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Motherhood

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19.01.2022 I wanted a vaginal birth and to breastfeed without pain. But they said: "a healthy baby is all that matters" and "fed is best". So I guess it didn't really matt...er. I wanted to see my friends and go to the supermarket alone sometimes. But they said: "this is what you wanted, isn't it?" and "aren't kids just the best?" So I guess it didn't really matter. I wanted a safe space to talk about how tired I was, how hard it was to juggle all the things and how lonely I could feel on occasion. But they said: "well, you brought this upon yourself" and "that's the rod you made for your own back". So I guess it didn't really matter. I wanted to grieve my body and everything it went through to bring my babies into the world. But they said: "just embrace the change" and "what did you expect?" So I guess it didn't really matter. I wanted to cry, I wanted to fit - beyond being the glue that held it all together. But they said: "motherhood is a blessing" and "you should be grateful". So I guess it didn't really matter. I wanted to put down the weight upon my shoulders; it was crushing me. Because it did matter. It does matter. It will never stop mattering. Image: Janko Ferli

16.01.2022 Karisa Credit- Unknown

13.01.2022 It's amazing. You're going to love it. All those hopeful, well-intentioned platitudes, that we offer up to our pregnant friends. Because it wouldn’t be quite ...right to tell them the whole spectrum of the experience; the good and the bad, would it? Then the baby is born and the tone changes. The truth-telling begins. After Casey arrived, my inbox was suddenly awash with messages from seasoned mothers. Asking how feeding was going. Admitting how hard they had found breastfeeding and the early days. It was as though I were being inducted into the real world of motherhood, where the veil was finally lifted and the protective bubble of pregnancy was no more. One friend told me she couldn't remember much of the first six months at all now. She called it self-preservation. I came to understand what she meant by that. Because I too have forgotten so much of those first few weeks and months. Some of it has become so terribly vague with the passing of the time. But now that I'm through it, I want to remember it all. All of it. I can’t even properly remember the first time we took him home. Moments come back to me in flashes sometimes. His newborn obsession with light fittings, those alert shining deep-brown eyes that reminded me of a woodland creatures. Both arms in the air as he slept. Ah yes they were right, I did love it. And then come the other sort of memories. Prompted by the smell of a certain brand of nappy bags, the sight of a peri bottle or an out-of-date tube of lansinoh (that is now being used as lip balm) and I balk a bit with the memory of the rawness. Then I hear news of a friend becoming pregnant. It's amazing. You're going to love it, I say. ------------------------------------------------- Words: Karen McMillan (@mother_truths) Image: Spirit Y Sol 'Lessons: Reflections on Early Motherhood' is available to buy now on Amazon: http://linktr.ee/mother_truths

06.01.2022 What weeks are you in .

06.01.2022 Every journey is different.

04.01.2022 Coffee first. Always. Credit @cerealonthefloor

02.01.2022 Sounds familiar. (via @shittymommymoments)