Outreachmentalhealth in West Burleigh, Queensland, Australia | Family therapist

Outreachmentalhealth

Locality: West Burleigh, Queensland, Australia

Phone: +61 436 378 478

Address: 7 tallebudgera ck Rd 4220 West Burleigh, QLD, Australia

Website: http://www.outreachmentalhealth.com.au

Likes: 91

Add/Update information

Reviews

Tags

• Medical and health
• Family therapist

25.01.2022 I've seen a thing doing the rounds about the coke bottle effect. Those of us with neurodivergent children will be aware of this concept. It serves to explain wh...y teachers say our kids are "fine" or "had a really good day" and yet the second they get home (or sometimes even before we've left the school gates) they blow up in our face. In simplicity you imagine the child is a bottle of coke. Every time some thing stressful happens the bottle is shaken. Nothing much seems to change. But the bottle is shaken and shaken. The pressure builds and builds and then once home with their parents, in their safe space with their safe people, the lid comes off the bottle. All the shaking results in a lot of mess and try as you might, once the fizzing starts, the lid is next to impossible to get back on. In the example I've seen there's a boy going through his day and we think of the stressful things he goes through. My only criticism is that I think the things are too obvious, at one point he gets sent to the head teacher's office for being "naughty". So here's my take on the things that shake children up and down the land. Let's call the child Kate, Kate is autistic, school knows she's autistic and have measures in place to help. Kate goes to a mainstream primary school just like every other primary school up and down the land. Kate arrives at school. She's excited to build a Lego model during soft start. She's been planning it all morning. Only 3 children can play with the lego at once and Jack, Zoe and Anya got there first. Kate sits at her desk and draws a picture. Her teacher congratulates her on a beautiful picture. But it wasn't a Lego model. Shake the bottle. Kate does a maths quiz. She gets 9 out of 10. Her teacher says well done. Kate can't shake the feeling she should have got them all right. Shake the bottle. The classroom is loud, the sound of chairs scraping on the floor. Those children laughing. Kate has a pair of ear defenders. She wants to wear them. She knows she's allowed. But she knows it makes her look different. So she doesn't. Shake the bottle. At break time Kate is excited to see mummy gave her a cereal bar for snack when she usually has an apple. She'll forgive the change of snack because, you know, it has chocolate chips in it. 2 bites in a child bumps into her and it falls to the ground. Kate can't eat it now it's dirty, she tries to tell the playground assistant who tells her it is fine, just brush off the dirt, it was even in a packet. But she can't. Its contaminated. So she puts it in the bin. Shake the bottle. Twice. She was excited about the chocolate and now she's also hungry. Back in the class and David accidentally bumped into Kate when he was handing out some work. She wasn't expecting to be touched. Shake the bottle. Lunch time. Kate has ordered chicken goujons, chips and beans. On getting to the front of the queue she realises there's no beans but they have peas and sweet corn. She likes peas and sweet corn but they're mixed together and anyway, it's supposed to be beans. Shake the bottle. In the afternoon, Kate has to give a presentation about wind farms. She's passionate about this presentation, she's been researching hard and got to use the class chrome books to do it. She rattles off every fact in the world about wind farms. Her teachers don't notice the anxious wobble to her voice as Kate covers the anxiety with talking a LOT. She's congratulated for an illuminating presentation but Kate is tired and can't hear it. Shake the bottle. Andrea is asked to tidy away the pencils at the end of the day. Andrea puts the pencils in the pen pot. Kate really wants to say some thing but last time she said Andrea was doing it wrong she got a row for tattling. So Kate hurries round behind Andrea separating all the pencils out. And gets a row because she's supposed to be in her seat. Shake the bottle. Now shake it twice more because a school day is tiring even of you don't have any type of neurodivergency. Kate's teacher sends a quick message to mum saying "Kate had a great day, she got 9 out of 10 in our maths quiz and she did a brilliant presentation about windfarms. And she didn't need her ear defenders at all today". Mum collects Kate and says, "hey darling, how was your day?" And so the lid comes off. And it takes a long time to let out all the fizz. And it's just as messy as if it had been a literal bottle of coke.

24.01.2022 'Super stealth': What people don't know about women on the spectrum. https://bit.ly/autisticwomen

20.01.2022 My son and I were walking in our neighbourhood recently when a father and little boy walked past us. The little boy was crying. The father said to the little bo...y, Stop crying or your mother is going to hear about this when we get home. I said nothing to my son and we kept walking. Moments later my six-year-old said, Why did that Dad tell the boy to stop crying? You can’t just stop crying when there’s a reason. You have to get the tears out. Why did that Dad even want him to stop crying? Our kids are wise. And when we parent through a relationship that is unafraid of tears and emotions of any kind, our kids don’t become scared either. They see them as normal. Sad, angry and frustrated are just as valid and necessary as their positive counterparts. Just as the waves are not the ocean, our children are not their emotions. Their emotions pass and we need to learn to ride the waves, rather than try to bend reality. Many of us were raised to stuff negative emotions deep down where they couldn’t be seen. And so we repeat it, without a conscious thought. Or we try to fix it by distracting our kids to make the hurt go away because it feels painful for us to see our kids in pain. But more often than not, what I’ve found is that when I allow my son to feel disappointment or sadness and walk through it with him, he bounces back far quicker than I expected. We allow our kids to become resilient when we make space for their emotions. When we’re brave enough to sit with a crying child, whether in our living rooms or on the sidewalk, we validate their feelings. They learn that we have their backs, that they’re not alone with their emotions and when we hold them up to the light together, rather than make them hide alone in dark places, they’re not so scary after all. #raisedgood See more

12.01.2022 How much news are you consuming at the moment? Is this helping you or adding stress to your nervous system? Watch this three minute video to understand the effect that watching stressful news has on the brain and body, and learn practical tips for you and your child/students.

12.01.2022 FIERCELY GENTLE MOTHER Attachment Gentle Crunchy... Intensively motherly Yeah I suppose In some ways That's the mum I turned out to be But please don't mistake Any of these things For a placid timidity Don't condemn me as a martyr To this child that I adore He who took this rabbit-heart of mine And taught it how to roar Don't label me a pushover For meeting his every need Because I'll fiercely defend the practices That supposedly make me weak I'll wake frequently in the night For as long as he needs I'll not chase every milestone But rather follow his lead I'll recognise when he's struggling And lashing out at me I'll not retaliate with punishment But hold him tenderly I'll ask him if he wants a cuddle When he's screaming in the street I'll try to exhibit a kind of patience That doesn't come so naturally I'll bend over backwards With such fierce ferocity You see It takes a lot of strength To be So very 'weak' --------------------------------------------------- Words: Karen McMillan (@mother_truths) Image: by the very talented The Art of C.Adro MOTHER TRUTHS The Poetry Book is available to buy now: https://linktr.ee/mother_truths

07.01.2022 The APS is pleased to announce that the 2020 Federal Budget includes a doubling of the number of Medicare-funded psychology sessions for all Australians regardl...ess of location, for an initial 2 year period. This follows years of APS advocacy for recognition of the importance of access to psychological services. More to come.

07.01.2022 The Victorian Government just announced new funding that will enable Smiling Mind to provide specially designed digital resources for parents to support children to reduce anxiety, promote calm and build emotional wellbeing during COVID-19.

06.01.2022 Please take a few minutes to read this... In an especially chaotic rush out the door to go on a family vacation, I sat in the passenger seat fuming. Mad because... I didn’t have time to put the dishes in the dishwasher. Mad because we were late getting on the road. Mad because the garage door was acting up. I’m talking trivial, insignificant, minor inconveniences here, but that was the state of a distracted woman who could no longer see the blessings, only the inconveniences, of her life. Before we were about to pull out of the driveway, my husband looked at me as if someone he loved very much had died. In a barely audible whisper he said, You’re never happy anymore. I wanted to defend. I wanted to excuse. I wanted to deny. But I couldn’t. Because I knew he was right. Where had that happy woman gone? The one who smiled at people she passed on the street just because. The one whose friends often spoke of her positive outlook on life. The one who felt happy simply because she heard her favorite song or had a pack of strawberry Twizzlers in her purse. The one who could laugh off mistakes because mistakes happen, and they are certainly not the end of the world. Where had she gone? And that’s when I glanced to the backseat to see if my children, then ages six and three, had heard my husband’s words. Staring back at me was my older daughter picking her lip with worry the size of a small boulder weighing down her small shoulders. As she pinched that tiny piece of fragile skin on her upper lip with wide eyes, I could practically read her mind: Mom’s mad. Mom’s tired. Mom’s stressed. But there was more. I could practically hear how a young child would interpret her mother’s unhappiness. Mom’s mad at me. Mom’s tired because of me. Mom’s stressed because of something I did. That’s when an even more powerful question hit me. Where had my happy little girl gone? The one who woke up with the most gorgeous bedhead and good morning smile. The one who beamed at the words sprinkler, cotton candy, and pet store. The one who laughed so hard tears came to her eyes. The one who licked beaters with sheer pleasure and danced happily to any song with a beat. Where had she gone? I knew. Because my happiness was based on external measureson tasks being completed, plans running accordingly, goals being met, hairs being in placeI was continually disappointed upset impatient and stressed. In the process of making my own life miserable, I’d funneled my unhappiness straight into my daughter’s once joyful heart and spirit. Her pain was a direct reflection of the expression I wore on my face. I desperately wanted to bring a smile back to my daughter’s face. I knew I must bring it back to my own. I began praying for small steps I could take to become a more positive, present, and peace-filled person. On brightly colored sticky notes, I posted daily goals and positive mantras that came to me during morning prayer time. Especially prominent on my mirrors and cabinets were these two go-to phrases: Only Love Today and See Flowers Not Weeds. I used the phrase Only Love Today to silence my inner bully. Whenever a critical thought would come to my mind or my mouth, I’d cut it off with Only Love Today. I used See Flowers Not Weeds as a pathway to gratitude, to see what was good in situations and people. As Only Love Today and See Flowers Not Weeds became a daily practice, I felt a profound transformation occurring in my heart and home. No longer were my goals exclusively items that could be measured or checked offthey consisted of immeasurable items like listening, laughing, dreaming, playing, connecting, and loving. With a more meaningful daily goal, I was able to see the blessings in my imperfect self and in my imperfect life. My eager-to-please, helpful older child looked different too. I saw her for who she was, not an annoyance or a bother, but a loving child with clever thoughts and ideas. For once, I could see all the things she was capable of doingnot perfectly, but good enough for today. The tightness in my face relaxed and the smiles came more easily for both of us. One morning, I looked out the kitchen window to see her making a little garden right there in the middle of the yard. I watched as she tended to her miniature plot. Her joyful smile made me take pause. Clearly, she was at peace tending to her garden. I took a picture and sent it to my parents. Nothing could have prepared me for the response I received. My parents wrote: Thank for this precious picture of our beautiful granddaughter. Over the last two years, we have seen a tremendous change in her. We no longer see a scared look in her eyes; she is less fearful about you being upset or impatient with her. She is much happier and more relaxed. She is thriving and growing into a content, creative, and nurturing person. We know for a fact the changes we see in her coincide with the changes we have also seen in you. I covered my mouth to muffle the sobs. When I was struggling to breathe beneath the weight of perfection, distraction, and self-induced pressure, my child was too. My daughter had absorbed my tension. She had absorbed my frustration. She had absorbed my anxiety. She had absorbed my unhappiness. And as my negative emotions were being filtered down to her, they impacted her ability to grow, thrive, and blossom. If I didn’t know it before, I know it now: Our children are our garden. They absorb our stress, just as they absorb our peace. They absorb our negativity just as they absorb our joy. And we have the power to control what they absorb, but first, we must tend to ourselves. It might sound like this: Dear one, you have feelings. They are worth listening to and acknowledging. You have limits. They are necessary to keep in place as a means of valuing your time and honoring your health. You have dreams. You are worthy of time to pursue what makes your heart come alive. You have needs. You deserve affection, rest, sustenance, and grace. Perhaps you forgot that it is necessary to look after YOU. It’s okay. I forget too. But we still have today. Thank God, we still have today. Today let’s tend to ourselves as we do our loved ones. Perhaps we can make it a habit. We’ll never know how much we can grow and flourish until we take time to tend to what is most precious. by Rachel Macy Stafford I did not write this. Rachel Stafford is the author of the book. #perspective #letthembelittle #sahm #mompreneur

05.01.2022 if ur looking for a reason to keep living- do it for the days you will dance around your room by yourself listening to your favourite songs. do it because havi...ng a cigarette in the middle of the night at the park with your friends makes you feel like you’re in a movie scene do it for all the strangers you are yet to smile at and admire do it because one day, a friend you haven’t even met yet, might need you. do it for the rainy days and because you havent gotten to wear your favourite dress enough. do it because you are yet to try the best nachos you’ve ever tasted or because your all time favourite movie might not even exist yet do it because the best day of your life might be around the corner because your favourite band might announce a concert in your city in 2 weeks from now do it to watch your best friend fall in love with somebody who treats them right or to see your sister graduate fuck, i can’t stress this enough but please, please keep choosing life. because your heart might hurt now, waking up might feel dreadful and you might just be over it all but choose life not only for others, choose life for yourself to watch yourself recover to feel proud that you havent cried in weeks to recognise the change in your behaviours to watch yourself slip out of your bad habits to love the sound of the birds chirping again to touch grass with your bare feet and remember that life is beautiful. choose life because life chose you. life always chooses you. please, just stay here with me.