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Living Wholeheartedly
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24.01.2022 Don’t love or define others by their actions or achievements. Love them because of who they are, their true essence
23.01.2022 Goal Setting For some of us setting goals can feel like hard work. Firstly, we feel accountable and consequently responsible. With that, comes pressure. When we set goals we are susceptible to the feeling of failure if we don’t reach our goal. All these feelings put us off goal setting. But unfortunately when we don’t set goals and have an end in mind we go through life aimlessly and attract low priority distractions. We experience limited success and our dreams elude us. It...’s actually like driving a car around following your navigator that doesn’t have a final destination stored. Of course none of us would consciously do that because we would waist our time but in reality many of us do that with our whole lives. We just aren’t consciously aware of it. So what really stops us from goal setting? There are many reasons and here are just a few: 1. We don’t have a clear direction of where we want to go. 2. The pain of failing is far greater than the pleasure of reaching the goal. 3. The goals aren’t aligned with your values and therefore aren’t that important to you. 4. There are more benefits of you being stuck than moving forward. 5. Your limited by your own beliefs and consequently being held back by your own thoughts. 6. In the past you’ve set unrealistic goals and set yourself up not to reach them. Consequently you relate them to failure. Some benefits of goal setting: 1. You live more mindfully when you have an outcome in mind. 2. Your motivation increases. 3. You become more resourceful, and more willing to embrace challenges. 4. You attract people into your life who can help you. 5. You direct your life instead of feeling like you don’t have control. 6. You definitely feel more empowered, successful and inspired. So what’s the first step in becoming a successful goal setter? 1. Set realistic goals, make them small to start with to build confidence and success. 2. Goals should be clear and have a deadline. Don’t be afraid to reassess your time frame if necessary. It’s not failureits feedback! 3. They need to be measureable. You need to know when you’ve reached it. 4. Don’t be afraid to reassess your goal if you need. They aren’t meant to feel like a chain around your ankle. You should feel inspired and internally motivated by your goals. After all they are dreams with deadlines. 5. Write down your goals, you increase your chance of reaching them by 100%. 6. Break down your goals so you don’t feel overwhelmed. Start with One major goal (An OMG goal). Then break down the steps to six months, three months, and one month and then weekly goals. Doing this will set you up for success so you constantly feel like you’re achieving. 7. Most importantly your goals should be aligned with your values! Goals should be fun and seen as stepping stones to your success. Make them enjoyable and definitely don’t see them as a chore. Life’s too short not to live with inspiration!
23.01.2022 **Do you ever feel misunderstood, taken for granted, ignored or feel like you’re just not valued?** It’s often because there is a lack of care. Care is the building block to every great relationship. It doesn’t even have to be a long term relationship; it can literally be the barista making your morning coffee. When they take the time to know your name or how you like your coffee there is an element of care. We feel valued. We feel like we matter! Care builds trust, it brings out the best in people, it gives everyone permission to be vulnerable and authentic. It is the foundations to all successful relationships.
22.01.2022 Wishing you all a wonder 2017 filled with success, love and abundance! Make 2017 your best year yet!
21.01.2022 Who agrees that Facebook and all forms of social media are a huge distraction from life and the real world? I know I’ve been guilty at times. Do you think it’s like one of those things that you have awareness of, but not willing to do anything about? Like eating chocolate or drinking wine? I personally think it’s worse. I wonder what the long term effects are going to be on society. Time passes by so quickly scrolling through social media and I wonder if that’s the point. Are...Continue reading
20.01.2022 Obstacle 4 - Lack of Self Awareness How well do you know your Values? There are so many levels and layers to self-awareness. Let’s start with our Values. How well do you know and understand your Values? Do you live your Values daily? Are they helping you get what you want? We can get caught up in our busy lives constantly `doing’. There is so much more to life than just doing. At the very least start loving what you’re doing.... When you have a job just to pay bills or you fill your day with meaningless tasks we become disengaged, easily distracted, we experience overwhelm, and boredom. Emotionally we become irritable, frustrated, angry, and you may experience a sense of helplessness. Just to name a few. It can start effecting our work productivity, habits and environment. The negative emotions can transpire into our relationships. But most importantly it affects YOU! Your health and wellbeing, including your mindset. How you feel about yourself and the value you add to those around you. Not living your values is a sure way to diminish your self-esteem. If you lack awareness around your own values and want to gain understanding. Start noticing what you love doing and what you don’t. Ask yourself what do l actually want? How do l want to spend my days? When you align your Values with your mission and goals you feel inspired. Unstoppable! There are 2 layers to Values: 1st Layer is knowing them at a conscious level. Here you know what they are, and when you live them you feel great. But they may not help you take action and achieve goals. Just knowing them doesn’t propel you forward into taking consistent action. (feeling based) 2nd Layer is knowing them at an unconscious level. Here you embody them because they resonate at an unconscious level with your ultimate purpose. They become functional and create the momentum you need for success. (Meta II Dynamics Method- action based) Doing Values work is one of my favourites because it is so transformational and l love seeing the delight in my clients. For this reason, l am offering 3 lucky go getters a complimentary Values Elicitation. Before you say YES, there are 2 conditions. You have to be committed to yourself to the same degree that I’m committed to you. Secondly, if we can't do it in person then Skype it is! If you’re happy with this criteria send me a personal message and I look forward to helping you create change.
19.01.2022 An authentic self-leader is: having a developed sense of who you are, what you can do, where you are going coupled with the ability to influence your communication, emotions and behaviours on the way to get there. All while being true to yourself. When you master the ability to lead yourself, you naturally lead others. So what can stop us from consistently being an authentic self-leader?... Over the coming weeks l am going to be sharing with you, insights to help you overcome obstacles that may be standing in your way of being an even greater authentic self-leader.
19.01.2022 Obstacle 2 Avoiding challenges As humans we do more to avoid pain than to seek pleasure. So it’s natural that we instinctively do our best to avoid challenges. Mostly we don’t even have the awareness that we are doing it. The ego does its best to keep us safe. Our self-talk will go something like this: It won’t be easy, what if l fail. I’m not made for that, it will take too long. I’ve never been good at that. I tried that at school and felt stupid. And so the excuses go on... and on until we justify to ourselves that we really can’t do something. Having certainty and knowing how you’re going to feel is keeping you safe. We feel secure. Not knowing the outcome of something or how we may feel can be too stressful (painful). We just don’t have the awareness to language it this way though. It all happens at an unconscious level because for many of us we live on auto pilot. Not expecting anything in our lives to change. This behaviour can go on for our whole lives until we decide to make a different choice. It can be as easy as simply trying something different. Stretching yourself outside its comfort zone. So many of us conditioned to not wanting to fail. What if you thought differently and believed that failing or not succeeding was an opportunity to learn and grow? If you’re not failing at something now, then maybe you’re not challenging yourself. Failure is only feedback. It’s a feedback mechanism telling you that you need to try another way or change something. WITHOUT CHALLENGES WE DON’T GROW. We stay the same. As a species we can’t stay the same for too long, if we aren’t growing we are dying. Innately we don’t want to die, so our environment will start challenging us. The reality is we are always being challenged, we just don’t have the awareness. We attract a challenge outside of ourselves. It could be an unexpected bill, a health problem, a strain in a relationship. Think back in your own lives, if you have actively challenged yourself, what was happening in the rest of your life? Was it relatively calm and predictable? What if you actively found your own challenge in alignment with what’s important to you? Maybe you wouldn’t attract that unwanted bill? Challenging yourself is the most resourceful way to grow. If health and fitness is a value, you could sign up for a fun run that is outside your comfort zone. Learning something that interests you and expands your knowledge is a wonderful resourceful challenge. Take a cooking or craft class. Apply for a promotion. Anything that pushes you outside your comfort zone! The bigger the challenge the greater the growth. Look at a challenge as an opportunity to grow and expand. See the challenge as on your way, not in your way. Keep in mind we are only limited by our own thoughts. Crash through that glass ceiling and lead the way!
17.01.2022 OUR DESIRE TO FIT IN Part 2 Continuing on from yesterday, I explained our absolute need to belong and to fit in. When we don’t have conscious awareness of our need to belong It can be really tricky maintaining our healthy boundaries. What I mean by this, is, how far do we go to fit in? What do we give up, let go of? Or do we modify our behaviour to suit others? Become someone we’re not?... When we violate our own boundaries or ignore our authentic self, some people will instantly feel it. It may be more of an energetic feeling that something just doesn’t feel right. For others it may take much longer to start noticing signs. If the pain of not fitting in is far greater than not being true to yourself some may completely ignore the warning signs. Our bodies generally give us feedback when something doesn’t feel right. It could just be a generalised feeling that something is off or it could be more defined such as anxiety, stress, irritability, anger, frustration, tension in the neck and shoulders, mood swings, feeling despondent, disengaged just to name a few! The more steps we take away from our true authentic self the more we experience symptoms. So what’s the solution? It’s easy to say don’t shrink or expand our true self but sometimes harder to put into practice. Drawing from my experience I can honestly say having conscious awareness is a giant leap! Start listening to your body (on all levels) to the feedback. It’s necessary that you are really honest with yourself. Remember our desire to fit in is massive!! You will experience resistance. If you have shut down part of yourself for a long time it may take time to re-ignite that part of yourself. Be kind to yourself in the process and allow yourself the time. Give yourself time to make different decisions and choices. Don’t give in to pressure from those around you. Take time out for yourself to feel centred and relaxed. Try yoga, meditation, or walk alone. Anything that shuts out the external noise so you can listen to your inner world. Journal if that helps. Let others know how you’re feeling. YOU WILL FEEL VULNERABLE. It may not feel comfortable initially but stick with it. Without being vulnerable your true self will elude you! Ps Don’t be repelled by your shadow self (the parts of you that you don’t like). It is normal for us all to have a shadow self. The shadow self keeps us in balance More on that later!
16.01.2022 **Do you ever find yourself feeling frustrated and misunderstood because no one seems to understand you?** We only have our experience of reality which is 'real' to us and we think everyone else thinks the same. Unfortunately it's just not the case. We have our version of reality, but is it any more real than the next persons? Understanding how we create our reality can alleviate frustrations, and misunderstandings with friends, family and work colleagues. ... The way we form our reality is through our own unique filter system. We each have our very own process of filtering, comprising of: Our perceptions. Our perceptions are formed from birth up until 8 years of age. Because of that they are often childlike, warped and lopsided. We then go on to make assumptions and form beliefs. Our senses. What we see, feel, hear, taste and smell dictates our actions and decisions. Our memories. Including any emotions that we attach to those past memories. We either make the memory good, bad or neutral. Our hierarchy of Values what we believe to be most important to least important. We move towards what is most important to us and move away from what is least important. Our language. Our language doesn’t simply report on reality, it creates it. If you always talk about scarcity and lacking something that is what you get. What we can language we can experience. Our Beliefs. We make convenient assumptions and generalise how the/our world is. If you already sense, there are many variables in this cocktail of how we form our reality, you’re absolutely right. But there is moreAt any moment in time the conscious mind can only take in, on average 5 -9 pieces of information. And out of the 5-9 pieces of information, we delete distort and generalise what we have seen, heard or felt. Knowing all of this, it is easy to see why two people may not agree or they have completely different experiences at the same event. We are so conditioned to think a certain way, but having awareness is the key. Next time you find yourself feeling misunderstood, step back and look at the situation from the other person’s view. Or be more mindful in your own communication. Explain in more detail why you feel the way you do. Close the gap between your reality and theirs. Effective communication always beats mindreading!
15.01.2022 WHAT GETS IN YOUR WAY OF SELF-LEADERSHIP? Obstacle 1 - Your limiting Beliefs A belief is just a convenient assumption based on how we make... sense of the world. That means we all have a different belief system. Neither is right or wrong. Interestingly though we get caught up in our own beliefs of what we believe to be true. Most of our beliefs are formed by the age of 8 so they are definitely childlike and can be warped and lopsided. They can be formed instantly and changed instantly depending on how resourceful they are and our level of awareness. Many stay with us our whole lives. This here lies the key... How resourceful are your beliefs?? We have beliefs about everything and sometimes everyone. We believe things to be true about our political system, our health, men, women, teacher’s, police and naturally ourselves. Anything that comes after l am. Is generally a belief. It may or may not be true. To be your very best self-leader be self-aware. How are you limiting yourself by your own thoughts and beliefs? Do they prevent you from embracing new opportunities? How resourceful are they? We ALL have limiting beliefs because our ego does likes to keep us safe and thankfully sometimes we need to be kept safe. Applying for a promotion or speaking in public is generally not dangerous. Even though our beliefs may tell us otherwise. Being aware is the key! Only you can change your beliefs. Are your beliefs supporting you or are they limiting you? It’s also imperative that you respect others beliefs. Just because they are different to yours doesn’t mean that they are wrong. We have all had different experiences, with different memories and emotions so we will naturally have different belief systems. Being aware of your own beliefs is being mindful. Catch yourself and try something new or different. Create a new empowering belief and then build evidence to support your new belief! Don't let your beliefs dictate your destiny. Don't stand in your own way of success and fulfilment.
12.01.2022 The most important relationship we will ever have, is the one we have with ourselves. A significant way to foster that relationship is to develop your own self TRUST. When you say you’re going to do something and then you do it, you build trust. Over the years a sense of self certainty overrides any doubt. If you constantly don’t follow through with what you say it leaves you feeling insignificant and worthless. Set achievable goals. Build your self trust and your self certainty. Ensure your commitment to yourself (the most important person) stays strong!
12.01.2022 ** The present Moment** All we have is right now. The true gift of living is the ability to live in the present moment. It's not without its challenge though. I know l am guilty of spending too much time thinking about the future, or the past rather than embracing the present moment.... There is no doubt living in the 21st Century is fast paced which contributes to our disconnection with the present. We get caught up in planning and creating tomorrow / our week instead of what is going on right now. Don't misunderstand me, it is important to plan and set goals but when we constantly live in the future or the past we disconnect with ourselves. It becomes more difficult to be guided by our intuition. We don't sit still enough to even know how we are feeling. Long term, you don't just disconnect with yourself, you become disconnected from your relationships. It may flow into your marriage, your relationship with your childnren, parents or even professional relationships. People can also be prone to suffer with anxiety because their minds are constantly moving and looking for the what ifs instead of being still in the present and focusing on the now. A perceived or imagined outcome is always so different to reality in the present moment. Remember, what you focus on is what you get....... slow down your thoughts and look for the beauty in the now. **TIPs** 1. Take a moment to sit in stillness. if you do it regularly it will help to build your muscle and become easier over time. When your muscle grows move onto meditation. You're still quieting the mind but for longer periods of time. 2. When you're communicating, activley listen. Listen to their tone. Observe their body language. By doing these simple steps it will help you to stay focused and present and really connect with the other person. 3. Stop and observe your surroundings, what do you notice? You'll be amazed at what you start to see. 4. Take regular breaks from Social Media ..... Looking at other peoples lives is a sure way to distract you form your own!
11.01.2022 When we stop judging ourselves we’ll let go of the need to judge others.
11.01.2022 DISENGAGEMENT Do you tune out of life with the following? Social media... YouTube Online shopping Alcohol Gambling Recreational drugs Television If you answered yes, be curious enough to understand why. Is it to escape from feeling mediocre? To forget about the day you’ve just had? Do you feel insignificant? Are you lacking connection? Do you feel unworthy? Understanding why we disengage is an important step if you are wanting to create change. Feeling disengaged can be important feedback, letting us know that something in our lives isn’t working. Maybe you aren’t doing anything of importance or of value to you. Are you lacking inspiration? Do you need help understanding your Values? You could be looking for a level of safety or certainty in an uncertain world? Are you lacking control in your life? Are you caught in the web of believing that our lives should never be mediocre? It is completely normal to have days where they may be boring or uneventful. Occasionally feeling ‘flat’ is a normal human experience. If we didn’t experience flat days, we wouldn’t know what extraordinary feels like. Connecting with someone in person is so much more beneficial than connecting through a screen. To create change, break the numbing cycle....... First understand your trigger and then take action. Do something / anything different. Understanding yourself is your greatest wisdom. Gain a different perspective! It is very difficult to solve a problem with the same thinking that created it!
10.01.2022 Are you guilty of asking someone their opinion, but really all you want is your opinion coming out of their mouth? Often we ask the advice of someone because we know them well enough and hope that they will validate our own opinion. We basically want them to confirm what we are thinking. We don’t really want their opinion, we just want them to emphasis ours. it gives us certainty that we are right! It also give us significance. However, If you go to the trouble of asking some...one their opinion and care enough about the person you’re asking then shut up and listen to what they have to say. When you converse with someone you have entered a relationship with them. That means there needs to be a level of respect. To do that it is important to listen and be listed too. It is important to understand that both parties in the conversation are looking to feel significant and to feel valued and appreciated. Everyone wants to be heard and feel that they have some value to offer. If you only focus and care about the response you want, then you risk missing out on the opportunity of connecting with the other person. You also miss out on another persons point of view. Which can equate to learning something new and growing. We all have our own unique filter system in which we filter information through so rarely would two people see something exactly the same. We are all unique and generally have our own opinion. It doesn't mean either person is right or wrong. Some people would rather be right than loved. To avoid feeling frustrated and misunderstood, instead of asking for an opinion you may have more success by explaining how you are really feeling. Sometimes that means being vulnerable but at least you will be heard and then the other person has more understanding of how you’re feeling. Then you don’t care about their opinion because you’ve been able to express yourself. Its also a more authentic way of communication so you are left feeling validated. What’s more important an opinion or the relationship?
07.01.2022 NOT ENOUGH If we view life through the lens of NOT ENOUGH, then that’s what we’ll find. We will look for evidence to support our view. It’s like when someone you know gets a new car, you may not have ever seen that make or model before but now that it’s in your field of awareness, you start seeing them everywhere. What we focus on is what we get! It’s the Law of Attraction.... With the advancement of the 21st Century, we are connected everywhere and we seemingly have everything at our fingertips. We are super aware of what others have or the possibilities and opportunities out there in the world. This is all great when your lens is set too positive but if however, it’s looking for where ‘I’m not enough’ then that is exactly what you will find. I’m not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, fit enough, doing enough and I don’t have enough time! It may sound like a cliché or just too easy, but instead of focusing on the lack try focusing on the abundance, and especially if you feel you don’t have any abundance in your life. When I say abundance I certainly don’t just mean money. I’m talking about the riches of our lives. I’ve seen children in an orphanage in India who had no parents, belongings and they had they more joy, love and gratitude in their eyes than the rest of us. Look for the things that warm your heart. Scan all areas of your life from the relationships you have, to the work you do, how healthy you are, what you offer your friends or family, the food you cook, the time you spend with children or animals. When you run out of external sources, look within, what is your gift to the world. Is it your kind heart, your ability to make someone laugh, your smile, your generous spirit? Often it’s the things we take for granted that give the most joy to not only ourselves but also others. When we start each day being mindful about which lens it is that we are going to look through the world will be a brighter place!
05.01.2022 There is something really special about giving to your team! Teams thrive when their core needs are met and a big need for us all is significance. Everyone wants to contribute and make a difference and when you're recognized for doing so it makes an impact. Christmas is a perfect opportunity to say thank you for all that you do. Being grateful for your team is a key to success! Giving is the first step to receiving
05.01.2022 Do you ever lie in bed feeling like you don’t want to get out? When you feel like you don't want to get out of bed and require motivation from an external source it’s a good sign that there is something missing and that what you have to get up for isn't important to YOU.... You may feel like you're in groundhog day, everything is the same, you know what’s going to happen and consequently how you are going to feel. There is nothing new or exciting. Your cells are responding the same way as the day before and the day before that. Your body becomes addicted to the emotions that it is producing because its on auto pilot. Your body is now driving the mind instead of your mind driving the body. Your reality remains exactly the same. Unfortunately this reality can go on for years when you don't have any awareness. Your body is constantly giving you feedback that you aren't on tracklike not wanting to get out of bed. Typically lacking motivation and experiencing boredom can mean that you aren't living congruently with your values (whats important to you) When your day is filled with what is important to you then you are motivated from within. It’s when you are most inspired, reliable and organised. You increase your certainty of self as well as your self esteem. But is more than that, you are authentic to who you are, living by your values gives you permission to be you! Instead of experiencing frustration and sadness be grateful for the warning bells. Change is easy. You just need to do something different to experience something different. Knowing yourself is your greatest gift but only you can make it happen. Give yourself every chance of reaching your goals. You will be excited to jump out of bed!
05.01.2022 Letting go Argh the thought of letting go of control can put us all in a spin. Why is control so important to us? Why are we so fearful of feeling vulnerable and uncertain? When we feel like we are in control we feel assured and comfortable that our life is in check. We all need a level of certainty in our lives. It’s also our safety net!...Continue reading
05.01.2022 **Learn to say what you feel** When something is really bothering you how often do you not say what’s on your mind? You may attempt to shut down the feeling and hope it will go away either by talking yourself into it, or changing the subject or maybe you just ignore the other person. The problem you face though is that just because you don’t say anything, doesn’t mean you stop feeling.... What you supress eventually needs to be expressed and it can often come out in resourceful ways. Communicating with someone on the spot solves a lot of anguish and turmoil. When problems are left unresolved for lengthy periods they can create creators and often long term relationship struggles. Why do we find it difficult to say how we feel? The short answer is FEAR (Future Event Appearing Real). It may be fear of judgement, fear of hurting the other person, afraid of how they may react. Afraid you may be misunderstood or even fear that they may end the relationship. What can happen if we continually supress our expression is that we start to shut down, and accumulate unresolved anger and resentment. We can feel alone, irritable, afraid, tired and angry. Before these emotions start affecting the rest of your life or worse still make you sick, learn to walk through the tunnel of fear. Express what’s on your mind, don’t wait for the perfect time. When we speak from a place of authenticity people listen. It doesn’t always mean they agree but at least you’ve expressed yourself. Once expressed its easier to let things go. The important thing is that you validate yourself instead of feeling shut down. What follows is a sense of empowerment Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!
03.01.2022 ** New Name ** Hi Folks, I have changed the name of this page from Authentic Leadership to Authentic Relationships because the more work l do around leadership I keep getting drawn back to Relationships. Relationships is the basis of any great leadership. Without great relationships there is no leadership. I love people and connection and I would rather talk to you all about building these as I believe they are the foundations of any great leader. ... I will endeavour to include anything I believe you may find interesting on leadership along the way :) I hope to give you value!
03.01.2022 OUR DESIRE TO FIT INPart 3 EMBRACING OUR SHADOW SELF I refer to our shadow as the part of our self that we hide. We hide it from ourselves through justification. We hide it from others by pretending it doesn’t exist. Generally we don’t want others to see these traits. It could be the trait or part of our self that we believe isn’t cool, demanding or too ridged, lazy, stingy, selfish.and the list goes on, and on!... We ALL have a shadow self and unless we were raised in a house that shared vulnerable stories and openly spoke about these unloved parts then we tend to hide them away and because we feel that we need to hide them away we develop shame around them. Even if parents and teachers encouraged vulnerable conversations, if you didn’t see it modelled then no doubt you wouldn’t want to drop your shield and expose the shadow. Actions speak louder than words. So we grow up hiding these parts of our self. No one tells us they are normal and that we all have them. Because no one is talking about them so we feel like we are the only ones and therefore try harder to hide them. The problem we face then is that we literally shut down a part or parts of our self and can feel fractured and disconnected. Our innate need to belong ensures we continue to hide this aspect because how could someone accept, or love us if we ourselves don’t except or love our whole self. The gap between who we truly are and our fractured unauthentic self grows and creates a wedge. And then we wonder why we feel disconnected. In order to really fit in and belong we need to put the mask down and stop hiding behind the shield. Learn to embrace your shadow side, the part we may not be happy with because it isn’t going anywhere! If we didn’t have our perceived good and bad parts we wouldn’t be balanced or whole. Both sides are needed. If you can recognise that at times you can wear a mask and are wanting to lower the shield, then the first step could be to STOP JUDGING YOURSELF. See yourself through rose coloured glasses where mistakes are possible, instead of analytical, perfectionist, small minded eyes. I encourage you to start having conversations with those people who you TRUST, those who are also willing to hold the space for such a vulnerable conversation and that they too are willing to share those parts of themselves. It’s not always easy having a vulnerable conversation but I can tell you it’s so worthwhile and freeing. You come to realise ther is perfection in the imperfection! It’s a privilege to be a part of a vulnerable conversation. You feel connected, not just to yourself but the person you’re with. It magnifies your sense of belonging where you feel whole!
02.01.2022 ** Psychology and Physiology of Success** Who would have thought that your mindset and your body language can greatly influence your level of success? Without a doubt it’s proven to be a major success principle.... If you meet someone who is slumped over with their head down, speaking in a low weak voice, would you want to engage in a conversation or do business with them?? Probably not. A lot of how we perceive someone happens at an unconscious level so many of us aren’t even aware of the choices we make. When you confidently stand tall, have a welcoming smile it creates a lot of certainty for those around you. People want and need certainty. It gives them a sense of security and re assurance. People feel safe. Even if you don’t feel confident, acting like you are, is enough. That’s where the psychology comes into play. When you act confidently with certainty you portray and attract just that. The interesting thing is that when you act this way long enough, it becomes natural and then you no longer need to act. It becomes habit. Your neurons are now comfortable with the feeling. The body and the mind are now working in unison! No one is born confident and successful, just like no one is born depressed and unworthy. They are all just states of mind, influenced by our beliefs and perceptions. When we stay for lengthy periods in emotional states such as unworthiness or insecurity our bodies become addicted to the chemical that’s produced. Break the addiction! With willingness and persistence change is easy. It’s the procrastination that is painful and time consuming. WHO WOULD YOU RATHER BE?
01.01.2022 OUR DESIRE TO FIT IN..... Part 1 We all have an innate desire to fit in and to feel like we belong. Belonging is an absolute core need. We all want to belong. whether it be in a friendship group, in a family, an intimate relationship or the workplace! And the list goes on!... We either consciously or unconsciously start looking for evidence of where we do or don’t fit in. Because our desire is so great we often minimise or exaggerate parts of ourselves to fit it. Again this mostly happens at an unconscious level. The problem we face though is that we loose parts of ourselves. Because we either shut down a part of ourself or pretend we are someone we’re not and we end up feeling disengaged with our authentic self. This can lead to us feeling disconnected, not enough and unworthy. Ironically the best way to fit in and belong is to be YOU, the real you that is vulnerable. The you that makes mistakes, that isn’t perfect. The you that has the courage to stand out and be different. We are all attracted to people that allow themselves to be vulnerable and be seen!
01.01.2022 **Is social Media unhealthy?** Social media has been in our face for some time now and like anything there are good points and bad. After a session with a client today she has inspired me to talk about this often heated topic! Is Social Media healthy for us?? I know as a parent it’s a question we raised a long time ago and I’m sure many would agree it’s difficult to monitor or stop. I know back when my kids were younger it was a case of, if you can’t beat them join them!... My concerns are not just for children but also for adults, particularly young adults. Rarely do you see them have a break from social media. Their phones are with them 24/7. Even when they are physically in the company of each other they still prefer to sit with their phones in their hands. Are they missing out on something from someone that isn’t with them?? What particularly worries me is that many rely on social media to determine how they feel. Nothing external to you should have the power to determine how you feel!! I don’t believe the answer is to avoid social media completely because it can be a wonderful forum for people to stay connected, to advertise, and to share a message. I guess the purpose of me writing this is to bring awareness to people who may be addicted. Stop looking for the greener pastures because they don’t exist! Nothing is ever missing and nothing is ever broken. Don’t turn to a social media forum when you’re bored, or feeling flat. Instead pick up the phone, have a real conversation with someone who cares about you. Practice being present!!! Appreciate where you’re at right now! Love the people you’re with and don’t worry what the rest of the world is up to. I read an article recently claiming that people don’t get bored anymore because entertainment is at their fingertips! Being bored allows you to daydream...what is possible? Boredom allows you to use your imagination and be creative. Our thoughts create our reality, give yourself time and space to create the life you want not the one you think you want because it looks good on Facebook.
01.01.2022 Obstacle 3 Give up blaming I don’t believe anyone sets out to make an error, no matter how big or small. It’s often just a misguided judgement. So why so we react the way we do? Why do we often jump straight into blaming? We either blame others or ourselves. Is it a natural instinct? Blaming others or ourselves doesn’t solve anything. Its un resourceful and leaves everyone involved feeling deflated. ... So why do we blame? Is it self-preservation, avoiding accountability, avoiding judgement, avoiding responsibility? There are many reasons, but ultimately our ego acts instinctively and goes into survival mode so we do our best to deflect the problem. I believe we blame because we know that if we were `being’ our best version. responsible, reliable, accountable etc. then the mistake wouldn’t have happened. However, if you live daily being the best you can be, including high standards and you still make an error, learn from it! It’s what you do with the feedback that is important. That’s how we learn. In fact, it’s in our biggest failures that we have the biggest learnings. How can we experience life if we never stuff up? Give up blaming and don’t be afraid of failing. If things don’t go the way you planned while doing your best, its ok. Understand what went wrong, look for answers and learn from the process. Just don’t blame yourself or others. You will grow from the experience. Then you won’t make the same mistake again. When you realise there is no failure only feedback, imagine the opportunities you will attract! And the adventures you will say YES to.
