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25.01.2022 It’s not you, mama. It’s the absence of the village.

24.01.2022 You’re not a shitty mom for feeling discouraged or even despondent about the fact that your kids will be home from school for the foreseeable future. The fact ...that you fantasize about stretches of time away doesn’t mean you love them any less than your friend who seems unfazed by her own kids’ constant demands. Poor time management is not the core reason you’re struggling to keep up with all that's being asked of you. Wishing you had more support (and lots of it) doesn’t mean you’re not strong or on top of your game. Pandemic mothering is a shit show. Even before this mess, we were living within a society that had mothers disproportionately burdened, grossly unsupported, and radically undervalued. And now? This problem has reached a state of crisis, but because we have ALWAYS borne the brunt of societal dysfunction, it simply feels like an intensified version of normality for millions of stressed mothers. More often than not, when we feel like bad moms or beat ourselves up for falling behind, what we’re really experiencing is UNMET NEEDS. The trouble is that we’ve been conditioned to think that we aren’t supposed to have needs. That good" mothers are strong and independent and self-sacrificial. That good women don’t make waves or disrupt systems or center their own needs and desires. We then become complicit in our own oppression by adopting patriarchy’s narratives about our worthiness, our needs, our expectations, and our value to society. Your need for routine and rhythm is real and valid. Your need for fun and play (your way, not child’s play) is legit and important. Your desire for community support is rooted in thousands of years of primal wiring. Your need for stillness and rest is understandable and valid. Your need for time to meet your needs as a woman does not make you selfish or less maternal. When our needs are relatively well met, our values shine through us more brightly and easily. Well met needs help us to feel emotionally regulated and soulfully nourished, both of which are essential to present, peaceful, and intentional parenting. Your inadequacy is not the problem, mama. The problem is our patriarchy perpetuated villagelessness.

23.01.2022 THE 15 SECONDS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR CHILD'S LIFE I was walking up the stairs behind my son one day and he was going SO SLOWLY! I wanted to tell him to hurry up...! Or maybe I would try to push past him and go on ahead. I have no idea what I was in such a hurry to get to, but I felt something a little bit like rage building up inside me. Not my best day, I guess! On a whim, I started counting the seconds in my head. It’s an old coping mechanism for any time I have to wait. I got to 7 before we got to the top of the stairs. Well, awesome! That didn’t take that long after all. A few days later, I was helping him out of the car. He wanted to pause to put his shoes on, even though we were going straight into the house. Couldn’t he just grab them and go on in? There was that feeling again. I started counting. I got to 8. Huh. There are other times in our lives where the waiting is much longer. Baths sometimes seem to take forever! I have to use that time to do something else. But what I’m talking about here are those little moments where I want to say, Hurry up. The little moments where I want him to just move a little faster, because well, I’m not sure why, honestly. Because I’m a Big Bad Busy Adult with so many Very Important Things to get to? That’s some bullshit right there. Over the next few weeks I kept counting. It’s a habit now, and it reminds me every time how silly I am. Because I have never gotten to 15. 15 seconds. At most! That’s what I’m trying to save when I want to rush him, push him, pressure him. 15 seconds is nothing. NOTHING. It is absolutely nothing to me. I don’t need it. It doesn’t help me. But 15 seconds is everything to my kid. EVERYTHING. It’s the freedom to do things himself. The room to go his own pace. The belief that I’m right there with him instead of rushing on ahead. Give it a try next time you have the urge to rush your child along. Take a big breath and start counting the seconds. Really look at what you’re trading for getting there a few seconds sooner. Give those seconds back to your child. And then, it turns out I get those seconds back, too. I’m not just standing on the stairs pissed that someone is in my way. I’m not tapping my foot and rolling my eyes, my body tense with impatience. Eventually, I don’t even have to count. I get those seconds back to just BE in the moment and BE with my child. Those 15 seconds change my life, too. ~~Issa Waters Edited to add: this post has been so popular I've re-opened the Parenting With Wild Abandon Community group. Join us if you want help building cooperative, respectful, joyful relationships with your kids. https://facebook.com/groups/693679774478455/

22.01.2022 Do you know that feeling when you wake up in the middle of the night and it’s cold and your nappy feels heavy. And there are so many strange sounds all around y...ou, and it’s dark and scary. And you get a hit in your head and it’s your hand that’s on its own adventure. And you can’t control it at all and it flings itself around and scratches your face and pulls at your hair. And your legs start kicking off the duvet, even though you’re cold as it is and you try to make it stop but they have their own will. And so you’re lying there completely helpless with flailing limbs that want to do everything, but none of the things you want. And you can’t find mum. And you call for her and you find yourself feeling really scared. What if your beloved mum doesn’t come for you. You can’t imagine anything worse and you start to cry because you miss her so terribly. You have never felt as alone as this very moment. And then she is suddenly there. Standing right by your bed and looking at you with worry and love. And she is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. And you grin up at her with happiness and relief. You don’t think you’ve ever felt as happy as this very moment. And she picks you up and holds you close. And she smells like herself, and also a bit like you. Like milk and safety and love. And it’s the best smell in the whole entire world. And she is warm and safe and soft and her hands caress you and she feeds you and hums your favourite tune. And you love her voice. You’ve known it far longer than you’ve really known her. It has lulled you to sleep and made you laugh and calmed you when you were distressed. It is the most beautiful voice in the whole entire world. And you get to lie right up against her and you feel your entire body start to warm up again. And your still cold hand starts stroking her and moves up towards her neck and accidentally scratches her. Stupid uncontrollable hand. But mum doesn’t get angry. She takes your stupid hand in hers and it turns all warm again. And this is the best feeling in the world. Right here in mummy’s arms, with your hand in hers. Even the nappy doesn’t feel as horrible anymore. And you feel your eyes getting heavy and you know that everything is okay now cause mummy is here. Your mum. Your wonderful, incredible mum who always looks after you. Night and day. You look up at her one last time before you fall asleep. She looks tired and her eyes are closed, and yet she is still the most magnificent thing you know. How amazing that she wants to sit here with you in this moment. How amazing that she will always sit with you for a bit when you need her to. You smile to yourself. How lucky you were that she became your mum. The most perfect mum anyone could have asked for. You knew, even before you saw her, that she would be the best thing in the world. Oh how you love her. Your mum. All Credit to the mommy poet

20.01.2022 Timely reminder

20.01.2022 Accurate. Credit: ?

18.01.2022 It's essential that we keep this in mind during these extra isolating and stressful times. Because we're feeling the impact of our villagelessness even more ...than usual, now is a particularly potent time for gathering information, honoring and the rage and sadness within us, and committing to creating a new reality just as soon as we're better resourced. Allow this time to ignite your soul fire, mama.We need your passion. We need your rage. We need your wisdom. See more

14.01.2022 Bullying is not Ok!! Stand up people!!

14.01.2022 In no other job have I felt the need to so routinely justify my productivity within a day. To myself. Because it is mostly myself that this pressure comes from.... A silly deep-seated belief that because I'm not earning, because I'm not financially contributing to my household or the wider world, that I am somehow less. I once had a temp job where I was paid to literally sit and read magazines, laugh at my bosses jokes, and look busy if anyone appeared. I felt no guilt about this because I was earning, I was contributing, right? The thing about the work of motherhood is that it is so difficult to quantify. How do we measure a good day's work anyway? Number of puddles mopped up? Vegetables consumed? Dishes washed? Tantrums dissolved? What is my output? It's often invisible. Jobs get completed then swiftly undone again. Spence has flippantly remarked before that I 'have it easy' being the one at home. Then, in the next instant, has said that he can't wait to get back to work for a break. So, which one is it? When will we truly value the WORK of mothers? I guess it starts with me, when I am unapologetically proud of this job. When I can look back after three years and see not a huge gaping hole in my CV but rather my defining role, doing the most important work I'll ever do. Words: Karen McMillan (Mother Truths) Taken from 'Lessons: Reflections on Early Motherhood' available to buy: https://linktr.ee/mother_truths Art: @solcotti

13.01.2022 https://amp-businessinsider-com.cdn.ampproject.org//raise-

11.01.2022 I have noticed (and witnessed) many times how the gaze of a woman changes when she becomes a mother. This only confirms what tremendous transformation motherhood is. https://mymodernmet.com/vaida-razmislavice-becoming-mother/

10.01.2022 Unsure about how to talk about private parts with your kids? You might find some tips in this video, and you can learn more from the blogpost here - https://sexedrescue.com/naming-private-parts/

09.01.2022 This is what friendship looks like I am currently walking through the hardest season of my life, and as Mama’s we feel like we’ve always got to put on our bi...g girl pants and just muscle through. Never let ‘em see you sweat, right? Oh girl... if there’s one thing this season has taught me, it’s that that sort of lie is terribly dangerous to believe. I needed my people today. I thought I just needed to call them up and cry about what was happening, and then while on the phone, my sweet friend asked me such an important question. She asked me to just say what I needed and wanted most. I told her that I didn’t want to be alone. Her response, ‘I’m on my way.’ I started in with all of the reasons she couldn’t and shouldn’t come... ‘My house is a disaster.’ ‘I don’t want to burden you.’ ‘It’s such a long drive.’ Her response, ‘Sister, I don’t care about any of that. You said you don’t want to be alone, so I’m coming.’ Not only did she make the trek from Greeley to Fort Collins, but she picked up another sweet friend along the way. They picked up lunch, they walked into my house, gave me the biggest hugs, and asked ‘What can we do?’ My disaster of a house? They helped me clean it and assured me it wasn’t that bad. They let me cry, they made me laugh, we listened to music, and most importantly... I. Wasn’t. Alone. Mama, if you’re going through a rough season... know that you don’t have to do it by yourself. You don’t even have to know what you need just start by asking to not be alone. I know there is someone in your life who will say to you, ‘I’m on my way, if only you’d ask. And Mama if you have a friend who you know is going through it, just offer to come and be there with her. Actually, don’t offer...just tell her you’re coming. Because I guarantee she wants that more than anything, and she’s having a hard time being able to say it. Praying for all of you walking the tough roads right now... whatever that may look like for you, know that you’re not walking it alone! We love you, Mama! For our best videos, subscribe to our YouTube channel: www.YouTube.com/LoveWhatMatters #LoveWhatMatters Credit: Northern Colorado Moms Blog

09.01.2022 The language of a mother is universal

09.01.2022 Hooray @Gillette - breathtaking and necessary!

08.01.2022 We know that involving children in risk-management helps mitigate risk, promote awareness, and boost confidence. This is great!

06.01.2022 Yep, strict bedtime here.

06.01.2022 This may provide some insight into how your children may receive love. Often we give love the way we want to receive love. This isn't always the same for our children. What love language do you think your children are?

06.01.2022 I feel like I have to share this cuz it works so well for us! I’m sure I’m not the only one who goes bat shit crazy from their kids asking for every single thin...g they see in a grocery store. I tell them no lots but I think naturally kids just see and ask. Well to distract them from this I started letting them pick out one can for the food bank any can they choose every time we go to the store and they love it! They put so much thought into what can, they carry the can to the till, hand it to the cashier and then put it in the food bank bin. My daughter likes to explain to people what the food bank is for. We have done this for our last 5 trips to the store and not once have they asked for something! And they are helping the food bank in the process. I know this won’t last forever but if anyone has a 2 or 4 year old like me I recommend trying it! Maybe when they get older I can turn it into a challenge (find a can that starts with the letter c or find a vegetable) See more

04.01.2022 Wow...Just Wow! Not sure which teacher authored this but...

03.01.2022 You are not inadequate. Your nervous system is wired for village life.