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23.01.2022 Experimenting with the Ruth Stout / Masanobu Fukuoka lazy methods of food growing. Methods which take a more re-cycling approach - input becomes output becomes input - modelled on the cyclical growing patterns of nature, versus our more linear, energy-heavy, burning and waste approaches. I'm not a fan of philosophical pretension around these things, rather I'm interested in this sustainability as something highly pragmatic - it's the way my grandparents and great-grandparen...ts made a meagre life work really well. Indeed it is an overarching ethos that we can apply to our lives with regard to our own energy and happiness: am I treating myself - my emotions and energy - like a resource to be depleted? Are there ways to restructure my life that feel more in balance, more energising. I'm having this conversation a lot with people at the moment, started by them. Some of them have high incomes and debts and first came last the year to talk about exhaustion and unhappiness. Despite normally loving being busy in the world, in lockdown they have found themselves much happier. So they are reviewing the structure of their life. They don't want to give up their jobs, but they want to question and become more intentional about how their life and their days are structured, with a view to their deeper values, desires, and happiness. These are interesting times. I assume that quite a few of you who are reading this, have had a similar experience?

23.01.2022 Social-distancing in the desert. Here we are in lockdown again. Ive had a fascinating lens on the situation this year, given that I see numerous clients every week, and witness as their experiences unfold over time. Early on, around March, there was shock. Many people were running on adrenaline, on a mixture of anxiety and excitement at this threat and novelty. ...Continue reading

23.01.2022 Further to this theme of our reactions to lockdown. And again, dealing with anger. Ive often pointed out that emotions serve functions. ... One function of anger is to protect you, whether physically, emotionally, socially - it energises you to enforce boundaries. Another function of anger is to protect your spirit. What do I mean? Some people are losing their businesses due to the lockdowns, and are becoming generally angry. They feel angry at the government, at other people, at everything. Theyve become a chronically angry person at this point in time. Why is that? What else might they be feeling of they werent angry? For some of the people Ive dealt with this week, beneath the anger is a feeling of helplessness. A feeling that their efforts and dreams are pointless. Or at least a fear that this is becoming the case. They are feeling a helplessness, a hopelessness, a risk of despair. Whats better than such awful feelings? Well, anger. Anger is a fighting spirit. Its a step up from despair, in both the sense that its like getting back on your feet, and its a better level of emotion because you feel like you have some control. Our emotions enable us to deal with the world, but when we cant deal with the world, when we seem to lose control, then they take on a fantasy function: making us at least feel like we can deal with the world. So theres a good psychological reason that people feel angry, especially when their other option is hopelessness, helplessness, despair. Of course, the question is: is there a third option? Having become aware that I am angry to protect myself from despair, might I find a better, stronger position within myself?

22.01.2022 Another place where I've been doing counselling during lockdown: in the garden, especially on sunny Autumn days. This morning was a little different, however, but I find mornings like this so beautiful. Furthermore this is the type which emerges in a pure sunny day, warm but soft. Every season up here is so different. In Summer, so classically Australian. In Winter, like an English cottage. That's when you really appreciate the home-baked bread, the jam from last season's tre...es, and coffee from the warm stove. Another ebook is forming in my mind, one that's probably much better than the previous two. It's an integration of insights from the likes of Stoicism, Buddhism, and the psychology of mindfulness on the one hand; and the philosophical, the practical, and the courageous on the other: living really well with what is out of our control, with greater peace, while centring our mind and action on what we truly value and which makes our life good. It's like there's this secret out there, and once we recognise it (and practice it) we become so much more free and content: you'll always suffer. You'll always carry your demons. But in our efforts to free ourselves from them, we've created a vicious circle: the solution increases the problem. It amplifies everything, it creates the greater suffering, it robs us of our peace and our lives, which disappear as we become obsessed with our bad dreams, our fantasy absorptions. Much of our lives are psychologically driven. Blind. Unconcious. This different practice is about becoming present, awake, values-driven, happy.

20.01.2022 Counselling over the phone while walking through the forest. That's an increasingly common practice now, and I think I do much better work. Many of my clients are doing the same: walking while talking. My approach is broad, but when it comes to helping somebody gain deeper insight into themselves, it's rooted in a tradition known as Existential Therapy. That's an approach which helps us understand ourselves by recognising how our life and struggles represent the human condit...ion (human existence). This helps us gain greater peace, as well as practical wisdom for steering our lives. So the conversation weaves between looking at you in particular, unearthing what is there, and considering that in the context of life, of bigger patterns. Today as I did this with a client we considered the bigger pattern of doing things we know are not good for us. For example, reading the news, which is really just the bad news. Or observing something outrageous online. All for the strange satisfaction it gives, the strange taste we get for such things. I have a theory about this based on my many conversations. Many people (not all) struggle with what I call "necessity." This can take the form of lacking necessity: I'm not compelled to do much, so it's hard to get motivated, or to persist, or to find my activity meaningful. (This is a consequence of our affluence.) Others feel trapped in meaningless necessity, such as an environment they dislike or which harms them, but which they feel they can't leave. We spoke about how there are ways of living - most of us have experienced them - where life is in a pattern of meaningful necessity. Growing food is an example of this. Work that we have a passion for is another. And of how when we are in meaningless necessity, we reach for emotional junk food, sugar for the soul. Such as bad news or bad online behaviour. Which is to say, feelings of anger, or superiority, or fear - emotions which seem to make us feel alive. But which make us feel alive only insofar as we lack a real feeling of life. Just as excessive junk food tastes good only because we have lost contact with the fulfillment that comes with real food. So it's good to ask: is this really nourishing me? What should I do today, this evening, which genuinely makes my life better, in however a small way?

19.01.2022 Out my back door, and half a hour cycle along a forest path, is this wonderful place. Surrounded by the empty forest, with a book and a beer, it's the perfect retreat from society. And we need retreats from society. We need them outwardly. ... But we also need them inwardly. How so? For example, we need to free ourselves from our sense of the judgement of others. And that's not easy. People often say, I don't care what others think about me. But while the degree to which each of us cares may differ, I've never met anybody about whom that was genuinely true. We all care very much. In fact we need to. Other people, the tribe, is what keeps us sane. The voice of others in our heads is sanity-making, even if it feels like it drives us mad. The issue is more, which voices we listen to, and cultivate in our heads.

19.01.2022 One of the things were learning about, in lockdown, is how much our *balance in life* involves elements that we dont normally reflect on, things which usually escape our notice. People who defined themselves as introverts, discover that they need social contact more than they realised. They discover that the right balance for them involved things they took for granted, such as social interactions at work. Now that that has disappeared, some people discover that they are not... as introverted as they thought. Other people discover just how much it is that, having little things to look forward to, is a part of what enables them to be positive people. Those planned weekends away, or at least the knowledge that they could take them, kept them in a good balance, in a positive mood. Now that such options are taken away, they find they have to work harder to maintain a positive outlook. We shouldnt judge ourselves for this. But its an invitation to remain humble and wise about what it takes to make life good - lots of little things, and the art of finding the right balance, which can shift over time. Its also a reminder that we mostly dont know ourselves. Im constantly guiding people to judge themselves less and to become more curious about themselves: to assume less, and to pay attention - to actually look and see - and to apply what they learn. Crises are a great opportunity for such learning. What have you discovered about yourself this year?

18.01.2022 One of the things I love about working from home currently. This sits by the backdoor. And beyond the cottage lies many miles of state forest, woven through with service roads. Two or three times a day between clients, I work up a sweat and feel utterly energised. While it's primarily the exercise which causes this, that's not the only factor. There's also the engagement with the bicycle in its beauty of form and function. I've been building a few bicycles recently, and for ...me they really are an aesthetic object, as much as a tool for adventure. But beyond those two factors there's a third thing: immersion in nature. Some therapists have only half-jokingly invented a new diagnosis: Nature Deficit Disorder. Without actually medicalising it, it certainly is real. We often forget that we're animals. That much of us operates at an animal level. And has animal, mammalian needs, no matter what our intellect thinks ought to be the case. Our intellects can be harsh judges and are often blind. We need to learn to listen to ourselves, to pay attention to what is showing itself. In 2020 human beings are still largely a mystery to themselves. I know for myself that something in me calms right down, and something else comes alive, when I put myself out there very bodily in the forest.

18.01.2022 A lunchtime cycle. For me its a necessary daily practice: to put my head in a good place (a certain mindset) while putting my body in a good place, a good situation. Heres an interesting thing about situations and mindsets: The ancient philosopher Epictetus said that people are less disturbed by situations in themselves, than by their perceptions of those situations.... There are three aspects to this highly liberating insight: 1. There is the situation, 2. There is our perception / belief / mindset - how we see it. 3. And there is how we feel and act in reaction to the situation. The problem is that we often only see the situation and our reaction. "It (or they) made me feel this way, made me act this way." We think that 1 leads to 3. Not true. Imagine, for example, that our state is locked down due to a virus. 1. Everybody faces that one same situation. 3. But not everybody reacts the same way; some people are depressed, some anxious, some angry, and so on. How can there be multiple different reactions to the one same event? It is step 2: Perception / belief / mindset. The depressed person has a mindset which says that everything is ruined and theres nothing I can do. The anxious person, that Im in danger, that the things which matter most will be lost. The angry person, that the state is violating my rights, or there are bad people causing this, etc. How do you want to see this Event? What mindset do you want? Start by asking the deeper question: What kind of person you want to be? Courageous? Kind? Wise? Then consider which beliefs, what mindset, leads that way. And find a way to embody it.

18.01.2022 One of my favourite films is The Thin Red Line. It was written and directed by Terrence Malick, whose first career - like mine - was as a philosopher. Throughout the film as these men face violent battle, we hear their inward thoughts, their relationship with life, with others, with society, with existence. At a high point in the film one of the characters thinks to himself, "There's only one thing a man can do - find something that's his, and make an island for himself." Th...ose words have always struck me. On the one hand they can express bitterness, and become the motto for a bitter life. On the other, they can express realism, an acceptance of the hard realities of life. When working in counselling organisations, I often found myself disagreeing with many older, baby boomer therapists, who in their theory often sacrificed wisdom in the name of compassion. "Love is all you need." No, you need both. And more. And you do nobody favours by deluding them about the hard aspects of life, by undermining their instinct to become tough in the ways they need, as well as open and compassionate. A vital part of getting through life involves developing our own toughness. And creating our own islands. Our armour, our boundaries, a protective part of us which allows the vulnerable parts to flourish without being eaten by the world. It's important to develop both. To know when to open your heart, and when to close it. To know how to create an island of peace for yourself even when the world goes mad, and to know how to protect it.

18.01.2022 Social-distancing in the desert. Here we are in lockdown again. I've had a fascinating lens on the situation this year, given that I see numerous clients every week, and witness as their experiences unfold over time. Early on, around March, there was shock. Many people were running on adrenaline, on a mixture of anxiety and excitement at this threat and novelty. ...Continue reading

17.01.2022 A lunchtime cycle. For me it's a necessary daily practice: to put my head in a good place (a certain mindset) while putting my body in a good place, a good situation. Here's an interesting thing about situations and mindsets: The ancient philosopher Epictetus said that people are less disturbed by situations in themselves, than by their perceptions of those situations.... There are three aspects to this highly liberating insight: 1. There is the situation, 2. There is our perception / belief / mindset - how we see it. 3. And there is how we feel and act in reaction to the situation. The problem is that we often only see the situation and our reaction. "It (or they) made me feel this way, made me act this way." We think that 1 leads to 3. Not true. Imagine, for example, that our state is locked down due to a virus. 1. Everybody faces that one same situation. 3. But not everybody reacts the same way; some people are depressed, some anxious, some angry, and so on. How can there be multiple different reactions to the one same event? It is step 2: Perception / belief / mindset. The depressed person has a mindset which says that everything is ruined and there's nothing I can do. The anxious person, that I'm in danger, that the things which matter most will be lost. The angry person, that the state is violating my rights, or there are bad people causing this, etc. How do you want to see this Event? What mindset do you want? Start by asking the deeper question: What kind of person you want to be? Courageous? Kind? Wise? Then consider which beliefs, what mindset, leads that way. And find a way to embody it.

17.01.2022 I spoke in the last post about anger in the context of lockdowns, and of how it is temporary, but represents deeper risks in all of us. I said that those risks include both being the object of anger, and being drawn into anger. But why do we have anger as an emotion? To answer that we should ask what emotions are, and why we have them. Emotions are changes in the brain which lead to changes in the body (most of the time it's in that order) which prepare us for action. We expe...rience the emotion as a feeling or thought, but that's secondary. This helps us answer *why* we have anger. It prepares us to fight back against a threat. That could be a physical threat, or a social one (eg violation of boundaries), or other kinds. Anger is twinned with another emotion which is also a reaction to threat: anxiety. Sometimes anger arises out of anxiety, in the classic fight or flight response, and perhaps sometimes it arises without much anxiety. So the issue in either case is how we create adequate Safety, to deal with the threat-and-anger problem. Not that anger is bad and should be erased. But we do need enough safety so that we don't *lose ourselves* in anger. And we need adequate safety from others' inflated anger. Such safety has two dimensions: adequate Knowledge (to understand and counter the threat), and adequate Power (to actively counter the threat). Adequate knowledge includes gaining clear, true information. But it also includes wisdom: having a good perspective on things. Adequate power includes doing what we need to do to keep ourselves safe and to keep our head, onus it includes cultivating qualities like strength and courage. So one of the things I'm saying here is that we need, for the sake of a good life, to cultivate wisdom, courage and strength at the level of our head and our heart. We are always vulnerable so long as we are alive, and we will always face struggles both within and without, but we have much more power than we realise, we have a capacity for much greater strength of heart and mind. We can face our challenges. We just need to be skillful with ourselves and cultivate the qualities in us that we need.

16.01.2022 Counselling over the phone while walking through the forest. Thats an increasingly common practice now, and I think I do much better work. Many of my clients are doing the same: walking while talking. My approach is broad, but when it comes to helping somebody gain deeper insight into themselves, its rooted in a tradition known as Existential Therapy. Thats an approach which helps us understand ourselves by recognising how our life and struggles represent the human condit...ion (human existence). This helps us gain greater peace, as well as practical wisdom for steering our lives. So the conversation weaves between looking at you in particular, unearthing what is there, and considering that in the context of life, of bigger patterns. Today as I did this with a client we considered the bigger pattern of doing things we know are not good for us. For example, reading the news, which is really just the bad news. Or observing something outrageous online. All for the strange satisfaction it gives, the strange taste we get for such things. I have a theory about this based on my many conversations. Many people (not all) struggle with what I call "necessity." This can take the form of lacking necessity: Im not compelled to do much, so its hard to get motivated, or to persist, or to find my activity meaningful. (This is a consequence of our affluence.) Others feel trapped in meaningless necessity, such as an environment they dislike or which harms them, but which they feel they cant leave. We spoke about how there are ways of living - most of us have experienced them - where life is in a pattern of meaningful necessity. Growing food is an example of this. Work that we have a passion for is another. And of how when we are in meaningless necessity, we reach for emotional junk food, sugar for the soul. Such as bad news or bad online behaviour. Which is to say, feelings of anger, or superiority, or fear - emotions which seem to make us feel alive. But which make us feel alive only insofar as we lack a real feeling of life. Just as excessive junk food tastes good only because we have lost contact with the fulfillment that comes with real food. So its good to ask: is this really nourishing me? What should I do today, this evening, which genuinely makes my life better, in however a small way?

15.01.2022 It's mid-morning and I am looking through this window as I counsel. The winters up here are often white and frozen in the morning, but clear and warm in the day's sun. Right now I can see evaporation rising from my Bird of Paradise. And in the distance sunlight hangs in the air, glowing through the mist between the forest trees. Another general point, drawn from a counselling conversation yesterday: sometimes we struggle in a situation, because we assume that it is knowledge ...or know-how which is expected or needed from us. In this context we focus on our lack, or on simply getting things right. But somehow there's a problem; somehow we're not getting things quite right. What if the situation is implicitly calling for something else which we haven't noticed? What if it is equally asking for authority from us? Many tasks in life are less about doing what is objectively true, and more about creating a framework, more about the pragmatic or emotional impact of creating that. Many tasks in life are about creating order out of chaos, so that others or ourselves can both move forward and feel confident and calm. If that's what's needed from us, but we've lost some of our confidence and calm because we're focused on "getting things right," then in some sense we will inevitably get things wrong. We will struggle more than we need to. In that context it's more important to focus on stepping into an attitude of confidence. And to asking ourselves, not what's right, but rather what will work. So it's important to consider: what is this situation really asking from me?

15.01.2022 I love these winter days in central Victoria. I took that photo last week on my daily walk through the bush. Today the sun is shining as it mostly does here on the wet, green, June landscape. I often try to boil things down to their essence. Out for a walk this morning, I was thinking of one of the most common causes of misery that I encounter in people. And of its opposite, which is a key to happiness. That common cause is grandiosity.... Grandiosity takes many forms. Of course there's the loud narcissist. But it is also behind the guilt people struggle with when they feel responsible for solving another's pain or problems. And it's behind our tendency to see our own sufferings as tragedies. Grandiosity afflicts people who obsess about compassion just as much as it does people who obsess about money. It afflicts people who obsess about their pain just as much as those who obsess about being admired. There's a lack of perspective in grandiosity: a failure to grasp how small and unimportant each of us is. As well as a failure to grasp where our value lies: that I can be small and unimportant, so to speak, and yet live a rich and beautiful and meaningful life. That I don't need to be anything more than I am, the weak and strong person that I am who will die and be forgotten, and yet who experienced love and curiousity and sunny days in winter. Grandiosity is a failure to see my intrinsic value, just as I am, and to substitute it with flimsy lies that I never quite believe in. It creates a distance between me and the things that heal or nourish. Imagine if these flowers tried to find their value in being something more than they are. They would suffer a ridiculous misery. Healthy humility is consistent with valuing myself and asserting my place in the world. It's an acceptance of reality, which can therefore see all the good in things, including in myself. The consequence is greater peace and happiness - just think of the strong, happy, humble people you've known.

14.01.2022 I came across this in the forest today, and really wanted to develop some metaphor out of it for reflection. Something, for example, about the tool that cuts away at nature, being cut away at by nature. But let's get meta: let's focus on metaphor itself. Or rather, on making meaning out of the situation we're in. Several famous philosophers and therapists have said that the person who has a why, can find a how. That is, the person who can find the right kind of meaning, it ...a good enough meaning, will thereby gain the motivation or resilience they need. So the art of finding meaning, or creating meaning, is really important. Especially in tough times. Meaning doesn't have to be grandiose. It doesn't have to change everything, or make us invulnerable, or whatever else. It doesn't have to bear that much weight. And the feeling that it should, is what often makes it hard for people to find adequate meaning. Putting too much weight on meaning, often causes it to collapse. It's often wiser to look for small moments of meaning; to notice kindness, to enjoy the sun, to appreciate a meal, to remember that you are in the midst of your life. Lots of small moments of finding or creating small meanings add up to a bigger state of well-being. Think about the challenges you're experiencing at the moment, and what small meanings you could connect with which will give you the energy or resilience you need. What will you do in the coming hours to connect with one of them?

14.01.2022 We often think or fantasise about the bad. That's what our minds are wired to do, because for most of human history that obsession enabled us to survive. But there's a practice for intentionally tuning in to the good in life, and making it the natural focus of your mind. It's called Savouring. Savouring is about viscerally bringing to mind the good, and deepening your enjoyment of it. Getting your mind hooked on the good feelings that come from good things. You can savour th...ings from the past, present, or future. As an example, think of something good that happened in recent weeks. Bring to mind the experience - who or what was involved. And what you saw, and the physical sensations, and the sounds and smells. Then remember the positive emotions you felt, and dwell on them and all that is good in what you remember. Roll around in it mentally, enjoy it - that wonderful, passing moment. Become aware of how all of this feels in your body. What is your breath doing? Where can you feel all of this in your body (for example, in your chest)? Notice that you are conjuring these feelings - you are causing yourself to feel these good things at this moment, by how you direct your mind. I've been practicing this for years, savouring all that I love about my life. For me it's particularly associated with my home and the surrounding bush - the feeling of the life I've created there. And it's written through, in a positive way, with an awareness that all of this is fragile and fleeting, which only makes it all the more precious. What I've found is that this practice becomes a habit; I don't have to think about doing it, rather it surges up in me repeatedly throughout the day, usually when certain things come into view - say, the treeline opposite - which I have used in this meditation; lots of objects in my daily life become triggers for tuning into what is good. That's the wonderful thing about crafting ourselves, about tuning ourselves - like a radio - into what we consciously, intentionally want to be flowing through our minds, rather than letting the old unconscious patterns own us and direct us. If you're willing to put in the practice, you can shape how you experience life.

14.01.2022 What a good day, today. Making the nights warm, and then riding my newly built, 1 horsepower motor-bicycle. On this maiden voyage I travelled through the bush from Tarnagulla to Dunolly and back. Capable of 200km per charge, this unfinished project is designed to celebrate the motor-cycles of 1900. There's something about the technology of that era that feels so fresh, so exciting. It's similar with the literature; I'm reading D. H. Lawrence's The Rainbow at the moment. The ...distinctive thing about Lawrence is his masterful exploration of the inner lives of his characters, both the conscious and the unconscious dimensions that move within them. We often survive in life by cutting off our inward experience. This has many causes - for some people their nature and strengths are simply more exterior, in the field of action. For others, emotional trauma has made it a necessity. And certainly, any of those of us who are very alive in our emotions and imaginations tend to suffer for it (every good thing has a cost). We actually benefit most from both: from being alive to our inner experience, while maintaining some level of objectivity so that we don't drown in our own emotions or become their slave, so that we can focus on making the world good for ourselves. If we can't recognise what is going on within, not only do we lack so much of the richness that is on offer in life, but we are much less able to understand and change. See more

13.01.2022 In counselling people often talk about needing to find the courage to act. However - and here's a paradox - it is usually action which leads to courage. This is why we encourage people to take small steps. Or sometimes big leaps. In doing so, they discover that they can do it, and so feel an energy to which we give various names, such as "courage." ... So when you feel paralysed, unable to move forward, it's worth asking whether you haven't got things backwards.

12.01.2022 We dont have to be achieving all the time. Nor do we have to experience positive emotions. We can look at life more in terms of connection and depth. We can look at it more in terms of strengths and virtues, such as Endurance in hard times. ... We can look at it simply as existence, something we dont really understand but which is good nonetheless. We can view our situation as part of a bigger, unfolding narrative of our life. We can experience it that way. To see any period of time as wasted is a problem of perspective; wasted according to what criteria? Does the problem lie with the circumstances, or with my view of the circumstances?

12.01.2022 Out for a walk this morning. I love the summer, but also the shift away from it here in central Victoria toward winter, when the sun still shines but everything softens and greens. The Ancient Greek philosopher Plotinus said, Being is desirable because it is identical with beauty, and beauty is loved because it is being. Theres this fundamental idea that the value of things shows itself to us according to how we approach them. If youre looking for gold out here, which is... great fun, well youre approaching the landscape with a certain view. And if youre approaching this place simply to enjoy its existence, then you see something else. In the second case beauty is what shows itself because, as Plotinus says, thats what existence is when approached with a certain way of looking. Beauty goes deep, its not just a nice feeling, because as Plotinus also said, its intertwined with values like truth and goodness. For example, when your mind is genuinely open in a place like this, its hard to feel hate or despair or fear. This is one reason why its so important for us to spend time often in nature: it transforms us inwardly.

12.01.2022 Giving in to fear often leads us to compromise our values and deeper desires. That means we are then in disharmony, both with ourselves and with what connects us to life. The result of that disharmony and disconnection is that we feel confused. Which means we don't understand (or know what to do with) the further consequences:... When we compromise ourselves in too big a way, or in small ways but too often, then we feel even more fear, and it gets a real hold on us. Often that state is called anxiety. Or things feel increasingly pointless for us, which is called depression. I'm not saying that all anxiety or depression is a result of giving into fear. And I'm only describing two consequences - there are many kinds. Nor am I judging people - fear, cowardice, courage, are fundamental things we all struggle with, often badly (some people's cowardice manifests as cool aloofness, such that people assume "they have it all together"). And that being the case, is good to know the answer is in our control: 1. We need to become conscious of what we are doing - of how we are responding to fear - and, 2. We need to enact more courage. What this fundamentally means, is that you are faced with the challenge of standing by what matters, regardless of the consequences. Regardless of the risks. This will be a case by case matter, in terms of weighing up what matters in each situation. And it is hard - the fear is real, sometimes legitimate, and sometimes very powerful. Plus fear often grips us before we have time to consciously respond - we need a moment (sometimes longer) to come to ourselves. But this choice of how we respond to fear is one of the core challenges of being human. It determines so much of the direction our lives go in, both outwardly, and in terms of who we are and how we experience life.

12.01.2022 A bicycle advert during the Spanish Flu pandemic, c.1920. I was struck by it because numerous clients in Melbourne have been thinking the same thing. Most people I've spoken to in lockdown have been getting to a new low point. At the very least they feel despondent and frustrated. Some feel despair or anger. ... Old struggles (depression, anxiety, self-loathing, fear) have come back or got worse. Old vices are reappearing. Many are drinking more. Many have put on weight. Many are demotivated. The fact that we can't predict the future, and that we have too little control, just makes it all worse. Knowledge and control are often the difference between hope and confidence, versus despair and anxiety. So it is precisely at this new low point, that we need to take control of what we can. To get creative on the face of the unknown. To find our own way forward. Now is the time to develop a new, positive discipline. One that includes plenty of self-care, yes, but that focuses on health and the future. For some people this will be easier, while others may need help to make it happen. But it's time to control what you can, in the service of your future. To start looking after your body again. And to consider what the medium and long-term future now looks like for you, at its best. To see what you can do now to start working toward that.

12.01.2022 One of the things we're learning about, in lockdown, is how much our *balance in life* involves elements that we don't normally reflect on, things which usually escape our notice. People who defined themselves as introverts, discover that they need social contact more than they realised. They discover that the right balance for them involved things they took for granted, such as social interactions at work. Now that that has disappeared, some people discover that they are not... as introverted as they thought. Other people discover just how much it is that, having little things to look forward to, is a part of what enables them to be positive people. Those planned weekends away, or at least the knowledge that they could take them, kept them in a good balance, in a positive mood. Now that such options are taken away, they find they have to work harder to maintain a positive outlook. We shouldn't judge ourselves for this. But it's an invitation to remain humble and wise about what it takes to make life good - lots of little things, and the art of finding the right balance, which can shift over time. It's also a reminder that we mostly don't know ourselves. I'm constantly guiding people to judge themselves less and to become more curious about themselves: to assume less, and to pay attention - to actually look and see - and to apply what they learn. Crises are a great opportunity for such learning. What have you discovered about yourself this year?

12.01.2022 Electric cycling through The Little Desert National Park. I keep returning to this place over the years, usually on a motorcycle or bicycle. As we rode, my partner (who is a talented artist, and who took these photos) and I talked about the value in art of repetition. We connected this with travel. Somebody might say, for example, Why do you keep going back to the same places? Why not go somewhere new? And they'd have a good point, from a certain perspective. However they'd e...xpressing a way of relating to life and beauty that's based on novelty: on always striving for the new. What about an aesthetic, and a way of living, that is instead based on repetition, as a way of deepening, of seeing more, of embedding yourself and creating a story? Our culture which is based based on progress and novelty often leaves us feeling a little empty. It can be too superficial. Yes, the new can be wonderful, and I certainly love exploration and adventure. But repetition has a great deal of value and power to offer. We have lived so long under the shadow of the ideal of perpetual progress, that our emotions have often become blind to that. But if, as our prime minister said just this week, we should expect a poorer future, perhaps we will come to see repetition, rather than endless progression and novelty, as the unnoticed pathway to a richer life. (Keeping in mind, of course, that a good life usually balances opposites, such as progress versus repetition.)

11.01.2022 One of our most important and healthy emotions is anger, but people often have a poor relationship with it. To understand anger we should start by asking, what function does it serve? How is it good? Anger is the emotion that enables us to protect ourselves and the people and things that matter to us. It's a fighting energy, enabling us to enforce boundaries and values in the face of threats.... The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle said that anger is a virtue when aroused for the right reason, and to the right degree. A touchy ego is a wrong reason for anger. Somebody abusing you is a good reason. A great deal of anger when somebody accidently cuts you off is too much anger - the wrong degree - while submitting to abuse because you don't want to appear rude is too little anger. In their book King Warrior Magician Lover, Moore and Gillette speak of the archetypes of male emotional health. What they say is relevant to both men and women. The warrior aspect of us uses energies like anger to get things done and to protect what matters. In this model an image of a triangle or pyramid is used, with the healthy warrior at the top. The bottom two corners represent an excess in either direction. On the bottom left is too little anger - submission - while on the bottom right is much anger - tyranny, violence. This image is important, because many people feel that they must choose between the bottom two: between vbeing too "nice", or being an areshole. Many opt for the first, and so suffer hurt, frustration, and resentment. But you don't have to make this choice, there is another, third option, up there at the top of the pyramid: that warrior energy. Anger, aggression, these are good and important. You need to be capable of them, and in touch with them inside yourself. It's good and important too that others can feel this in you. And like any true warrior, any martial artist of any tradition, you need to control and channel this aggression so that it serves you, rather than you serving it, and so that it serves your other values, including justice toward others, and self-respect.

11.01.2022 Found among my grandmother's possessions, I believe this is a photo of her mother, who worked at this hotel in Castlemaine in the 1920s before meeting my great-grandfather. Ive just finished reading a book by two demographers Howe and Strauss: The Fourth Turning. These are the same guys who coined the term Millennials. They studied history in terms of generations, rather than just a line of decades, and they began to see patterns. They argue through an analysis of Anglo an...d American society since 1500, that history does not only proceed in a line. Rather, it is also cyclical: a cycle 80-90 years long, and made of four parts which each last around 20-22 years: civic renewal, a values revolution, leading to a civic unravelling, and a consequent crisis. The fourth turning refers to the last and fourth 20 year period of the cycle, a time of crisis. According to their theory, we began a new 80-90 year cycle in 1946, which resolved the crises of previous era, and we are likely to begin a new cycle around 2030. We are currently in the crisis part of the cycle, when - so they predicted - just like last time leadership would be poor, society highly fragmented, the old social-economic order no longer working well, and events like market crashes, pandemics, revolutions, and wars, would not only take place, but have huge impacts. Writing in the late 80s and early 90s, they predicted that the 2020s would resemble the 1930s in terms of economic and social crisis. They also forecast that if we rose to our challenges (and were not unlucky) that we would overcome our crises and emerge into an new era of social and economic renewal. Its interesting to look at this 1920s photo and to think that just a few years before they were all wearing masks due to a pandemic. And that a few years later they would enter economic collapse. And that people would surprise themselves, and discover they had what it takes to rise to the occasion. To weather the storm and create something better on the other side.

11.01.2022 Writing in the sun. Augie March's album Sunset Studies floating through the warm air, celebrating its twenty years. As we've discovered, our bodies are very unfree. Disease can come despite our best efforts. And the government can deny us freedom of movement. Much about our bodies is out of our power to control. But our minds? That's where our real freedom lies. We are free to shape our minds and our hearts. To make an art of that, and so gradually transform who we are and how we experience life.

10.01.2022 A good, long day of counselling, concluded by greeting the twilight with wine and Wagner. A thought taken from today's counselling: Our ability to accept reality and be bigger than it, ... is greater than our ability to run from it. It's been my observation that when people fight reality, they generally lose. But this fight, or is opposite, flight, happen because we assume that we aren't up to the task of facing reality, at least in terms of its threats or pain. We are up to it. When give up fighting or running, and realise that "whatever it is, bring it on - I can handle it," then in that very moment we can handle it, we do rise to the occasion and find the strengths we need. The more we run from something, the bigger it grows. The more we turn and march toward it, the smaller it gets. This is a fundamental law of the mind and heart.

10.01.2022 Its mid-morning and I am looking through this window as I counsel. The winters up here are often white and frozen in the morning, but clear and warm in the days sun. Right now I can see evaporation rising from my Bird of Paradise. And in the distance sunlight hangs in the air, glowing through the mist between the forest trees. Another general point, drawn from a counselling conversation yesterday: sometimes we struggle in a situation, because we assume that it is knowledge ...or know-how which is expected or needed from us. In this context we focus on our lack, or on simply getting things right. But somehow theres a problem; somehow were not getting things quite right. What if the situation is implicitly calling for something else which we havent noticed? What if it is equally asking for authority from us? Many tasks in life are less about doing what is objectively true, and more about creating a framework, more about the pragmatic or emotional impact of creating that. Many tasks in life are about creating order out of chaos, so that others or ourselves can both move forward and feel confident and calm. If thats whats needed from us, but weve lost some of our confidence and calm because were focused on "getting things right," then in some sense we will inevitably get things wrong. We will struggle more than we need to. In that context its more important to focus on stepping into an attitude of confidence. And to asking ourselves, not whats right, but rather what will work. So its important to consider: what is this situation really asking from me?

10.01.2022 For many reasons, we come to come to trust ourselves less. Then we often look to externals - teachers, experts, gurus, objective assurances - for guidance. But when it comes to the most important things in life, such as love, happiness, inward strength, the greatest authority is within ourselves. ... When I speak truths with clients that help them grow and find their way forward, it is not that new information is being given to them which they use. Rather, it's that my reflections on them and on life, resonate with something they know already. This knowledge may be clear or unclear to their reflective mind, but it is there. This is the central point, this is the core agent of insight and transformation: this knowledge resonates inside you as felt truth, it comes alive, it now has greater force. There are many obstacles to that communication in counselling, sometimes due to me, but more often due to the other (because for all of us, our biggest impediment is our own "stuffed ears"). However if the message is accurate and it gets through - if it resonates - then it does the work. Often the work is gradual, but that is enough - that's how we grow. But to repeat my fundamental point: it only does this work because it resonates with the truth already inside you. Narcissists aside, this is why empty flattery will never build a person's self-esteem: they need truth, for they secretly know the truth. Beyond the "truth" of how worthless they are according to some inward critic, is the deeper place in a person, the wiser part, where they feel the truth of the value of themselves, of their existence. This is why people struggle with suicide (rather than just doing it), struggle with self-esteem, struggle to assert boundaries, struggle to make life good: a core part of them knows their worth and what a healthy life looks like. In this sense you already have, within, what you need. It's about waking up to it, listening to it, trusting it.

09.01.2022 Further to this theme of our reactions to lockdown. And again, dealing with anger. I've often pointed out that emotions serve functions. ... One function of anger is to protect you, whether physically, emotionally, socially - it energises you to enforce boundaries. Another function of anger is to protect your spirit. What do I mean? Some people are losing their businesses due to the lockdowns, and are becoming generally angry. They feel angry at the government, at other people, at everything. They've become a chronically angry person at this point in time. Why is that? What else might they be feeling of they weren't angry? For some of the people I've dealt with this week, beneath the anger is a feeling of helplessness. A feeling that their efforts and dreams are pointless. Or at least a fear that this is becoming the case. They are feeling a helplessness, a hopelessness, a risk of despair. What's better than such awful feelings? Well, anger. Anger is a fighting spirit. It's a step up from despair, in both the sense that it's like getting back on your feet, and it's a better level of emotion because you feel like you have some control. Our emotions enable us to deal with the world, but when we can't deal with the world, when we seem to lose control, then they take on a fantasy function: making us at least feel like we can deal with the world. So there's a good psychological reason that people feel angry, especially when their other option is hopelessness, helplessness, despair. Of course, the question is: is there a third option? Having become aware that I am angry to protect myself from despair, might I find a better, stronger position within myself?

09.01.2022 Found among my grandmothers possessions, I believe this is a photo of her mother, who worked at this hotel in Castlemaine in the 1920s before meeting my great-grandfather. Ive just finished reading a book by two demographers Howe and Strauss: The Fourth Turning. These are the same guys who coined the term Millennials. They studied history in terms of generations, rather than just a line of decades, and they began to see patterns. They argue through an analysis of Anglo an...d American society since 1500, that history does not only proceed in a line. Rather, it is also cyclical: a cycle 80-90 years long, and made of four parts which each last around 20-22 years: civic renewal, a values revolution, leading to a civic unravelling, and a consequent crisis. The fourth turning refers to the last and fourth 20 year period of the cycle, a time of crisis. According to their theory, we began a new 80-90 year cycle in 1946, which resolved the crises of previous era, and we are likely to begin a new cycle around 2030. We are currently in the crisis part of the cycle, when - so they predicted - just like last time leadership would be poor, society highly fragmented, the old social-economic order no longer working well, and events like market crashes, pandemics, revolutions, and wars, would not only take place, but have huge impacts. Writing in the late 80s and early 90s, they predicted that the 2020s would resemble the 1930s in terms of economic and social crisis. They also forecast that if we rose to our challenges (and were not unlucky) that we would overcome our crises and emerge into an new era of social and economic renewal. Its interesting to look at this 1920s photo and to think that just a few years before they were all wearing masks due to a pandemic. And that a few years later they would enter economic collapse. And that people would surprise themselves, and discover they had what it takes to rise to the occasion. To weather the storm and create something better on the other side.

09.01.2022 In his masterpiece, the poet Rilke wrote that "even the animals are aware that we are not at home in our interpreted world." There's a lot in that. But here's a practical thought: In our need to interpret others, we often undermine ourselves.... What do I mean? For a start, a great deal of our self-worth comes through standing up for ourselves. But many people let themselves be mistreated, through trying to interpret the one who is mistreating them. Trying to understand where they're coming from, how they see the situation, what's motivating them, perhaps what pain they feel. Now that's all well and good as a secondary activity. But it must be secondary. What comes first, is not entering into the perspective of somebody who's abusing you, but entering into the perspective of what your boundaries are, of what you are owed as a matter of respect. That needs to come first and be rock solid. "I don't care about your reasons or motivations; there's a boundary - here it is, do not cross it!" Explanations are a secondary issue. At best, they're little more than speculation. At worst, they are a trap: they lead you into the abuser's perspective, to see things from their view, a view which negates you. Start with boundaries. With clear thoughts and words and actions of healthy self-worth, of healthy self-respect. Only from that clear, sane, safe position can you try to get inside the perspective of somebody who is mistreating you. ---- This is one of many ways that our addiction to interpretation undermines our healthy instincts. I'm aware that examples such as this one might seem a bit combative, especially in a world of social media with its narcissism and outrage. That's why I referred to "healthy" self-respect. We're not talking about entitled egos here, about people whose entitlement and lack of empathy leads them to see themselves as victims. Rather, in counselling, I see many kind, empathic people who don't know how to assert their boundaries and worth. So they end up participating in their own mistreatment. They need to learn "enlightened selfishness," the moral obligation to value and take care of yourself. Or to put it less theoretically, they need to come back to their healthy animal self, with their instinct not only for empathy but also for self-preservation. To not get caught up in the interpreted world but to trust their gut.

08.01.2022 Hear me being interviewed on Castlemaine radio tomorrow morning.

07.01.2022 We have multiple selves within us. For example theres the little boy or girl; the judgemental parent; the wise, loving parent; the adventurer, or artist, or contemplative, or craftsman, or homemaker...they vary with each person, depending on your experiences and nature. Multiple selves. So no wonder that trying to steer your life can feel like herding cats!... The child in you carries the wounds or struggles of your own childhood. It is the part of you that is still trapped back there. We never fully outgrow our childhood. The negative parent in you, is the voice of your actual parents, from back then, in their worse aspects. We all have limitations and flaws; every parent has limitations and flaws. A child reads them as messages about themselves: if mum or dad is always absent its because Im not worth being around. If mum or dad is always stressed its because Im a problem. If mum or dad habitually criticise or guilt me, then Im a bad person. These become life lessons: deep, almost unconscious feelings about oneself. The childs experience of this negative side of their parent, becomes a voice within the child, an attitude towards themselves, which they carry into adulthood. These almost unconscious feelings cause many of the problems in our lives. Theyre often what bring people to crisis, and what bring people to counselling. Of course you cant change the past. Its hard even to interpret the past. But thats where another aspect of the self comes in: that wise, loving parent. Thats a new relationship you can develop with yourself. In place of the voice of the negative inward parent. You can start relating to yourself - to the struggling child in you, and to the adult that you are now - from the position of that wise, loving, parental aspect of yourself. The one who sees clearly, who values you and your life, who thinks that just existing here for this brief time as the person you are, is good enough. Is maybe even something to value and celebrate.

07.01.2022 This is a great book for men. I often use it when discussing aggression, and the problem of finding your place with it. People often get stuck between extremes: control vs passivity, narcissistic aggression vs submission. We get stuck in an either/or. And not simply in terms of how we think, but in how we act. We rigidly cling to one extreme to avoid the other. For example if you had an irrational and aggressive parent, then you may instinctively try to become the opposite, ...and so end up submissive, even weak. Maybe your child reacts to that and ends up doing the opposite and becomes aggressive, to compensate in the other direction. The cycle continues. Of course we can only white-knuckle our way through life for so long, and when you go to one extreme, you will unexpectedly swing to the other, at moments of stress. This will typically fill you with shame. Life doesn't have to be an either/or. There is a third place. At the top of the triangle is power held with compassion and justice. And aggression for the right reason and to the right degree, to protect the things that matter. All our emotions have a healthy form, we well as unhealthy excesses. In their healthy form they are vital for a good life. This is not simply a nice philosophical insight. We work with these ideas in ways that let them sink in, that turn them from an idea into a feeling, and then into a way of being.

06.01.2022 Projection. If you want to treat those you love really well, if at a deep level you want to nourish their self-love, their courage, their hope, their joy, then you need to get these things right within yourself. It is not enough to encourage others - children, partner, friends - to value themselves. The only really powerful way to do that is to genuinely accept and love and be grateful for ourselves. For it is only by self-acceptance at that fundamental level that we can ful...ly accept those we love, and send that deep, unspoken message for them to feel the same about themselves. We are walking projection-machines. That which we cannot tolerate in ourselves, we ultimately cannot tolerate in others. If we hate large parts of ourselves, we send the message to others to do the same. Our words and ideals matter less here, talk is cheap and change has to be deeper. It's the deeper level of us which is contagious. Sure, there are many things about yourself you'd like to change, including things you really should try to change. And there are things about others which you'd like them to change. Acceptance is consistent with standards and with change. In fact it's the basis for it. Do you want that change to be real growth, which changes the inward reality and makes life better, or a merely beaten-down policing of the self? The person who cannot accept their flaws either hates themselves, or becomes conceited because it feels like too much to acknowledge them. The arrogant judge, or the wise caretaker? It is wisdom and clarity to see oneself as a gift and a mystery - I did not create myself, I did not choose to be born a human being and I don't understand most things, reality is very much beyond me. And to relate to one's self as a caretaker of my self as a gift and mystery, enjoying and appreciating this limited existence for it's limited time, as something limited but, actually, good. Rather than as something bad because of its limitations. The ultimate point here is, can I accept myself as a human being, as fundamentally worthwhile? Or will I focus on my limits of flaws and invest mostly in a rejection of myself? There's a choice here: what will you focus on? What will you see, when you look at yourself, and then at others?

05.01.2022 Another lunchtime cycle, another vintage British bicycle, but of a different kind. The same forest, however, with its warm Autumn sun, and winding paths. Speaking of sunshine, I had an interesting discussion with a client earlier about using the five senses to bring ourselves into the present, which is usually a fine place to be, versus the dream and often nightmare that our imagination takes us into. The bodily senses, and the imagination, are different kinds of senses. But... the first is rooted in reality about me, while the second is free to fabricate. And because the mind is in part a machine for warning us of threats, those fabrications or imaginings are often negative; threats in the future, harms in the past. So it's good to use the wonderful realities about us to come into this better, more real place. The only place we actually have.

05.01.2022 Walking around the garden before my first counselling session this morning, I noticed this juxtaposition: one web upon another. A connection between two worlds. In a recent post I mentioned the concept of "nature-deficit disorder," that becoming too disconnected from nature can be harmful for us. People reconnect with nature in different ways, and even through very different worldviews; the need exists at a deeper level than language and ideas. Whether you meditate in the for...est, or spend the weekend fishing, you know what I'm talking about. That feeling of connection versus disconnection is an important thing to pay attention to in our lives. When you're perceptive of it, you can ask, Among the things that I do, what makes me feel disconnected? And importantly, what makes me feel connected? The background question here is, How should I live? And the further question is, What should I do less of, and What should I do more of, to make my life better? That doesn't have to be a complex question with a clever answer. Rather, tune into this feeling. This feeling is like a compass.

04.01.2022 In a complicated but also mysterious way, we are a combination of freedom and determinism. This means that we are in many ways determined - by things in our environment right now, but especially by things from the past. Life is an elaborate chain of cause and effect. Many of your struggles are the consequence of past events, the continuation of past energies and patterns. People often don't realise how much of their present struggle is the repetition of a pattern which was se...Continue reading

04.01.2022 Another place where Ive been doing counselling during lockdown: in the garden, especially on sunny Autumn days. This morning was a little different, however, but I find mornings like this so beautiful. Furthermore this is the type which emerges in a pure sunny day, warm but soft. Every season up here is so different. In Summer, so classically Australian. In Winter, like an English cottage. Thats when you really appreciate the home-baked bread, the jam from last seasons tre...es, and coffee from the warm stove. Another ebook is forming in my mind, one thats probably much better than the previous two. Its an integration of insights from the likes of Stoicism, Buddhism, and the psychology of mindfulness on the one hand; and the philosophical, the practical, and the courageous on the other: living really well with what is out of our control, with greater peace, while centring our mind and action on what we truly value and which makes our life good. Its like theres this secret out there, and once we recognise it (and practice it) we become so much more free and content: youll always suffer. Youll always carry your demons. But in our efforts to free ourselves from them, weve created a vicious circle: the solution increases the problem. It amplifies everything, it creates the greater suffering, it robs us of our peace and our lives, which disappear as we become obsessed with our bad dreams, our fantasy absorptions. Much of our lives are psychologically driven. Blind. Unconcious. This different practice is about becoming present, awake, values-driven, happy.

04.01.2022 Living well involves two attitudes or activities: acceptance and change. People often have a narrow, unhelpful understanding of acceptance. And there's this strange attitude out there, that if I have a narrow understanding of a word then that's just how it is. But many words have richer meanings, and grasping those meanings can enrich our lives. Acceptance is not mere resignation. It is not simply "putting up with." It is an active stance, a way of facing reality that is root...ed in courage and hope. It is a strength: your instinct is fight or flight, but instead you choose to relax a little and to look. Such acceptance means opening yourself to reality in its whole, rather than struggling in denial of it. It is rooted in the idea that I can handle what comes, and it's good to be alive and to experience it fully. That's an attitude, a way of living. This means accepting pain, but also happiness. You can't have one without the other. And if you repress one then you repress the other. Importantly, you can accept reality and still try to change it. In fact that is the ideal, and it's necessary. For example, if you're in a bad relationship then you need to accept the truth of that in order to take useful action. If you're going to free yourself from, or live well with, your physical or emotional pain then you need to accept it first before you can skillfully do anything about it. If you're in a bad workplace then you can obsess about how it's unjust and drain yourself with that, or you can accept the many things that are out of your control - which in itself means you suffer less, you stop obsessing - and instead use your energy to take action and improve your situation. The majority of what goes wrong in our lives is rooted in our refusal to accept reality. Be that a conscious refusal, or more often an unconscious, instinctive, reactive one (I inwardly tense up and close my eyes. After all, if I can't see it, then it doesn't exist). By accepting reality we can then take valuable action. As an aside, this is why the model of the Five Stages of Grief is so powerful. It shows the emotional states - denial, anger, arguing, depression - that we get stuck in until we accept reality and take action.

04.01.2022 We don't have to be achieving all the time. Nor do we have to experience positive emotions. We can look at life more in terms of connection and depth. We can look at it more in terms of strengths and virtues, such as Endurance in hard times. ... We can look at it simply as existence, something we don't really understand but which is good nonetheless. We can view our situation as part of a bigger, unfolding narrative of our life. We can experience it that way. To see any period of time as wasted is a problem of perspective; wasted according to what criteria? Does the problem lie with the circumstances, or with my view of the circumstances?

04.01.2022 Out in the forest this morning. The same rain that was leaking through my tin roof, has created waterholes in the bush. We stopped at one to enjoy some home-baked biscuits. It's that wonderful time of year when you can feel the warmth of Spring emerge from its sleep, and the earth feels alive in a new way. This is such a contrast to the storm of a world which our screens create for us. A curated cacophony of crisis, in HD and illuminated, is projected into our eyes and so into our minds and bodies. We stiffen up. We churn. We chaffe. We're full of fear or anger. We lose contact with the warm toast on our plate, with the reality of the friend over the fence, and of the strength in us to handle whatever comes and to make life good. Resilience is ultimately about the capacity to enjoy this brief life.

04.01.2022 Brief is our time, and we are fast approaching the end. What then, are we meant to do with this time? Well, let's take a step back. The theme here is Time. But what is that? ... Stop and think about it - do you actually know what time is? Can you define it? Try now. It's a mystery, really. In philosophical terms, I define Time as our perception of change - or something like that. One of the constants of life is change. Hence the image of life as a flowing stream. What's come is soon gone. And something else comes in its place. To be replaced yet again. What makes time so mysterious is the present. The feeling of eternity, or at least some kind of permanence. The beauty of being alive to what is there in front of us, in the present moment, is that it's a space where things can dwell. Things of beauty. Relationships of love. A sense of something that matters. What we "do with time," therefore, does not necessarily refer to doing something inside of time. Like following a passion or creating an object. Rather, it can refer to how we orient ourselves to time. If we orient ourselves to the present moment, we have the chance to live time - to do our time - in a richer, deeper way, even in the midst of flow and change.

04.01.2022 What do we do when our bodies are locked down? We flourish inwardly. We let our imagination take us places, through books or film.... We explore philosophy or grow in our spirituality. We cook wonderful food or drink really good wine. We give over to the senses, for example through music. In central Victoria we're not locked down yet. So this morning I could indulge in my weekly, $2 opp-shop record. I have my wifi set to switch off on the evening at the time I finish counselling, leaving the night for reading, or listening, or working in the heated shed. Vinyl is a new pleasure and it serves various functions for me. I'm practicing a much more frugal lifestyle of late, which is enabling my financial goals and affording me much more freedom - hence the retail therapy of a $2 record in place of old spendy habits. But what I've discovered is how much I love the ritual of using vinyl, the way it makes listening a much more intentional activity. A few clients this week have replied that they hope I'm looking after myself, after I said the same thing to them. I'm speaking to a lot of people in lockdown in Melbourne, and many are finding it quite hard this time around. And yes, this means that I'm spending many hours sitting with people who are in a low place, but as I say in response, I'm doing the things which nourish me and my energy. I hope you're doing the same. Sure, you're right to think that there are people who have it harder than you, and it's good not to be dramatic. But it's also good to take care of yourself, so that today is a good day, and tomorrow is the same. Our days are numbered, and each one can be a little but of an art work, something worth having had for that 24 hours.

03.01.2022 JOMO. The Joy Of Missing Out. The joy of missing out on being outside of yourself, lost in external things, made anxious by grasping, fearful of losing, depressed by addictions, distracted, dissipated, enslaved. The joy of dwelling more within yourself. Of knowing yourself rather than acting out. Of calming yourself precisely by turning inward. Of finding your footing from within. Of experiencing your freedom.... The joy of dwelling in that part of you which serenely observes, which can contemplate and perceive and connect. The joy of dwelling, of existing.

03.01.2022 Taken on a roadtrip over Christmas. There's something about The Mallee and The Wimmera - the place of my earliest memories, where the sky seems almost to call to you, to touch something inside. It's like there's an unconsciousness to the land, a spirit running through it. Regarding unconsciousness, I was just thinking about these words from the father of therapy, Sigmund Freud: "He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. I...f his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore." That which we do not recognise in ourselves, that which we do not contend with (do not accept or integrate or work through) has a way of coming forward anyway. Often it comes forward through other emotions, for example the angry person who feels that anger is unacceptable or dangerous, and so they become depressed instead. Or it comes forward through behaviour, for example the same angry person who, through a similar rejection of anger, harms themselves through over-eating or drugs or self-sabotage. Or it comes forward in the body: the same person develops some kind of chronic pain. This is one set of examples, in a forest of different emotions and ways that they show themselves. Looking deeply into ourselves, which takes courage and can be quite a journey, is vital to becoming well, to becoming healthy; whether that be emotionally, physically, relationally, spiritually.... It is the path to a more free and beautiful life.

03.01.2022 I mark today as the first day of Spring. These were not here yesterday. But the wind blew, and the bees massed, and it was clear the earth was beginning something new. And now today, the darling buds of September. Perhaps this is why, at the lower point of this lockdown last week, I felt rise up in me the motivation to start anew. As did so many of my clients this week, of their own accord. To do something with our situation. No longer waiting on it to do something. No longer... being done to. Wine and baking warmed my winter evenings, especially after days spent helping others lift their spirit and find their energy. Now the season is changing inwardly, as much as outwardly. I'm losing weight, getting sweaty every day, and reflecting deeply on my work and what I want it to look like (an ongoing practice across the years to keep it always fully alive). What possibilities do you want to fulfill in the next six months?

02.01.2022 I spoke with six clients today, all of who are in Melbourne and experiencing the new stage 4 lockdown. A thought struck me about the perspective you choose, and some people found it helpful. There's frustration among many people about being locked down for longer due to people "doing the wrong thing." Now, when it comes to transmission of the virus, there is a significant minority who are causing this through flouting the rules. Yet - so it seems to me from what I'm reading ...- the majority of the transmission is through people who are "doing the right thing." People who are following the rules while unaware that they are infected. This is less a case of bad behaviour than of a pandemic doing its thing. In philosophy we make a distinction between natural evil versus moral evil. Natural evils are bad things outside of human control. Cancer, earthquakes, pandemics. Moral evils are bad things people choose to do, whether through commission (actions) or omission (failing to act). They are acts of will, of choice, such as murder, or ignoring suffering out of greed. This distinction is important for various reasons. For example, so that we don't punish innocent people for earthquakes or pandemics (it took us a long time to work that out). But it is also important, because we suffer very differently in each case of evil. If somebody you love dies from an earthquake, you will feel differently compared to how you feel if they were murdered. In the second case you're going to feel much more anger, plus worse emotions like despair. A lot of people are struggling during this time. There's a mild degree of suffering for most due to this combination of natural and moral evils. And for those who lose loved ones, health, businesses, the suffering is of course even greater. If you focus on all if this as a moral evil, then you are going to feel very differently than if you focus on it as a natural evil. And it seems to me that the bulk of this is a natural evil. If there's an arbitrariness in choosing to focus in this as a moral evil, if that's a questionable choice, then why do so? Why focus on it as somebody's fault when that adds more to your suffering, when that brings so much more anger and despair and so on to the mix?

02.01.2022 We have multiple selves within us. For example there's the little boy or girl; the judgemental parent; the wise, loving parent; the adventurer, or artist, or contemplative, or craftsman, or homemaker...they vary with each person, depending on your experiences and nature. Multiple selves. So no wonder that trying to steer your life can feel like herding cats!... The child in you carries the wounds or struggles of your own childhood. It is the part of you that is still trapped back there. We never fully outgrow our childhood. The negative parent in you, is the voice of your actual parents, from back then, in their worse aspects. We all have limitations and flaws; every parent has limitations and flaws. A child reads them as messages about themselves: if mum or dad is always absent it's because I'm not worth being around. If mum or dad is always stressed it's because I'm a problem. If mum or dad habitually criticise or guilt me, then I'm a bad person. These become life lessons: deep, almost unconscious feelings about oneself. The child's experience of this negative side of their parent, becomes a voice within the child, an attitude towards themselves, which they carry into adulthood. These almost unconscious feelings cause many of the problems in our lives. They're often what bring people to crisis, and what bring people to counselling. Of course you can't change the past. It's hard even to interpret the past. But that's where another aspect of the self comes in: that wise, loving parent. That's a new relationship you can develop with yourself. In place of the voice of the negative inward parent. You can start relating to yourself - to the struggling child in you, and to the adult that you are now - from the position of that wise, loving, parental aspect of yourself. The one who sees clearly, who values you and your life, who thinks that just existing here for this brief time as the person you are, is good enough. Is maybe even something to value and celebrate.

01.01.2022 Here's a recording of the radio interview I did (starting at 9m20s). I discuss philosophical counselling, men's counselling, and being a counsellor. Thank you to Ange for having me on.

01.01.2022 Heres a recording of the radio interview I did (starting at 9m20s). I discuss philosophical counselling, mens counselling, and being a counsellor. Thank you to Ange for having me on.