. Who would want to rush the moment? Not himself a novice in this department, my br...other-in-law often reminds me that "the job's not over until the paperwork's done." Such advice would have been lost on the Romans, who instead used a (disposable, and biodegradable) sea sponge dipped in water. Brilliant! [Here's a thought: if your household stocks of toilet paper are critically low thanks to coronavirus-mania, why not buy a packet of sea sponges. At the very least, it will be a great conversation starter.] So next time you retreat to the solitude and peace of your commode, cast your mind to the ancients who believed that such moments should not be cloistered but shared with others.

11.01.2022 Continuing a line of thought used by philosopher George Berkeley over 300 years ago, some clever monkey once asked: "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" Apparently the answer is "No". Applying the same logic to a more personal dilemma "If a bloke is on a diet and his wife is not there to see him eat a sauce-laden sausage in a bread roll, did it ever happen?" I think I'm safe! I love philosophy.

11.01.2022 Did you know there were once more than 10,000 fully operational Windmills (molens) dotting the Dutch landscape, being employed for industrial purposes. Unfortunately these windmills found themselves in competition with steam, and later diesel and electricity, and sadly they have gradually disappeared from the landscape. Zaanse Schans is one of the few areas you can still visit to view these masterpieces of ingenuity. We were fascinated by Het Jonge a working saw mill and its hoists, crankshaft and saw blades. And aside from the windmills, Zaanse Schans has a lovely village feel, with farmsteads, paths, wooden houses, ditches and meadows. Just make sure to arrive early before the bus loads of tourists!

11.01.2022 Good food is all the sweeter when shared with friends. Weve had a busy few days with friends and family staying with us and the engagement party of our niece. Over the weekend we took some time out to enjoy a Greek meal together at Brika. I love food like this - share plates, amazing flavours, pretty drinks complimented by such great company. What more could you ask for!... @ Perth, Western Australia See more

09.01.2022 Pannacotta for breakfast - why ever not! My first visit to ATLAS Food + Coffee in West Perth did not disappoint. Just look at this beautiful French Brioche Toast complete with blueberry sauce and the silkiest pannacotta with exactly the right amount of wobble. They say you eat with your eyes, and in this case it was so true! Whats your favourite brunch food?

09.01.2022 PINTXOS: The flavours of Spain on a stick In the northern region of Spain, the Basque version of tapas or a small plate is called a pintxo. The term comes from the verb pinchar, meaning to skewer or puncture, and thus every pintxos is served on a toothpick or stick. Pintxos embodies everything we love about food: flavour, imagination, creativity, fresh ingredients and community. You do not eat pintxos alone. You eat them in a bar filled with people, on their way home from ...work, hungry and engaged in expressive conversation. Every pintxos establishment has a selection of small plates spread across the bar with their own take on the days freshest ingredients and you can choose to eat them hot or cold. Its perfectly acceptable to just pop in for a drink and one pintxo, then move on to the next establishment, paying by toothpick on the way out. This is our kind of food!

09.01.2022 Brunch is breakfast without an alarm There is nothing like a leisurely brunch! Whenever we go out to a restaurant as a couple, we always share our meals. We love tasting new flavours and creative food execution, so sharing gives us the opportunity to try two different options. Funny thing is that we are very precise on our share (anyone would thing wed never been fed ), and after delicately cutting the meal in half we scrape up every last crumb on our side of the plate. But in this case, hubby dear chose the smoked salmon and eggs dish ATLAS Food + Coffee, but hes not a fan of avocado! . Good thing for me, as he left it all on my half of the plate and I love avocado. Do you and your partner share meals too?

09.01.2022 It all makes sense (as long as you don't think about it) A while ago, I watched a National Geographic documentary, Megastructures: Shanghai World Financial Center. In under an hour they told the story of the construction of what was to become, at 101 floors high, the tallest building on the Chinese mainland. In the genre of such shows, this exposition was full of facts and figures all aimed at impressing the audience. And it is impressive. For example, if the bars were laid... end to end, the total length of reinforcing steel used in the construction would reach the International Space Station nineteen times. Why on earth (excuse the pun) would they choose that comparison. Why wouldnt they work out where a single run of steel would end if it started in Shanghai? They could have said that the steel would have run from Shanghai to the south pole, or half way around the earth or whatever. But nineteen times to something that no one has any real comprehension of is ridiculous. Why wouldnt they have at least gone for round figures, like twenty times the distance to a low flying space station? Another interesting fact is that the amount of construction steel used on each floor weighs the same as one hundred and ninety elephants. Seriously, since when has the elephant become an official unit of measurement? And so that the astute viewer can really comprehend how heavy that steel is, are we talking Indian or African elephants? And before or after the pachyderm has eaten? Another fact: according to the narrator, each of the tens of thousands of windows in the building weights the same as three grand pianos. Without specifying the brand of musical instrument, that piece of information is totally meaningless. While most would know that the Steinway Model O (or L) Grand Piano weighs 277kg, they may not be aware that the Kawai EX weighs just 500kg. If you want to be fair when talking window weights, you really have to define your pianos. Although quite fascinating, the script of this one program was one meaningless analogy after another, as well as senseless grabs from interviews with workers. One of the crane operators, a Chinese national who until a year before was working in a rice paddy field, said it was the largest building he has worked on. Really? Given this was the tallest building ever built in China, I think that it is self-evident that this chap hasnt built anything larger. Don't get me wrong, the crane driver seemed like a lovely guy, but he is clearly as silly as a two-bob watch. So, what have we learnt here: the trick to enjoying some documentaries is to not think too hard about what is being said. Otherwise it seriously messes with your head. It has mine.

08.01.2022 This may be helpful to some.

07.01.2022 Austria is stunning! From castles to churches, mountains to lakes, schnitzels to strudels, it is hard not to be enchanted by this country.

07.01.2022 MAD ABOUT MACARONS Some would say that it's offensive to visit France without trying macarons. These highly sought after pastries are apparently the most instagrammed European food, so finding a macaron master in the gorgeous tiny village of Saint Paul de Vence in Provence was a bonus. Not to be confused with the chewy coconut macaroon, the pretty, brightly-coloured French macaron consists of two delicate almond meringue discs that are sandwiched together with a j...am, buttercream or ganache filling. And the flavours of Steve Ghirardo Créateur de Macarons patisserie certainly did not disappoint. We sampled a savoury tomato and basil macaron, and drooled over lemon & basil and raspberry & poppyseed sweet macarons. If you are looking for the picture-perfect Provencal town, Saint Paul de Vence fits the bill, being a gorgeous and well preserved medieval village just a little out of Nice. Its full of charming streets and amazing vistas over the surrounding hills which are sprinkled with vines and olive trees. See more

07.01.2022 I AM A ROCK, I AM AN ISLAND! Almost 100 years ago Carl Jung aptly outlined the Introvert's defining tendency "to defend himself against external claims, to conserve himself from any expenditure of energy directly related to the object, thus consolidating for himself the most secure and impregnable position." [C. G. Jung, Psychological Types (1921) Translation by H. Godwyn Baynes (1923) p. 415.] Well, fellow introverts, have I found the perfect home for you? Protected on all... sides by water, uninvited guests [hey, are there really any other kind] cannot just turn up unannounced. Good introverts know that the world is better observed from a distance, that movies are better than parties, and silence is bliss. The old thing missing? A water cannon... just in case. [Island in the Stockholm archipelago. Photo taken from our cruise ship balcony.]

06.01.2022 I cringe every time I think back on my first days at work. A wet-behind-the-ears kid from the country, I had no idea how city workers dressed. Nor did my mother (clearly), who encouraged me to buy a blue safari suit and accompanying accessories. So for the first few weeks as an upcoming "professional" I dutifully wore my safari suit and polka-dotted shirt. Everyone was very polite. It seems I am not the only one to experience severe wardrobe misalignment.... If you aspire to be a security guard, it may well be because you want to look like a security guard. You would expect a badge, a utility belt and all the trimmings that say "I am in charge. Take me seriously". So imagine the surprise (nay, distress) when you as, a Greek patriot, put your hand up to guard the nation's parliament? Instead of a badge, belt and authoritative uniform, you are given a short skirt, stockings, a silly hat and over-sized shoes ornamented with over-sized pompoms. And to add insult to injury, they still have the hide to give you a gun! Even with the gun, who is going to take you seriously? They would look far more professional in safari suits.

05.01.2022 Ooh la la we love a good marché! This one in Place Saint-Marc Rouen really fit the bill offering cheese, fruit, vegetables, flowers, meat, pastries and even second-hand goods. We had to sample and bought a poulet and pommes and sat in a local park devouring our spoils. What is the most amazing thing youve bought at a local market?

05.01.2022 Pope Gregory XIII has a lot to answer for, including my very late and hangry lunch yesterday. To correct once and for all the 0.0075 day annual drift in the calendar against the equinoxes, the good Pontiff decided to adjust the way leap years work and remove ten days forever from the calendar. Just like that. The day after the 4 October in 1582 was 15 October. Not only did a bunch of people born in the first half of October lose a birthday that year (and some may have even se...nt out party invitations!), but a number of important religious festivals got confusingly out of sync around the world. Not all countries adopted the Gregorian calendar at the same time (which also explains why the Russians used to celebrate October Revolution Day in November). In fact, to this day the Greek Orthodox Church continues to follow the superseded Julian Calendar - the result being that Christmas and Easter are not celebrated by everyone at the same time. Now, this quirk of history would not normally affect my simple life in Perth, Western Australia. But yesterday it did, profoundly. Clearly anxious about being cooped up with her husband for another full day, my wife suggested we momentarily escape our life of COVID-19 social distancing to support a local takeaway restaurant. Similarly eager to escape myself, I concurred. We jumped in the car and headed on our way. Not that I had any idea where we were going - which is my default. I just start driving (often in what proves to be the wrong direction) while she furiously searches for options, then flicks into navigation mode. In the end, we (no, she) settled on Greek. Lets head over to Brika! (a favourite of ours) she says. I agree and proceed with haste. Oh no, she says a few minutes later, it looks like they are closed today. No problem, she knew of another Greek restaurant a little further away. We arrived to find the place similarly closed. So we tried a third. Closed. What is going on? Ever the sleuth, the Google queen established that this weekend (not last) is, in fact, Easter for Greeks. Thank you Pope Gregory! With one eye now turning increasingly toward Asia (I cant resist a good dim sim), to our surprise we stumbled by accident upon a restaurant operated by far less devout Hellenes, heading off minutes later to eat our lamb yiros in the park, and taking home a couple of Greek sweets (bougatsa and revani). We were almost brought to ruin by a little prank in 1582. Go figure.

03.01.2022 The Halászbástya or Fisherman's Bastion is one of the best known monuments and most instagrammable locations in Budapest. Built in the late 19 century in the Castle district on the Buda side of the Danube, it served as a lookout tower over Budapest with seven turrets providing amazing panoramic views and representing the seven Hungarian tribes who founded the present day country in 895. Its a stunning structure and if you ever visit Budapest, here are some tips from our expe...rience: 1 Dont take the funicular or the tourist buses up to the castle district. There is a gentle sloping path to the left of the funicular that you can easily walk up. This way you can stop for views, and take photos of the funicular going up the hill. 2 Arrive early. We got there around 10.30am and it was already crazy, and got busier as the day progressed. Im amazed at the number of people visiting these sites who seem to be just there to get their perfect instagrammable photo. They take hundreds of images, flicking their hair, laying across the steps, jumping, smiling, now dont smile (its not a model shoot people!!) .... ok now lets swap over and do it all again for the other person... its so frustrating! Look dont get me wrong, Im there to get a photo too, but I do try to be considerate of all the people around me and if its busy Ill be really quick, because I know everyone wants to get their photo too. 3 Visiting the bastion is free and you can access the balconies and some pretty nice photo locations, however if you want to walk around the turrets there is a fee payable. We didnt feel this was necessary, but if you are there on a really busy day it might be necessary to get any decent photos. 4 Walk down and at the bottom find a nice little cake shop or bakery as we felt that the castle district was a little over priced for food. Asztalka Cukrászda is a cute little cafe we stopped at with home-made local speciality cakes and great coffee. See more

03.01.2022 Its all Greek to me! I certainly don't mean to offend, but I seriously struggle to untangle rapidly uttered syllables by non-native English speakers. Accents kill me. And it really doesn't matter the person's ethnicity. Chinese, German, Spanish, whatever - its all Greek to me. I really don't know why, but I seem to get very little (sometimes absolutely nothing) of what people are saying, which makes for some very awkward conversations, if you can even call them that. F...ortunately, my wife is often at hand to interpret and intervene as required. Waiting for a train in Lisbon just this week, a girl approached and asked Jewsberry bar tickets?. I could tell it was a question from the upward inflection* at the end of the sentence. [*A dead giveaway, except with certain millennials who persist with upspeak (also known as uptalk), where all sentences conclude with a rising inflection irrespective of the context.] Anyway, I dont know who Jewsberry is (a band perhaps?), and I certainly don't know where to buy tickets to the bar. My confusion was no doubt obvious. I just looked at her [cogs turning]. She asked again, this time annunciating more more carefully "Jewsberry bar tickets?" Jewsberry? ...nothing. Bar tickets? ....hmmm? Then, in a flash of linguistic genius I got it! "No, sorry, I don't speak Portuguese." Job done, conversation successfully concluded.

02.01.2022 ROAD HIEROGLYPHICS Perhaps the only thing more confusing than the second drawer in our kitchen would be road signage in the UK. Clearly Harry Beck, the genius behind London's iconic colour coded subway map (now used all around the world because of its simplicity), never worked for the roads people.... English traffic is bad. And their road signs are confusing. With pretty much everyone driving at least 20km over the speed limit, how on earth are you meant to read and then make sense of anything, let alone obscure hieroglyphics on the bitumen? [And I must say, it doesnt help if you have the eye sight and general driving skills of Mr. Magoo (look it up)]. Things are further complicated by the countrys obsession with vision obscuring hedges, side-mirror removing narrow lanes, and ridiculously designed roundabouts. It you have never experienced it, take a drive around at Swindons Magic Roundabout - five mini-roundabouts encircling a sixth, central roundabout. It is entirely possible that you will never get off. According to some sources, it was (in 2009) voted the fourth-scariest junction in Britain. Almost rivalling central London road intersections in scariness would have to be driving in central Melbourne, where drivers are expected to avoid colliding with trams (and pedestrians) by use of the dreaded hook turn. As a non-native of that fine city, my strategy was been to avoid all likelihood of ever having to perform one of these manoeuvres - which I have managed to do by adopting the policy of when in inner Melbourne, only ever make left-hand turns. The drawback? It takes an awfully long time to get where you need to. Oh well, I guess we could always take a bus. See more

02.01.2022 Two of our three sons were, as babies, projectile vomiters. If you have never witnessed this phenomenon, you have lived a very sheltered life. What may have taken 10-15 minutes to gentle coach into those little blighters through a feeding bottle could be ejected in little more than a second, and with incredible accuracy. Unsuspecting passers by were often the recipients of more than just a smile from our little chaps. Clearly our family is not unique. We stumbled across this charming fountain in the gardens of the Belvedere Palace, in Vienna (Austria): two siblings coming to the aide of their brother as he gives a right old technicolor yawn. Only one has the sense to stand up-wind.

02.01.2022 Dark, Milk or White? Whats your favourite?

01.01.2022 REVOLVING DOORS Whoever invented the revolving door seriously needs their head read. The venus flytrap of doors, these things are ridiculously dangerous! Either (1) they spin so fast that to get in at all (I find myself adopting the same technique as I used, quite unsuccessfully, almost 50 years ago in the Under 10s Hop, Step and Jump at the Sandy Hollow Public School Sports Carnival), or (2) the cubicles (if thats what you call them) are so small that you are constan...tly being dead-kneed from behind by some clown you dont even know who just thought it would be smart to jump into the same airlock as your good self. Getting in, is just the beginning. Any momentary sense of relief you have from a safe entry quickly gives way to a feeling of embarrassment as you feel yourself doing the baby-step shuffle (like youve got a dose of the runs) just to survive. Then you realise that youve got to get out of the contraption. Be aware that, given the dangers involved, it is perfectly acceptable to abort any attempt to leave the door. The rules are much the same as apply in a vehicular roundabout whoever is on first can stay on as long as they like, even longer if you look like youre enjoying yourself! So, provided you are fit enough to do multiple laps (and dont dizzy easily) youll have plenty of time to strategise your escape. Be careful though, an ill-timed decision exit can be fatal, as your whole body can get jammed between the moving door panel and the fixed wall. Fingers, toes, whole limbs have been lost by the fool-hearty. If you dont believe me, Google it! [Important note: unlike bicycle riding, you do not need to signal your intentions thats one sure way to lose an arm.] A number of years ago, I had a run-in with a revolving door at a hotel in England. It was three-celled version. I had two large suitcases and an array of other arm-subjugating items. Leaving one bag outside I executed a brave entry, three times round and through into the foyer - like a pro! Then for the second bag. Go, no, abort, try again. No, yes, through (I think). No, keep going, around another time, again, exit now, no, now, back outside. Easier just to leave the bags in the car and get changed in the car park!

01.01.2022 SLOW FOOD! I love to bake! Creating cakes, cookies, slice and desserts from scratch is something I really enjoy doing - maybe because I love eating them but also because of the joy experienced by others as they eat my creations. Over the weekend I discovered a new baking passion that I know Im going to get seriously addicted to - Sourdough! Attending a Sourdough Workshop with friend and sourdough baker @bonnie_machell I learnt the process and art of this delicious ...loaf as typically it takes 24 hours or more from mixing the ingredients to pulling a freshly baked sourdough from the oven. There is something so appealing about the idea of slow food - its almost meditative, and in our fast paced world I am feeling more and more drawn to the artisan style of living - creating my own bread, cheese, yoghurt and preserves. At the heart of every good sourdough loaf is the starter! Bonnie was so generous to pass on to each of us in the workshop a starter from a German baker that has been growing for over 25yrs. This mixture of flour and water with time and care becomes an active community of wild yeasts and bacteria giving the sourdough its distinctive tangy flavour. Some bakers call this their baby or pet as it needs to be fed daily to stay alive and active. A good sourdough loaf is crusty and chewy, with a depth of flavour youll never get from a mass produced loaf. And all this great flavour comes from just three ingredients flour, water and salt. So Im now off to buy some organic flour, a Weck jar and begin my journey of becoming a sourdough baker. See more