The Bulltoota in Mount Buller, Victoria | Ski resort

The Bulltoota

Locality: Mount Buller, Victoria

Address: Mount Buller, VIC 3723, Australia 3723 Mount Buller, VIC, Australia

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23.01.2022 Our Perisher correspondent Kelly Kurtis has informed us that it's not all sunshine and rainbows up at Perisher today. The waste management team have been dealing with a cloggage of epic proportions. That is, guests have been flushing their Epic Passes down the toilet. You can't polish a turd but you can fill it with expensive ski passes.

21.01.2022 The long-running Facebook page has always been used to connect past, current and future Mt Buller Crew members. Recently the content has become quite stagnant. Which has forced the hand of admins to change the name to 'Anyone Heading Down/Up The Hill?'. It was either that or 'Villager Promos'. They believe the new name more accurately reflects what the page is all about now. Bulltoota's reporters found out that 86% of the time there is in fact nobody heading down or up the hill. We can only assume that those stuck at the bottom have suffered a cold and painful death and were cleared away with roadkill.

20.01.2022 Weeks of mud management along Bourke St has left the mountain ops team feeling a bit low. But thanks to the recent snowfall, mud management is on hold and ski mums are back! Check the comments to get your ski mum bingo card and play along

17.01.2022 The three Victorian alpine resorts have been arguing over who has the biggest dick for more than five decades. Years of opening ski seasons early and closing them late despite having inadequate snow coverage has left Victorians guessing. Today Buller has confirmed that the biggest dick infact belongs to them, with the Big Kahuna announcing that he's 'not fucking leaving'. The abrupt closure of both Hotham and Falls yesterday afternoon came as a shock to some. But those who kn...ow them well say the blame lies with their new North American girlfriends, Hail and Gayle. In other news: Baw Baw, the baby brother of the three resorts, has grown his first pube.

11.01.2022 Never before has a luxury ski resort been affordable to the dole bulging population. But here we are. Management at T's have traded in their baked potatoes to help some baked potatoes access a much needed service. We spoke to South Australian National and seasonal Buller resident Chad Hardon. He seemed lost and confused but spoke clearly,... I can’t go home so I guess I’ll stay here! Although I do miss home a bit... he continued after taking a sip from a good bag you just can’t beat a good drop of South Australian wine. Thanks Daddy Scomo, you’ve really come through on this one!

11.01.2022 Meet you at the bottom.

08.01.2022 Local piss head Bruce Butterworth has recently paid the price for knock offs with the boys. Mr Butterworth’s usual stop at The Hunt Club to pick up a slab of Carlton Draught has left him reeling, as they were sold out and he was forced to get a case of the exotic and slightly more expensive Corona Extra. ‘The Boys’ apparently weren’t mad at the new drop... until they found out he forgot the limes. According to sources, Bruce and his mates usually kick back after work in the o...pen air, count the range rovers rolling past and crack a few cold ones. Cheers Bruce! In other news: DARTS

08.01.2022 Since our beloved lifts stopped turning on Thursday 6 August, snow lovers have been forced to take matters into their own hands. In colloquial terms, they've had to earn their turns. Experiencing Mt Buller without punters has been a dream come true for most. Especially following the major dumpage last week which allowed skiers and boarders to get fresh tracks all day every day. However, the novelty appears to have worn off... as the hike up and out of each run has gotten hard...er. Residents have conceeded that it takes more time and effort to hike back up to the top of Wombat than to catch the 15 minute lift - even with a 45 minute wait at the bottom. Absence surely does make the heart grow fonder.

07.01.2022 RMB have recruited Jimmy Barnes to work at the entry gate during lockdown, to scream at those unworthy of passing through. Local residents have been granted access to move freely, provided that they collect a mad dog pass from the post office and pinky swear not to catch the rona. After getting screamed at by Barnesy, all mad dog residents will also need to go through a second line of defence: the security company from that Melbourne quarantine hotel. This has been put in pla...ce to ensure that everyone is getting equally fucked. Local government at it again punishing the working class man (or in most of our cases, non-working class).

05.01.2022 BSL today released a statement rewriting its pre-existing staff accom regulations and room allocations. Instead of their usual system of writing down a preference for room mates, they will instead write down their top 10 preferred sexual partners. All rooms will be stripped of bunks and equipped with king sized beds, sex swings and Joe Exotic branded condoms. The statement goes on to say that paying for services such as Tinder Premium will now be tax deductible.... BSL staff accom Manager Hank Frankle spoke with Bulltoota stating, "We're simply accepting the inevitable truths of the ski bum life - rules are made to be broken, oh and everyone wants to smooch everyone! We undoubtably expect them to ignore social distancing requirements and to get their freak on... despite being in the grip of a pandemic". Shockingly, the Andrews state government has granted BSL permission to trial the radical sex inspired herd immunity. Staff who are found not to be partaking in the company mandated 'Rona Rooting' experiment will be subject to the full force of the HR team, if they haven't all quit yet.

03.01.2022 Karen Grollo has been all over social media due to an audacious comment made on the news earlier this week. "Well you get sick of skiing the same runs. Y'know, I've done all of Bourke St" Dan Andrews has fired back saying that 'only boring people get bored on Bourke St'. And if you've been hitting that ice kicker in front of Snow Pony then we're sure you'd agree with big Dan. Not to mention the degenerates in front of Fawlty with their "You Stack, We Drink" sign.... Mrs Grollo is calling for more lifts to open, but BSL isn't listening. Probably because she's notorious for doing two laps of Shakey Knees and pulling up at Tirol for an extended vino break..

03.01.2022 The Unoffical Rail Jam 2020 has been confirmed last minute. The cow camp toilets have been chosen as a replacement venue due to high winds on the rail itself. New contenders for the highly sought after prize include parents from Brighton refusing to go home and recently laid off staff (also refusing to go home). With Burton unable to sponsor the night's events, Coca-Cola has stepped in as the sponsorship partner.... Pack your bags and come on down to the Coke Rail Jam!

02.01.2022 Mt Buller executives have stripped Jane Bunn of her treasured Bunn Run today and have instead dedicated it to their new main squeeze, Dan Andrews. This display of affection appears to be a wacky attempt to keep the lifts turning. We can only assume for the Grollo's personal use during their lockdown on the mountain. BSL made a statement today saying that they are 'very excited' and look forward to a 'long and fruitful relationship' with the premier. They went on to say that a... 'number of changes have been made' to ensure that Dan Run is not confused with Dam Run. See the changes outlined below: - Dam Run will now be Oh Damn Run - Home Run will now be Stay At Home Run - Family Run will now be I Have The Kids Every Second Weekend - Bloody Hell will now be Where The Bloody Hell Are Ya? - Standard will now be Average - Fanny's Finish will now be Fanny's Faking It