The Monsters In My Head in Charlestown, New South Wales | Organisation

The Monsters In My Head

Locality: Charlestown, New South Wales

Phone: +61 419 008 119

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23.01.2022 F#*K THIS! Now I have to take meds again...I know I need them, I know I need help, but they suck! Eight years I went...doing it on my own, unassisted by pharmaceuticals, I ran out of energy, strength, where did I go wrong, what didn't work, I'm starting over...again.... I miss my friends, I miss laughing, I miss the richness of life, it's so hard through the fog and the haze. I am so angry that I can't manage, so disappointed that I wasn't stronger, that I'm not stronger. Do you know how hard it is to go to work each day drugged and hungover, pretending to be awesome and feeling like crap. This is so many people's reality...so many of us have shit we deal with and we're expected to mask it, hide in plain sight so everyone around us feels comfortable. Why do my friends run to the hills when I'm not well? I know it's because they don't know what to say, they're sick of it, he's doing "that" again...who wants to be around a sad depressed drugged out husk of a human or they are just scared? There are beautiful people all around you fighting battles, fighting horrendous battles and they just want to know it's going to be okay...that they're still worth it. Ask someone if they are okay...hear them. Thank you to those that ask, I appreciate it, I appreciate you. And the people that care for those with these illnesses and conditions, check that they're okay too because fuck it's hard on them too. The drugs are kicking in now, I'm mellowing and growing heavy again, until tomorrow... Love N

23.01.2022 Strategy of mine is to lean into who I am, lean into what I am challenged by everyday of my life and I lean into this diagnosis. I am me, all the different parts that come together to create the unique and marvelous me. I value who I am, ALL of who I am.... . . . . . #mentalhealth #selflove #live #liveauthentic #bipolar #depression #anxiety #onedayatatime #rise #love #success See more

22.01.2022 I can so closely relate to this article! I look back so fondly at those moments of bliss and serenity, wondering, hoping and even striving to experience them again. I am not happy, i have happy moments, happy experiences, those poignant moments where i'm lost in time.... Love N

22.01.2022 Our CEO and Founder Nathan Evans will be at this event in the next few weeks if you are interested contact us now. Nathan will be one of the coaches and facillitators at the event and will be right beside you for the entire time.

21.01.2022 I have been medication free for over 8 years now and I refuse to let the Doctors tell me what I can, can't, need, don't need, must, must not, should and shouldn't do! Medication serves its purpose at times, but there are other ways! Love N

20.01.2022 This is so true. Something i've had and occasionally continue to have terrible struggles with. Thank goodness there are ways to overcome and forgive. ... Love N

20.01.2022 Not sure about you? I definitely have a couple of these in my life, thank goodness. Thank you... Love N See more

19.01.2022 is it learned helplessness? is it mental illness? is it my own individual patheticness? i can't tell anymore? i'm not sure anymore??????... where do i begin or finish and where does the illness start or stop? i'm not sure anymore...the lines are so blurred. love those who suffer through no fault of their own except that they might love the broken. See more

19.01.2022 Who out there experiences these feelings and behaviors? I actually used to call it the a*#hole phase. It's incredible to read this in print knowing what i've put people i love through at times. Great article.

19.01.2022 CEO & Founder Nathan Evans is a father, husband, brother, friend, an artist, designer, businessowner, peak performance coach, mindset strategist, a master practitioner of hypnosis and NLP, entrepreneur, and ocean paddler. In 1993, at the age of 22 he was diagnosed for the first time with clinical depression and bipolar disorder and even more recently a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, his continued struggle and fight (or rather "dance" ) with mental illness for the majo...rity of his adult life, unbeknown to many of his friends and family has taiught him so much about his own ilness and what it means, allowing him to develop coping strategies, support mechanisms and ways of achieving much whilst dancing with the monsters that dwell inside his head. "Living a life of silent despair, working, functioning, existing in a haze of medication and internal turmoil, becoming a master of deception, allowing me to exist working and participating in society." Medicated for the majority of his life up until 2008, Nathan made a decision....a choice to "live" and contribute, expose the stigma, break it down and be honest and real about the illnesses. "I will no longer carry this label and I refuse to live out my days in despair and sadness, this will NOT define me!" I will not be defined by a diagnosis. Please follow and join on our website www.themonstersinmyhead.com become a part of the organisation and share, contribute and be nurtured, whether a fellow sufferer, a support person or you simply know someone with a diagnosis and want to help however you can, sign up now!

17.01.2022 Things are really challenging right now...new meds that make me feel pretty awful, I am super paranoid about the meds too, anxiety is obviously exacerbated and my confidence has taken a real beating...yeah I know, me of all people! Anyways, yesterday I really wanted to go to the gym, do some crossfit, packed my bag, left my work early to get there on time, drove into the carpark and I froze...I could not get out of the car, instead I sobbed, the anxiety and paralysed will i e...xperienced was something almost foreign to me. It has been years and years since I felt so isolated, vulnerable and helpless, even when I was trying so hard to do what I know I need and what I know works. The fear of being the weird guy in the corner that is so big and so strong but needs special treatment because he cant do anything properly, the new drugs make my muscles slow, weak and tired, my head woozy and my feet unsteady... and I caved, I let it stop me. I sat for a while, trying to convince myself it would be okay, that some of these people are my friends and they wouldnt care, but I couldnt win, I sobbed for a bit in my self pity, started my engine and drove away... It would be so wonderful to just be 'normal' and fit in. Love N

14.01.2022 'Truly, the only one doubting my abilities is myself, but it feels as if every finger in the universe is pointing at me and screaming the word, Inadequate! This is so true for me right now and the scary interesting and worrying thing, it has been for quite sometime. Despite my courage, my mindset, my resilience and my strength, I am weak and I have been depressed now for a number of years.... It might just be time to change that, I cannot continue to be a burden on my friends and family, the emotional, mental, financial and physical strain of this thing is getting too much. I worry about the negative effects of me on my family and friends, I really do actually lay awake all night sometimes, worrying and suffering anxiety about what I have done, are doing and will do that adversely affects so many people. I am sorry for what I have done and will inevitably do. Its not fair, Im not special, I am sorry. Maybe its time. Love N

12.01.2022 So i tried again and walked in today and despite what part of my brain was telling me, i don't think anybody knew there was a medicated crazy in their midst! Thank you to my two friends who made me feel welcome and relaxed, as well as all the new faces. The only things i can focus on when in the throws of the WOD is breathing, technique and keep going...it is a metaphor for the battle that so many undertake each day with mental illness. In that moment we focus on surviving, ...techniques, breathing, one more moment after one more moment...just like the workout. The workout though is a reprieve, it's like a meditation or a distraction, something that takes all of my focus, it hurts, which reminds me i can feel...there was a time i enjoyed the pain i would push myself at times, so hard it was torture, a way of punishing myself. Now it is almost a serene and blissful experience, i need only do what i need to do for me. I switch off I disengage from the torment Thank you to my two friends and everyone else i met today, see you again tomorrow. Love N

12.01.2022 Travelled in the car for 10 hours today to country Victoria to visit friends. Friends that are basically family. They have supported me and my family more than once as we gone through the heartache and pain. I feel so blessed to have these people in my life and more so, the lives of my family.... These friends that dont judge and simply love mean the world. Looking forward to great hugs, conversations and some water time. . . . . . . . #life #love #friends #mentalhealth #bipolar #blessed #depression #anxiety #selflove

12.01.2022 How good is this! This guy went the whole way today despite how much it hurt and how much he wanted it to be over. Thanks to everyone that helped to make it happen and that supported him the whole way around the course. He loved it and especially loved being presented with his gold medal! . . . .... . . . . . . #winning #goldmedal #outriggercanoeracing #pacificaocc #puakeadesigns #oc1 #success #winner #juniorpaddler See more

11.01.2022 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I keep failing at life. I'm so sorry I let everyone down. I don't mean it I cannot go on some days but those little faces break me and hold me, the push me through, more than you could ever know.... I so desperately want to stop, to just fucking end this... But those beautiful little faces, the love they give me that I just don't deserve...completely unconditional. Children are the epitome of unconditional love, .these beautiful, majestic beings love me even in my darkness. All I long for is peace, I see it in them. Hang in there in your struggles, for you are loved. Hang in my friend, I love you. For I will love you even when you cannot love yourself. This thing will not define me, I will survive. You cannot take me! I refuse you!!! See more

10.01.2022 Helps to clarify the differences.

09.01.2022 The up and down, the ebb and flow, the light and dark continues. This dance seems to never end, the pain lately goes from not only the emotional to now the physical. My heart cries out in anguish my body is following. ... I am terrified. I am always progressing, always moving forward and then crash back i go, sliding down after ripping the rug from underneath myself. I am a failure and a success. Each time i slide back to point zero, i think i'm not going quite as far back, the minuscule incremental improvements. I want to quit. I've had enough. I am fucking worn out. I cannot go back to the place where i started, i will not. Love N

09.01.2022 I was alone, falling free Trying my best not to forget What happened to us, what happened to me What happened as I let it slip I was confused by the powers that be... Forgetting names and faces Passers by were looking at me As if they could erase it Baby, did you forget to take your meds? Baby, did you forget to take your meds? Baby, did you forget to take your meds? Baby, did you forget to take your meds? I was alone staring over the ledge Trying my best not to forget All manner of joy, all manner of glee And our one heroic pledge How it mattered to us, how it mattered to me And the consequences I was confused by the birds and the bees Forgetting if I meant it Baby, did you forget to take your meds? Baby, did you forget to take your meds? Baby, did you forget to take your meds? Baby, did you forget to take your meds? And the sex, and the drugs, and the complications And the sex, and the drugs, and the complications And the sex, and the drugs, and the complications And the sex, and the drugs, and the complications Baby, did you forget to take your meds? Baby, did you forget to take your meds? Baby, did you forget to take your meds? Baby, did you forget to take your meds? Baby, did you forget to take your meds? Baby, did you forget to take your meds? I was alone, falling free Trying my best not to forget See more

08.01.2022 I read this recently, i'm unsure where i saw it, i borrowed it, I needed it. I read it each day to remind myself. This life is mine, no matter what! #themonstersinmyhead #loveyourself #selflove #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #nomorestigma #beatdepression #bipolarinorder #bipolar #depression #nostigma #beatanxiety #love #healthedarknesswiththelight #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellbeing #iamstigmafree #depression #anxiety #getbackup #success #life #love #strength #unfuckyourself #forgiveness #peace #outofthedarknessintothelight

08.01.2022 2017 is scoping to be an epic year! We are launching our first online tools, an ebook and our very first series of workshops with so much more... Cannot wait to share with you all in the coming year.

07.01.2022 Carrie sums it up very well. It's interesting how family, friends and strangers don't really take this illness seriously and / or are ashamed and embarrassed by it. i am finding myself also not taking it seriously, i find i'm dismissive and nonchalant about it, too embarrassed to make a fuss.

06.01.2022 Interesting read.

06.01.2022 What it's like to live with Bipolar... living in a pool of water, fun, swimming along, floating, bubbles, flamingoes, silliness...then the plug gets pulled out.... You go from floating in a joyous moment to watching the hand of Bipolar reach in and grab that plug and with a great amount of desperate vengeance yank that plug out. Every ounce of certainty gone. Sucking, drowning, gargling, tears, pulsating heart, silence. Then it stops and the pool starts to fill again and your certainty returns.

04.01.2022 I built a fence and as I contemplate the hard work and effort required, I question if its to keep something in or rather keep something out? . . . .... . . . #blessed #grateful #hardwork #amanneedsafence #workingwithmyhands #life #lakehouse #mylakehouse See more

03.01.2022 I CAN ONLY LOVE YOU Friend, I cannot save you. I can be present with you,... offer you the safety of my presence, but I cannot save you. I can listen. Cry with you. Laugh with you. Wonder with you. I can share my vision, if you want it. I can offer my perspective, if you need it. But I cannot take away your pain. I cannot give you answers. I cannot heal you. You are not broken. So, friend. Weep. Laugh. Fall on the floor, trembling. Feel anger. Feel fear. Feel the deepest sorrow. Scream out to the heavens. Let your heart break wide open. I can only offer you this sanctuary, this trust, this ground, this warmth. But I cannot save you. I can only love you. - Jeff Foster As i lay awake praying for someone to save me from this, i am unable to save myself...my heart aches because i know you cannot save me. "It's ok to not be ok" is a LIE It is not ok, because nobody is going to save me, nobody is going to put food on the table, nobody is paying the mortgage, nobody will save me and why should my spoilt and privileged white arse expect somebody to. At least don't lie to me, it's not ok to not be ok! Love N

02.01.2022 The medication saves my life...the medication helps me remain balanced...the medication causes me stress...the medication exacerbated my anxiety...the medication numbs me...the medication slows me down...the medication limits my creativity...the medication affects my intensity...the medication holds me back from my pure potential...the medication saves my life...the medication stops me from laughing...the medications subdues my joy...the medication eases my suffering...the medication increases my pain...the medication saves my life... I yearn to few like me, i yearn to feel...but apparently it saves my life. I will rise again, like the phoenix from the flames, I will rise once more, that I promise! Love N

01.01.2022 This is an another way to look at your illness, it is a storm that you are experiencing rather than who you are, or what you've got, you can get through this, it will pass, like all storms, it will pass.

01.01.2022 I forgive you These words I've heard so often I know you 'think' you mean well Judgement Judgement... Judgement I think you think you care It hurts more than you could know I love you I look at you I feel your disappointment I hear your disdain, your hatred I hate you I love you You are me and I am you I forgive you Judgement Judgement Judgement Take me now Love me Love you #mentalillness #depression #anxiety #bipolardisorder

01.01.2022 I built a fence and as I contemplate the hard work and effort required, I question if it’s to keep something in or rather keep something out? . . . .... . . . #blessed #grateful #hardwork #amanneedsafence #workingwithmyhands #life #lakehouse #mylakehouse See more