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25.01.2022 Tuesday . Yesterday was a great day. I hit 50,000 words in my book, I walked 7km, I had a breakthrough in processing my mindset post-surgery and I locked in my liver surgery... for next Tuesday! . Im feeling good, managing my pain, moving my body and calming my head. I have my moments... but they remind me how precious this all is. ... . #thanksforasking #thanksforcaring #somuchlove #allthetime #bowelcancer #stage4cancer #melbourne #walks See more

25.01.2022 Further to todays insta story... . It is true. A body can feel pretty rotten when it has a good reason to. When the mind tells the body flaking out is justified, flaking out looks pretty damn good. . BUT. When the mind tells the body to pull its sh*t together and just do today, crazy stuff can happen. ... . For example. EIGHT PUSHUPS. . #nailedit #mindful #intentional #healthy #alive See more

23.01.2022 Desperate times I have been quite open about the anxiety I am feeling in lockdown in Melbourne. I gotta also say, freaking massive thank you to the people who have reached out to me, checked on me. Youre the greatest. I just want to see some friends and go for a walk. Perch at the bar for dinner. Sit on the beach and wiggle my toes in the sand. Run along a tree lined street somewhere far from anything else. Shake off the trauma that infuses my every day, and celebrate th...e small things. And the giant things, such as another scan, clear of cancer, as of yesterday. But until then - another workout today, just to remind myself of how grateful I am to be able to move #gratitude #itsanattitude #workout #rehab #cancerthriver #exerciseismedicine #exerciseoncology

23.01.2022 Todays walk was SO COLD. . But I did it alone. Just me and Moses. Stomping the streets for a chill 2.4km. It was the most zen I have felt in months. . Treasure the simple things ... . #perspective #glasshalffull #afternoonwalk #recovery #rehabilitation #liverresection #cancerthriver See more

23.01.2022 Alright so first up - MY SCANS ARE CLEAR. . Thats a massive deal. I am so grateful. Sure, I have been here before, only to find myself back in a chemo chair or an operating table. But Im also coming up to 3.5 years of cancer battling and to have a clear scan now, after all of this work, all of this time, is massive. MASSIVE. I am grateful and wowed. . However.... . I feel emotionally chaotic. I couldnt get through my workout today without collapsing into tears. I sat with a glass of champagne last night and blinked. Silently. It just all feels like too much and equally, almost nothing at all. . I am sure our Melbourne restrictions have a lot to do with it. I have unlocked the door to my life, and having stepped through it, Im finding it looks scarily similar to my cancer reality. Unstable. Longing. Jealousy. Anger. . The workout and the tears have helped. Sometimes its necessary to just decompress. Sending love to anyone feeling the same. And of course to anyone feeling damn fine. Hope to join you soon. . #realitycheck #isofeels #melbournelife #covid19 #exerciseathome #cancerfree #clearscans #imnotmentioningremissionthanksbutno See more

23.01.2022 The good life . #houndlove #italiangreyhound #saturdaynight #kisses

23.01.2022 A summary of my day . 6am uncontrollable nerve pain. 7am breakfast 8am repeat nerve pain ... 9am drug induced sleep 10am sit out of bed in chair 11am doctor rounds Midday lunch 1pm drug induced sleep 2pm ...continued... and walking lap of ward 3pm Tim visits... continued 4pm Needle and dressing changes (it took 4 needles to get one to work) 6pm Dinner 6:30pm Now controllable nerve pain (apply fentanyl, stay in seated position... Im learning!) 7pm FaceTime Josh 7:30pm Insta and Easter egg . Im exhausted. Some moments are truly so far beyond tolerable. The pain, and the sheer fatigue of it all. And then I learn to sit up or have a nice chat or sip a nice cup of tea... and things are really fine. And going to be ok. . So. Sleeping sitting up. Whos with me? . #recovery #postop #thesmallthings #bowelcancer #colorectalcancer See more

22.01.2022 These two They love each other so much. But I love them more! And no, this isnt a finding special moments amid the covid chaos post. This is not a today I realised it might all be ok moment. Nor some we can do it, were almost there Melbourne sentiment. ... I am owning the fact that I am way past that. My heart aches for the life I desperately want to embrace, now that I have this moment of no cancer status. How long will it last for? How long do I have before Im back in a hospital? Is 2020 as good as it gets? The Melbourne lockdowns have caused an emotional toll that is devastating, and exhausting, and I WILL own that. Its so important to own it. It persists. And we can be resolute, when its time and when were ready, but we are allowed to hurt. I know very well the danger of toxic positivity in the context of cancer: it belittles pain and diminishes trauma and rewrites the narrative that is your experience. You wont hear it from me. So if youre feeling rubbish despite the low case counts and good weather and spring flowers, I hear you. If youre elsewhere in the world and dealing with your own storm, Im listening. Still. Cute pic tho. #covid_19 #melbourne #hurting #cutepictho

22.01.2022 I am really hoping I can borrow your eyes for a super important public health message. Dont wait mate. Watch this video and pass it on to people you care about. If ever there was a message to share on Facebook, its this: Our health will not wait, for a more convenient day, or a less germy year. We must must must make sure we dont fall victim to the horrific health statistics that face us as a result of COVID-19. There will be more cancer diagnoses. More stage 4 cancer. More cancer deaths. Dont let that be you. Im not being a downer here. I am being real. Please get to your GP. Please check out that symptom. Please, #dontwaitmate

21.01.2022 Golden hour with my special boys. . Sunday is always the most special family day. I feel like we are still learning how we like to spend them, after years and years of breaking weekends into pieces to fit around hospital admissions or my capacity to cope. . Those days werent lost or wasted. They were necessary, and they have given us today. ... . #gratitude #practicemakesperfect #cancersurvivor #wegotthis See more

20.01.2022 Exercise is BACK baby. . It feels so amazing to move. Just to finally, finally, have the chance. A simple band workout for my legs, and an easy stroll with my boys. Heaven. . If youre thinking, contemplating, moving today... I say do it. Lets just keep moving. ... . #exercisemotivation #exercise #exerciseoncology #rehab #keepmoving See more

19.01.2022 Stronger today . Tim and I hit the footpath this afternoon for more than 2kms of walking. My lungs were happy, so happy, to be filling themselves with air once again. I am SO grateful for the post lung resection, pre liver resection rehab/prehab walking that I did! . I am still working through my infection pain, but today was a MUCH better day. Thank you so much for the amazing messages of support over the last 24 hours. The toughest part of this infection has been my ...separation from Josh. I will forever be so protective of my time with him. It is why I do everything, all of this, every day. Today was a day that I got to relish his company. We read and played and made dinner together. He teaches me something new everyday. I am so grateful he calls me Mumma. . I still have over a week of antibiotics to take for my infection, via IV, and more pills beyond that. Thats a week of Josh stressing about the line running to my chest, chewing his lip in contemplation and questioning whether I am about to head back into hospital. No my baby man. Mumma is here. . Infection experience aside, I celebrate these surgeries, this milestone, and the champions who keep me alive. They know who they are, why we do this, what it takes, and how far we will keep pushing. . #cancerthriver #metastaticcancer #colorectalcancer #findyourwhy #lungresection #liverresection See more

19.01.2022 Please watch out. . Watch for poo that changes colour or texture. Watch for blood sitting in your toilet bowl. Watch for weight loss. For feeing not quite hungry. For cramps. For tiredness. For feeling just not you. . Bowel cancer is a treatable cancer. But it progresses too far too often because people feel awkward about discussing poo. Never let discomfort threaten your life. Never let awkwardness risk your health. Sweat, wee, poo. All just waste. Leg, ear, rectum. Just... body parts. Be tuned in and have a conversation and save a life. . #redappleday #bowelcancerawareness #bowelcancer #bowelcancerawarenessmonth #bowelcanceraustralia #colorectalcancer #stage4cancer #advocacy #awareness Cc Bowel Cancer Australia

18.01.2022 Its all about angles. To bring out my cheek bones. And disguise my regrowth. And pretend my hair is longer. Angles. And you know what? Im ok with that! We all have them, inside, outside, everywhere, right? A better side. A better spin. A better way of seeing the world So lets do it. Im embracing my angles and enjoying my chaos. After winter must come spring. Until then, apply a filter and tilt your head. ... Happy Sunday. #foodforthought #angles #goodside #happysunday #perspective

18.01.2022 Home based HIIT . I really needed to move today but was so not keen on Melbournes gloomy afternoon of 11 degrees. . So I did a workout inside instead! It was the toughest thing I have done post op. The hours I have been putting into my chest and abdominal rehab have left me feeling strong and ready to tackle things like walking lunges. And baby sprints. ... . I have posted snippets on my Instagram stories for anyone who wants to see what a post op workout can look like, if you work with professionals on prehab AND rehab. Love you long time, @strongandstable_au . #exerciseoncology #movement #cancerfighting #prehab #rehab #sprints #planks #strength #exercisephysiology #exercisephysiologist See more

17.01.2022 Another day of learning of the horrific impact of COVID-19. . A dearth of referrals to cancer specialists. Cancer lingering, growing, winning. . Life saving clinical trials that have slammed their doors shut on patient recruitment. ... . Patients being transferred away from the Drs who understand their life threatening health condition, to make room for potential COVID-19 cases. . Scans and tests and treatments cancelled. . Patients alone. Dying. Alone. . Please stay home. . Please think twice. . And please ask the people you love to do the same. . We dont understand until we do, and by then its just too late. . #stayathome #cancercrisis #tragedy #covid19 #behuman See more

16.01.2022 What a difference a day makes. . Yesterdays highlight was certainly having my drain tube removed. This is always a huge milestone after thoracic surgery. The 30+cm of plastic tubing that runs from my waist to my collar bone is an essential tool that allows fluid to drain from my operating site. But my my my, it is uncomfortable . Once the fluid decreases and runs relatively clear, it is unstitched from the skin holding it in and yanked out in one smooth movement. It doesn...t hurt. (The drain that will come out of my abdomen following my liver surgery in a few weeks, meanwhile, is the stuff NIGHTMARES ARE MADE of. Just FYI ) . I am so much more mobile today. Removing the drain yesterday has meant I could detach my IV opioids today and transition to pill-based pain relief. A massive recovery step forward. Enter physio, shower, and strolling round the ward. . The key now is to make this amazing bounce stick. Make sure the pain stays away. My movement increases. My blood counts improve. To achieve this I will still be here for a couple of days and I couldnt be happier to oblige. I miss my boys. But Josh needs his Mumma and this is what that takes. . Thank you to the people who have been unbelievably kind to myself and Tim and Josh this week. Words will not do. My tears of joy and gratitude have far outnumbered my tears of pain and frustration. It is such a privilege to be alive, and to be loved and cared for. . . #update #cancerandcovid #surgery #lungsurgery #stage4cancer #bowelcancer #grateful @ Epworth See more

16.01.2022 Breaking outta the house for a cheeky 3.3km walk . Yes indeed, it was tough. Plenty of speed adjustments required. Heart rate peaked at 151. But wow, did it feel good. . When you only race yourself, youre capable of winning every time. Just saying. ... . #findjoy #raceyourself #isofit #recovery #surgerylife #lungcancer #rehab #prehab #itsaprivilege See more

15.01.2022 A snuggle, for all of the people in Melbourne who I wish I could snuggle right now. . That is all. . #isolation #longing #missyou #family #teamwork #fatigue

14.01.2022 Someone asked me for a headshot this week. For a work-related thing. So I sent a chemo chair pic. Because, really, that’s where I’ve done my hardest work, right?! But I’m also considering MRI gown shots for future work head shot requests. Because today’s MRI was such a damn mission I know I owe a status update post-op. But some things just take time to sift through. Next steps and plans should be coming together over the next couple of days. Until then - enjoy this good h...air day. I know I did!! #goodhairday #cancerhair #chemohair #gameplan #mri

14.01.2022 Had to blend three red lipsticks to land the red that matches my top - but I think I got there! . #justbecause #smilinghead #smilinglips #makeitpop #nocovidblueshere

14.01.2022 News alert . Last Monday I had a CT scan of my lungs. It was clearish, but messy. Murky. Not good enough, particularly in a pandemic environment when we cannot use other surveillance tools we usually rely on. So I had a PET scan on Thursday afternoon. Just. In. Case. It revealed cancer in my lungs, which we had almost predicted really, but also in my liver, which is a nasty surprise. . It has taken me a few days to process this. I try to share change as soon as I experie...nce it. I try to keep things honest. But this one was a shocker and I needed a minute. . We have a plan. I will be having surgery this week, then more chemo, then more surgery. I am feeling extraordinarily lucky to have the option of surgery available to me. It will be scary to be in hospital. It will be lonely to not see my family, particularly Josh, while I am there. But I will be getting the medical care I need and I am so so fortunate to be in that position. . I will share more as I know more. And I anticipate very warmly and sincerely thank you for the support I will get. I will need it. I do need it. . Lets do this team. . #realtalk #treatmentupdate #cancerandcovid19 #lungsurgery #liversurgery #grateful See more

13.01.2022 My exercise medicine prescription for lockdown . I have always used exercise as a medicine in my cancer fighting. But I have stepped that up over the past few (748?) iso months in Melbourne. I am really trying to move everyday, reminding myself movement is a choice I can make to take control of my physical and emotional health, during a period that is otherwise completely outside my control. . Some days work better than others. But I started the day in tears and I am feel...ing much better this afternoon, so Im going to call that a win. . #exercisemotivation #exercise #exerciseismedicine #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #isolation #cancerandcovid #control See more

11.01.2022 Just popping into your feed re blood . If you are a regular donor, someone who dabbles, or a newbie, please consider a blood donation. . Other stuff, sick stuff, unplanned stuff, is happening outside of COVID-19. I realised that this morning when I needed a blood transfusion. My very first. And I felt pretty lucky to have someones blood pulled off the shelf for me. ... . People often ask me what they can do for me. This is it. Thank you. . #donateblood #redcross #savelives #soeasy #somuchlove #bloodtransfusion See more

10.01.2022 Laying down to sit back up. . Today -> Managed my first set of sit ups without the assistance of a ball to bounce me back up! . Love you body. Scarred, and strong. ... . #exercise #exercisemotivation #exerciseathome #exerciseoncology #exerciseismedicine #rehab #postop #covidfit #cancerfit See more

09.01.2022 Ah yeah hi. Just dropping into your feed to say my week is a bit of a sh*t storm right now. I’m fine. I’m going to be fine. But I’m also frankly exhausted, running low on tolerance, ready for a holiday and heart broken by the savage, unyielding, disrespectful bastard that is stage iv cancer. So this is me, acknowledging that I don’t feel like I can say everything that is in my head without losing it. And over to you, who I hope can provide me with a chuckle or a hug or a ...glass of vino or a memory or anecdote or otherwise mood lifting vibe that has nothing to do with asking me what’s happening next because I just don’t quite know yet. #embracethegrey #stage4 #bowelcancer

08.01.2022 Yesterday I had a brain scan. . Like, with zero notice. Maybe four hours notice? It is the kind of scan that can reveal the worst possible cancer scenario, and I had zero time to prepare for it. . But I was so calm. Like, comfortable, nodding off, smiling, levels of calm. Why? ... . Heres what I can decipher . 1 It was a visit to a diagnostic cancer finding tool that I got access to, during a period when so many dont. We had a question, we got an answer. That was comforting. . 2 It was some time spent in my hospital. The place I visit more than any other. With familiar faces that I have missed, and routine that I have craved for. It was some normal and I loved it. . 3 It was 30 mins of time away from everyone, just for me, alone with my thoughts and some freaking noisey magnets. It has been a while since Ive been legitimately away from everyone and just by myself, with myself, without doing exercise and feeling like I have to conquer at cardio. It was a self care moment that had a similar impact on me to a full body massage or getting my hair done. . Enlightening. This scan, and my response to it, has taught me a lot. If youre finding it impossibly hard in covid lockdown - as I am - take some time to unpack it all. And use what you have learnt. I, for one, am going to go for a walk without checking my Apple Watch every 500m. Hell, Im not even going to wear it! Moving just for me today. . Ps. Scan was clear. . #isolation #covid19 #anxiety #melbourne #copingstrategies See more

08.01.2022 It doesnt get easier. . I do get stronger. . #exerciseoncology #exerciseandcancer #exerciseismedicine #rehab #isoworkout #bowelcancer

07.01.2022 Beautiful Sunday beach vibes yesterday. I’m heading into another week of medical to do’s, a standard requirement in pursuit of maintaining this cancer remission status! I’m feeling a little anxious to be honest. It’s only a minor surgery, but it is happening in the same place as all of the other MAJOR surgeries, so I can feel the anticipation building! But I’ll be ok. And very well looked after That’s it really. That’s as compelling as I get on insta this week. ... #surgeryweek #sunshine #covidnormal

07.01.2022 It is not often you get to spend an hour debriefing your life and how you arrived at where you are - and record it for whoever is interested! Earlier this week I joined the lovely Fiona on her podcast One Moment Please to talk about... well... to talk about stuff! Give it a listen and let me know what you think. And if youre interested in the answers to the questions what has Nicole done for work? or how does Nicole do this cancer fighting thing everyday?, this podcast will be right up your alley!! https://player.whooshkaa.com/shows/one-moment-please

07.01.2022 Beauty in my chaos . The most stunning blooms I have ever seen in real life, crafted by the impeccable @thevillageflowerstore and gifted lovingly by my beautiful Mumsy and Dadsy, to celebrate our beautiful new home. . I am the luckiest girl in the world. ... . #melbourneflorist #peonies #floralarrangement #perfection #newhome #welcomehome See more

06.01.2022 Strategies for coping with change fatigue . I know a lot of people are hurting. Really hurting, because of change. COVID-19 is too much, too far, too long, and there is zero security in what is to come next. . When Im struggling with change, I try to do two things: 1 - put my current trauma in context, and 2 - pull my good stuff closer. Indulge me. ... . 1. When my head feels feelings of sad, miserable, despair, it tends to accelerate to 100, dumping me always in extreme levels of trauma. So I try to check me on that: Is this actually the worst I have ever felt? Nope. Is it the worst I will ever feel? Nope. Is it the worst anyone out there is feeling, period? Certainly not. Can I get comfortable in a moderate level of sh*t? Probably. . 2. During times of traumatic change, its easy to lose touch with how much of your life still remains perfectly the same, just as you dreamt it, built it, love it. So I seek those things out, and pull them closer. My relationships. My exercise. My self care. My bottle of wine. Those things that I truly care for remain the same, always, somewhere. Its my job to show my brain that there is plenty of beautiful same in the change . Just some reflections from my sunny Melbourne afternoon - much like the one pictured. But instead of fleeing my hospital bed and stealing away to a park to squeeze in ten minutes of contact with my son, I will shortly be walking, driving, collecting him from school, sitting in his company - all things I could not do 8 weeks ago. Lucky me . #covid19 #changefatigue #perspective #glasshalffull #optimism #lifeislong See more

06.01.2022 Progress . In strength. In mindset. In acceptance. . Sometimes the fiercest workouts are the ones that are gentle. No milestones smashed. Just calm, intentional stages of measured growth. ... . Maybe thats a milestones in itself? . #recovery #rehab #cancertreatment #bowelcancer #milestones #strength #strengthtraining #progress See more

06.01.2022 Surgeries, complications, pandemics and poo.

06.01.2022 How do I feel about being back in treatment? . Hopeful. Damn lucky. Optimistic. And so loved. . Lets do this team ... . #starttoday #chemotherapy #newtreatment #optimism #allwhimsicalandshit See more

04.01.2022 I’m just three nights from surgery now. It’s throwing up some feels for me. I have spent months of COVID lockdown with no apparent cancer. I’ve spent these months aching to be normal. Have dinners. See people. Exercise. Just normal stuff while I had a moment to be cancer free. But just as Melbourne started breaking out of COVID lockdown, we found more cancer. And now, as people start to make plans, I am heading back to the operating table. It’s frustrating. I don’t want to ...hurt. I just want to make some plans. I just need a break. It helps to check in with this second picture. This very sick cancer patient, having her very first chemo dose, desperate for treatment. Hungry for a response. Focused. Longing. Hopeful. Let’s do this. #cancer #stage4 #bowelcancer #colorectalcancer #cancerawareness #thriving #letsdothis @ Brighton, Victoria, Australia

03.01.2022 Wearing my #projectnicole socks to add some colour and energy to an otherwise really nasty week. . My sore but hopeful discharge from liver surgery was so spectacularly upended when I was readmitted last week with a suspected infection. We confirmed that this week: the writhing pain, the burning fevers, the can-barely-breathe gasps, all symptoms of a post-op infection. . Fever-induced COVID-19 precautions, though only in place for just over a day while I was tested, grad...uated my agony to sheer desperation... and I lay alone, weeping, angry, tortured, misunderstood. . A week later, a course of antibiotics is finally cutting through my pain, enough to allow me to reacquaint myself with the 35cm trauma to my belly. With the exception of a weekend in pained protection of my abdomen, I have seen my son twice in three weeks. I have bottomed out in resilience, focus, drive and care. And still I am here, still we wait every day to see whether our treatment strategy is working. And once we declare it is, I will need to continue daily infusions on antibiotics, treatment that will last for up for a month, while we wait to see if my bug bites back. . I am so grateful that my birthday fell into the middle of this mess and gave me five super special hours with my family yesterday. I am so thankful for the messages I read on social media every day, reminding me, pushing me, holding me. For a moment, I couldnt go on. . Now, I will. We will. . #cancer #covid19 #sotough #realtalk #desperation #resilience #truth See more

03.01.2022 Rehabilitation . For my body. For my mind. . Happy Friday. ... . #thatsall #exercise #sogoodtobeback #didallmymoves #andsomeextras #roguepatient See more

03.01.2022 Im home! . Josh has smothered me with gentle kisses and cuddles from the minute I arrived. Life is so good. . #reunited #lungsurgery #rehab #recovery #cuddles #stage4cancer

02.01.2022 Psst... oh hey there! Listen up . June is Bowel Cancer Awareness Month. So lets all agree to check in on our . Please? . Maybe its time for a colonoscopy. Or could it be that you have a gripey gut or an persistent pain? Lets make that GP appointment. Follow up on that referral. Return that damn stool sample. Please please please. Take it from this bowel cancer patient, pictured here at age 32, a couple of months into her diagnosis, with all the hope in the world that... she would be lucky enough to still be waging her war against cancer in 1 or 2 or 20 years time. Catch it early people. Ive checked out stage 4 cancer on behalf of all of us and its not the way to do things. The awareness, the checks, the early diagnosis - thats the path to pick. . Public service announcement over . #bowelcancer #bowelcanceraustralia #bowelcancerawarenessmonth #never2young #colonoscopy #awareness #earlydiagnosis #prevention Cc: @bowelcanceraustralia See more

02.01.2022 Surgery really sucks. Whether they take a lump from your chest wall or a lobe of your lung... surgery just isn’t much fun. Yesterday’s surgery was successful in that we removed a lump that was giving me grief. We now wait to find out if it was anything sinister. And while we wait, I manage the pain and nausea and dizziness that is post op. Do I want to manage my pain and throw up? Or be able to eat but not move? Hmm. Somehow I figured that, given this was a day case, I’d be... fine? Back to work today? No big deal? Um. Not so much. So I’m allowing myself some time to feel a bit miserable and sore and sick. (And do a bit of sneaky work because it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t!). #happyfriday #postop #cancerthriver #stage4 #bowelcancer

02.01.2022 My everything . Thank you to the people who keep me going. To my rescue crew. I love you all so much. . #myeverything #worthfightingfor #toughday #rescuecrew #liversurgery #justsohard #soworthit

01.01.2022 Smile #isoworkouts #saturdayvibes #startyourweekendright #melbourne #smile