RewireMe in Sydney, Australia | Psychologist

RewireMe

Locality: Sydney, Australia

Phone: +61 1300 045 646

Address: Level 1, 21 Fountain Street, Alexandria 2015 Sydney, NSW, Australia

Website: http://www.rewireme.com.au

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25.01.2022 In our last post, we talked about the importance of facing our fears when it comes to social anxiety. How by engaging in covert / overt avoidant behaviours (like deliberately cutting conversations short or saying no to that party you were invited to) all we are doing is feeding the beast. Reinforcing and strengthening the grip that our fear has over us. Remember that one time when you said that one thing that caused that one person to look at you a little strangely? Well by... avoiding all opportunities to prove to ourselves otherwise, that one time now feels like all the time. That one thing now feels like all the things. And that one person now feels like every person you’ve ever laid eyes on and are set to lay your eyes on in the future. Why? Because our brains like and thrive off certainty (especially when we feel threatened). To them, there is no middle ground or shades of grey we either have been successful in the past (and will be in the future) or we won’t becoming fixated on that one past experience that proves the rule, no matter the number of exceptions. Fortunately, such rigid thinking can be overcome through a process known as cognitive restructuring, whereby we train the brain to examine our thoughts and feelings objectively before we jump to rash, unrealistic and inaccurate conclusions about ourselves and how things might turn out. Some questions that we might then ask ourselves before we jump to conclusions include: Am I 100% sure that [insert worst case scenario hero] will happen? How many times has this actually happened? Is there any evidence from my past that suggests that this might not actually happen? What other ways might it play out for the better? For more tips on how to practice realistic thinking, check out the below link https://www.anxietycanada.com//default/files/RealisticThin Image: @reachingthesoul

23.01.2022 This is fantastic folks

22.01.2022 Suppose you are walking across ice, writes Russ Harris. In order to safely take the next step, you first need to find a firm foothold.To give a realistic appraisal of where your feet are and what condition the ground is in. Once you have a firm foothold, you can take the next step more effectively. If the sh*show that is 2020 has taught us anything, it is that everything in life is fragile. That just when you think you’ve gained some control and are on top of things,... the ground can shift dramatically beneath your feet. But as the great Russian author Leo Tolstoy (who knew a thing or two about change and upheaval )reminds us whatever has happened, HAS happened, and so it is now in the past and out of our control. So too is our ability to change, prevent or even predict the future: the only power that exists is in this moment, the here and now. And so in order to act effectively, we need to be psychologically present, says Harris. We need to be aware of what is happening, how we are reacting, and how we can respond. By bringing our full attention to the challenge that we are currently facing - coming to it with an attitude of openness , interest and curiosity (rather than anger , resistance and denial ) we can assess the terrain we find ourselves in and find the areas in our lives that we actually DO have some influence over and in what direction we should head. A handy way of doing just that that is to map out your worries using the Circles of Concern, Influence and Control activity. For more info, check out the below link: https://customizinglife.com/stop-worrying/ Image: @samassefa

22.01.2022 We spend a lot of time thinking about how things are supposed to be, or what the rules say we should (and shouldn’t) do. Trying to get it all perfect. Waiting until the conditions are just right, or once we can trust this or that. When, really, it’s better to just focus on making do with what we’ve got. On focusing on results instead of pretty methods. ~~~ In his book The Obstacle is the Way, Ryan Holiday writes that the first iPhone was revolutionary not because it had al...l the bells and whistles, or because Steve Jobs had it all figured out. What mattered was that it was on the market. That Jobs got the job done. Start-ups don’t launch with polished, furnished businesses, writes Holiday. Instead, they release their most basic version, with only one or two essential features and let it develop gradually over time. Listening and adapting as they go. Similarly, we can waste time looking for the perfect solution to our problems. Wait for all the kinks to be flattened out and the bugs to be cleaned out of the system, or we can just get out there and start doing it. Moving forward, one step at a time, little by little. Remember, it doesn’t matter how we get from Point A to Point B. How we solve our problems or overcome our obstacles. All that matters is that we - as our own mini-start-ups - do what needs to be done at the very moment it needs doing so we get to where we need to go. Image: @annboxgusto

21.01.2022 What if we stopped asking what is wrong with me, and instead asked what has happened to me? In a recent paper, anthropologists those who study the who, what, where and why of human societies - argue that social anxiety disorder (and other mental illnesses) are responses to adversity: how the brain and body learns to duck, dodge and weave through the sh*t that life throws our way. Worry helps us avoid danger, writes Alison Escalante, and anxiety (along with depression ...and PTSD) have been increasingly mapped to branches of the threat detection system in the brain , with increased anxiety in social situations often being the result of bad experiences in our past. Those of us most at risk of developing social anxiety, for example, are: - those who experienced teasing, bullying, rejection, and humiliation growing up - those who grew up in homes where conflict, trauma and abuse were unfortunately the norm - those who were / still find themselves forced to live up to the unrealistic expectations that others (and society) place on them As a result of these experiences, we tend to associate certain social situations in the present and future with those in the past; convinced that what happened to us then will happen to us now, triggering a defence mechanism in the brain and body - the fight or flight response - that is trying to keep us safe from further (and future) hurt and harm. By first understanding where, when and why these behaviours might have originated what has happened to us we can therefore learn to identify (and challenge) the underlying thoughts and beliefs which trigger these fear responses in us, helping to reduce the impact that they have on our day-to-day lives. Image: @happyheads.me

21.01.2022 When we learn to let go of what goes on inside of other people, you get to grow what’s beautiful inside of you. Jennifer Williamson. ~~~ Known as the paradoxical theory of change, American psychistrist Arnold Beisser argues that change only occurs when we choose (and take steps) to become more of who we already are. ... For Beisser, humans are caught up in a constant struggle between what should be and what is with our identity/sense of self being pushed and pulled, stretched, strained and ultimately compromised as a result of our need to be liked, to feel accepted, to be everything for everyone. By establishing boundaries around our time/energy/space we can therefore get more in touch with, reclaim, and develop, those parts of ourselves that tend to get lost when we put the needs, thoughts and feelings of others before our own. As Josie Ong says in her recent affirmation podcast , awareness is the first step, and so by taking the time to ask ourselves What’s not working in my life anymore? What’s not serving me? What’s not helping me but holding me back from the life I want to live, from the person I want to be, from the path I want to take? We can begin to clear it out and make space for what can add value, energy and strength to our lives. To check out her podcast (and get a well-deserved pep talk while you’re at it!), click the below link https://www.youtube.com/watchv=b9cuhsSyQ9g Image: @selfcareisforeveryone

21.01.2022 Who’s ready to get down and dirty? No no, not THAT kind of dirty! The dirty Katie Oglesby writes about in a recent blog post is the roll-up-your-sleeves-and-start-digging-for-the-answers-and-solutions-to-your-problems kind of dirty. The refusing-to-accept-that-there-is-nothing-you-can-do-to-improve-your-situation kind of dirty. The I really-need-to-dig-deep-into-what-I-need-to-do-to-get-myself-back-on-track kind of dirty. ... In response to a major wake-up call in which everything in her life (her health, her finances, her career, her relationships) all imploded at the same time , Oglesby says she was forced to reevaluate her life and to go back to basics. To get honest with herself about what she wanted to accomplish in this life and what she (no one else) was going to do about it. She got very intentional and conscious with her decisions and actions, focussing and working on one area at a time. Oglesby says that by doing this she was able to slowly clean up each mess, discovering that the more her hands got dirty the more she dug deep the more clarity she had on what things were actually important and worth working for. Sounds pretty good, huh? If you’re keen to dig deep/get dirty in your own life, check out Russ Harris’s blueprint for setting SMART goals at the below link https://www.actmindfully.com.au//The_Reality_Slap_-_Append And to read Katie’s blog post, check out https://nosidebar.com/getting-my-hands-dirty/ Image: @yngsxy

20.01.2022 In our quest to try and be everything for everyone (and to be everywhere for everybody) sometimes we lose sight of the fact that there are people in our lives who are no longer what WE need or aren’t there when WE need them. Sure, there are times when we must give them (and the list of missed calls or unresponded to messages ) the benefit of the doubt they’re busy, they have their own lives and sh*t to deal with etc. etc. but the fact that is that the relationships... we have with others be that a friend, a family member or a partner should be ones based on MUTUAL support. A give-AND-take, an I’ll scratch your back-AND-you’ll-scratch mine type of arrangement, where there is balance and not one-sidedness. If you’re not feeling this - and you can sense a definite pattern forming - it might be a sign that you need to take a step back and stop investing (at least temporarily) so much energy, time and concern into the relationship. Establishing some of your OWN boundaries and recognising that if it takes two to tango there’s no point remaining on the dance floor alone. Giving yourself some distance from the relationship can also grant you greater perspective and insight into the situation at hand What is it exactly that you feel that you need (and aren’t getting)? How does this make you feel? Do you value the relationship enough to try working on it? Are you happy to simply accept it for what it is, or let nature take its course? Or is it time you make a definite stand? For some times on dealing with one-sided relationships, check out the below link https://www.mindbodygreen.com/artic/one-sided-relationships Image: @mentalhealth.q

19.01.2022 In our last post, we talked about the importance of learning to separate ourselves and our experiences from our thoughts. Of recognising that the mental images and stories that our mind conjures up are just that: figments of our imagination that do not always reflect reality. But what happens if the things we find ourselves thinking and ruminating about ARE legit? What happens if the things we fear the most actually end up happening? According to Russ Harris, the point th...en becomes less about whether our thoughts are true or not, and more about whether they are helpful or not... Whatever the predicament we find ourselves in, says Harris, the bottom line is always the same. We must look for ways in which our thoughts can help us make the most of the lives that we are currently leading. How they can help motivate us to reflect on our current circumstances and take effective action. When troublesome thoughts pop into our heads in times of crisis, it may therefore be useful to ask ourselves a series of questions: How could this thought help me take effective action to improve my life? How could this thought help me be the person I want to be? How could this thought help me build the sort of relationships I’d like? How could this thought help me connect with what I truly value? How could this thought, in the long term, help me to create a rich, full, and meaningful life? If it CAN’T do any of the above, then it serves no practical purpose and holds no value to us, and we would therefore be best to practice the defusion techniques we discussed in our last post. As Harris says, Truthful or not, thoughts are nothing more than words. If they’re helpful words, then it’s worth paying attention to them. If they’re not helpful, then why bother? Image: @postivelysparkly

18.01.2022 When we suffer from social anxiety we tend to focus a whole heap of attention ( = way too much attention) on all the things that could go wrong, losing sight of the things that could very well go right. Why? According to psychologist Melanie Greenberg, the more we focus on something threatening, the more we reinforce the brain pathways linked to worry and anxiety, making them stronger and more efficient. Speeding up the process by which we turn a potential threat int...o a real and certain one. Is it any wonder that we find it so easy to amass evidence which proves to us that our worst fears might come true if we do in fact say yes to attending that social gathering or accept that Facebook invite? What might start out as an innocent search of an event page and the newsfeeds of everyone invited quickly turns into a witch-hunt as we seek (and ultimately find) information about them that confirms our suspicions and starts ringing those alarm bells So what can we do about it? By making a conscious effort to pay attention to the positive, non-threatening things around us - the times and situations in which we do feel safe and protected - Greenberg argues that we can retrain our brains and create new pathways that bypass the fear-centres in our brain. Building new connections between events and things that don’t automatically trigger a fear response in us, allowing us to see more of the good and less of the bad. For tips on how to do just that, check out the below link https://www.inc.com//how-to-train-yourself-to-think-differ Image: @the_selfloveschool

16.01.2022 In a recent TED talk, Tim Urban argues that one of the major issues with procrastination is not just that things don’t get done in the short-term, but that long-term goals - the things that are really important to us - those want-to-do’s as opposed to the have-to-do’s - also get pushed further and further down an already burgeoning list. As a result, the things we really value in life, the undertakings that expand our experiences, make our lives richer and bring us ...a lot of happiness like getting into shape, cooking elaborate meals, learning to play the guitar writing a book , reading, or even making a bold career switch ultimately get left in the dust, making our already-demanding lives feel even harder than they already are. So how do we beat procrastination and make room for the things that really matter? According to Urban, it’s all about the bricks. Nearly every big undertaking can be boiled down to a core unit of progressits brick, says Urban. A 45-minute gym visit is the brick of getting in great shape. A 30-minute practice session is the brick of becoming a great guitarist and the key is to know where and when to put down these bricks. To determine what items mean the most to you and which are most important for your happiness. By doing so we can then reframe those urgent have to-dos, as a means of making way for the want-to do’s, preventing us from using them as an excuse to forever put off doing the things that really matter to us and that truly add value to our lives. To check out Tim’s TED talk, visit the below link (but not until you’ve knocked off a few of those things on your to-do list first! ) https://www.ted.com//tim_urban_inside_the_mind_of_a_master

15.01.2022 The reason why a lot of people won’t become who they want to be is because they’re too attached to who they’ve been. (Lisa Nichols) ~~~ Who (above all else) matters most when we hit our own personal version of rock bottom? ... Spoiler alertit’s you. But as if doing the work wasn’t tough enough already, one of the things that makes personal growth and self-repair even trickier is that we have to be willing - at least temporarily - to let go of everything and everybody that is holding us back. For many, this fear of putting ourselves first is enough to scare us away from making real changes to our lives because we fear the consequences of our actions. We worry what our friends and family will think of us. We worry about looking selfish, and most of all we worry about not being there for others when they might need us most. And so the endless stream of what-ifs and excuses come pouring in keeping us stuck in our shitty situations, not realising that by taking the time to work on US we might actually end up being in a better position to help THEM (those who we were worried about letting down in the first place). As Nichols says in a recent interview, the doorway to change is only big enough for you (and you alone) to fit through. No matter how hard you try to carry everyone else through with you, we all have to ultimately make the decision to go it alone. We must teach ourselves, condition ourselves, repair ourselves, because then and only then can we go back and help the others. To watch Lisa’s powerful talk, check out the below link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eKhSTp5umE

15.01.2022 Remember when touching and hanging out together was actually a thing? Nup, neither do we! It’s hard to believe it but our beloved ‘rona is set to celebrate its first birthday on 1st December , meaning that it’s already been a whopping nine months since we first heard about the virus that we’re now so bloody sick of hearing about! ... By now, we’re all experts at sanitising our hands regularly , keeping our social distance and wearing masks out in public something which was almost inconceivable a few months ago! But as Kendra Adachi reminds us in a recent blog post, our brains are remarkable in their ability to develop habits. With yoga being a no-brainer due to her aching back and caffeinated squirrel brain, Adachi writes about how by just taking one ridiculously small step by doing a single downward-dog each morning she was able to slowly but surely develop a daily habit of practicing yoga, something that she was then able to build upon. As Adachi says, When you start big, you give up before you even begin, but the smaller the step, the more likely you’ll do it. The more you do it, the more you’ll keep doing it, making it a meaningful part of your daily rhythm which is the entire point. Whether it be yoga, learning a new skill, developing a new mindset or finding ways to turn down the unhelpful chatter in our brains, if we are to make lasting change and pursue the things we really want in our lives, it is therefore super important that we embrace the power of small steps. Why? Because they matter, they count, and they’re the best way to create habits around what actually matters to you. To read Adachi’s blog post, check out the link below: https://www.becomingminimalist.com/ridiculously-small-steps/ Image: @gemmacorrell

14.01.2022 Turns out perspective really IS everything In a recent study, researchers found that people who commonly use the words we and us are far less likely to develop depression than those who frequently use the words I and me. Why? ... Well according to the researchers, those who constantly think about and focus on themselves and their problems those who ruminate leave very little time, mental space and energy for finding ways to improve their current situations. And as a result, they can find themselves falling deeper and deeper into the funk that they find themselves in. Ryan Holiday similarly argues that by putting the word I In front of something (I hate public speaking. I screwed up. I am harmed by this) we add an unnecessary element to our suffering: focussing on the I in relation to the obstacle, rather than the obstacle itself. Instead we should aim to alter our perspective and change the way we approach, view and contextualise our obstacles, says Holiday. Redefine what obstacles mean" to us because ultimately it is our perspective (and way of seeing an obstacle) that determines how difficult it will be to overcome. As Holiday says, when you look at something from some new angle, it loses its power over you. Small tweaks can change what once felt like impossible tasks. Suddenly, where we felt weak, we realize we are strong, discovering a leverage we didn’t even know we had. Image: @wisemindedwomen

14.01.2022 In his book The Obstacle is the Way, Ryan Adams reminds us that there is always a way out or another route to get to where we need to be. The problem though is that too often we choose to emote about a problem rather than deal with it. According to Adams, getting upset about something and doing something about that problem are two very different things: as different as sleeping is to waking. And if we focus our attention on all the wrong things we can often mis...s what’s right in front us. Obstacles make us emotional, says Adams, but by remaining calm and present (and not caught up in the emotion of an event) we can focus our energy (and our attention) exclusively on solving problems, rather than reacting to them. So whenever you find your path being blocked and your fingers reaching for that panic button , Adams says we should first stop and ask ourselves: Do I really need to freak out about this? Does getting upset provide me with any more options than those that I already have? And by being upset, what am I choosing not to see right now? What important things might I be missing if I choose to focus on the problem rather than look for a solution? Image: @atribecalledvenus

14.01.2022 When it comes to living by your values, Russ Harris argues that it’s not just the things you do that matter; it’s also your motivation for doing them. Afterall, if your primary motivation for doing something is to avoid unpleasant thoughts and feelings, it can end up being just as harmful and costly as the unwanted thoughts, feelings and memories you are trying to escape from. Take someone plagued with thoughts and feelings of unworthiness, says Harris. If you choose... to push yourself at work/home, and constantly put others’ needs ahead of your own in order to feel valued and appreciated, odds are that all it is going to do is reinforce the very sense of unworthiness you’re trying to avoid. Setting up a toxic value system whereby you value yourself only in response to the things you do for others - or worse - based on the opinions of those you are trying to constantly please. Is it little wonder that such experiential avoidance is thought to be a major cause of depression, anxiety and a vast number of other psychological problems?! By increasing our self-awareness, and learning to question not only why we do the things we do each day but also the consequences of our actions how they make us feel and think in the long (as opposed to the short) term - we can avoid these easy-to-fall-into traps, and learn to live in a way that truly adds value to our lives. Image: @wise_employment

10.01.2022 Whether you’re in a relationship with someone, or simply working on improving your relationship with yourself, Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity for all of us to take stock of where we are at. Yes, the chocolates, roses, candle-lit dinners and bubble baths are great and can do much to show your appreciation for your significant other / yourself , but research shows that those in strong and healthy relationships also take the time to recognise and find opportunities ...for further growth and development In a recent article for The Conversation, social psychologist Gary Karantzas talks about the importance of a growth relationship mindset one in which our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and the ways we want to treat/be treated by others aren’t fixed but have the capacity to grow and change with us over time. Just because it was / has been a certain way doesn’t mean it has to remain that way forever, and so by attending to the areas of our lives where there is room for improvement (note: there are ALWAYS areas for improvement!) we can find ways to nip issues in the bud before they get on top of us and hinder our growth. Developed by Russ Harris (the founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), the Bullseye technique is a great way to identify those areas of our lives which need a little bit more lovin’ and can help us find ways to overcome what is holding us back from living a life more in tune with our personal values and goals. To check it out, click the below link http://www.alfredohunter.com//upl/2014/05/bullseyeForm.pdf

10.01.2022 In a recent IGTV video, Jay Shetty reminds us that no matter the circumstances we find ourselves in there’s nothing gained out of feeling sorry for yourself. Sure, it might feel good in the short-term to play the blame game and hurl abuse at everyone and everything that might have contributed to your current predicament , but ultimately according to Shetty all you’re doing is buying yourself a one way ticket to a life of sadness, disappointment, lethargy and comp...lacency. A life of feeling stuck and lost in a world that seems out to get you and where you have no power. Doesn’t sound like much fun, does it? Thankfully there’s a pretty simple way out of all this mess Step 1: Realise that you do actually have the power to improve your circumstances (even just a tiny bit!) Step 2: Act. By first identifying the areas of your life that you want to improve , and then making small incremental changes in those areas, we can begin to make a more conscious effort to grow in the face of obstacles rather than being held back by them. Bit by bit, change by change (no matter how small), we then create a domino effect which builds and builds, eventually spilling out into other areas of our lives. As Russ Harris writes, by embracing the opportunity within every difficulty, we can choose to go down the path of personal growth. The more we do so, the more effectively we create a meaningful life. Image: @selfskeptic

09.01.2022 The Struggle Switch. is the term for our mind’s tendency to make matters worse by violently rejecting reality that doesn’t meet our expectations. In this struggle against what is, the mind pulls us away from the here and now, and gets us wrapped up in thoughts and stories of doom. By choosing to see the stories of doom as ‘ultimate truths’ we limit our capacity to adapt to change and create a new story - which that mind is very capable of doing! Once we choose to disengag...e from the mind's struggle against reality (which is about as useful as barking at a tree) we can find opportunities for new understanding. So how do we do that? 1) Get Present 2) Create New Reality To Get Present : Russ Harris writes in The Happiness Trap, that by learning to take a few slow and deep belly breaths whenever we find ourselves stressed, panicked or in crisis mode, we can buy ourselves valuable time to get present, to notice what’s happening, how we’re responding and finally to find our way through the mess we find ourselves in. So no matter how bad the situation you’re in, no matter how much pain you may be suffering, start by taking a few deep breaths, says Harris. If you’re breathing, you know you’re alive. And as long as you’re alive, there’s hope, and you’ll be in the best psychological space to take effective and life-enhancing action. To Create New Reality: Byron Katie provides an amazing resource to help us guide our minds into creating a new story rather than struggling against what is. We encourage you to check it out for yourself at www.thework.com Image: @morganharpernichols

08.01.2022 It might have taken a global pandemic but the release (this week) of Part 1 of the Aus Government’s Report into Mental Health, suggests that mental health is finally being put on the map! Amongst its 20 or so recommendations, the report focuses on the importance of prevention and early-intervention - recognising that too many people live with mental ill-health for too long before receiving help - and that recovery from mental illness involves so much more than the re...lieving of symptoms. With 1 in 10 women found to experience depression before, during and/or after pregnancy (and the same occurring for new fathers/partners), the report calls for greater mental health support for new parents. It also recommends that we place a greater focus on student wellbeing during school and university by equipping all teachers (preschool and upwards) with practical tools to support the social and emotional wellbeing of our students. Lastly, with 60% of people who see their GP being prescribed medication (compared to only 20% being referred to see a psychologist) the report calls for greater access to psychotherapy, which has been shown to be as effective as medication (without those nasty side effects), but is also aimed at helping people not only recover but to remain well for the longer term. To read the full report, check out the below link https://www.pc.gov.au//me/report/mental-health-volume1.pdf Image: @keytohealthnc

07.01.2022 Thoughts Action (and inaction) ~~~ In her new book How to Break Up with Friends, Dr Hannah Korrel offers up some reasons why we tend to stick by people who treat us badly...... We live in constant hope that they will change We accept (read: excuse) their behaviour because they *might* - that’s *might* - be going through a hard time and we should therefore be more understanding We worry that it will make us look bad and fear the consequences of rocking the boat We think we must have done something wrong and therefore deserve the silent treatment We live too much in the past when things WERE good between us and so play the waiting game, thinking things are bound to go back to normal eventually We prefer the idea of having someone over having no one By first taking the time to identify what is holding us back from taking a stand in our relationships, we can find ways to address our concerns and take affirmative action. As Hannah writes, It’s important to understand the reasons behind our behaviour so we can be aware of what our own vulnerabilities are. By acknowledging the reasons we are letting someone treat us badly, we can move towards resolving the underlying issues and ensuring it doesn’t happen again. For more info, check out the below link https://www.smh.com.au//on-eggshells-how-to-know-when-it-s Image: @nobullpsych

06.01.2022 Remember that whole if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again thing? Well according to Angela Duckworth, author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, there might just be something to that In a recent study, grit the ability (and willingness) to persevere and persist in the face of obstacles and challenges was found to be the most common predictor of long-term career and personal success. Why?... The gritty individual approaches life like a marathon; his or her advantage is stamina, writes Duckworth. Whereas disappointment or obstacles signals to others that it is time to change trajectory and cut their losses and run, the gritty individual stays the course, maintaining effort and resilience despite failure and adversity. If we are to succeed at anything then it is important not to expect everything to happen over night. Or to expect that all of our problems will be instantly fixed, and for all the doors to suddenly open and allow us to simply waltz into a new and better life. Self-improvement (like anything in life) takes time and a hell of a lot of hard work and determination, but as Ryan Holiday reminds us, working at it bit by bit, inch by inch, DOES work, and by settling in for the long haul and trying each and every possibility, you’ll get there in the end. So whenever someone asks you where you are, what you’re doing, how that situation is coming along, the answer should be clear: You’re working on it. You’re getting closer. And if a setback comes about, you’re just going to work twice as hard to get there. Image: @ohverlee

06.01.2022 Turns out perspective really IS everything In a recent study, researchers found that people who commonly use the words we and us are far less likely to develop depression than those who frequently use the words I and me. Why? ... Well according to the researchers, those who constantly think about and focus on themselves and their problems those who ruminate leave very little time, mental space and energy for finding ways to improve their current situations. And as a result, they can find themselves falling deeper and deeper into the funk that they find themselves in. Ryan Holiday similarly argues that by putting the word I In front of something (I hate public speaking. I screwed up. I am harmed by this) we add an unnecessary element to our suffering: focussing on the I in relation to the obstacle, rather than the obstacle itself. Instead we should aim to alter our perspective and change the way we approach, view and contextualise our obstacles, says Holiday. Redefine what obstacles mean" to us because ultimately it is our perspective (and way of seeing an obstacle) that determines how difficult it will be to overcome. As Holiday says, when you look at something from some new angle, it loses its power over you. Small tweaks can change what once felt like impossible tasks. Suddenly, where we felt weak, we realize we are strong, discovering a leverage we didn’t even know we had. Image: @wisemindedwomen

04.01.2022 Anthony Ray Hinton spent thirty years of his life behind bars for a crime he didn’t commit. Yet when asked upon release whether he was angry at those who had put him in gaol he said that he had forgiven them. Why? They had taken thirty years of my life, said Hinton, but if I stay angry and unforgiving, they will have taken the rest of it. (Douglas Abrams, The Book of Joy)... ~~~ In a recent TED Talk, Sarah Montana says that the point of forgiveness is to get free. To recognise that you are more than just the pain and suffering that you feel, and that you don’t want to be held captive and held back by it any longer. Forgiveness is about accepting the past for what it was, and about being open to and embracing the future with all its endless possibilities, says Montana. It’s saying to whomever (or whatever) happened: I know what you did, I’m sure as hell not okay that you did it, but I recognise that I am (and that I want to be) more than that. That I have a future despite my past, and that I care more about me than I care about what was done to me. By choosing to forgive those that have hurt us, and learning to accept (but certainly not excuse or ignore) the things that have happened to us, we can break free from the cycle of hurt and harm that we often find ourselves in. Releasing the hold that events and people from our past have had on us, and reclaiming the freedom to step out into the world on our terms and live our best lives. To check out Sarah’s video and see why (in her words) this forgiveness hype is legit, check out the link below https://www.ted.com//sarah_montana_why_forgiveness_is_wort Image: @caitlincady

04.01.2022 What if we stopped trying to push away our anxiety and tried to befriend it? In a recent article for Elephant Journal, Sheryl Paul writes that anxiety is the forgotten child who says, I’m here. I’m in pain. Please listen to me, chucking a tanty every time we step out (or even think about) stepping out into the big ol’ scary world According to Paul, in order to effectively manage our anxiety and release the grip it has on us, we must be then willing to slow down our li...ves in order to explore with curiosity and compassion what it’s trying to tell us. To ask: - What needs of ours aren’t being met? - What old beliefs are ready to be challenged and released? - What buried feelings are needing attention? In fact, recent research out of Norway suggests that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (which has these types of self-examination practices at its core) is the most effective (and longest-lasting) treatment for social anxiety disorder. Shown to increase the recovery rate by 20-25% compared to those taking medication, or a combination of the two. As Prof Nordhal explains, people tend to rely on medication, thinking it’s the drugs (something external to them) that will make or is making them better, which can camouflage a very important discovery: that inside we already have everything we need... That by learning effective techniques which enable us to accept our fear, go into (rather than avoid) challenging situations, and shift our attention to what we want to say and do in those situations (rather than what others might say or do), we have the ability to handle our anxiety ourselves, now and into the future. Image: @mrs.p.fit

04.01.2022 If there’s one thing in life that we can rely on, it is our mind’s ability to make any situation *seem* worse than it is. (Thanks brain, what would I ever do without you?! ) According to Russ Harris, one of the biggest barriers facing us during a crisis is our mind’s ability to think the worst. To conjure up all kinds of unpleasant and unnerving imageswhenever we are faced with challenges in life or when we start to steer our lives in a valued direction. ... Our mind has developed from what was essentially a Don’t get killed device, and thanks to evolution whenever we find ourselves in unchartered waters it starts warning us with negative thoughts, disturbing images, bad memories, and a wide range of uncomfortable feelings and sensations in order to keep us safe and away from potential hazards and threats. Too often though we let these warnings stop us from taking our lives in the direction we really want. We get carried away by our thoughts and feelings to the point where we believe that our biggest fears have come true. That we are going to be stuck in this place forever and ever amen. And so begins a vicious cycle whereby we become so completely fused with these images, reacting to them as if they are actually happening, becoming so frightened by them that they scare us away from doing the things that we value most and might actually improve our situations. By learning to separate ourselves from these thoughts and mental images by seeing them for what they are figments of our imagination and NOT snapshots of reality we can stop overthinking everything and regain some control over our lives. For some awesome ways of doing just that, check out the below link: https://www.sydney.edu.au//counsell/cognitive-defusion.pdf Image: @thehappinessprojectuk

03.01.2022 Just like us hoomans, our pets can also develop anxiety. And as Rachel Fairbank writes in a recent blogpost, a lot of our fur-babies (used to us being home a whole lot more thanks to COVID ) are now struggling with our return to work which is making usyep, you guessed it, anxious. According to Sydney Bartson Queen, an animal behaviour counsellor (yes, it’s a thing), animals (like a lot of humans) thrive on consistency and so sudden scheduling changes and disrupti...ons to their daily routines can throw them for a loop, causing our four-legged friends to become super agitated when we leave the house, and super clingy (or super withdrawn) upon our return. Seeing these changes in our pets pets whose consistency and presence we OURSELVES have come to rely on (especially after a hard day’s work) can then lead to our own feelings of guilt, stress and worry which our pets then pick up on, setting off a cycle which can be super hard to break. So what can we do about it? Psychologist Dr Mel Taylor says that in our rush for things to go back to normal, we must first recognise that things HAVE changed for you and your pet - some actually for the better! - and so maybe it’s not such a good idea to go back to those old habits of rushing off in the morning to commute to work and coming home and going immediately to cook dinner. Instead, we should try to retain some of the new and positive patterns of living that COVID has introduced into both of our lives. Things like carving out the time upon your return home to just sit and be present with your pet, as well as committing to that early morning / late evening walk each day , for example, can bring great benefits for both you and your dog’s mental and physical health. It can also be really useful to practice deep breathing and other grounding techniques a few minutes prior to opening the door each night to bring a much calmer energy (for both you and your pet) into the home. For some quality grounding techniques, check out the link below https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques Image: @ckpham

03.01.2022 In our last post, we talked about how the ego likes to make everything about us - even when we have absolutely no clue as to the true intentions behind someone’s actions! But according to Frederick Imbo, that’s only half the story Sometimes we actually DO have to look in the mirror and question ourselves, says Imbo. Asking ourselves: Is the reason I’m reacting in this way not because of what someone did, said, or because of how I interpreted it, but because this is how I a...ctually already felt deep down inside? Does it have something to do with MY insecurities and the doubts I already have about MYSELF? Is there still parts of ME - good or bad - that I still haven’t quite come to terms with and accepted about myself, and is THAT is why the actions of others trigger me? Afterall, we can only take things personally if it somehow touches a raw nerve.... Carl Rogers, one of the founders of humanistic psychology, believed that even the best-adjusted amongst us suffer from certain conditions of worth the idea that we can only accept ourselves if we live up to the expectations others (looking at you family, friends and society) place on us. Whenever we DON’T live up to these expectations because, you know, we’re human we become acutely aware of how we’re not measuring up in the eyes of others, only needing the briefest of reminders (whether intentional or not) to throw us into a tailspin. So what do we do about it? That’s the moment to give yourself some empathy, says Imbo. To recognise that this whatever it is that has been said or done hurts, and that you are ALLOWED to feel hurt by and because of it. You can also speak up, telling whoever it is how you feel without blaming them, increasing the chance that they will understand you and take your needs into account in the future. For tips on doing just that check out the below link https://www.psychologytoday.com//how-do-i-tell-someone-the

03.01.2022 Think about a relationship you’re in with someone you work with, live with or even sleep with. Let’s say ten things happen to you today with that person: five are positive, four are neutral, and one is negative. Which is the one you are going to think about when you go to sleep tonight? What neuropsychologist Rick Hanson is getting at in his book Hardwiring Happiness is the fact that thanks to good ole evolution humans find it really easy to remember the bad part...s of their day but really suck when it comes to remembering the good bits. Why? Good experiences bounce off the brain if we don’t take them in, says Hanson. If we ignore them, or allow them to pass quickly without noticing them, it’s like they never happened. That comment, that gesture, that moment in the day that made you feel just that little bit more included, appreciated or loved? It becomes forgotten. Left on the cutting room floor Replaced by a blooper reel on constant repeat. Is it any wonder then that we might feel like the world is out to get us , or that no good will ever come to us , when we are missing the evidence that could prove all those negative thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, our world and our situation wrong? According to Hanson, it’s usually a lot of bad things that take us to a bad place, but it’s also a lot of good things that can take us to a better place and by making the time to sit with the good moments when and after they have happened, we can learn to take in the good WITH the bad. Giving our brain the time it needs to upload those fleeting moments otherwise discarded into our long-term memory, providing us with a stockpile of good to draw upon when we need it most. To learn how, check out the below link https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/heal-the-four-steps-to-t

02.01.2022 In a recent TED talk, Frederick Imbo tells us that the ego - that part of our mind that always makes things about me, me, me - is the reason why we can become so pee, pee, pee-ved off with the world. Our ego thinks that others should take us into consideration, says Imbo, but that’s just not how life works. We all have our own separate lives, with our own reasons for doing and not doing things, but whenever our ego gets involved we can lose sight of this fact. Whenever... our ego takes over, we’re fighting all day. In a constant struggle with the rest of the world: feeling hurt, neglected, offended and betrayed, all because somebody said or did something that we decided to take personally. So how do we learn to not take everything personally? According to Imbo, rather than interpreting the actions of others as always having something to do with (or being directed towards) us we should instead try to look at it from the other person’s perspective. Asking ourselves why else someone might have done what they did and being open to the idea (and the possibility) that they did it for a reason other than A) Wanting to hurt us; B) Wanting to offend us; C) Wanting to betray us; or D) A combination of all of the above. 99% of the time we don’t know why people do the things they do, but that doesn’t mean that it’s about us 99% of the time either. And so by trying to see the intentions behind the actions of others even if we have absolutely no idea of the real reason we can make space for understanding instead of irritation. Directing our energy towards nice things, instead of endlessly battling against things that drive us crazy. For more tips, check out Fredrick’s TED talk at the link below http://ideas.ted.com/do-you-take-things-personally-and-who/ Image: @nickgalifianakisart

02.01.2022 Who’s ready to get down and dirty? No no, not THAT kind of dirty! The dirty Katie Oglesby writes about in a recent blog post is the roll-up-your-sleeves-and-start-digging-for-the-answers-and-solutions-to-your-problems kind of dirty. The refusing-to-accept-that-there-is-nothing-you-can-do-to-improve-your-situation kind of dirty. The I really-need-to-dig-deep-into-what-I-need-to-do-to-get-myself-back-on-track kind of dirty. ... In response to a major wake-up call in which everything in her life (her health, her finances, her career, her relationships) all imploded at the same time , Oglesby says she was forced to reevaluate her life and to go back to basics. To get honest with herself about what she wanted to accomplish in this life and what she (no one else) was going to do about it. She got very intentional and conscious with her decisions and actions, focussing and working on one area at a time. Oglesby says that by doing this she was able to slowly clean up each mess, discovering that the more her hands got dirty the more she dug deep the more clarity she had on what things were actually important and worth working for. Sounds pretty good, huh? If you’re keen to dig deep/get dirty in your own life, check out Russ Harris’s blueprint for setting SMART goals at the below link https://www.actmindfully.com.au//The_Reality_Slap_-_Append And to read Katie’s blog post, check out https://nosidebar.com/getting-my-hands-dirty/ Image: @yngsxy

01.01.2022 Who doesn’t love a good ole fashioned vent sesh? According to the organisation A Complaint Free World the average person complains aloud 15-30 times a day. Yep. 15-30 times. A DAY! ... What many don’t realise though is that every time we complain our brain releases the stress hormone cortisol. The very same chemical that triggers the fight or flight response in humans and that keeps us on high alert for any threats or dangers in the environment. Too much complaining then can lead to too much cortisol which can then cause us to perceive anything and everything (not to mention EVERYONE!) as a potential threat or a challenge. In response, we become fearful and frustrated, depressed and angry, and soon we’re either retreating from the world or lashing out at it. Throwing our very own private pity parties and getting nowhere fast. So what can we do about it? According to Karen Trefzger, the first step is to let go of all expectations. To give up planning and predicting how we *think* our day-to-day lives are going to unfold and instead just let life take its course and learn to roll with the punches. Step 2: let go of the past. Stop recycling old letdowns and digging up old disappointments and instead learn to focus on and be in the present moment. And lastly, step 3: think of ways to deal with it rather than rant about it. As Trefzger says, ranting about a problem only leads to anger and exhaustion and only keeps our eyes on what’s wrong with the world. So instead, think of things you can do to improve the situation. Remember, some things are out of our control, but not everything. To read Karen’s blog post, check out the link below: https://nosidebar.com/how-i-stopped-complaining/

01.01.2022 At last some GOOD news! Following the release of the Aus government’s 2020 budget yesterday, the number of sessions available to those with a Mental Health Care Plan has now doubled from 10 to 20! What this means is that from this Friday (October 9), anyone with a Mental Health Care Plan will now be entitled to 10 extra sessions with their psychologist/therapist a year, ensuring that those who need it most get the support and help they need when they need it. ... With research showing that it can take anywhere between 12-20 sessions for someone to start showing real and significant improvements in therapy , we believe that this decision couldn’t have come soon enough and know that it will make a huge difference for many. 2020 has been rough for all of us, but the c-word has added another layer of difficulty for those who were already struggling before rona came to town. And though it might have taken a global pandemic for mental health to be finally put on the map, we are stoked to hear this news and look forward to hearing even more announcements about mental health in the coming weeks. Image: @landorparis