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Yvette Tarrant

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24.01.2022 I get asked a lot about how people can support those going through grief. The first thing I always say is to simply let them know that they are not alone and that you will walk the path with them for as long as they need / want you to . If that is all you say, then know that that will be enough . You are not alone x

24.01.2022 So often our culture teaches us to move away from and distract ourselves from our pain, hurt and grief. The problem with doing that is it doesnt allow us to fully feel our emotions and healing can only come from feeling . We need to allow ourselves the space, permission and vulnerability to feel and to hurt. To experience it fully so those emotions can move through us and we can release them, heal and let them go . It can be messy, ugly, scary and so hard but so worth it .... To feel better we need to feel first.

22.01.2022 We will never be the same and life will never be the same. Grief changes you and thats ok. That is the journey . #grief

22.01.2022 This is such an important part of the grieving journey. Holding onto the life you thought you were going to have, or should have had, will keep you stuck in your grief and loss for longer and make it harder to heal and find gratitude for the life you had and peace with the life you have .

20.01.2022 From the muddy, sticky, deep depths of dark and profound grief after my husband died from cancer, I found my way back to happiness and a life beyond grief that I am truly grateful for. I now know that within me, there is an unbreakable, unsinkable and invincible light that will always find its way back to shine bright. We all have within us a courage, strength and resilience greater than we often realize. We all have a light and a summer within us that can shine bright and... warm the coldest of winters . If that is beyond what you are able to feel, know, believe and have faith in right now, then trust that I have enough for both of us . You are not alone x

19.01.2022 This is the reality for so many in grief and loss and I can fully appreciate why that is . Change can feel so scary. Moving forward can feel so scary. Stepping into anything unknown and unfamiliar can feel so scary.... Creating a life that is different to what we have known, particularly when its not by our own choice, can feel so daunting and overwhelming that it feels safer to stay with what we know, even if that means we are not happy . We have no control over what has happened in the past, however we all get to choose what our present and our future looks like moving forward, because we all get to choose how we feel and what we focus on. That does not mean its easy! Infact, it can be excruciatingly difficult and challenging, however, what I know to be true from my own experience, is that its so worth it . Wherever you are in your journey, be without judgement of yourself and instead have kindness, compassion, love and understanding. Know that wherever you are, there is always support to help you take that step forward when you are ready and trust that you have got this .

19.01.2022 Grief can feel like your world has been ripped out from under you and you have nothing solid to stand on, cling to or to be certain of and like you have no control of your life . Finding ways to ground yourself everyday can be helpful. Some examples could be: Creating a simple routine for your morning (I mean simple - it may just be to have a shower or to eat breakfast or go for a short walk)... Breathing techniques Focusing on what you can control Presence exercises - being present in the moment (in grief we tend to think in the future or the past). Do you have ways you ground yourself? With love, Yvette x

19.01.2022 Its very hard to believe and comprehend that it is 3 years today since Luke died from cancer. I remember the day like it was yesterday. He was 44. We had been ...together for 24 years. Our two girls were 12 and 16. He passed away 19 months after being diagnosed. A lot has happened in the last 3 years and it has been a journey that I never imagined would be a part of my life or the life of our girls . I remember so clearly feeling like I didnt recognize my life anymore, I didnt know who I was anymore and I had no idea how I fit into my life anymore or how on earth I could possibly create a new life, and be happy, moving forward . Three years on, I have created a new life and I am happy. I have so much gratitude for the life we had as well as the gifts, blessings, lessons, learnings, grit, resilience, wisdom, strength, courage, vulnerability, friendships and love this journey has given. I know myself better now than I ever have and I look forward to continuing to grow and learn, as it never stops! . One thing I know to be true is that wherever you are in your journey, always know and remember this is your story and you have the power to choose how the journey unfolds in the face of all that this life throws at you. You may get knocked down and even smashed and annihilated for a while, however you dont have to stay there and how you choose to look at your experience is what your experience will ultimately be and become. Whether we realize it or not, we all get to choose . Just before her dad died, our eldest daughter (she had just turned 16) wrote her dad a song and I will be eternally grateful that she was able to sing it for him before he died and that we will always have this song and the memories . After he passed away, she made a video of the song and this is the video . Some of you will have seen this video as I posted it the last 2 years at this time also. One if the most difficult, challenging and heartbreaking parts of this experience has been our girls losing their dad and watching them go through their own journey. The journey continues. Even though our daughter wrote this song for her dad, I think its a really beautiful tribute for all the awesome dads out there, as well as all the people making a difference in the lives of kids. It matters . So this is a little something from my heart to all of yours . Play full out as dads at every opportunity as life can change in an instant and our story, or similar, could be anyones story at any time . Please feel free to share this as a little reminder to hold love, gratitude and whats most important to you close to your heart . Thank you so much for your love, support, kindness and thoughts along the way .

18.01.2022 Our life now since my husband, and my girls dad died, is before and after... before he died and after he died. But it never occurred to me that this would be possible or ever happen. However I knew two things the instant we heard the C word in the doctors office: 1. That our life as we knew it, and had known for 22 years, was never going to be the same again.... 2. That I had taken the life we had for granted, not intentionally, but because it never occurred to me that it would or could be taken away. We are living an after I could never have imagined. As much as nothing can prepare you for the finality of death or something completely life changing happening, I do believe that its possible to live an even better before if we live everyday with gratitude and the very real awareness and acceptance that life can change for any of us at any moment in time. Truly living everyday like it could be the last day for us, or our loved ones, can only create a now and present time that is lived with greater love, openness, connection, honesty, gratitude, giving, kindness, consciousness, boldness, courage, compassion, empathy and forgiveness. If you have found yourself in an after, then know that life does still go on and there is always the possibility of living a happy and fulfilling after life to enjoy and look forward to, even though its not the same, and never will be the same, as your before life. It can be really hard and heartbreaking to get there, but so worth the journey .

17.01.2022 Something I struggled with and one of the things I found I really had to make peace with after Luke died was knowing I could have done better... I could have been a better wife and a better mother and I could have been more grateful for our family. I realized when it was just the 3 of us that the real truth was that I took our family and Luke for granted. Its not that I did this intentionally at the time, its because I didnt live as though it could all disappear... I just... assumed and took for granted we would always have our family and Luke and I would always be together. I had gratitude and appreciation and lots of love, but not to the profound depths that I do now. There is such a difference living everyday as if it could be your last or your loved ones last day. If I knew and understood then what I know and understand now about the fragility and uncertainty of life, I would have been and done better . This is one of the gifts that I now get to move forward with and live with more gratitude, appreciation and love . I think everyday that it could be my last day or something could happen to either of my girls and we openly talk about this. I dont take our family of 3 for granted . This comes up a lot for me at Christmas as we have spent our Christmass with Lukes family since he died and I cannot describe the gratitude I have at those times. I used to spend Christmas running around all over the place prepping and cooking and organizing everything and I would get to the end of the day exhausted and not having enjoyed the day as much as everybody else... I look back at those times with some sadness now as I truly didnt appreciate the moments or have gratitude for the gift and blessing it was that we were all together . If I could leave you with anything going into this New Year and decade, it would be to truly be grateful for your loved ones everyday . Show up and live as if it is your last day. Show up as if it is your wife/husbands/partners/spouses last day. Show up as a parent as if it is your childs last day. Because the truth is, it might be. Gratitude is a word that gets thrown around a lot and gets a lot of verbal airplay, but gratitude isnt just a word, its a behavior, its how we show up everyday in our presence, our actions, our words and how we show our love everyday . I am grateful for this journey and all the lessons, gifts and blessings that have come from the most difficult, challenging, heart breaking and life changing moments that I now have the privilege to take with me into this next chapter of my life . xx

17.01.2022 When Luke was diagnosed with cancer, and many times after, we said to each other that this cant be all sh*t: there has to be something good that comes out of this. We have to be better people and live better lives because of this I will always remember that and I will always live with the intention of creating something good and positive out of what Luke, and our family, went through, otherwise what is the point of it all? One way I love to get to do that now is with my... Coaching and being able to support others through their own grief healing journey and to create peace, connection, meaning, growth, happiness and a life they love and look forward to in their new reality . Helping widows move through their grief includes cultivating love, kindness and compassion for themselves and also connecting with their community. So many dont have these really important things. With this in mind, I am really happy and grateful to share with you my new Facebook Group called: Life Beyond Grief: Support for Widows Finding Their Way. I wanted to create a space where those that are experiencing grief and loss in their life due to the death of a partner, husband or wife, can come together in a community to support and encourage each other, to give each other hope, love and understanding and also where they are able to learn how to heal, grow and find more happiness and peace in their life beyond their grief . We do not have any control over what has already happened, however, we have complete control over what happens next and what our life will be moving forward . So if you, or someone you know, is experiencing grief in their life from the death of a partner, husband or wife, and you think this group would be helpful, then join me at: Life Beyond Grief: Support for Widows Finding Their Way I would love to support you, or those you love, on this journey of grief healing

12.01.2022 Acceptance of what is, what has happened and of the events in our life that have brought us to this point, is so important for our healing and our ability to move forward. It never means you are okay with your loss, instead its that you let go of the idea that you think life should be different than it is and you understand and accept that you can do nothing to change what is. When we argue with reality, we will lose every time. It may take time to get to the point of acce...ptance, and that is ok. Grief is a journey we must all travel in our own time . #grief #griefsupport #loss

11.01.2022 So often when we lose what we so deeply loved, we focus on the loss and what we dont have anymore. When our focus is on the loss, we lose sight of what we have actually gained and were given. The gifts.... Having gratitude for what we once experienced deeply and profoundly in our life allows us to realize that love was never lost and wont ever be - it is, and will always be, a part of us. The experience of loving deeply is a gift and a blessing that can never leave us or be taken away. It is ours to carry and to hold within our heart for all of eternity . Do you have a love you hold within your heart?

10.01.2022 Just keep going. One foot in front of the other. One moment at a time. One breath and then another. This too shall pass.

09.01.2022 Our story is our own and regardless of the circumstances, situations and events that life presents to us - and sometimes throws at us - we get to choose our own story . I remember a very specific time during my grief journey after Luke died where I felt so deep in the darkness of grief that I couldnt see the light . I had this profound moment where it occurred to me that I could continue on the path I was on and stay in the dark or I could choose to see things differently ...- I could choose to look for some light. I had the realization that our 24 years together doesnt have to be defined by his death and my grief . I decided that ours is a story of love, not a story of suffering and I would not let it end that way . That brought me back to the power of gratitude . There is so much light in gratitude. It doesnt mean that some darkness doesnt still exist - it means that its not all there is and I was not consumed by it. There was the possibility for something else . Wherever you are in your journey, always know and remember this is your story and you have the power to choose how it ends .

09.01.2022 This life is full of chapters ... one chapter does not tell the whole story, nor is it meant to. Some of us are blessed to experience more chapters than others, but we all have a story to tell no matter how short or long . Even though we connect with others along the journey, our story is always our own. We are all on our own path writing our own story as it unfolds.... People will come and go and if they go, then I truly believe that the time we had them as part of our story is exactly the perfect amount of time they were supposed to be there. When we are ready, the next chapter will unfold exactly how it is meant to as the story must go on .

09.01.2022 My husband Luke Its been just on 3 years since he passed away from cancer and it took a long while after he passed away to get used to not having him to talk to after 24 years of conversations. So many times I would think I will tell Luke when I get home or I would go to call him as we would always speak on the phone 3/4 times a day when he was at work - just for 1/2 a second a would forget that he wasnt there. ... He wasnt able to have conversations the more unwell he got and the more pain medications he required as the cancer took it toll - that was really hard. I am in a great place of acceptance and peace with life and how the journey is unfolding and I dont dwell on the what ifs and what life should be or what we have lost - but I would LOVE to sit and chat with my healthy and happy husband for an hour just to hear his voice and hear his laugh and talk all things life . Who would you choose to talk to for an hour...?

08.01.2022 Its never the event, circumstance or situation that determines or creates how we feel or how we respond, we do. Whether we realize it or not, we are always choosing based on our perception and the meanings we give. The more conscious and aware we become of this, the more we can make choices from a place of responding rather than reacting. That is an incredibly empowering place to be.... We always get to choose our attitude and consequently, our own way. I would love to know in the comments what you are choosing right now

08.01.2022 Being able to share our story and our grief and allow it to be witnessed by people who listen with understanding and love, creates a beautiful and powerful space for so much healing . Who is holding space for you with love and understanding to witness your grief and your story?

06.01.2022 We always want to compare losses but there is no comparison. The worst loss is always your own. Honor it, dont compare it.We always want to compare losses but there is no comparison. The worst loss is always your own. Honor it, dont compare it.

05.01.2022 The deep and profoundly heartbreaking pain that I experienced when my husband died of cancer 21/2 years ago, has also been my greatest teacher and given me the greatest, most profound and life changing lessons and growth . What I know to be true, is that: Pain and discomfort can lead us on the greatest journey of growth.... Whatever comes my way in this life, I got it. Being able to feel and have emotions, deep and profound emotions, is the privilege of being alive. No pain is greater than the love and gratitude we all have within us. To open ourselves upto feeling and experiencing deep and profound love, also means we leave ourselves open to the risk of experiencing deep and profound loss and pain. Isnt that what makes a life worth living? Isnt that what makes us know we have lived and are living? We all know that pain is hard. As a society, often we have become so accustomed to distracting and numbing ourselves from pain and moving away from it . We do that by using shopping, alcohol, sex, drugs, social media, medications, Netflix and the list goes on... Often I think it can feel like we are not strong enough and we cant survive the pain because it can feel so hard . What if we decided that we are strong enough for the pain in our lives and instead of moving away and distracting from it - what if we moved towards it with intention, courage and confidence and turned our pain into our power and the opportunity for great strength, courage and growth? The only way through pain is through the pain. Feeling and allowing the pain to just be can be completely messy, ugly and horribly difficult and hard . However, if we allow ourselves to do that, what I know to be true, is that at the end of the darkest depths of profound and heartbreaking pain is the light, and it is bright and so worth the journey. You are not alone and you have got this .

04.01.2022 This is true in every aspect of life, including grief. We are not taught about death, loss, dying and grief - how to experience it or how to support those going through it. Consequently we live in a culture full of myths, misconceptions, misinformation and platitudes about grief that do very little to help and support, and in many cases, make it worse . When we dont have our own wisdom around grief, it can be so easy to fall into the trap of other peoples expectations, su...ch as: Arent you over it yet? Its ok, you will find someone else? Time will heal. You should keep busy and not think about it. You need to stay strong for everyone - your kids, your family. Isnt it time to move on? Its ok, you will be able to have other kids. When we dont feel the way people expect us to, we can ignore our own feelings in order to try to be accepted by others and what they think we should be doing and feeling. Sometimes we just dont know what else to do. Sometimes we just think there is something wrong with us. One of the most important and valuable things we can do for ourselves when we are grieving is to allow ourselves the space to be, do and feel whatever we need to, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Accepting that our journey is our own and unique to us and honouring that in a way that is completely accepting of ourselves, is such a beautiful and necessary gift . We all need to free ourselves of the burden of needing others to accept us, and accept ourselves just as we are, even in grief .

04.01.2022 When we know how, our thinking can heal ourselves When we know how, our thinking can heal ourselves

03.01.2022 Loss and grief. It comes in many forms. Grief is not reserved for death. We grieve many other forms of loss.... We are seeing this a lot in our world at the moment. Loss of what we thought 2020 might be. Loss of lives Loss of jobs Loss of lifestyle Loss of experiences Loss of loves Loss of relationships Loss of who it is we thought we would be The list goes on. This may all sound very negative....however, this is what I do know. There is NO loss without gain. I'll say that again. There is NO loss without gain. Please join us this Thursday 3.30pm NZT where I will be interviewing Yvette on working through and with loss. After her own experiences, Yvette is on a mission to change culture and open up communication about loss and grief - in all its forms. We are so lucky to have this gorgeous soul with us. Do join, you won't be disappointed.

02.01.2022 The first part of this year felt tough. There were circumstances happening in my life that challenged me and emotions that I needed to acknowledge, work through, understand and make sense of. Its times like these that can be an in your face kind of reminder that I dont have my husband here for support and it can feel like a very lonely journey. Some of you may know exactly what I am talking about. So I decided that my word for the year - well one of them - is REMEMBER.... REMEMBER the pain and heartbreak I have felt that was so intense that it felt like I was suffocating and couldnt possibly get through it or survive it. But I did. REMEMBER when I felt so lost that I didnt recognize my life, myself or who I was anymore or how I even fit in my life anymore. But I found my way. REMEMBER when I couldnt imagine how on earth I could create a new life without Luke here. But I have. REMEMBER when being a sole parent felt so wrong and like I had no idea what I was doing. I am still figuring it out, but thats ok. Its our normal now. REMEMBER the gifts and blessings I have had and still have in my life. I do everyday. REMEMBER who I am. REMEMBER why I am here. REMEMBER the gift I have of being alive. REMEMBER gratitude. REMEMBER the privilege it is to be the mama of our two girls and the journey we are all on together trying to imperfectly figure it out. I offer you the same. We all have a story, circumstances and situations we have lived and lived through. As hard as life can feel sometimes, particularly now, if you find yourself struggling, REMEMBER what you have already 100% lived through and the strength, courage, resilience and life experience that has given you. If that is not enough, then know, trust and have faith you have what it takes to get through this and more. If you dont have that, then know I have enough for both of us . Just focus on winning the moment you are in right now and REMEMBER you have got this .

01.01.2022 #grief #loss #griefsupport

01.01.2022 One of the most important lessons I learned after my husband died was that its never the event, situation or circumstance that creates our feelings, we do. How you choose to perceive and see your circumstance and what has happened will determine your experience - emotionally / spiritually / physically - every aspect. We choose.... Our feelings come from our thoughts. It can be really hard to comprehend this, especially when you have deep and profound emotions like grief that feels like it is consuming you. That doesnt mean that we shouldnt have our feelings, its about expanding our awareness to understand that we are creating our feelings with our thoughts, and thinking, about our circumstance or what has happened. We have zero control over changing what has happened, so if we want to feel differently and change how we feel, that can only come from changing how we think about whats happened. That is all we have control over. If you would like to feel differently, consider this to build greater awareness: 1. Spend some time paying attention to and learning what your thoughts are that are creating how you currently feel? 2. How would you like to feel, and what are the thoughts you need to have to create those feelings? .

01.01.2022 Nothing but love and gratitude for what my husband left behind. It is so easy to spend a lot of time, focus and energy on what has been lost, what has been taken away, what we dont get to have or experience anymore when someone dear to us dies. However, what I came to realize in my own grief journey was that when this thinking became my emotional home, I was completely forgetting and filtering out the 24 years we had together and totally missing the right now..... This lead me back to gratitude. So much gratitude for the life we had and the time we had together as a family and for all the gifts and blessings my husband has left behind for us to move forward with in our life . That doesnt mean life is easy or there is never pain or sadness, it just means that I no longer let what we dont have be my main focus for too long - I dont allow it to consume me or become the place where my emotions live .