From the heart | Counsellor
From the heart
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23.01.2022 Interesting. He is right!!!!!! https://www.facebook.com/etthehiphoppreacher/videos/1307650755960161/
21.01.2022 A few days I decided to start a gratitude journal. I will be writing at the end of the day the things I’m grateful for that have happened that day. I have found that negativity doesn’t seem to be something to strive for . It can take me a few seconds to start listing all the bad and ugly I see in the world or that goes on in my own life. You don’t have to feel grateful to be grateful. ... Sometimes it takes me awhile as I sit there waiting for my mind to reflect only on the good but once I start writing ; I then find that a list is building up . In order to live a life that I want which is free from guilt and shame; I need to be intentional. The steps involved have been acknowledging these feelings then deciding I want change. Breaking up with how u saw your self can be a painful conversation but it is a very necessary conversation because you cannot be who you were and be who you are at the same time ( Td jakes) If you are in such a position can I encourage you to have a conversation with yourself. An honest talk to really find out how and why you are the way you are. After that decide if you like it or want to change . You will be on your way to a healthier mind and that will impact your life positively.
21.01.2022 There is a lot of talk at this time regarding new year resolutions . They are awesome tools to setting the pace for your year. However I would like to highlight that we made it to 2019. The last year has thrown so many challenges and yet here we are . I personally didn’t think I could over come some obstacles I faced in 2018 and I am thrilled to not only have made it through but grateful for the lessons I learned : 1. I am stronger than I thought . ... Sometimes you strength is brought out in the toughest test then you know you have it . 2. Know your people . I have found that I cannot do life alone . One of the main traits of depression is isolation . Isolation births loniless and this can become a vicious cycle . I have found a select few of people who I know have my back and not only that but they are genuine not only there to flatter me but give it to me as needed . 3. Failure is not the end I have learnt not to give up every time I fall . I truely believe in lessons learnt through trying . I now have a mentality of not quitting ; I will never stop trying . 4. Belief in myself Thinking negatively about myself usually resulted in negative outcomes . Despite what others think or say about me ; what I thought and said about myself proved to be imperative . I take me where ever I go ; I might as well like myself and get to know myself .
20.01.2022 Don’t give up !!! It can get really tempting to throw in the towel when life gets hard. This life journey can be hard . I remember when I realised I would be a single mother with two children ; fear , failure and guilt took over . I also remember being pregnant at 18 years old and again felt the fear and failure grip me so tightly . ... Again I remember when I moved countries and had to find accommodation while starting a new job, driving my daughter to a school 40 minutes away and had to rent a car . I’m also reflecting on the time I had no idea how I was going to feed my children and pay the bills on a reduced salary when I changed jobs. The pain from a broken heart after a failed relationship. That one stung for a very long time, the pain was overwhelming and constant at the time . Even as I write this ; I can think of more situations from my past that I didn’t think I would ever overcome . In all these circumstances I made it to the other side . I’m here today talking about and with a smile and tears running down my face because I made it through. Yes it was awful , some days I struggled to get up in the morning . I cried for days and weeks, months even . I remember feeling a deep pain on the inside ; I felt as a prisoner in my own life with no escape in sight . A lot of the times it may seem impossible , it may seem like it will never change , it may even be unfair but the reality of this life we live is that stuff happens; horrible , mean , nasty stuff happens. It would be nice if everyday was a walk in the park ; with everything going the way we would like it to. Part of overcoming our situations is acceptance of that very fact. Don’t give up on you ; you are important , in fact you you are vital . That thing that you think will never change ; that situation that seems impossible is just another testament of your strength and courage ! https://youtu.be/PjP9r-HU4fk
20.01.2022 Managing expectations !! My children have every right to expect a roof over their head and food on the table. I do not expect them to pay the bills for the house or contribute to the weekly food shop at their young ages. ... Sometimes we find ourselves hurt and disappointed because we place unrealistic expectations on others. We end up placing unnecessary pressure on our relationships.
19.01.2022 I have been a single mum for four years now . This was not my desire and not at all how thought my life would turn out. I remember as a little girl dreaming of getting married to Will Smith (lol). My dream as a young girl was to marry a kind hearted man; that is significant as I look back now . I never desired him to be handsome or tall or smart; he didn’t have to be rich or sophisticated, my one request was that he was kind hearted . I also wanted two children a boy and a ...girl ; in that order. I would be a stay at home mum too in the fairy tale picture I had created regarding my little family. That did not happen. Instead I got pregnant at the age of nineteen and gave birth to my gorgeous daughter. I was not married and raised my little girl on my own with the help of family. The father wasn’t sure where he fitted in at the time. Ten years later I gave birth to my handsome son. Again not the way I had hoped but managed to do it a bit better this time on my own with the father more present than ten years ago. The lessons from my past are vast. I could have done a lot better regarding the timing of having children. I also could have ensured I was in a committed relationship and able to provide financially for my children. Love is a great gift to give our children but they also need food and clothing and that requires money. Putting aside regret and guilt has been a necessary process in order for to move forward with my life. Guilt is a heavy load to carry. Heavy in the sense of it’s continuous presence in everything. The guilt I carried kept me in a stagnant position in my life. I was unable to move forward. It took me years to forgive myself and gain my self worth again. Constantly I would say I wishthis and if only I could dothis or why did I do this to myself? I look at my children now and see that despite it all I have done a great job raising them . They are healthy , loving, caring and humorous individuals. The journey is still ongoing but I’m glad I’m not where I used to be. It was my own thoughts and mind set that were defeating me. Discovering who you are is key. Self knowledge will direct your life course as it will impact your relationships and your choices in every area. I can truely say I know who I am now . I couldn’t have said that a few years ago.
12.01.2022 Negativity can and should be evicted from our minds . Make a conscious decision to think on positive things today .
12.01.2022 Recently I got asked why I share my personal experiences on this page ? I was further asked if I’m not worried about the exposure that this may cause me? To be honest when I started this blog I was not sure how much of my story I would expose but I had made up my mind that my blog would be a place of honesty and vulnerability. Being vulnerable is not a weakness and I have found it to be a place of great courage and strength. ... My story isn’t for me to keep to myself. What would the purpose in overcoming trials and difficulties if I kept it to myself? I believe it can take a broken person to show that healing can happen. My purpose in writing on this platform is not to invoke sympathy and pity but instead to inspire, motivate and encourage at least one person not to give up , or allow their present or past dictate their future . I write about what is real because I’m passionate about seeing others set free from their own chains in life . I am interested in talking about those real issues and believe there is enough of the artificial stuff out in the world . I choose to be authentic about those things that matter to our soul. The truth is life can be difficult at times due to different circumstances we face but I believe that hope is an anchor we can hold onto and at times it takes seeing it from an outside perspective to overcome. My hope is that my experiences or those of others that I will share on this page will offer that anchor of hope.
10.01.2022 I watched the Greatest showman again this past week . It’s a movie full of great catchy songs ; one of the best musicals around in my opinion. However the message that stood out for me was that of how we all try to hide the very qualities we have due to shame, people’s opinions or perceived sense of not being good enough. I spoke to a young girl this past week who is struggling emotionally at school . She spoke about how her voice is different and every time she speaks some...one mocks her so much so that she has decided not to speak altogether . She spoke of how her self esteem is now low and she questions who she is and every move she makes ; she does not know whose opinion matters in her life. It can get a bit loud in this world we live . Everything and everyone is fighting to be heard; magazines , tv, schools, songs the list goes on . We sat down and watched the movie The Greatest Showman . Afterwards we had a chat we were able for a moment shut all that out and only center on her thoughts and voice. I thought to myself after the session that I at times doubt myself I look at some of my features or aspects of myself that I think are not good enough . This can stop me from stepping out into positions or doing something different I have to be intentional on not entertaining those negative thoughts . I encouraged her to write down the qualities in herself she thought were good . had and will continue to work on developing her self esteem. If we won’t believe it for ourselves how can we expect others to see them too. It starts from within. She tells me she listens to the song This is me, from the movie everyday. She was able to find something that inspires her . What inspires you? https://youtu.be/CjxugyZCfuw
07.01.2022 May your choices reflect your hopes , not your fears! Nelson MandelaMay your choices reflect your hopes , not your fears! Nelson Mandela
06.01.2022 Recently someone close to me made a comment that I need to be more confident and that I come across as too soft and laid back. These comments initially made me feel angry as I thought how dare that person say that. In fact I was driving at the time and probably took out my frustration out on the car. Later that day my anger transitioned to sadness. I felt sorry for myself and started to analyse my behaviour, scrutinising my every move. ... Eventually I remembered all the brave things I had done and accomplished and still achieving today. People will always have their opinions and comments. Although I value this person , it’s important for myself that I remember who I am and stand by what I believe. I need to stay true to myself. If I don’t I will spend my life constantly changing myself to fit into their perceptions of how I should be. Knowing who you are will be the anchor that holds you steady in life no matter which way the storms come.
05.01.2022 My four year old son said to me the other day , but mummy I’m too small to do that. I wondered as I reflected if I had been responsible for putting this doubt in my son? I am a big influence in his life and it saddens me to hear him say that. Now of course the reality is there are things in life he cannot do due to to his age and stature however this was not one of those situations.... As adults we often allow other people’s opinions of us to determine our self worth and our capabilities too. We allow their opinions to be greater than our own. In some cases people see us based on how we used to be, trying to confine us to our past. No one knows you like you know you! It is important to have people in our lives who allow the real you to blossom. If you can’t be you around someone then maybe it’s time to change the company you keep.
05.01.2022 When I first found out I was pregnant at 18 years old I remember the fear that set in. I can honestly say that is the first real impact and time I faced it. My first thought was how do I fix this mistake I have made? I remember sitting with my friend at the doctor’s office who had just confirmed my pregnancy . The doctor’s voice faded out and all I could think was ,’what have I done?’ It stated like a quiet soft whisper but that phrase begin to scream louder and louder in ...Continue reading
04.01.2022 Being kind to myself is something I have always struggled with . Sometimes we feel we need to punish ourselves for our mistakes or shortcomings . I have found myself thinking less of myself or putting my needs behind everyone else a lot of the time . The days have been dragging and life seems to be less exciting as a result. As much as I constantly take care of the needs of others (which is good thing to do to an extent) however I didn’t look after myself in the way I should... . I’m a mother of two , I work , I volunteer where I can , I’m a daughter , sister and friend . However I’m also simply Teazel . I love the roles I play in my life but I also enjoy a good book, chai latte, walking , movies , getting my nails done or a cheeky afternoon nap to a name a few. When I have intentionally made time to invest in myself ; I have found myself a lot more pleasant to be around and I have more to give out to others . I thought with Mother’s Day coming this weekend that for some of us our loved ones will ensure that the day is special . Mother’s Day brings about mixed emotions for some of us . I just want us to remember that regardless of how the world treats us ; Let’s be good to ourselves . L’Oréal says it best ; because I’m worth it and indeed that we are !!
