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Online Counselling

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19.01.2022 Illustration by Mari Andrew (@bymariandrew on Instagram)

18.01.2022 Loneliness I am unable to reach out to those around me. My social relationships are superficial. I feel shut out and excluded by others.... People are around me but not with me. (UCLA Lonliness Scale) All of us experience lonliness from time to time. Some people though experience loneliness as a chronic problem, feeling disconnected constantly. Typically, lonely people may feel lonely even when surrounded by others or when opportunities to connect are available. They tend to look for and find evidence that others around them do not want to connect with them. Loneliness is about having a negative perception of relationships. A belief that I am not good enough/worthy enough to have friends. Social anxiety is the cornerstone of loneliness. Forming a trusted relationship with another person (or therapist) is an entry point to enter a different form of contact with both the world and oneself. A process of developing positive self-talk dialogue that will help overcome the fear of interacting with others is hopefully the outcome. If you would like to connect with me, please visit my website, www.onlinecounsellingaustralia.com.au, or contact me on 0407 859 413.

16.01.2022 Dadirri is an almost spiritual skill, based on respect. Deep listening is inner, quiet, still awareness and waiting. Dadirri informs how one person may listen to another, as well as how one person may listen to themselves. Some therapeutic approaches incorporate the essence of this concept.

13.01.2022 The relationship between child and primary caregiver shapes the way our adult relationships develop and progress, be they romantic, with one’s own children, or with one’s self. I have written an article which outlines childhood experiences, resulting attachment styles and the significant effect they have on adult relationships. This may be relevant to you if you are someone who experiences low self-esteem, depression or feelings of shame, are prone to unsatisfactory or abusive relationships, or has difficulty bonding with your children.

12.01.2022 With the devastation caused recently by fires in the Eastern states, the enormity of losses experienced by many has been at the forefront of our minds. Loss of lives and lifestyle, loss of property and animals, loss of a livelihood, changes to a sense of self. Grief has no resolution and there is no closure as such. Over time, though, grief does change shape and it can become something that you can contain. Something that visits and then recedes. So rather than overwhelmi...ng you it becomes a part of you, rather than a burden. It has been written that there are 5 stages in the process of grief: denial, anger, bargaining depression and acceptance (Elisabeth Kubler-Ross). Counselling offers the possibility of not walking alone through this difficult terrain. Artwork by Frances Cannon

10.01.2022 Coronavirus Anxiety Feelings of worry and unease are normal in the face of such an enormous event as a global pandemic. We need to learn to manage our stress though before it develops into anxiety and panic. Here are some ways that you can look after yourself and your mental health during these difficult days: (1) Stay Informed... Limit media exposure. Constantly tuning into media coverage about the virus can feed into a heightened state of anxiety. Do seek information from reliable sources, such as the World Health Organization or Health Alert. (2) Place Things into Perspective Be aware of unnecessary worry and assuming the worst-case scenario. Tackle your anxieties by challenging these irrational beliefs with rational thoughts. For example, remind yourself that most people who contract coronavirus have only a mild dose, and can recover without needing specialised treatment. Do what you can to take precautions, such as washing your hands frequently, avoiding contact with your face, staying at home (if you begin to feel unwell) or seeking medical care early if you have advanced symptoms (fever, cough, breathing difficulties). (3) Self Care It is important to continue having a sense of structure and routine in place: Go to bed and get up in the morning around the same time Structure your day around domestic duties Work (if you are working from home Exercise (do yoga or stretching online, dust down any home exercise equipment you may have) Eat regularly and healthily (experiment with different ways of cooking) Make time for, and be creative about, activities and hobbies that you do or can enjoy. Keep in contact with family and friends by telephone or video. Try to be open in your communication with them. Practice or experiment with different ways of feeling relaxed (meditation, mindfulness, music). Avoid or limit use of alcohol or drugs to deal with stress. If you feel you need extra support during this time, feel free to make contact with me on 0407 859 413 or via my website, http://www.onlinecounsellingaustralia.com.au

05.01.2022 Anxiety But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. - From Desiderata by Max Ehrmann... When you experience anxiety, it is often difficult to specify what it is that you are anxious about. The focus of anxiety is more internal than external. It seems to be a response to a vague, distant, or even irrational and unlikely danger. You might be anxious about losing control of yourself or some situation. Or you might feel a vague anxiety about something bad happening. Anxiety is very different from fear. When you are afraid, your fear is usually directed toward some concrete, external object or situation. The event that you fear is usually within the bounds of possibility. For instance, you might fear not meeting a deadline, or being rejected by someone you want to please Anxiety affects your whole being. It is a physiological, behavioural, and psychological reaction all at once. (1) On a physiological level, anxiety may include bodily reactions such as rapid heartbeat, muscle tension queasiness, dry mouth, or sweating. (2) On a behavioural level, anxiety can sabotage your ability to act, express yourself or deal with every-day situations. (3) Psychologically, anxiety is a subjective state of apprehension and uneasiness. In its most extreme form, you may feel detached from yourself and even fearful of dying or going crazy. There are important implications for your attempts to recover if you accept that anxiety can affect you on all these three levels. In essence then the complete program of recovery from an anxiety disorder must intervene at all these levels to: (1) Reduce physiological arousal levels (2) Eliminate avoidance behaviour (3) Change subjective interpretations (or self talk) that perpetuate a state of apprehension and worry. It is possible to minimise and then ultimately gain control over anxiety. The steps include (but are not limited to) increasing your awareness of your body when it enters or is in an anxious state, knowing when and how to interrupt old patterns, substituting negative thought patterns with more reassuring, realistic and compassionate ones. Therapy can help lead you through these steps, encouraging and supporting you on your way to mastery.

03.01.2022 It would seem to be a universal desire to see a new year as marking the turning point into something better, something grander, something resolved, some pain healed. We may enter the fray with a bargaining wishful strategy based on if only I do this, then that (some desired outcome) will happen. And when, as inevitably it tends to happen, our new habit or attempted way of being falls to the wayside, we can be harsh and self critical. Mari Andrew paints a much more forgiving... and gentle way of entering the fresh year. Be kind, be respectful of yourself, set goals by all means but take care to make them achievable and pleasurable. In this way, you can set yourself on the path of greater self-loving and care. It is funny to see how the outcome we so desire of greater self acceptance and peace comes from letting go of high and unrealistic expectations and doing just exactly the opposite. See more

03.01.2022 Effective Therapy There is no shortage of therapists to choose from if you decide you need counselling. A competent therapist (whether it be a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist) must have a good knowledge of theory and technique, have had extensive supervised practice and at best have done some of their own personal therapy. However, the effectiveness of therapy is determined in large part by the therapeutic relationship, or how good a fit there is between the client a...nd therapist. Research findings support this take on things consistently. So, regardless of the type of training or therapeutic model of the therapist, make sure you search until you find a therapist who you connect with. Then you are halfway there to beginning to resolve your difficulties and increasing your capacity for fulfilling relationships with yourself and others. See more

02.01.2022 We have been living with the impact and risk of Coronavirus for 6 months now. Who knows when and how the world will emerge from its hold. We have all been thrown into a world that is unpredictable, and full of change. The things we normally take for granted, like work, children going to school, access to friends and family who live elsewhere, these things that tether us to our sense of self and define our connection with community, continue to be shaken and we are left suspen...ded and in limbo. For many people, this is the recipe for heightened anxiety and depression, feeling overwhelmed and insecure. Those of us who are usually robust and have a good ability to support ourselves can be impacted by these psycho-social and economic challenges too. It is important to consider how to get through these times In terms of looking after yourself, your relationships with work and your loved ones.Talking over your concerns, considering options, different strategies and perspectives can be helpful. Though we have no control over external events, we can change our internal condition, our thoughts and beliefs, then ultimately our behaviour and how we feel. I continue to be available for consultations by either phone or video conferencing.