PShitpostingP in Monash | Medical and health

PShitpostingP

Locality: Monash

Address: 27 Rainforest Walk 3800 Monash, VIC, Australia

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Likes: 190

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• Medical and health
• Alternative & holistic health service

25.01.2022 yelling 'LEEEET IIIIIT RIP!!!' and then tearing a part of the patient file in half

19.01.2022 having that much confidence in your diagnosis based solely off the stem, that the first thing you ask the sim patient is "yes or no question: have you told your parents that you have gallstones?"

19.01.2022 yo but aren't people under 6ft ALWAYS short of breath?

19.01.2022 i want you to try and imagine anything, ANYTHING more alpha than sitting down in front of a fluid restricted CCF patient and smashing a litre of water

17.01.2022 it puts the lotion on its skin, or it gets the eczema again

14.01.2022 wonder how many more assessments I have to cock up before my moodle loading screen starts giving me helpful hints like you can turn down the difficulty in the settings menu

12.01.2022 i am a strong proponent of the theory that auscultatory signs are a myth invented by cardiologists, purely so they can tell patients to be quiet

09.01.2022 tbh, i don’t think i’ve ever looked at a pathology lecture slide with seven thicc paragraphs of text on it and NOT been immeasurably aroused

07.01.2022 just thought I'd draft all my #blessed 3Bers a much needed email; all you gotta do is chuck your name in and away we go. thank me later. Dear Clinical School, This email is to inform you that I will no longer be paying attention or listening to any capacity during the remainder of my medical/surgical/clinician-run Zoom tutorials and lectures.... Unfortunately, the arrival of Stage 4 restrictions signaled the departure of my motivation to become a 'good doctor', and as such I will be channeling the shattered remnants of my mental fortitude and willpower into rote learning for my written exams. As a consequence of this, it would be most convenient for me if you could advise any tutors, lecturers or other educators not to bother trying to interact with me during these classes - my continued presence in these sessions is merely to prevent me from failing this particularly tumultuous year as a consequence of poor attendance. Your understanding in this matter is greatly appreciated. Kind regards, Someone who hopes to pull a decent Z score contribution out of this absolute banger of a year.

06.01.2022 mad props to med faculty for managing to keep what we’re supposed to learn secret for so long, in the generation of leaks you have been an absolute rock of opacity

05.01.2022 ever had trouble telling if a surgery is done or not and whether you can stealthily leave? here’s a quick timeline to help you tell when an ortho procedure is finished! > the anaesthetist stops talking about how great their life is, checks their watch, charts some post-op analgesia and then goes back to talking about how great their life is > the ortho’s hammering and drilling and cementing becomes increasingly vigorous > you hear a faint whistle coming from just outside the ...theatre, then scottie cam bursts in yelling TOOLS DOWN BLOCKHEADS!! > the orthopods drop whatever piece of construction equipment they’re attacking the patient with and start to hug and cheer > the patient’s limb is returned to a position compatible with life > the sterile field, three and a half hours after it was initially breached, is disbanded > the anaesthetists pull a sewer’s worth of plumbing out of the patient’s pharynx, talking about how great their life is all the while > the scrub nurse starts giving the med student the evil eye for a reason that never quite becomes apparent > the bloodied ikea instructions for the joint replacement are tossed into the bin, mostly unread > the surgeons return to their natural habitat (the gym) and order is restored See more

05.01.2022 Med Pro Tip: bring BIC Wite-Out (TM) to your OSCEs, in case you need to remove physical signs from the patient that you have forgotten the name of. ***particularly effective for dermatological stations***

05.01.2022 parenteral nutrition? why are we talking about that? i thought that was when you cooked dinner for your mum and dad

02.01.2022 and so, phoenix-like, PShitpostingP will rise from the ashes of its previous failures to burn out again after the lifespan of a small bird

02.01.2022 as per WHO's recent recommendations, all evaluations of a patient's diet and nutritional status will be made on the basis of "how many weetbix do you do?"

02.01.2022 fuck med who wants to become a scientologist with me?