Life Sense Counselling in Carindale | Medical and health

Life Sense Counselling

Locality: Carindale

Phone: +61 413 742 076

Address: 322 Wecker Road 4152 Carindale, QLD, Australia

Website: http://www.lifesensecounselling.com.au

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25.01.2022 Welcome to My Practice I am an integrative counsellor working with individuals, couples and family members. I explore with you issues of self-esteem, identity, life transitions, trauma, anxiety, depression and relationships. I see my role is to help you navigate your free will, choices and responsibility for choices, with a view to operating out of the best of yourself. I tailor therapy to individual needs rather than just providing one counselling modality (incorporating t...alk therapy, CBT, strengths-based and mentoring). My focus is "What has happened to you" not "What is wrong with you". I work in a holistic way, focusing on health and well-being and the influence of family and societal systems, also considering the bio-socio-psycho-spiritual dimensions. I am conversational in style, warm, authentic, empathetic, open-minded and intuitive. Personal Mission Statement: My drive for authentic relationship and connection, opens an invitation for my client to BE fully themselves to examine and experience all aspects of themselves. See more

21.01.2022 Lifes Invitation: Do you want clean pain or dirty pain? As a counsellor Im cautious around navigating pain, but at some point we all arrive at the existential inevitability we all die and will lose those we love. So, the choice is: clean pain or dirty pain? Pain is an inevitable part of living and avoidance of it fuels fakery and eventually catches up un-processed and suppressed in another form that is often worse than what you tried to avoid. But you can be intent...ional about how you navigate pain. If you choose dirty pain, thats when you or your loved ones leave this world with unprocessed muck; unfinished relationships; no healthy closure; unforgiveness and bitterness; potential not realised; a shell of the self you could be; regret; guilt; and shame. Clean pain is experiencing loss with a sense that it is done; Im ok with who Ive been and what Ive done; Ive repaired and restored; Ive forgiven and sought forgiveness; Ive given things a go; Ive gotten to know me and lived in my true self; Ive exchanged faade for meaning; and Ive lived as much as I could from my best self. What do you need to examine to choose clean pain?

21.01.2022 For anyone who is triggered by traumatic memory (or an anxiety or panic attack), this is a great short video from Peter Levine on some practical techniques you can use to feel contained and down- regulate triggered responses: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7zAseaIyFA

21.01.2022 Life’s Invitation: Do you want ‘clean pain’ or ‘dirty pain’? As a counsellor I’m cautious around navigating pain, but at some point we all arrive at the existential inevitability we all die and will lose those we love. So, the choice is: clean pain or dirty pain? Pain is an inevitable part of living and avoidance of it fuels fakery and eventually catches up un-processed and suppressed in another form that is often worse than what you tried to avoid. But you can be intent...ional about how you navigate pain. If you choose dirty pain, that’s when you or your loved ones leave this world with unprocessed muck; unfinished relationships; no healthy closure; unforgiveness and bitterness; potential not realised; a shell of the self you could be; regret; guilt; and shame. Clean pain is experiencing loss with a sense that ‘it is done’; I’m ok with who I’ve been and what I’ve done; I’ve repaired and restored; I’ve forgiven and sought forgiveness; I’ve given things a go; I’ve gotten to know me and lived in my true self; I’ve exchanged façade for meaning; and I’ve lived as much as I could from my best self. What do you need to examine to choose clean pain?

18.01.2022 And a second video from Dr Brene Brown being interviewed by Oprah on Faking it, Perfectionism and Living Whole Heartedly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YeulUgWNp8

18.01.2022 The link below is for a really good workshop for individuals and couples on Sexuality in long term relationships. Neil Roberts is a wonderful Counsellor and trainer (my former Lecturer for Couples Counselling) and the information he will present is not your typical relationship workshop. There will also be no uncomfortable requirement to share in the group setting! https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/2-day-workshop-intimacy-des

17.01.2022 All teens (and some adults!) need social skills training,and particularly teens on the Autism Spectrum (diagnosed or diagnosed). Maybe you are a parent or adult who suspects you or someone you know is on the spectrum but diagnosis is confronting and/or expensive. That doesnt mean there arent interventions you can use, and social skills training is of huge benefit. Many people, not just those with AS, cant read social cues well and as a result may experience social anxiety, be socially isolated or find social situations exhausting due to the level of vigilance they need to cope in social situations. Here is a list of areas to think about and discuss to plan for a wide range of things encountered in social situations. Go to: https://learningforapurpose.com//50-social-skills-for-te/

17.01.2022 This is a great diagram about self-regulation through compassion focussed therapy. It can be used to map a day/week/way of being to identify how much time you spend in each circle (the green circle is the self compassion one). The goal is to be balanced, and if one or two circles are much larger you can work out ways to spend more time in the other circles. It helps to diagnose why things might be feeling full on, overwhelming, stuck, listless etc

16.01.2022 In view of the tragic and heart breaking violent deaths of Hannah Clarke and her three young children Laianah, Aaliyah and Trey, I thought it is timely to share a really helpful resource produced by the Gold Coast Domestic Violence Prevention Centre. Please download their "Purple Book" for your own understanding of DV and also for practical advice and a resource to work through with anyone in your life who you suspect is suffering DV. See link at the end of this post. Also, ...another really important thing that people miss - asking the person for the details about their abuse is re-traumatising. You dont need graphic details to validate and support. This is often necessary when giving Police statements or in court and can be terrifying, but as a supporter you dont need to push the survivor. Some survivors find it helpful to relay details but others just cant, but this isnt because its not serious, so understand this. As a support person, youre a safe haven and a non-reactive container who can hold and comfort. You dont need the re-traumatising graphic details to play this role. The other thing to note is that victims often blame themselves and experience crippling shame, so comments like "Why dont you just leave" or "what do you expect, youre staying in the relationship" or t cant be as bad as you say because Ive never seen bruises and you seem to be doing well in your career and other parts of life!" are more harmful than helpful. Survivors are often in greatest danger when they leave, this coupled with endless psychological abuse, living in a traumatised state (often high functioning as a way of protecting themselves and coping which is why you may not even know) means they dont think like you do and may feel incapable of deciding to leave in order to protect other people or ultimately themselves. Coping, masking, concealing, success in other areas of life are self protective behaviors and not deceit or reasons NOT to believe them if they do finally have the courage to reveal the real situation. DV also has no socio-economic or cultural boundary - it is behind all sorts of closed doors. Please download and read the Purple Book to learn more and distribute as widely as possible: http://www.domesticviolence.com.au/pages/the-purple-book.php

16.01.2022 Heres a good summary article on living with a Narcissist. https://jonbarron.org//health-effects-spending-time-narcis

15.01.2022 This infographic on the "Window of Tolerance" can relate to how we live our lives, but importantly, a therapists role is to keep you in the window of tolerance during a session so that you can feel and process at the same time. If you under or over-shoot the window, emotions cant be processed well. The therapeutic relationship sets the environment for your window of tolerance and thats why it is so important you feel comfortable with the therapist you choose and that you can open up with them and trust their professionalism to manage your session.

15.01.2022 Find yourself constantly blaming others? The neuroscience around blame shows that it can be habit forming and addictive because whatever neurological pathways we lay down, we can feed through repetition to justify and confirm what we see as right. This thickens the pathway and the thicker the pathway the more habit forming (like driving on a well worn road). But what does blame really mask? What deeper truth does it protect ourselves from, such as shame, guilt, a sense o...f failure? It is easier to project onto others the things we need to examine ourselves. The pain-blame cycle can damage relationships and keep people defensive and distant. But it is possible to break the cycle through self examination, self acceptance and kindness to self (and ultimately others). Its not as confronting as it sounds because your brilliant psyche already knows the deeper truth on some level, which is why it has made such a good defense mechanism. And that defense might work, but what does it hold you back from? So why not bring it into the light of examination and see what lies below and what can move you forward! . See more

15.01.2022 Fortnite comes up in many of my sessions where parents are concerned about their childrens behaviour. Here are some measured articles about the game and setting some limits: https://childmind.org/artic/parents-guide-dealing-fortnite/ https://www.psychologytoday.com//2/the-fortnite-phenomenon... https://www.commonsensemedia.org//as-fortnite-blows-up-par

14.01.2022 Your failure is not final - you might have made a mistake but youre not a mistake. You might be down but down is not your destiny. There can be a resurrection of your dream, of your plans, of your purpose, of your life. Repair and restoration is an inside job and youre worth more after going through repair and restoration. Being anointed by pain can become purpose. Out of the ashes comes beauty. If you fall you can rise again. You dont need to define yourself through failure, there is still life in you! (Jentzen Franklin, Forward Youth Conference message "Failure is not final")

14.01.2022 Here are my top 10 Psychological Survival Tips for COVID-19: 1. Keep a routine 2. Minimise negative and repetitive media 3. Relax, recharge, reset, reframe and recalibrate 4. Reflection & Revival opportunities... 5. Keep moving and healthy 6. Practice mindfulness and spiritual connection 7. Push through procrastination 8. Do something for someone else 9. Connect! 10. Build your resilience Read my full article on my profile on Vision Psychology (one of the practices I work for). For direct inquiries for counselling or to discuss welfare rates depending on your situation, please email me directly on [email protected] https://www.visionpsychology.com/10-psychological-survival/

14.01.2022 In my view, developing healthy differentiation is the backbone of all counselling work. Dr David Schnarch defines differentiation as peoples ability to balance humankinds two most fundamental drives: our desire for attachment and connection, on the one hand, and our desire to be an individual and direct the course of our own lives, on the other. The latter refers to the ability to hold on to yourself when important people in your life pressure you to conform. Differentiation yields emotional autonomythe basis of healthy interdependence and the foundation for intimacy and stability in long-term relationships (Schnarch, 2010). So, in relationships, you can choose to dominate, submit....or differentiate, and differentiation is the only alternative if you want healthy functional relationships.

14.01.2022 Working Through a Relationship Break-up? One of my clients is working through a meditation for relationship break-ups. She summarised the following reflective questions to assist with moving on without bitterness or deep wounding. I think it has great wisdom and stands as a guide for what functional healthy relationship looks like. Shes given me permission to share: - Do I have all of my heart back or have I left some parts behind? What parts do I need to re-claim?... - Can I encourage my heart to love again? - Can I forgive? - Can I choose which conversations I will participate in? (to others and in my head and do these conversations empower me or drag me back?) - Do I determine how much respect is in my communication and relationships (operating out of the best of myself, holding myself and others to account) - What boundaries can I set? - Does my YES mean YES, and my NO mean No (or am I flagging that I can be manipulated or malleable)? - Do I decide where I spend my time, talent, energy and resources? (intentionality) - Do I know how to keep my love, joy and peace on at all times? (spiritual integration) - Am I good at identifying the feelings and needs that I have (Honest self-reflection and facing my truth) - Am I good at valuing those feelings and needs? (identification is first, then prioritising) - Am I good at communicating those feelings and needs? (letting others know and not expecting mind reading or letting others get away with not respecting your feelings and needs) - Do the people I choose to be in relationship with know how to do the same? (iron sharpens iron) - Do they value me? - Do they value themselves? - Do they control themselves? - Have they forgiven those they need to? (Based on questions posed in the Relationship Breakup Mediations on Soul Time App by Danny Silk)

13.01.2022 Here is an absolute gem from Brene Brown - Empathy, Compassion & Boundaries: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5U3VcgUzqiI

12.01.2022 Heres a great Diagram on Coping Skills, designed by Indigo Daya.

11.01.2022 Has anyone accused you of being lazy or do you think you are lazy? This is an insightful article that examines the topic. https://www.psychologytoday.com//7-reasons-why-laziness-is

10.01.2022 Here are over 50 great phrases and ideas I found on www.thepathway2sccuess.com to stop yourself from wanting to get into a conflict with someone, especially children and teens. Act calm even if youre not. Say, Lets talk about this later. Use humor to lighten to mood.... Lower your voice. Give a choice. Walk away. Ask, What would help you right now? Change the subject to a positive one. Give personal space. Say, I see where you are coming from. Distract with a positive photo of something they like. Show that you are listening. Remove the audience. Say, I want to help you. Talk about something they like. Make a joke. Encourage the person. Remind them of something amazing they did. Say, You can do this. Call another adult for help. Say, Lets call I think they can help. Be willing to find a solution. Offer to change the way you are doing something. Re-state what the person is saying. Validate their thoughts. Avoid over-reacting. Use active listening. Offer a solution. Let the person talk without interrupting. Say, I see your point. Offer to take a walk with the person. Clarify expectations. Remind them of something they love. Apologize for something you did wrong or the way it was taken. Invite them to do a preferred activity. Ask if they can explain more about how theyre feeling. Try to understand the persons perspective. Slow yourself down to avoid getting worked up. Say, So, youre upset because right? Dont say calm down. Show empathy. Encourage the person to use a coping strategy. Dont take items or personal property away from them. Encourage the person to take a walk or get a drink. Give the person an out (i.e. letting them go to another room or walking away). Ask, Would it help if ? Keep escape routes open to the door. Coach the person with positive remarks. Acknowledge where you agree with the person. Remind the person, Youre not in trouble. Tell the person, Im here for you. Say, Talk to me, and listen. Tell the person to take a minute to themselves. Ignore the behavior if its minor. Distract by saying, Hey, lets go Be respectful in your tone. Do what works in the moment. Spend time debriefing after the incident to identify ways to improve. Ask them to draw a picture of what happened. Avoid needing to get the last word. Just give wait time. For the free printable version go to: https://www.teacherspayteachers.com//50-Free-De-escalation

08.01.2022 3 ways to manage your anxiety triggers: 1. Notice that RIGHT NOW you are basically alright. Build up a felt sense of being OK in the present. 2. Build up a felt sense of being strong and able to be resilient and endure. Threats are sometimes real (and may have been in the past) but right now "I can deal with this". 3. Let go of unnecessary anxiety through mindfulness. Practice using mindfulness by observing and labeling an anxious thought or feeling and then letting it go ...and redirecting to the present breath/ object/ or other sense. Based on work from Rick Hanson PHD. access video here: https://www.nicabm.com/three-ways-to-resource-clients-when/ See more

08.01.2022 You teach people how to value you by how much you value yourself. If you never express a preference, a boundary, or any other limitation on how others interact with you, they will assume you have none, and behave towards you in that manner. (Excerpt from Word for Today 18th August 2020 Overcoming Rejection)

07.01.2022 There are many personality tools used to help us understand ourselves (but hopefully not box ourselves). One of my favourites is the Enneagram, and one of my favourite people (Richard Rohr from the Centre for Action and Contemplation) is doing a series that will deeply explore this tool. Richard is a Franciscan Priest who is not religious and is a very warm and inclusive deep thinker who draws from the learnings of many cultures and faith traditions. If you want to know yourself better, here is his series and you can find on the internet some organisations where you can do an enneagram test online. https://cac.org/a-tool-for-significant-self-knowledge-202/

07.01.2022 Here is an interesting infographic about fight/flight/freeze response to trauma. Ongoing trauma (e.g trapped in A DV relationship) can leave you in a suspended state of these responses - either numb and in a disassociated state, (often still highly functional in some areas but numb/frozen emotionally) OR in a hyper-aroused and hyper-vigilant state of over-functioning (high performance but wired and on-edge).

06.01.2022 I want to share theses pearls of wisdom on SOUL CURATION from a seminar I attended with Paul Scanlon: The Gap between what your soul loves and the amount of time you spend doing it, will be the size of your unhappiness. Wow. His advice is to find out what you love and give it more - the people you like to be with, the activities and hobbies you feel fulfilled by, experiencing pleasure and indulgence, the ambiance of where you hang out, the experiences you like to submerge ...in..... Dont starve your soul because your ability to flourish comes from your soul/your core essence. Heres an activity: Write down 5 things that your soul loves to do and start making time to do those things. If this is hard, write down 5 things you hate and these will inform you about what you need to detoxify/decontaminate out of your life. The opposite of these may hold the key to what is your soul food. To follow Paul, check out his Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb0gJMA6_O21ITwi7t66yIQ

05.01.2022 Today’s relationship questions are designed for anyone thinking about leaving a relationship: If I leave, what am I going to? What things do I hope to gain? What in me will change? Why will it be better? ... What do I want for my life now? Who am I outside of this relationship? If I can be someone else outside of the relationship, why can't I be that person in this relationship - what is holding me back from being fully in my identity? Each of these questions can have layers of self-insight and keys to personal growth either in or out of your relationship. Issues of identity and crossroad seasons don’t need to be explored on your own, contact me at [email protected]

05.01.2022 What is the difference between a Counsellor, Psychologist or Psychiatrist? A Psychiatrist is a medical doctor and can prescribe medication. They diagnose illness, manage treatment and provide a range of therapies for complex and serious mental illness. A Clinical Psychologist has a strong focus on those with a psychosis or other serious mental illness, whilst a Psychologist has a focus on individuals who have fewer pathological mental problems. Both Psychiatrists and psychol...ogists can be registered for a Medicare rebate through a mental health care plan (some social workers too). Under the medical model, most psychologists and psychiatrists work with evidenced based therapies, like CBT, and there is a set number of sessions where results should align with Medicare stipulations. A counsellor is non-diagnostic, often working outside of the medical model (although a highly qualified counsellor should have training to be able to identify mental illness and be willing to refer to psychologists and psychiatrists in some circumstances). Many counsellors use evidence based shorter term interventions such as CBT, but they are also able to employ other styles of therapy to be more client- centred e.g. expressive therapies, talk therapy. Some clients would say that counselling is based more on the relationship with the person of the counsellor and working collaboratively rather than a diagnostic and treatment framework. It is important to work with a counsellor who is: - registered with a professional certifying organisation that has an outlined code of Ethics; - covered by insurance; - undertaken higher level tertiary study (including a minimum number of clinical client hours and clinical supervision). I have a Master of Counselling, am fully insured and am registered with PACFA and CCAA

03.01.2022 Starting the year with a challenging life coaching type post. Watched a great video from a wise and grounded guy, Paul Scanlon on "The top 10 Strategies for 2019". Ill summarise the points below, but encourage you to find the time to watch the full video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijvWWSPZiM0&feature=youtu.be 1. Avoid Drama (obvious chaos creators as well as embedded people who are closest to you) 2. Habit Stack instead of goal set - small daily steps not self defeat...ing big generic changes. 3. Learn to say "No" and be careful about your "YES" (what are you getting yourself into... does it look small to begin with but has tentacles!) 4. Find out what your soul loves and give more to it (dont neglect your spiritual ecosystem). 5. Dont stay loyal to an old version of yourself or let people take you back to the old you. Reinvention or self- tweaking that is appropriate to your season in life, is a moving you. 6. Always bring your "A" game even if no-one else sees it. Integrity and operating out of the best of yourself - you answer to you and live with the choices you make. 7.Consciously think about something each day that challenges your thinking. Rid your mind/upgrade your mind about one idea or way of thinking, every day. 8. Expose yourself to be out of your comfort zone. Open your mind and learn from people and ideas not typically on your radar instead of consolidating comfortable beliefs. 9. Eat less and move more. Sorry, no brainier and nothing more profound to this! 10. Talk less and listen more (developing empathy, learning, upgrading thinking, all means listening more). Happy 2019 and beyond!

02.01.2022 Today’s questions are designed to examine what we bring into a relationship with two sets of family and cultural systems and how these differences can be our strengths or our triggers: - What family of origin and cultural influences are informing my view of how a marriage should be (stated and unstated roles and expectations) - What am I bringing in from my family model and culture that is functional and positive and/or dysfunctional and detrimental? - Are these expectations... and patterns realistic and will they lead to fulfilment or do I need to challenge them/change some views and expectations? These are some of the questions I facilitate in the Co-Creating Us activity I do with couples. I also explore sibling and parental relationships to reveal core family schemas and identify matched and unmatched central themes that are underlying drivers to your relationship. This exercise is often illuminating offering many Aha! moments that explain the auto-pilot patterns we can be stuck in. Usually explored in 2-3 sessions it can powerfully reframe your partnership. I offer this through my private practice for $120 per session. Contact me at [email protected] for more information.

02.01.2022 In therapy and in clinical supervision, the question of self-care should always arise. Heres a great visual that breaks down some strategies. How about you fill in your own? https://practicingplay.files.wordpress.com//self-care-whee

01.01.2022 Heres a challenging question for you: Do you want to be liked or do you want to be known? You cant have both, because being known exposes all parts of self, not just the parts we select for others to see (even our most intimate friends and partner). Authenticity is rare, and its hard! It means being fully seen - the good, the bad, the embarrassing , guilt, shame, desire, dreams, quirks......but it also holds a richness and inherent self love that accepts and embraces all parts of you, the light and the shadow self. Our personal mission should be to fully know yourself and be OK with being fully yourself. Only then can we be fully free.