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22.01.2022 My baby turns 19 today - Happy Birthday Benson

19.01.2022 My only real Instagram is: http://bit.ly/2lG9wg7 Credit: ANON

19.01.2022 Emotional abuse is no stranger to strong women. I lost my voice. I dated a man who took away my ability to trust my truth.... Situations would occur. Words would be said. And when I would make the courageous choice to revisit the memory, he would tell me I was wrong. Retelling the story the way he remembered it. Discrediting my feelings. Causing me to question my intelligent brain and in-tune heart. I loved this man. I talked about a future with him. And when friends or family would recall emotional pain, I would silence them with words that spoke to how great he was. I wanted them to hold me while I cried, yet support the love. Asking them to be a passenger on a roller coaster they didn’t buy a ticket for. There were countless moments my spirit whispered: This isn’t love. You are more. But I stayed. I cried more tears for this man than I knew my tear ducts held. Putting ice packs on my eyes to keep the swelling at bay was a regular evening activity. I clung so tightly to the high-and-low game I began to dance to the toxic rhythm. Making it my ringtone. I could tell you a million stories. I could walk you through every time his words broke me down - not just to tears, but uncontrollable sobs. The kind that make you curl in a ball, shivering from your fingertips to your tiptoes. Side by side with the man you love, yet feeling more alone than your soul ever knew it could. Anxious. Waiting for the next high. That was his pattern ... Break me. Fix me. Making me emotionally dependent on the toxicity that was disguised as love. If you are reading this and have never had a toxic lover, you will ask yourself why? Why I stayed, How I didn’t see it, You may even call me weak. I know I have. If you’ve ridden the roller coaster, you know it doesn’t feel like a choice. You know there is nothing scarier than feeling like you can’t trust your own mind. You know on any given day your heart is playing tug-of-war with the highs and the lows, trying to decide if maybe this really is love. Emotional abuse is no stranger to strong women. In fact, I think we are drawn to the challenge. I know I was. So often, we tell about painful periods of our life from the winners circle. The theme of I was there, but now I’m here. Never living in it and giving the pain the power to speak. I don’t want to do that. I want you to know I’m still healing. It’s vulnerable, raw, heartbreaking, and filled with three steps forward, five steps back. If you are in it, if you left it, if you seesaw back and forth, you are nothing less. One more time, for my people in the back, you are nothing less. Your heart loves so deeply that most can’t even find the bottom. I know because mine does, too. It takes one to know one. It was gifted the ability to see what could be instead of what is. It’s a gift. To see beauty in a world that is surrounded with brokenness. To love even the unworthy. To hope amidst the pain. You are not weak. But your heart is meant to be held by someone who sees just how far your love can stretch, yet never tests the limits. Someone who knows that your strength rivals that of an MMA fighter, but lets you rest into them anyway. Someone who loves your fire, holds your spirit, ignites your heart, and protects your soul. Staying in a love that doesn’t hold us is never a matter of whether we are weak or strong. It’s a question of why we search for the answers in the heart of another. Why we hold another heart’s desires tighter than our own. Why we move further and further away from who we are to be who they need. Radically, honestly ... When did you stop hearing your own heart? Step away from any place that prevents you from hearing the answer. - Jenna Irvin (excerpt via The Elephant Journal) Art: deviantart

18.01.2022 Hmmm...me thinks the Staff Professional Library isn’t all that professional

17.01.2022 Even the cat gets a check up when Mum and Bub have their postnatal check at home

15.01.2022 No....I’m going to rule the seven kingdoms!!

14.01.2022 All aboard...Murder Mystery evening on the Swanbank Steam Train

13.01.2022 Yes even the iPhone gets taken to the Thunderbox

12.01.2022 H o w N a r c i s s i s t s S e e L o v e . When a narcissist says I love you, they mean that they love the way they feel when you work hard to make them ...happy. They love how easy it is to take advantage of your generosity, compassion and kindness. They derive pleasure when they make themselves feel superior to you, and make you feel insignificant and small. They love the feeling it gives them seeing you as emotionally crazy, weak, and vulnerable, as, in their view, your gullibility, innocence and childlike desires prove your inferiority and weakness. They love how easy it is to use gaslighting or other manipulation techniques to make you do what they want. They love the feeling it gives them making you doubt yourself or question your own sanity. They also love the feeling it gives them making you feel crazy for asking and bringing up issues that they are not interested in. They only care about themselves, and they love the way they feel when you carry all the load of the relationship. They also care about you in the sense that you give them something, so they love you for that. They love the fact that your life is all about them. You solve their issues, fix their problems, and relieve their pain. They love how easy it is to keep your primary focus on relieving their pain (and not yours), and that, no matter what you do, you will never make them feel good enough, appreciated enough, loved enough, etc. They love the way they feel when you are with them, seeing you as their possession, as a piece of property they own. They love the extent to which you improve their status in the eyes of other people. They love the way they feel when you feed their ego, their sense of self-worth, and give your full attention to them. They love the power they have to make you work hard to prove your devotion, loyalty and love. They love the way they feel when they are with you. As they tend to look down on and hate other people, the mirror neurons in their brain cause them to experience feelings of self-loathing; so they love that they can love themselves through you. They love how easy it is to criticize you; criticize what is important to you, such as your religion, your family and your friends; and make you believe that you are worth nothing and that you have to stay with them. - optimalpositivity.com Image: learningmind.com

12.01.2022 Tolerant kangaroo with a Joey in the pouch

10.01.2022 How cool is this...protectors for glasses so hair colour doesn’t stain them when at the hairdressers getting coloured!! It’s a girl thing

08.01.2022 Do you have days when you feel like this with your children??? Mum Mum Mum Mum Mum Mum Mum Mum Mum Mum

06.01.2022 Beautiful day - Bargara Beach Bundaberg

05.01.2022 Made a friend today. He wanted to get in the work car with me to visit all the mums and bubs

04.01.2022 W s’ s ? Because he has her so brainwashed that it’s all her fault and that she’s no good to anyone and no one will want her or love her and there...’s no way she can possibly make it on her own. W s’ s ? Because she thinks that if she just tries harder and if she’s a better wife and a better mom that maybe he will be happy with her and he wouldn’t get so angry with her. And maybe he will be the same sweet, charming man that he was when they first met. W s’ s ? Because he has her convinced that if she tries he will hurt or kill her or her family. Because he has threatened to tell the judge that she is a bad mom and will take away her kids and she will never see them again. Because he has taken away her money and convinced her that she has no good job qualities to make it on her own financially and she will always need him. Some people are more concerned with why women stay in abusive relationships than why men are abusing women. Unless you’ve been in an abusive relationship people have no idea how hard it is to escape. Abusers are able to fool those outside the home because they usually only abuse those inside the home. They need your support. They need your love. They do not need your judgement. Let’s raise awareness - Rachel Smith Photo: factsandtrends.net

03.01.2022 W h a t’ s G a s l i g h t i n g? The whole intention of gaslighting is to decrease someone’s self-esteem and self-confidence so they are unable to function ...in an independent manner. The person being gaslighted will eventually become so insecure that they will fail to trust their own judgment, their intuition and find themselves unable to make decisions. Some warning signs that gaslighting is taking place: A p o l o g i s I n g. A victim of gaslighting will constantly be apologizing for doing things wrong, even if they have done nothing wrong. Feeling sorry for everything means that the accountability and responsibility for all perceived wrong-doings has been claimed by one person - the victim. This ensures the perpetrator remains innocent and the victim is continuously guilty. C a n’ t M a k e D e c i s i o n s. The victim will find decision making increasingly difficult, as they will feel that whatever they choose will be the wrong choice. Everything they do or say is wrong, so they feel that they are no longer capable of making rational decisions about anything, so they will leave it up to their abuser. This just gives the abuser even more power and control and prolongs the toxic dance that is taking place between the two. C h a n g e. Change is not always easy to notice, since most change happens bit by bit, so the process can feel very natural in some ways. However, if the victim thinks back to who they were before the relationship and who they are now, they will probably see significant differences. C o n f u s i o n. Victims of gaslighting will often be in a constant state of bewilderment and confusion. They find it very difficult to trust their own mind, and constantly doubt their thought process. Their instinct fails to kick in because whenever it does, it is very quickly told that it is wrong, so it becomes a silent tool that ensures the gaslighter remains on top of their game. The victim will know that there is something seriously wrong, but they will find it extremely difficult to work out what. The person being gaslighted will always be wondering if they are overly sensitive as they always feel triggered to react to the gaslighter’s behaviour. W i t h d r a w n. The one being gaslighted will become withdrawn and often reclusive as they feel so low and beaten down that they have little confidence to socialise with anyone. The victim will feel safer spending time alone than with other people, as when those around them question what is wrong, or what is happening within their relationship, the victim just will not have the answers to justify what is going on. Due to either depression or severe anxiety, the victim will find it extremely difficult to function normally within society or even with close friends or family. The abuser at this stage has won the battle for control, as without anyone to confide in the victim will find it very difficult to work out that it is the abuser that is causing the damage. The abuser will not want anyone to figure out their game, so, they will work hard to make sure their victim becomes alienated from anyone who could offer support. Overall, the gaslighter wants to appear superior to the one being gaslighted. By making their victim feel completely helpless with very low self-esteem, the abuser has complete domination over them, so they are very successful in manipulating their victim to get whatever it is they want. When these signals show up, this is when we must trust completely in our instincts and never fail to listen to what our gut feelings are telling us. When we feel an urgency to take flight - fly. F l y f a r a n d d o n’ t l o o k b a c k. - Alex Myles via Elephant Journal Photo: eligiblemagazine

02.01.2022 My only real Instagram is: http://bit.ly/2lG9wg7 Credit: ANON

01.01.2022 Hope the Corona restrictions are lifted before this

19.12.2021 Emotional abuse is no stranger to strong women. I lost my voice. I dated a man who took away my ability to trust my truth.... Situations would occur. Words would be said. And when I would make the courageous choice to revisit the memory, he would tell me I was wrong. Retelling the story the way he remembered it. Discrediting my feelings. Causing me to question my intelligent brain and in-tune heart. I loved this man. I talked about a future with him. And when friends or family would recall emotional pain, I would silence them with words that spoke to how great he was. I wanted them to hold me while I cried, yet support the love. Asking them to be a passenger on a roller coaster they didn’t buy a ticket for. There were countless moments my spirit whispered: This isn’t love. You are more. But I stayed. I cried more tears for this man than I knew my tear ducts held. Putting ice packs on my eyes to keep the swelling at bay was a regular evening activity. I clung so tightly to the high-and-low game I began to dance to the toxic rhythm. Making it my ringtone. I could tell you a million stories. I could walk you through every time his words broke me down - not just to tears, but uncontrollable sobs. The kind that make you curl in a ball, shivering from your fingertips to your tiptoes. Side by side with the man you love, yet feeling more alone than your soul ever knew it could. Anxious. Waiting for the next high. That was his pattern ... Break me. Fix me. Making me emotionally dependent on the toxicity that was disguised as love. If you are reading this and have never had a toxic lover, you will ask yourself why? Why I stayed, How I didn’t see it, You may even call me weak. I know I have. If you’ve ridden the roller coaster, you know it doesn’t feel like a choice. You know there is nothing scarier than feeling like you can’t trust your own mind. You know on any given day your heart is playing tug-of-war with the highs and the lows, trying to decide if maybe this really is love. Emotional abuse is no stranger to strong women. In fact, I think we are drawn to the challenge. I know I was. So often, we tell about painful periods of our life from the winners circle. The theme of I was there, but now I’m here. Never living in it and giving the pain the power to speak. I don’t want to do that. I want you to know I’m still healing. It’s vulnerable, raw, heartbreaking, and filled with three steps forward, five steps back. If you are in it, if you left it, if you seesaw back and forth, you are nothing less. One more time, for my people in the back, you are nothing less. Your heart loves so deeply that most can’t even find the bottom. I know because mine does, too. It takes one to know one. It was gifted the ability to see what could be instead of what is. It’s a gift. To see beauty in a world that is surrounded with brokenness. To love even the unworthy. To hope amidst the pain. You are not weak. But your heart is meant to be held by someone who sees just how far your love can stretch, yet never tests the limits. Someone who knows that your strength rivals that of an MMA fighter, but lets you rest into them anyway. Someone who loves your fire, holds your spirit, ignites your heart, and protects your soul. Staying in a love that doesn’t hold us is never a matter of whether we are weak or strong. It’s a question of why we search for the answers in the heart of another. Why we hold another heart’s desires tighter than our own. Why we move further and further away from who we are to be who they need. Radically, honestly ... When did you stop hearing your own heart? Step away from any place that prevents you from hearing the answer. - Jenna Irvin (excerpt via The Elephant Journal) Art: deviantart

01.12.2021 H o w N a r c i s s i s t s S e e L o v e . When a narcissist says I love you, they mean that they love the way they feel when you work hard to make them ...happy. They love how easy it is to take advantage of your generosity, compassion and kindness. They derive pleasure when they make themselves feel superior to you, and make you feel insignificant and small. They love the feeling it gives them seeing you as emotionally crazy, weak, and vulnerable, as, in their view, your gullibility, innocence and childlike desires prove your inferiority and weakness. They love how easy it is to use gaslighting or other manipulation techniques to make you do what they want. They love the feeling it gives them making you doubt yourself or question your own sanity. They also love the feeling it gives them making you feel crazy for asking and bringing up issues that they are not interested in. They only care about themselves, and they love the way they feel when you carry all the load of the relationship. They also care about you in the sense that you give them something, so they love you for that. They love the fact that your life is all about them. You solve their issues, fix their problems, and relieve their pain. They love how easy it is to keep your primary focus on relieving their pain (and not yours), and that, no matter what you do, you will never make them feel good enough, appreciated enough, loved enough, etc. They love the way they feel when you are with them, seeing you as their possession, as a piece of property they own. They love the extent to which you improve their status in the eyes of other people. They love the way they feel when you feed their ego, their sense of self-worth, and give your full attention to them. They love the power they have to make you work hard to prove your devotion, loyalty and love. They love the way they feel when they are with you. As they tend to look down on and hate other people, the mirror neurons in their brain cause them to experience feelings of self-loathing; so they love that they can love themselves through you. They love how easy it is to criticize you; criticize what is important to you, such as your religion, your family and your friends; and make you believe that you are worth nothing and that you have to stay with them. - optimalpositivity.com Image: learningmind.com

11.11.2021 W h a t’ s G a s l i g h t i n g? The whole intention of gaslighting is to decrease someone’s self-esteem and self-confidence so they are unable to function ...in an independent manner. The person being gaslighted will eventually become so insecure that they will fail to trust their own judgment, their intuition and find themselves unable to make decisions. Some warning signs that gaslighting is taking place: A p o l o g i s I n g. A victim of gaslighting will constantly be apologizing for doing things wrong, even if they have done nothing wrong. Feeling sorry for everything means that the accountability and responsibility for all perceived wrong-doings has been claimed by one person - the victim. This ensures the perpetrator remains innocent and the victim is continuously guilty. C a n’ t M a k e D e c i s i o n s. The victim will find decision making increasingly difficult, as they will feel that whatever they choose will be the wrong choice. Everything they do or say is wrong, so they feel that they are no longer capable of making rational decisions about anything, so they will leave it up to their abuser. This just gives the abuser even more power and control and prolongs the toxic dance that is taking place between the two. C h a n g e. Change is not always easy to notice, since most change happens bit by bit, so the process can feel very natural in some ways. However, if the victim thinks back to who they were before the relationship and who they are now, they will probably see significant differences. C o n f u s i o n. Victims of gaslighting will often be in a constant state of bewilderment and confusion. They find it very difficult to trust their own mind, and constantly doubt their thought process. Their instinct fails to kick in because whenever it does, it is very quickly told that it is wrong, so it becomes a silent tool that ensures the gaslighter remains on top of their game. The victim will know that there is something seriously wrong, but they will find it extremely difficult to work out what. The person being gaslighted will always be wondering if they are overly sensitive as they always feel triggered to react to the gaslighter’s behaviour. W i t h d r a w n. The one being gaslighted will become withdrawn and often reclusive as they feel so low and beaten down that they have little confidence to socialise with anyone. The victim will feel safer spending time alone than with other people, as when those around them question what is wrong, or what is happening within their relationship, the victim just will not have the answers to justify what is going on. Due to either depression or severe anxiety, the victim will find it extremely difficult to function normally within society or even with close friends or family. The abuser at this stage has won the battle for control, as without anyone to confide in the victim will find it very difficult to work out that it is the abuser that is causing the damage. The abuser will not want anyone to figure out their game, so, they will work hard to make sure their victim becomes alienated from anyone who could offer support. Overall, the gaslighter wants to appear superior to the one being gaslighted. By making their victim feel completely helpless with very low self-esteem, the abuser has complete domination over them, so they are very successful in manipulating their victim to get whatever it is they want. When these signals show up, this is when we must trust completely in our instincts and never fail to listen to what our gut feelings are telling us. When we feel an urgency to take flight - fly. F l y f a r a n d d o n’ t l o o k b a c k. - Alex Myles via Elephant Journal Photo: eligiblemagazine

06.11.2021 W s’ s ? Because he has her so brainwashed that it’s all her fault and that she’s no good to anyone and no one will want her or love her and there...’s no way she can possibly make it on her own. W s’ s ? Because she thinks that if she just tries harder and if she’s a better wife and a better mom that maybe he will be happy with her and he wouldn’t get so angry with her. And maybe he will be the same sweet, charming man that he was when they first met. W s’ s ? Because he has her convinced that if she tries he will hurt or kill her or her family. Because he has threatened to tell the judge that she is a bad mom and will take away her kids and she will never see them again. Because he has taken away her money and convinced her that she has no good job qualities to make it on her own financially and she will always need him. Some people are more concerned with why women stay in abusive relationships than why men are abusing women. Unless you’ve been in an abusive relationship people have no idea how hard it is to escape. Abusers are able to fool those outside the home because they usually only abuse those inside the home. They need your support. They need your love. They do not need your judgement. Let’s raise awareness - Rachel Smith Photo: factsandtrends.net

30.10.2021 How cool is this...protectors for glasses so hair colour doesn’t stain them when at the hairdressers getting coloured!! It’s a girl thing

02.10.2021 Tolerant kangaroo with a Joey in the pouch

20.09.2021 Beautiful day - Bargara Beach Bundaberg

02.09.2021 Even the cat gets a check up when Mum and Bub have their postnatal check at home

25.08.2021 Hmmm...me thinks the Staff Professional Library isn’t all that professional