Mohamed Rima Counselling in Liverpool, New South Wales | Counsellor

Mohamed Rima Counselling

Locality: Liverpool, New South Wales

Phone: +61 406 151 169

Address: Suite 3, 245 Macquarie Street 2170 Liverpool, NSW, Australia

Website: https://mrcounselling.com.au

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• Medical and health
• Mental health service
• Counsellor
• Marriage therapist

25.01.2022 Good parenting isn't just providing food and a roof for your children. You can get that at a safe house or prison. Good parenting includes attunement to your child's emotional needs. How many times have you heard "my child doesn't open up to me" or "you can tell me anything" only to see when the child does open up they are scolded, scorned, invalidated, put down, given lectures and even beaten. This is why your child doesn't open up to you and is detached from you. Every tim...e he/she did open up you made them regret it. Yes it comes from a position of love most of the time but understand that your children cannot and will not be a carbon copy of you. Be mindful of your reactions when your child is escalated. #EmotionallyImmatureParents #mrcounselling

24.01.2022 The best apology is changed behaviour. Focus less on what theyre saying and more on what theyre doing. This will tell you everything you need to know.

24.01.2022 Good news! Ill be moving to my new freshly renovated office suite, not far from my current office, in September. Ill have more availabilities throughout the week to reduce the long waiting periods which means I get to see my clients more immediate when they book. New location & hours as of September:... Mon, Thur, Fri: 10am to 5pm Tue & Wed: 12pm to 8pm Saturday: 10am to 1pm (once a month) Still by appointment only - no walk ins. New address: Suite 3, 245 Macquarie Street, Liverpool. Adjacent to Northumberland Street council carpark.

24.01.2022 Counselling Q and A Question I get asked often: "Do perpetrators of DV ever come to couples counselling?" Answer: There are 2 kinds of Intimate Partner Violence (not a consensus): situational (once off, out of character etc) and characterological or intimate terrorism (violence is part of character and it's repeated).... Based on my experience, high level abusers and perpetrators of characterological intimate terrorism, where violence is part of their character and they use it to gain complete control, these types will attend in some circumstances and won't attend in some circumstances. The ones that will not attend won't for 2 reasons: 1. When their partner pleas that they are unhappy and that their relationship needs help, they dismiss it all as long as everything appears to be ok on the surface and as long as the victim doesn't trigger the abuser. As for their partners feelings, they are told to get over it and stop being a sook. They are then often compared with how the older generation were more tougher under the skin and how they never went to counselling and how they handled a beating and never thought about divorce for the sake of the children. 2. They have a belief that seeing a professional is in fact exposing the secrets of the relationship and exposing of their unhelpful behaviours. Usually, there is an amount of arrogance at play that prevents them from seeking help from another man/woman. The ones that will attend do so for 2 reasons: 1. They are highly manipulative and are confident they can manipulate the sessions and not be corrected by their spouse out of the fear they have if they do there will be consequences at home (a professional will see each of them separately and will know how to deal with these cases). 2. They have a smear campaign against their victims, usually planning a case for custody. They come to counselling acting overly sincere and concerned about their partners' mental health (gaslighting) and will push for their partner to see a psychologist individually because in their view that would be in their favour in front of the courts because they can say "my partner is crazy and unfit to have custody of the children". Note: if intimate terrorism is found during assessment or throughout couples counselling, couples sessions will be terminated and more appropriate individual referrals will be made. We can treat situational violence. #CounsellingQandA #DomesticViolence #DV #IntimatePartnerViolence #IPV #IntimateTerrorism

23.01.2022 How to Build New Habits [NEW VIDEO] It takes time, effort and dedication to create new habits, its one of the most hardest things to do. In this short video I give some simple but practical tips on how to break bad habits and replace them by building new habits.

23.01.2022 Victims of Domestic Violence (DV) are repeatedly advised into forgiving their abuser. Quranic verses and Ahadeeth relating to forgiving and forgetting, are thrown at them pressuring them and manipulating them into returning to their abuser or not reporting the abuse, or even both. As Muslims forgiveness is an option. Forgiveness is not a requirement or a prerequisite to being a good Muslim as many victims that are gaslit by the perpetrator and their supporters are led to beli...eve. The Prophet taught us that you should never forget who and what harmed you. The Prophet said: A believer should not be stung twice from the same hole. [Al-Bukhari] The Hadith mentions "same hole", a hole may have multiple snakes and other venomous creatures living inside of it not just one. Sometimes what bit us is uncertain. Was it a snake and which snake? Or was it another venomous creature? The Hadith tells us to stay away from the entire hole, meaning not only stay away from the thing that stung you but from the actual origin of the harm. So how is it in cases of DV, where the snake that repeatedly caused harm is known and in full sight, why is it the victim is pressured to be returned to them? Then, they are not only told they must forgive, but also to forget that they are an actual snake and start envisioning the snake as a harmless cute butterfly that means well?!

22.01.2022 This may look easier said than done but its the most difficult thing for people to change how theyve been communicating for decades which they learned from their childhood through to adulthood. In therapy, sometimes getting clients to practice simple empathic and assertive statements like these is like trying to pull out a loose tooth from a childs mouth but with practice they become masters. Unlearning and relearning all the toxic communication styles isnt easy but it ...must be done if you want a healthy relationship. "Tone, inflection, and non-verbal cues are super important here. When youre saying these things, try to be open, watch your tone, and use a non-threatening approach. I also want to reiterate that if you are in a relationship with someone who is abusive or gaslighting you, its likely that all these swaps will not work. In order to have healthy conflict, both people have to be willing to participate. If you try all these things and its still not working, it might not be your fault. Every argument has two players and without participation from both individuals, it will be very challenging to transform the dynamic." Credit: @sitwithwhit

22.01.2022 Survivors of Abuse and Domestic Violence You are allowed to feel grief after leaving an abusive partner. You can miss your abusive ex. Feelings are not good or bad, they just are that, they're feelings. It's what you do with those feelings that matter. Simply missing someone you lived with for a long (or short) period of time isn't wrong nor does it mean you are weak. You're allowed to do that. It doesn't mean you still love them. However, during this period of grief and rea...djustment it is advised that you go no contact with your abusive ex. If there's children involved organise ways to not communicate unless absolutely necessary (email only, pick up and drop off points at places that are open, keep records of every encounter), as they are like emotional predators and will use this emotional period to their favour to try win you back. During absolutely necessary interactions they usually say things like "i miss you", or "this is all your fault", or "see what you did to the kids" causing you to doubt your own reality. This is all a set up to emotionally damage you. Sometimes you may miss having a relationship, not your ex. Don't fall for the trick. #MRCounselling #DomesticViolence #SurvivorsOfDomesticViolence

21.01.2022 Thank you to the wonderful team at Mission of Hope Hayat Line for dropping off these pamphlets for my counselling office. Call 1300 993 398 for free telephone crisis counselling.

21.01.2022 The cycle of depression (CBT model) illustrates how the symptoms of depression encourage maladaptive behaviours, which exacerbate stressors, and lead back to worsening symptoms. Conceptualizing depression as a cycle is helpful when trying to break the cycle. #Depression #MentalHealth #MRcounselling

21.01.2022 Keep your connection strong with your spouse by going to unfamiliar places together. It doesn't need to be big holidays and travels. It can be simple things like dinner, coffee, shopping, using public transport, walking together in unfamiliar areas and destinations. Even get lost together. Besides the nice memories you'll create, it builds trust in one another and teaches couple's decision making skills and to accept influence from eachother which are all tools that help with conflict management.

21.01.2022 Emotionally immature adults are like babies and children when it comes to getting their emotional needs met. They use a method called emotional contagion which is how babies communicate their needs. The baby cries until their parents figure out what's wrong and do anything necessary to calm the child. Emotionally immature parents and spouses communicate the same way. When they're distressed they upset their children and partners and everyone around them by being selfish, gra...ndiose, feeling entitled, or by using extreme anger, criticisms, defensive language and emotional abandonment, and they expect others who they've hurt to chase them and make them feel better. With children, in this role reversal, the child catches the contagion of the parent's distress and feels responsible for making the parent feel better. However if the upset parent isn't trying to understand his or her own feelings, nothing ever gets resolved and the child feels they can never please their parent and the child reacts without really understanding what is truly the matter with the parent. #MRCounselling #EmotionallyImmatureAdults #EmotionallyImmatureParents

21.01.2022 Think about one of your most toxic traits, then admit that you do it, then take responsibility for it without blaming others, then think about how it's been unhelpful for you, then reflect about how it may have affected others, then imagine yourself in the shoes of those you've affected, then imagine how good your life would be without it. Now be more conscious of it next time you do it. Note: This is not in the context of abusive relationships. This is not advice to victims of DV about DV. There's no excuse for abuse.

21.01.2022 I will be taking a break from December 25th to January 11th. There's still some availabilities before then. You can make appointments from now for when I return to work for those who plan their appointments. Appointments can be made via my website at any time. ... Remember, I am not a crisis hotline. You could see me by appointment only. As much as I'd like to help everyone and be available 24/7, I am human as well. Here are some useful phone numbers for crisis situations. Hayat Line [Free Muslim Crisis Line]: 1300 993 398 Lifeline: 13 11 14 Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 Headspace: 1800 650 890 I hope you all have a safe summer break in the coming holiday.

21.01.2022 Before you confront your spouse at your next conflict ask yourself 4 questions; 1. What am I feeling right now? 2. What do I really need right now? 3. How much percent of this conflict can I take blame for? 4. How will I react to what I'm about to say if I was in my partners shoes?... Answer these to yourself then proceed with your complaint. Complain and do not criticize. See more

20.01.2022 Usually what couples fight about isn't the real problem. When there's a build up and history of emotional wounds arguments can look like you're fighting over nothing. The emotionally immature spouse sees this as their partner is "too sensitive" or crazy and can't figure out why their partner is over reacting. Built up emotional wounds is one of the main killers of love and marriage. #MRCounselling #EmotionallyImmatureAdults

20.01.2022 Good news! I'll be moving to my new freshly renovated office suite, not far from my current office, in September. I'll have more availabilities throughout the week to reduce the long waiting periods which means I get to see my clients more immediate when they book. New location & hours as of September:... Mon, Thur, Fri: 10am to 5pm Tue & Wed: 12pm to 8pm Saturday: 10am to 1pm (once a month) Still by appointment only - no walk ins. New address: Suite 3, 245 Macquarie Street, Liverpool. Adjacent to Northumberland Street council carpark.

20.01.2022 A suicide prevention workshop I attended with 11 other Imams and community leaders facilitated by educAid Au.

19.01.2022 Muslim gaslighting can sound like "Stop feeling sad/angry! what I'm doing isn't even haram so you have no right to feel that way, you're so crazy and needy." If you say stuff like this to your partner when they complain about something you do (eg: spending too much time with your friends or on your phone) you are in fact judging them for their feelings which Allah Himself doesn't even do (Allah doesn't take us to account for our thoughts and feelings unless we act upon them (...some exceptions to this like loving and hating for the sake of Allah). He will however ask us about hurting other people's feelings). This manipulative black and white thinking and blame shifting is a reaction to feeling inconvenienced by your partner showing feelings, you wish they will just be subservient and shut up and not tell you how to live your life so you gaslight in order to gain control and power to get your way. It's likely this is how your parents treated you when you showed big feelings as a child and now you are automatically repeating this unhealthy cycle. Acknowledge their feelings, let them talk, listen to their story and discuss the problem like mature adults. You don't need to come to a solution, just listen and have a dialog. It feels good being seen and heard. Start owning your behaviours and the impact they have. Look for your contribution to the problem, own up to them and offer an apology for any wrongdoing on your behalf instead of trying to convince your partner that they are dumb or crazy for having feelings and shutting them down all because your grandiose highness doesn't want to be inconvenienced and can't accept any blame and take responsibility. Gaslighting will destroy your relationship. It's called a relationship not a me-ship. #RealTalk #EmotionalImmaturity #Gaslighting #Narcissism

19.01.2022 Your true purpose of life Allah said: I did not create the jinns and humans except they should worship Me. [Quran, 51:56]... When you live in accordance to your mission and purpose you will feel a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment and, therefore, good mood and contentment. When you veer away from your mission and purpose you will feel out of balance, worry, instability, and overwhelming guilt and, therefore, low mood and discontent. Allah said: Whosoever turns away from worshipping Me then verily, for him is a life of worry/stress. [Quran, 20:124] What is one thing you will do today that is fulfilling to your purpose? #MRCounselling #IslamicCounselling

19.01.2022 How to Build New Habits [NEW VIDEO] It takes time, effort and dedication to create new habits, it's one of the most hardest things to do. In this short video I give some simple but practical tips on how to break bad habits and replace them by building new habits.

19.01.2022 To my wonderful clients, As of tomorrow, Wednesday 16th September, I will be practicing in my new office. Address, Suite 3, 245 Macquarie Street Liverpool, across the street from my previous office and adjacent to Northumberland Street council carpark.

19.01.2022 What makes marriages last? It's to have a strong marital friendship. We call this Building Love Maps. Couples should have a map of one another that leads them all the way to Jannah. Love Maps is gaining both basic and deep knowledge about the inner world of one another. You may think you already know your partner but I promise you, there is, and always will be, more to learn about your partner. You and your partner are not the same people who you were on the day of your weddi...ng, we grow on a regular basis and it's easy for your marriage to lose its way when your lives shift so suddenly and dramatically whether it's the arrival of a baby, loss of a job, financial stresses, illnesses etc. Couples drift apart from eachother when they stop learning about eachother. Love Maps is to know your partner's past and recent traumas, triggers, recent stressors and worries, future aspirations, current pains, current failures and successes, who their childhood best friend was, who are the important people in their lives, who or what they currently dislike, their worst memories from childhood, what their current fears are, what their dreams are, and what their schedule is looking like for the next day, week, month and year. Make it a priority over the lifetime of your relationship. Besides, you can't have a strong friendship with someone and truly love them if you don't truly know them. Make a couples counselling appointment if you and your partner would like to learn how to build strong love maps. #mrcounselling

19.01.2022 Things to remember when you're having a bad day. We all have them. It's part of life.

18.01.2022 Let kids be kids. If you grew up feeling like you had to be responsible all the time and don't really remember being a kid, and being a caretaker to everyone feels good to you even when you are sacrificing parts of yourself then there's a big chance you've been parentified. The outcome of being parentified is not all bad. You grow up with good qualities that may benefit you in certain areas of your life, like being responsible, however it does come with many negative qualit...ies that can impact your mental health and self esteem. Children who were parentified usually struggle with having fun and are easily pulled into the caretaker role when they become adults. Their worth is often tied directly to what they can provide to others and how good they are and if they don't, they can feel depressed or feel like they're lacking purpose. Structure feels safer to them than play. We have to find the right balance between responsibility and structure, play and fun with our children.

18.01.2022 Theres no real secret to a good enough marriage. If your marriage is sour and has been for the most part of your relationship then you must be doing something wrong. If you keep doing what hasnt worked you will keep getting the exact same results and ultimately end up with divorce. With this realization and with a conscious and intentional effort and commitment you can identify all your unhelpful behaviours, unlearn them and relearn more helpful ones. Building a good enough marriage doesnt just happen miraculously or by chance, it needs constant effort and cultivating from both husband and wife.

18.01.2022 What Is Trauma Bonding? Trauma bonding is loyalty to a person who is destructive. It occurs because of cycles of abuse followed by intermittent love or reward. This treatment creates a powerful emotional bond that is extremely hard to break. The 7 Stages of Trauma Bonding... 1. Love Bombing: They shower you with excess love, flattery and appreciation in order to gain your affection. 2. Trust and Dependency: Try do everything to win your trust and make you depend on them heavily for love and validation. 3. Criticism: They gradually start criticizing you. They blame you for things and become more demanding. 4. Gaslighting: When things go wrong they tell you that is your fault. They make you doubt your own perceptions and manipulate you into believing their narrative. 5. Resigning to Control: You no longer know what to believe but your only way of experiencing the good feelings of Stage I is by giving in and doing things their way. 6. Loss of Self: When you fight back, things get worse. You settle for anything to have some peace and make the fights stop. You lose all your confidence. 7. Addiction: You get addicted to the highs and lows. Your body is on a constant cortisol high (stress) and craves dopamine (pleasure). This creates a cycle of dependency that feels a lot like a drug addiction. Signs of Being in a Trauma Bond With Someone A pattern of non-performance: the person constantly promises you things and constantly lets you down. You feel that you don’t even like or trust the person anymore but you cannot leave. Your friends and family have advised against the relationships but you stay. Others seem disturbed by things that happen to you but you brush it off. You have tried to leave, but it makes you feel physically ill, like you will die or your life will be destroyed if you do. You know the person is sometimes abusive and destructive, but you focus on the good in them. You feel protective about the person because of their difficult past or childhood and find yourself caring for them despite their abusive behavior. You know you are being manipulated, but you’re often in denial and block out or quickly forget bad things. The relationship is intense and inconsistent. You do everything to please them and are unconditionally loyal while getting nothing but heartbreak in return. They say things you want to hear to resolve issues temporality I have learnt my lesson, I will prove my love for you everyday, Life is impossible without you. You are driven to the point of self-destruction and often harbor thoughts of self-harm. Read the article to know more. #DomesticViolence #TraumaBonding #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder

17.01.2022 I sometimes get random feedback via messages to my page or in person, by people who I haven't actually seen as clients, saying my page has secretly helped them improve their marriage, self reflect, become a better spouse, helped them as parents and as individuals. This is why I created this page! For psychoeducation and awareness. I want to take this moment to say THANK YOU to all my online supporters. Thank you to all the top fans, the sharers, the conversation starters and the silent observers. I hope you continue to benefit from my page. If you find my page to be helpful please share it so others can benefit.

17.01.2022 Victims of abuse often rationalize what's happening to them. During the honeymoon and calm stage they may believe they deserved the abuse or tell themselves its not so bad, feel the relationship is otherwise good, that all relationships go through abuse, or believe the abuser will someday change and stop their abusive behaviour. Remember that domestic violence is never ok it's never your fault... it's not normal you can't fix them it's not your job to try fix them See more

17.01.2022 Good article and advice on how to get your partner to do what you would like them to do for you. Most times, we make it hard for our partners to cooperate and we use strategies and behaviours that guarantee a near zero percent success rate yet we live a lifetime repeating these failed behaviours.

17.01.2022 The author made this picture in response to all the "cut off all toxic people out of your life" posts we see on social media. She used the word "toxic traits" as a response. These are unhelpful and maladaptive traits all humans need to constantly work on and improve that are hard to admit. Photo credit: @crazyheadcomics

17.01.2022 The first step to any parenting skill is to self-sooth yourself first. This is the most difficult part for parents when they try disciplining their children. If you are escalated no parenting technique will ever work.

17.01.2022 Free crisis support line! Hayat Line is a free and confidential crisis support call service for Muslims in Australia to aid individuals experiencing DV and several other issues related to mental health. Now Operating Monday to Friday, 9am-5pm AEST. Call: 1300 993 398

17.01.2022 Next time youre having a nice meal feed your partner from your hand. Its a small display of love and also a good deed which Allah will reward you for. Dont be shy to display affection and kindness to eachother in front of your children too. They are learning from you, even how to be a husband and wife. Allahs Messenger said: You will be rewarded for whatever you spend for Allahs sake even if it were a morsel which you put in your wifes mouth. (Bukhari)

16.01.2022 Another example of toxic positivity thats found all over the internet. Subtle statements like this, "youll never find anyone who loves you as much as I do" although sometimes can be innocent from evil intent, its a form of gaslighting and emotional abuse which is very common amongst abusers and narcissists who want to control their victims by wanting their victims to feel low on self esteem and not good enough so they never leave them. We need to be mindful of what words ...we choose when communicating. Manipulation can be as subtle as this. A better way to say it is simply say I love you.

16.01.2022 Phone Addiction by Simon Sinek

16.01.2022 Interesting read: Is Couples Therapy Useful When One Partner Is a Narcissist? From my experience, they will refuse therapy and only come to therapy when it suits their agenda or when; 1. their partner has seen through their BS and gained the courage and is really serious about leaving them or 2. to manipulate the therapist and get them on their side to prove their partner is crazy and at fault or... 3. they will come for a few sessions just to love bomb their partner and say "see, i came to therapy" and give them some hope then continue to psychologically abuse them at home. What i usually see in NPD clients; When the victim is emotionally heightened and expressing feelings of hurt, tears and pain the narcissist is tuned out playing with his/her phone, rolling eyes, smirking, zoned out etc. No regard to the partners emotions at all (lack of empathy). Then when it's his/her turn to talk it sounds like "if you were more obedient i wouldn't have hit you or cheated on you. Be more obedient and i won't do it again" (gaslighting, reversing blame, expression of grandiosity and entitlement).

15.01.2022 Ibn al-Qayyim said: "A sin begins with an idea, which becomes a whisper (from shaytan), which becomes a will and then a determination. This becomes an action and then it's difficult to leave it." [ad-Da' | P.82]

15.01.2022 Question to reflect upon today; Can you really support your partner's dreams that have absolutely nothing to do with you or the relationship? Reflect on that for a minute... ask yourself some questions to explore this deeper; Has your partner ever shared a dream or a need to you, no matter how small or big, that you showed no interest or attention to? Or that you showed invalidation towards? Or maybe threatened them against? Or maybe they haven't shared anything at all to y...ou because they stopped opening up to you due to your invalidating personality in the past? Couples who are able to be at this high level of understanding of eachother, to support their partners dreams when there's nothing in it for themselves, which they will have no benefit from except to see their partner flourish and feel valued, are the ones who will be in a more loving and lasting relationship.

15.01.2022 Growing up with an emotionally immature parent may have looked like this. This is not to betray your parents or putting them down. This is psycho-education to try help you understand why you are the way you are and to also help not repeat the intergenerational negative cycle. Parents play a massive role in who we become. Can you add more examples?... #MRCounselling #EmotionallyImmatureAdults #EmotionallyImmatureParents

15.01.2022 Need to talk? I provide clients with a confidential, safe, and supportive environment where they can tell their story, work through their emotions, and make positive changes to their life. In person, online or phone sessions available.

14.01.2022 The first thing you need to learn about setting boundaries is that the person who is angry at you for setting boundaries is the one with the problem. When you don't have set boundaries, that gives other people the power over your own life, and that can lead you to be angry and resentful. People-pleasing habits will burn you out. Learn to say no assertively and respectfully.

14.01.2022 Intimate conversations builds trust and commitment. Trust and commitment are the foundations of a good marriage. Intimate conversations needs lots of practice to break the unconscious habit many couples fall into what I call "errand conversations" which is basically communicating things like "how are you? Good", "don't forget the milk", "service the car", "what do you want to eat", "take out the trash" "pick up the kids" "pass the salt" etc. Research studies show the average... amount of time partners engaged in face-to-face conversation was 35 minutes a week! Even worse, the majority of these precious minutes were spent discussing errands instead of the relationship. This mindset of relationship comes second to children and work leaves couples feeling lonely. So what are intimate conversations that build trust and commitment and how do we practice them? Remember the (Gottman) acronym ATTUNE Awareness of the emotion Turning toward the emotion not away from it Tolerance of the emotion and that there are two different valid viewpoints Understanding the emotion Non-defensive listening to the emotion Empathy response toward the emotion Attunement is a kinesthetic and emotional sensing of others knowing their rhythm, affect and experience by metaphorically being in their skin, and going beyond empathy to create a two-person experience of unbroken feeling connectedness by providing a reciprocal affect and resonating response. Simply put, attunement might look like an adult seeing a baby crying, trying to understand why the baby is crying, recognizing that the baby is hungry, and then picking up the baby to feed her. In an adult relationship, attunement might be an adult who knows that I'm fine during a conflict doesn't actually mean that, and digs a little deeper out of genuine curiosity and care to find out what's going on. When couples are attuned to eachother they do their best not to betray their partner, they keep in mind their partner's best interest. When couples are attuned to eachother and have intimate conversations they feel safe, they know their partner has their back, that they will be there for them when they need them and that the relationship comes first. This builds trust and commitment... Trust me If your relationship needs ATTUNE up feel free to make a booking.

13.01.2022 I sometimes get random feedback via messages to my page or in person, by people who I havent actually seen as clients, saying my page has secretly helped them improve their marriage, self reflect, become a better spouse, helped them as parents and as individuals. This is why I created this page! For psychoeducation and awareness. I want to take this moment to say THANK YOU to all my online supporters. Thank you to all the top fans, the sharers, the conversation starters and the silent observers. I hope you continue to benefit from my page. If you find my page to be helpful please share it so others can benefit.

13.01.2022 Light the lamp within yourself. Picture credit: my lovely wife, Rawaa

13.01.2022 Victims of abuse often rationalize whats happening to them. During the honeymoon and calm stage they may believe they deserved the abuse or tell themselves its not so bad, feel the relationship is otherwise good, that all relationships go through abuse, or believe the abuser will someday change and stop their abusive behaviour. Remember that domestic violence is never ok its never your fault... its not normal you cant fix them its not your job to try fix them See more

13.01.2022 3D logo installed Almost there. Still waiting on more furniture to be delivered (coronavirus delays). Can't wait to show you the end result. Thanks to the amazing team at Signwork for their professionalism and quality work. Hit 'em up if you want signs installed.

12.01.2022 The terrorist who murdered 51 people in attacks on two #Christchurch mosques has been sentenced. Brenton Tarrant becomes the first person in New Zealand to be jailed for life without parole. Our hearts go out to the victims and communities affected in light of the sentencing earlier today. ... If today's coverage does trigger emotional distress, please do reach out to services for support: Hayat Line [Muslim Crisis Line]: 1300 993 398 Lifeline: 13 11 14 or www.lifeline.org.au Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 or www.beyondblue.org.au Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 or www.kidshelpline.com.au Headspace: 1800 650 890 or www.headspace.org.au Photo: 9 News Sydney

12.01.2022 I returned to work today. I took a much needed break to refill my cup, up skill, get supervision, practice self-care and re energize so I can give my clients my best. It was good to see clients again today. Feel free to make an appointment. Looking forward to working with you all.

12.01.2022 Next time you're having a nice meal feed your partner from your hand. It's a small display of love and also a good deed which Allah will reward you for. Don't be shy to display affection and kindness to eachother in front of your children too. They are learning from you, even how to be a husband and wife. Allahs Messenger said: You will be rewarded for whatever you spend for Allahs sake even if it were a morsel which you put in your wifes mouth. (Bukhari)

12.01.2022 Another example of toxic positivity that's found all over the internet. Subtle statements like this, "you'll never find anyone who loves you as much as I do" although sometimes can be innocent from evil intent, it's a form of gaslighting and emotional abuse which is very common amongst abusers and narcissists who want to control their victims by wanting their victims to feel low on self esteem and not good enough so they never leave them. We need to be mindful of what words ...we choose when communicating. Manipulation can be as subtle as this. A better way to say it is simply say I love you.

12.01.2022 It’s so difficult to really look inwards after a painful relationship, the victim in us struggles to take ownership of our contribution. We place expectations of how others should be and develop deep resentment. Learning to take responsibility for your contribution will allow you to relinquish other people's power over your emotions, you'll be able to stop blaming others and forgive others who have wronged you in the past. Through this awareness you're able to learn how to fo...rgive yourself and release shame from your past choices. When you have repressed anger and resentment from previous relationships and felt unloved, abandoned or not good enough - these negative associations are usually stored into your subconscious. As soon as you enter your next relationship, and they touch on that wound or unintentionally make you feel that way, you got all this negative emotional storage flooded right back up to the surface, and now you're experiencing the emotion right now in the present moment + all the previous stored emotion. You start to feel numbness, nervousness & anxiety. You quickly find yourself in the same arguments and drama in your new relationship. All your relationships that didnt work are golden opportunities for you to learn from. It's important to learn from the mistakes of the past in order to prevent them from happening again. Your goal is to understand the root cause. What is it about you that is attracting these people + situations into your life time and time again. Look inwards and take a look at what you both did wrong in the relationship so you can avoid repeating those same mistakes. We can only keep bringing past wounds in the present because we are recreating them on some level. Some of us are locked in an emotional system hoping that our relationships will heal our childhood issues. Tell the complete truth about your emotions, journal them, understand them. Monitor the stories you're telling yourself, find the opposing evidence to them. Check in with your expectations, quit the urge to blame others through projection, accept people for who they are & understand your needs. This does not apply to domestic violence/abusive relationships. Source: @thebehaviourtherapist

12.01.2022 Parents need to step in and take control of their children's gaming and screen time. So many children are addicted to games and electronic devices the exact same way a drug addict is addicted. Using electronics reduces the amount of time that people spend talking and interacting face-to-face, which is the foundation to attachment relationship building. For a child's healthy attachment style with their parents to be built, electronics should be limited and face-to-face intera...ctions should be increased. A parent who overuses electronic gadgets can impact their child's ability to attach in healthy ways to the parent and impact what the child learns about emotion expression and developing social skills. In the same way, a child who overuses electronics and does not engage with their parents in activities that build a healthy attachment can have a harder time developing relationships with others in adulthood. These children will grow up not knowing how to hold a decent conversation and they won't know how to emotionally respond to situations around them. #MRCounselling

11.01.2022 Eid mubarak! May Allah accept all your good deeds. Remember that having family rituals helps families to connect, even if they are small things. How will you be spending your Eid? What's your Eid rituals?

11.01.2022 Communication with narcissists and emotionally immature people looks like this. Their high levels of grandiosity, self entitlement, and fantasies of being important and powerful makes them want to be the centre of attention when in social gatherings or within their family communications. They have the EQ of a 3 year old child. It always needs to be about them. If you mention you are tired or you're busy, they'll jump up and say "I'm more tired! I'm more busy!". Whatever you s...ay they hit it right back at you. They've always experienced more than you and are better than you. Pretty much like a child who is heightened and in defense mode. #MRCounselling #EmotionallyImmatureAdults #EmotionallyImmatureParents

11.01.2022 One of the most powerful things a parent can do for a child is to admit his or her own mistake to their child or to their spouse in front of the child, to sincerely say "I was wrong here", or "I'm sorry". It's so powerful because it gives the child permission to make a mistake, to admit having messed up and still be okay. It also builds forgiveness of self in the child which helps prevent depression and low self esteem in adulthood, and therefore forgiveness of others when they get married and become parents. The worst thing a parent can do is make mistakes with a child or in front of the child and then justify those mistakes. This builds harshness of self in the child which causes a feeling of never being good enough, and arrogance when dealing with future spouse and children.

10.01.2022 At the root of Narcissim is emotional neglect and trauma. As a child we are in the ego centric stage. If we are raised in a situation where we are in survival mode, we won't develop a healthy sense of self. The ego will overcompensate by making "self" the sole focus. Our entire focus becomes "us" and what we "need". This is a protection based coping mechanism. The "self" is so fragile that the person cannot look outside themselves to see another because they've never fully ...developed emotionally. Love for a narcissist is sharp, it reminds them that it was once painful. So they jump away from it, then cover the wound with their egos in order to maintain the false sense of emotional autonomy. When we don't get the healthy emotional mirroring we need as children, our ego goes into overdrive in an attempt to heal. Narcissim is a wounded state where you cannot look outside of yourself because you are obsessively preoccupied with having your needs met. A child who is neglected, abused or traumatised develops this mindset that the only way to survive is create a false sense of self. A mask to hide behind where those very things that he blames for his creation can no longer touch him, empathy + emotional bonding to others are no longer part of his psychological + emotional structure. The true frightened traumatised child will always be hidden. Its likely that genetic factors, such as child temperment also plays a role, which is a reason one sibling may develop NPD whereas another with the same household dynamics doesnt . Narcissism can also develop: When you are the "golden child", the complete opposite of his neglected sibling. This is the child who can do no wrong. who was told he/she is superior, that rules only apply to others. Praised in childhood & not held responsible for his actions. Anytime he is caught his parents quickly make any issue resulting from him not taking any accountability. He learns that lying is a quick & easy solution to any problem he may have & will be dishonest. He grows up feeling entitled to only the best of everything, never being held responsible for anything, feeling superior to everyone. Credit: @thebehaviourtherapist

10.01.2022 Intimate conversation skill metaphor: "You are a tourist in the emotional landscape of your partner's mind and your partner is the tour guide for that tour." For your partner to let you into their emotional world you need to be validating of your partner's feelings and once they let you in let them guide you about themselves without becoming defensive or inattentive otherwise you'll always be left on the outskirts and never be able to really connect.

10.01.2022 A warning sign within relationships to be mindful of and avoid: Using sarcasm to convey contempt. Firstly, if contempt has settled in your relationship, where every interaction is interpreted as a perceived attack, know that it is a predictor of divorce.... Many people think all sorts of sarcasm is ok and lighthearted in marriage, however, it can be a sneaky way of hurting and dismissing your partner's feelings and putting them down under the guise of joking and can easily be dismissed as mucking around. People who use sarcasm to convey contempt to their spouse usually have insecurities within themselves so they use sarcasm or teasing as a way of avoiding confrontation and a way to assert dominance and grandiosity over their spouse and will use sarcasm as a disguised barb. Often the one being sarcastic believes that their words are less hurtful than their partner thinks and when told to stop this cheap and hurtful communication mode they usually dismiss it by saying "why are you being a sook, get over it, I was just joking" which only makes their partner feel hurt and unloved. It is easy to fall into this, however being mindful of how harmful it is to the relationship helps avoid it during arguments and encourages to replace it with better words and communication. It's important to know the difference. Some lighthearted teasing and playing is ok and encouraged between spouses, but this should be free from hurting your partner's feelings and must be kept to a minimum. Don't be known as a clown to your spouse and don't get the two mixed up. #mrcounselling

09.01.2022 There's no real secret to a good enough marriage. If your marriage is sour and has been for the most part of your relationship then you must be doing something wrong. If you keep doing what hasn't worked you will keep getting the exact same results and ultimately end up with divorce. With this realization and with a conscious and intentional effort and commitment you can identify all your unhelpful behaviours, unlearn them and relearn more helpful ones. Building a good enough marriage doesn't just happen miraculously or by chance, it needs constant effort and cultivating from both husband and wife.

08.01.2022 A sign of a bad marriage is couples have bad or distorted memories of their early days, while a sign of a good marriage is they have good memories of their early days and those memories bring about good thoughts and feelings. When relationships go sour we tend to overlook our partner's best qualities and we magnify their shortcomings and we forget why we loved them in the first place. The My Partner's Qualities worksheet will help couples put more focus on the things that ini...tially drew them together and help them build a culture of appreciation. On your next date night, print a copy and complete the worksheet individually then share what you've written with your spouse and discuss. Take a photo from your wedding or honeymoon and hand it to your spouse along with the worksheet and explain to them what that photo means to you and what details you remember from that day. Get your downloadable version in the comments section.

08.01.2022 Domestic violence is not a communication breakdown issue, it's deeper than that. #DomesticViolenceAwareness

08.01.2022 Keep your connection strong with your spouse by going to unfamiliar places together. It doesnt need to be big holidays and travels. It can be simple things like dinner, coffee, shopping, using public transport, walking together in unfamiliar areas and destinations. Even get lost together. Besides the nice memories youll create, it builds trust in one another and teaches couples decision making skills and to accept influence from eachother which are all tools that help with conflict management.

07.01.2022 Quick Sunday conflict management reminder. #QuickSundayReminders

06.01.2022 One conflict management skill that helps couples be in a fulfilling marriage is the ability to maintain a bigger picture of who your partner is over time, instead of seeing their reaction in the moment during conflict as the whole of them. I use the word FULFILLING MARRIAGE as opposed to "HAPPY MARRIAGE" that we've been brainwashed with. Happy is a fleeting feeling that comes and goes, it only lasts a short time, it's impossible to remain happy all the time. A fulfilling marriage is more lasting. It is a relationship where both partners are content. They both give affection and mercy and receive affection and mercy and their emotional needs are being met and they are safe from manipulation and harm.

06.01.2022 Although we are accustomed of grown-ups as more emotionally mature than their children, some parents who lack emotional responsiveness necessary to meet their children's emotional needs are less mature than their sensitive children. #EmotionallyImmatureParents #mrcounselling

06.01.2022 Talking about emotional needs, emotional intimacy, and emotionally immature people on my recent posts, I was asked what exactly is emotional connection and how do we fulfill our partners emotional needs? It pretty much means to put in emotional labour. Just like physical labour aims to produce goods or services, similarly, emotional labour means to put in the time, effort, and energy utilizing the brain and muscle to understand and fulfill the human need to have an emotional ...connection. Emotional labour aims to produce the feelings and fulfill the human need of feeling wanted, respected, appreciated, loved, and cared for. It isn't easy for all people but with understanding it's importance as a human need, and with effort and practice it will start to flow. If you value your relationship you will do what's necessary to learn and implement this as this is what keeps the flames of love lit in long term marriages. People who are emotionally immature, abusive or have high levels of narcissism do not have this ability, and trying to emotionally connect with people like this, as a dear colleague of mine put it, is like continuously trying to ignite a flame on wet fire wood. So untill the person trying to emotionally connect with an emotionally immature person realises it's not their technique that is faulty but the wood itself they will actually die trying. #EmotionallyImmatureAdults #EmotionallyImmatureParents #MRCounselling

05.01.2022 Some people believe that being religious automatically grants you a good marriage by default. This is not true mainly due to the misunderstanding of the term "religious" and what it truly means to be that. Just like reliance on Allah requires to exhaust human effort to be considered full reliance (tawakkul), having a blessed marriage requires couples to fulfill each others rights, responsibilities and obligations. Blessings don't just fall from the sky by "fulfilling half you...r deen". The nikah is only the beginning! Rights are divided into 3 parts: 1. The rights of Allah 2. The rights of people 3. The rights of oneself Giving Allah His rights but not giving the people their rights, including good treatment and mercy to one's spouse, does not make one religious. All 3 parts must be worked on constantly. A good marriage doesn't just happen on it's own. It needs cultivating and intentional effort. Once we do this Allah will send His blessings.

05.01.2022 We all face hardships and daily struggles. It's part of being human, it's part of life. Don't pay attention to the toxic positivity we see by some upbeat social media gurus that are flooding our platforms where their underlying message is that you should be positive and happy all the time, we should be happy in the face of calamities, we should be happy with our family members and spouses all the time, we should cut off all negative people out of our lives. There's a massive... difference between setting healthy boundaries with those that love us but are not so helpful to us and completely cutting them off because we think they are negative. We are humans, we all have some negativity with us. We think negatively sometimes. There's actually healthy negative thinking, it's part of our way as humans to detect danger and bad situations. Yes they can become unhelpful and we should learn ways to challenge and navigate them. Victims of this toxic positivity may keep their happy mask up for a little while but they end up burnt out, depressed and confused because they are living a fake unrealistic life with an unrealistic dream of always being happy. Note: this is not in relation to abusive relationships or DV. Photo credit: @sitwithwhit #mrcounselling #MentalHealthMonth

05.01.2022 Our dysfunctional communication patterns are based a lot on what we think other people SHOULD do or say according to our personal standards and past experiences. When we assign bad interpretations to people's actions, which might have triggered our inner wounds, we are unconsciously projecting our own fears from past experiences onto others. Example of a wife who was cheated on in a past relationship or grew up with her father committing infidelity, hasn't healed from the tr...auma and has a negative belief that all men cheat: Her husband comes home late from work > why are you always late > you never want to spend time with me > there must be another woman. These thoughts will then bring about negative emotions and dysfunctional communication and eventually destroy the relationship. One way to help with this is when you get emotional or triggered try to self-sooth, breathe deeply and ask yourself a handful of basic questions like; What am I feeling right now? Why am I feeling this way? What is really the problem at hand? What are the facts? Then construct a sentence using the following technique: 1. Make a specific observation of the problem at hand: "My husband came home very late and missed dinner again and didn't notify me" 2. Express a feeling without any justification or interpretation: "I felt (enter emotion ie lonely, worried, neglected etc) when you came home late last night" 3. Express your needs: "I really need you to be home with me more" 4. Express a suggestion for a solution: "How can we work on this? Can you be home with me X nights per week? Can we agree on the exact days? Can you text me when you are working late?" With this confrontation technique you eliminate criticizing, blamimg, flooding, stonewalling and miscommunicating. It'll take time getting used to speaking this way but it works like magic if you stick to it. Give it a try. #mrcounselling

05.01.2022 It takes confidence and maturity to admit being wrong and to try make things better. But emotionally immature adults resist facing their mistakes and repairing their (not so) intimate relationships. They don't take blame for their part of the conflict. Then they make you feel that it's all your fault for not forgiving them immediately. #EmotionallyImmatureParents #EmotionallyImmatureAdults #MRCounselling

04.01.2022 R U OK?Day is today. Its a day to remind that every day is the day to ask, Are you OK? if someone in your world is struggling with lifes ups and downs. Ask your work colleagues, your neighbour and check in with your old friends you haven't spoken to in a while. Don't forget your family and siblings as sometimes we forget that they too may not be OK. 2020 has been a challenging year for everyone and circumstances have made it even more important for us all to stay connect...ed and, for those who are able, be willing to support those around us. Visit the R U Ok website to know what to say when someone says theyre not OK and learn how to continue a conversation that could change a life.

03.01.2022 What can make a marriage work is surprisingly simple. It isn't some big secret. Couples in a healthy marriage aren't smarter or richer than others. But they are emotionally intelligent. They are attuned to each other's feelings and perspectives and understand that perception in a relationship is everything. In their day-to-day lives they are able to keep their negative thoughts and feelings (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. Emotionally intelligen...t couples are conscious of the 5:1 ratio during their interactions. They understand that as humans, our negative interactions have a more lasting affect on our minds than positive ones. Research shows that it takes 5 positive interactions to over power 1 negative interaction. Interactions here are not big fights or fancy grand gestures, they are the small subtle things whether positive or negative that occur during communication and interaction. See more

03.01.2022 This may look easier said than done but it's the most difficult thing for people to change how they've been communicating for decades which they learned from their childhood through to adulthood. In therapy, sometimes getting clients to practice simple empathic and assertive statements like these is like trying to pull out a loose tooth from a child's mouth but with practice they become masters. Unlearning and relearning all the toxic communication styles isn't easy but it ...must be done if you want a healthy relationship. "Tone, inflection, and non-verbal cues are super important here. When youre saying these things, try to be open, watch your tone, and use a non-threatening approach. I also want to reiterate that if you are in a relationship with someone who is abusive or gaslighting you, its likely that all these swaps will not work. In order to have healthy conflict, both people have to be willing to participate. If you try all these things and its still not working, it might not be your fault. Every argument has two players and without participation from both individuals, it will be very challenging to transform the dynamic." Credit: @sitwithwhit

03.01.2022 They say, the harder the outer shell, the softer the center. Somewhere under all that armor is likely a very sensitive person. When I work with men who bury their emotional wounds, who try keep a strong image to keep their family together, who get up every morning and drag themselves out of bed to provide food, shelter and a comfortable life for their families without complaining even if they feel they're not shown appreciation. This is what I see if you give them the right environment and space.

03.01.2022 Question to reflect upon today; Can you really support your partners dreams that have absolutely nothing to do with you or the relationship? Reflect on that for a minute... ask yourself some questions to explore this deeper; Has your partner ever shared a dream or a need to you, no matter how small or big, that you showed no interest or attention to? Or that you showed invalidation towards? Or maybe threatened them against? Or maybe they havent shared anything at all to y...ou because they stopped opening up to you due to your invalidating personality in the past? Couples who are able to be at this high level of understanding of eachother, to support their partners dreams when theres nothing in it for themselves, which they will have no benefit from except to see their partner flourish and feel valued, are the ones who will be in a more loving and lasting relationship.

03.01.2022 The best gift you can give someone is one that keeps on giving. If someone you care about is getting married soon, this is a quality gift idea that they will remember and benefit from forever. They will learn:... Compatibility vs chemistry What kills marriage and what makes it work Roles and responsibilities Couples questionnaires and worksheets Practical interventions and activities Communication skills Conflict management Domestic violence and abuse Cultural misconceptions And more. * This is not a course. It's private pre-marital counselling sessions. Clients can schedule their sessions in at their convenience. Can be conducted online via Zoom for interstate clients. Inbox the page for more info or send an email to [email protected]

01.01.2022 A negative factor to consider regarding sex before marriage and it's contribution to why relationships fail very early on in marriage. These days sex before marriage has become a norm. Dating apps and social media have given people unlimited access to unlimited choices of potential partners who most on these dating sites are after a quick fix or a one night stand, therefore, people are having sex way too quickly these days when they meet someone new before even really getting... to know them for who they really. They aren't showing real commitment because they know that there's plenty more options to choose from if they don't get sex quickly from someone they meet. It's part of the drive thru sex generation we are in. They may be avoiding brothels but are doing it in other negative ways. Sex releases a chemical called Oxytocin after an orgasm which is a feel good chemical or aka the love drug and it makes you feel artificially safe and secure. It makes you feel good in the moment. When people are having sex or being very intimate before marriage the Oxytocin being released in their brains prevents them from being able to make good judgments, they confuse this phase with having good chemistry and compatibility and they ignore the red flags waving them in their face even if their friends and family are warning them about the red flags they ignore them and focus on the temporary and artificial good feeling they are experiencing. Then after marriage when the excitement phase is over and sex and intimacy slows down or dries up they start to see their partner for who they really are. There's a chance that your spouse you complain about was arrogant, defensive, self-centered, unreliable, unavailable, selfish, aggressive, dirty etc before marriage but you didn't notice. So there's a possibility in these situations that your partner didn't fully change after marriage as we often hear (yes people do change after marriage too) but perhaps your judgment may have been blurred by happy hormones and false projections the sex or exotic intimacy was doing to you before marriage. Side point while talking about Oxytocin, this is why make up sex for married couples doesn't solve the problems they are making up for in the first place. It doesn't miraculously fix your relationship. It's good to have but if the issues are not addressed properly it only works as a band aid treatment. #mrcounselling

01.01.2022 Contrary to what some people believe, intimacy is not only sex. Emotional intimacy is one of the strongest forms of connection that should be established and nurtured not just between couples, but between parents and their children. Listen to gain deep knowledge, listen to learn, learn to listen, not to become defensive or to try to fix. That's kindergarten behaviour. #EmotionallyImmatureParents #mrcounselling

01.01.2022 Let kids be kids. If you grew up feeling like you had to be responsible all the time and dont really remember being a kid, and being a caretaker to everyone feels good to you even when you are sacrificing parts of yourself then theres a big chance youve been parentified. The outcome of being parentified is not all bad. You grow up with good qualities that may benefit you in certain areas of your life, like being responsible, however it does come with many negative qualit...ies that can impact your mental health and self esteem. Children who were parentified usually struggle with having fun and are easily pulled into the caretaker role when they become adults. Their worth is often tied directly to what they can provide to others and how good they are and if they dont, they can feel depressed or feel like theyre lacking purpose. Structure feels safer to them than play. We have to find the right balance between responsibility and structure, play and fun with our children.