Michella V | Businesses

Michella V

Phone: +61 400 084 371

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25.01.2022 Follow my page for useful resources and tips about healing, mindset, emotions, life and business

24.01.2022 What was the biggest realization you had during this time?What was the biggest realization you had during this time?

24.01.2022 Who has watched The Queen’s Gambit? (Interesting article below) https://www.socialworker.com//queens-gambit-trauma-loss-/

18.01.2022 Morning Meditation! Thank you Jessica! #FiveLoveLanguages #SWAG

17.01.2022 For anyone who'd like to understand a bit more about their autonomic nervous system and stress responses, I created this little graphic. Our nervous system is c...onstantly scanning the environment for signs of safety and danger, with the aim of setting responses in motion to keep us safe (alive!). When we are sensing safety, we are there in the centre, feeling calm and connected. Our ventral vagal nerve complex, which is responsible for social engagement, is switched on. The ventral vagal also acts as a kind of container for the other branches of the nervous system (sympathetic and dorsal vagal), helping to keep us on track with a gentle up and down rhythm (homeostasis). Sometimes we’ll be more active, like when we're playing, dancing, or vacuuming. These things take a bit of activation from the sympathetic nervous system, to give us the energy to move. Other times, we'll be more still, like when we are cuddling, relaxing, resting or meditating, and these things involve a little bit of activation of the dorsal vagal nerve complex so that we can remain still. But all the while, when our ventral vagal is activated, we're feeling safe, we're feeling good, like "we've got this". When our amydgala unconsciously perceives a threat (via "neuroception") in our environment (e.g. an alarm going off), relationships (e.g. our child crying, our partner snapping at us), or internally (e.g. a worrying thought, an uncomfortable sensation) our sympathetic nervous system automatically becomes activated. It triggers a release of adrenaline and cortisol, and we feel the energy in our body rising, preparing us for movement (mobilization), in an attempt to keep us safe from the perceived threat. We may experience an urge to lash out verbally or physically to confront the threat (fight). Or we might be compelled to use that energy to run away from the threat, escaping from the situation (flight). Either way, the situation will feel urgent, like we need to resolve it immediately. If these responses don't help to resolve the threat, our nervous system can have so much sympathetic activation that it is overwhelming, and our dorsal vagal nerve complex will kick in to shut it down. Its purpose is to make us more still (immobilized) in an attempt to help us survive the threat, and then allow us to get back to fighting or fleeing. We might fawn, where our self expression will be toned down. We might unconsciously do or say things that are not true to ourselves, in order to make us appear less threatening to the aggressor, and therefore more safe. And if that doesn't work, we might go into freeze, where we still have quite a lot of sympathetic activation, but our movement is very limited. At the very least, in this state we will be numb, no longer feeling the emotional or physical pain of an attack. Finally, if the dorsal vagal is jammed on with no sympathetic activation, we can collapse or flop, which is an attempt to keep us safe by feigning death. We are not designed to stay in any of these stress responses for very long. Ideally, once the danger has passed, our nervous system returns (back along the spiral) to a safe state fairly quickly. Those of us who have experienced chronic stress or trauma are more prone both to sensing threat and reaching the point of overwhelm. We also tend to get stuck in the different protective states. The further we get in the stress response (the spiral outwards), the further away we become from feeling connected to our body and our authentic self. We can become so mobilized that we are out of control, or so immobilized that we dissociate or collapse. I've found that just tracking where we are in the spiral throughout our day can be helpful. Knowing that these states happen unconsciously and automatically in the service of helping us to survive, rather than by choice, can also help us to feel more compassion for ourselves (and others). What can help even more is to get intimate with our own nervous system, to explore what triggers us into these protective states and what resources can help us to return to a sense safety, and to keep building the muscle that brings us back to our centre. These are some of the things that Angela Hill of Kinnect and I will be covering in our program, Rewire Through Regulation and Repair, while offering a safe and supportive environment in which to practice together. We'll be running our next round in October 2020, and you can find more information and sign up to be notified of future rounds on our website rewireforparenting.com. The information presented is based on Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory, and is my take on Deb Dana's "Polyvagal Ladder". However, Fawn is not an explicitly recognised state in Porges' work.

16.01.2022 What music has brought you to tears?

15.01.2022 If you truly have a value on building wealth, your life would probably already be demonstrating that you’re on your way to economic freedom. You’d have evidence... that your financial freedom is gradually becoming a reality in your life. If you do not have a value on wealth building, building a business, saving, investing, buying assets, and serving others, financial independence most likely won’t be yours. If your highest values lie elsewhere, you can still build wealth by linking your financial goals to your highest values. Link the goal of saving, serving others etc to your current highest values by asking ‘How can (insert your financial goal ie. saving) be of great service, value and benefit to you in your highest values? #wealthbuilding #peresonaldevelopment #financialfreedom

15.01.2022 Want to uncover what’s going on for you in life or business and how to alchemise? PM me x

14.01.2022 Healing is not linearHealing is not linear

11.01.2022 Are you struggling with shame, guilt, fear or self-doubt? World-renowned expert Brené Brown joins the table to help! Willow admits what it felt like to be shamed by her parents, and Jada has a revelation about her codependency.

10.01.2022 What is something you wish more people knew about?What is something you wish more people knew about?

08.01.2022 Procrastinating is a HABIT. You beat procrastination the same way you break a bad habit-- through interrupting old patterns and practicing new ones. I am the qu...een of procrastination. Just ask my husband Chris. I catch myself cleaning out the fridge instead of working on my manuscript or baking bread instead of finishing up my family holiday card. I’m serious-- we haven’t sent one out in a few years thanks to my procrastination. This year will be different. Instead of letting my procrastination get the best of me, I catch myself and think about what I’m really avoiding and I force myself to start working on it for just ONE minute. I write one sentence or make one phone call and BOOM-- all of a sudden I’m writing another sentence or checking that phone call off my to-do list, ready to tackle the next thing. Once you understand the science behind beating procrastination, it no longer controls your life. Now get off social media and get going!! That’s what I’m going to do-- I have a holiday card to finish.

05.01.2022 Is it a time problem? Or a priorities problem?Is it a time problem? Or a priorities problem?

03.01.2022 The Mythology of Secure Attachment One of the biggest myths out there that I encounter over and over in my work with humans and intimacy... Is that when you "he...al" enough that intimate relationship will somehow be less vulnerable. Um, nope. Not even close. There is no promised land of secure attachment where you will not be completely exposed and utterly defenceless to a broken heart. So you better pick the person you open your heart to wisely. Which is why it is UP TO YOU to start making different choices that have your own back. Insecure attachment means that you do NOT have your own back. You are in active self-rejection and self-betrayal. You are trying to control your life and love and other people need to be different for you to be ok. Secure attachment, on the other hand, means that you are navigating from a place beneath your personality. And you are saying no to people and situations that are going to f*ck you up. Even when the addiction to familiar suffering is so strong. It does not mean that the wrong relationships are suddenly going to be tolerable. It means you are going to say "No, thank you" and not throw your self-rejected heart out the window and hope it bounces. And you are going to stop blaming "them" for any of it. No, it's not because they were a narcissist or borderline or whatever. It's because you merrily walked past a ton of red flags so you could experience more familiar suffering - just like your personality is designed for. Love and intimacy and sex are always going to be vulnerable. Always. They are always going to leave you exposed. Always. So it's time to find a way to make choices and say YES and NO from your personhood and not just your personality. You know where to find me. Let's stay in love, Ernest

03.01.2022 Emotional dumping is so common because most of us are unconscious to the reality that we engage in it. I know I was. Most of my relationships revolved around mu...tual emotional dumping. This temporary felt ‘good’ to be because it allowed me to feel a false sense of connection + closeness. It also felt bad. I often felt drained, resentful, + like I was not considered. For many of us, our childhood revolved around emotional dumping. This was intimacy + closeness, for us. Yet it was also painful because our own emotions were not considered. This is why many of us don’t know how to consider the emotional states of others or have awareness of how we impact others. As we become more conscious, we can begin to see this pattern within ourselves while also setting boundaries with those around us. Emotional dumping can be very addictive. It can (temporarily) feel like connection. True emotional connection allows for shared emotional experiences, honest feedback that involves space to find solutions, + clear communication. Have you experienced emotional dumping? How does it feel? #selfhealers

03.01.2022 Great post about Disassociating from my colleague Freya @ Fierce Mystic