NewExaminer in Bothwell, Tasmania | Media/news company

NewExaminer

Locality: Bothwell, Tasmania

Address: B110 Bothwell, TAS, Australia

Website: http://www.newexaminer.com.au

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22.01.2022 REGIONS HARD-HIT BY COVID-19: EXPERTS Tasmania's rural and regional towns are suffering a disproportionate social impact of the coronavirus lockdown, according to a UTAS academic. Associated Professor in Sociology, Hamish Richards, says new research has found towns like New Norfolk could potentially see a generation of younger people with even worse social skills than they currently possess. "Take 13-year-old Tay-Lear Triffitt," Richards said.... "At her age, having completed her formal education, she should be looking forward to a series of culturally relevant milestones, like being fitted for her first pram, and forming relationships with the local child protection authorities," he said. "Instead, she's stuck inside, with little social interaction outside her eight siblings and half-siblings". "And in more isolated towns, the situation is worse". Richards points to Tay-Lear's twin, 14-year-old Braydin who lives in Ouse. "Braydin should be learning vital skills right now, like finding an unlocked Commodore, and taking it on a 90 kilometre jaunt through the Derwent Valley, before burning it in one of Tasmania's world-class forestry reserves". "But because nobody's allowed to leave home, available vehicles are scarce." Richard says a prolonged lockdown could lead to "irreparable damage to the culturally rich tradition of idleness and welfare dependency endemic to Tasmania". See more

21.01.2022 CLAREMONT COUPLE "HAPPY TO BE HOME" AFTER THE TRIP OF A LIFETIME After a lifetime dreaming of overseas travel, Claremont 80-year-old Don George, and 76-year-old wife Rose, can't wait to share photos of their trip on the Ruby Princess with family and friends. More than a year in the planning, the all-inclusive luxury 14-day cruise took the Georges from Sydney Harbour to New Zealand and back, with the Georges full of praise for the crew.... "Apparently some Chinese on board had the flu, so the steward served all our meals in our room," Rose said. "They were so thoughtful," she added. "When we disembarked, even the Captain came to say goodbye, and suggested we head straight home and rest for a couple of weeks." "But we wanted to see Sydney first." The couple spend two hectic days enjoying Sydney's café and restaurant scene, also indulging in Rose's love of art by visiting the NSW Art Gallery, in addition to a number of smaller galleries and museums. "We even went to watch all the young people playing on the beach," Rose said. "We only got back last night," Don said. "The Jetstar flight was packed, which just shows how popular Tasmania has become." Don said the couple planned to start visiting their friends in the south of the state from tomorrow, including in a number of nursing homes. "Although we've both got a bit of a dry cough at the moment," he said. "Probably from all that healthy sea air."

20.01.2022 RADICAL PLAN TO RID TASMANIA OF VICTORIANS The Tasmanian government is considering taking drastic action to ensure the last traces of diseased Victorians are removed from the island state. In a confidential media briefing this afternoon, Premier Peter Gutwein suggested a small army of JobSeeker and JobKeeper recipients could be put to work tracing Victorians.... At this stage, we’re considering a statewide sweep of the settled districts, with any fugitive Victorians driven towards the Tasman Peninsula, where they will be processed, he said. Until we’ve finalized those plans, we’re asking the public not to directly approach people they suspect to be Victorians, Gutwein said. Not only are they likely to carry the coronavirus, but Victorians can dangerous when cornered. Victorians can often be identified by their manner of only wearing black clothing, unusual hairstyling, and a habit of demanding single-origin cold-drip coffee from takeaway outlets in country towns. The Premier said any Victorians, once trapped on the Tasman Peninsula, would be shackled in the former Coal Mines probation station until they could be moved to a remote Bass Strait island. Suspected sightings of Victorians should be reported to the new Plague Hotline 1800 LEPER

18.01.2022 "SHOOTING WOMBATS IS MY RIGHT" - SMITHTON MAN Andrew Billing is loading up his 4WD preparing for an Easter break at his Arthur River hideaway, and he says "no Greenie government's going to stop me". Billing is just one of many Tasmanians planning to defy a government edict to stay home this Easter to restrict the spread of the coronavirus.... But Billing says there's no threat of the virus in Tasmania's north west, adding that his family's traditional Easter pilgrimage to the coast is his cultural right. "Every year we come here and don't do any harm," he told The New Examiner. "Shoot a few wombats, sink some piss, get the Y60 Patrol sideways through a few abo middens, we've been doing this for generations," he said. "Good, harmless fun for the family, breathing in the freshest air in the world." Billing plans to have a quiet Good Friday with family and friends. "We'll probably just fire off a few hundred rounds of out of date ammo, and boil up a few undersize crays."

17.01.2022 GUTWEIN'S MESSAGE TO VICTORIANS: "DO NOT COME HERE" Tasmania will introduce Australia’s strictest quarantine measures in an attempt to dissuade Victorians from coming to the State, even after travel restrictions are lifted. Premier Peter Gutwein said this morning that Tasmanians had worked hard to rid the state of the coronavirus, and the last thing we need is diseased Melbournites coming here and spreading their filthy plague.... Our message to people from Victoria is clear keep your germ-infested carcasses the other side of Bass Strait. Gutwein said even a single infected Victorian could spark a new wave of community transmission. Imagine the impact of some Ballarat baby boomer, spraying his phlegm around our bars and restaurants like some munted gibbon, he said. And if we let these unhygienic animals roam free in our streets, we’ll be forced to start enforcing more serious lockdown measures. Gutwein said rather than the two-week hotel stay enforced by some States for new arrivals, Tasmania would tackle the issue differently. It won’t be two weeks, it will be six months, he said. And these grimy, contaminated plague-spreaders won’t be living it up in our five-star hotels, either. We’ll be fitting some of the old Hydatids testing strips with tents and pit toilets, he said. And if there’s any overflow, they’ll be locked up in shipping containers at the Macquarie Point sewage plant.

13.01.2022 BREAKING NEWS: PRINCE CHARLES TESTS POSITIVE FOR CORONAVIRUS Royal watchers outraged, saying "why couldn't it have been Prince Andrew?" More to come...

12.01.2022 SCOTT CAM SACKED, GOLD COAST CHIPPIE HIRED AS NEW TRADES ADVOCATE Celebrity builder Scott Cam is out of job today, after the Federal Government cancelled the remainder of his $347,000 contract to promote the trades as a career option. The balance of the contract, believed to be worth a further $210,000, will now go to Gold Coast carpenter Patrick Cooper.... The 28-year-old made headlines earlier this week when on returning from an overseas holiday, told a news crew he planned to spend his 14-day isolation period "locked inside the house punching cones". According to Employment Minister Michaelia Cash, Cooper's responsible approach to preventing the spread of the corona virus is exactly the message young people should heed. "Let's face it, Scott (Cam) never really resonated with the younger audience," Cash said. "Rather than engaging with young people about their career options, he spent most of his time, and most of our money, swanning around Sydney's inner suburbs in his Audi looking like an obese butcher who'd won the lotto". "Patrick, on the other hand, strikes us as a responsible young tradie who's doing the right thing by isolating himself," Cash said. "And we're sure he'll lay off the bong well before he returns to work, just in case he gets urine tested".

08.01.2022 NEW MIDWINTER FESTIVAL PLANNED FOR LAUNCESTON Dark Mofo may have been scrapped, but a young entrepreneur is hoping Dark Ravo will fill Tasmania's entertainment void. Ravenswood man Kyle Payne said Dark Ravo would have a similar program to Dark Mofo, but with a northern flavour.... "We'll have the midwinter feast - featuring the best seasonal produce Shiploads can offer," he said. "Provided Centrelink hurry the fuck up with my $750 Corona payment". "And we'll have plenty of fireworks. We found a VS Commodore out at Cressy that's still got half a tank in it, so that should light up pretty good". Payne said music would be taken care of thanks to a PA system he'd found at East Launceston Primary. "We can hook that up to my Commodore's CD player, and sell it at the end of the night to raise a bit of cash for my charity," he said. While there won't be a recreation of Dark Mofo's Winter Solstice Swim, there will be a nude run. "We're calling it the Seymour Street Sprint," Payne said. "Tubby Clark holds the record from when he got caught rooting Slasher Payne's missus in 2018, and ran the entire length of the street starkers in less than two minutes".

06.01.2022 AIRBNB OWNERS DEMAND GOVERNMENT HELP When Tammy and Jayson Pegg opened up part of their family home to take advantage of Tasmania's booming tourism economy, they never expected Tasmania's government to shut the state down to visitors. After spending hundreds of dollars decorating the spare wing of their 1960s Claremont home with on-trend home décor products, the couple now say they've been cheated.... "We only got two visitors from Airbnb before Gutwein banned visitors," Tammy told The New Examiner. "And their complaints were bullshit. We never promised a spa or anything, and anyways, Airbnb made us pay them back". After Tasmania's borders were closed, the Peggs were forced to try to recoup their investment, renting the room to a family of 14 from Glenora. "They never said in the application they have four dogs, and that their grandmother wasn't used to having a toilet in the house," Tammy said. The Peggs are now faced with a cleanup bill, and are calling on the government to buy their property outright. "We'll never get the smell out of the spare room now, although it might be alright for them foreign students," Tammy said.

03.01.2022 SPIRIT OF TASMANIA TO RELOCATE TASMANIAN OPERATIONS TO CASTLE FORBES BAY Tasmania's sea link to mainland Australia "will be greatly enhanced" by shifting operations from Devonport to Castle Forbes Bay the operator claims. TT-Line, operator of the two Bass Strait ferries, had previously confirmed that Geelong, famed as the bikie and methamphetamine capital of Victoria, would be the company's new northern departure point.... And from next Tuesday, Devonport will be ditched, and passengers and cargo will load and unload from the small port in the far south of the Huon Valley. "We decided that if people are brave or uniformed enough to travel to Geelong just to catch the Spirits, then we may as well make the most of it, and cut our port costs even further," TT-Line chairman, Mike Grainger said. "Obviously there will be a few initial challenges like transferring passengers to shore using a fleet of tinnies, but it's only a trip of a few kilometres across rough, shark-infested water". "As for freight, we haven't thought that far ahead," Grainger said. "We're just assuming that as most of it will be stolen while it's sitting on the wharf at Geelong, there shouldn't be that much to unload." Grainger also defended the choice of Castle Forbes Bay as a tourism destination. "Okay, there's not much happening there really. But then again, have you looked at Devonport lately?"

02.01.2022 CALLS FOR PERMANENT LOCKDOWN OF BURNIE RESIDENTS Authorities across the state have welcomed the decision to place strict controls on residents of the north-west city of Burnie, but suggested the measures don't go far enough. MLC Kerry Finch has praised the action aimed at preventing the spread of COVID-19, but suggests the lockdown be made permanent, saying "It's better this way".... "Whenever the footy's on, Launceston is flooded with drooling imbeciles from the north west coast, and many of them are sex pests," Finch said. "Particularly if they've become aroused by watching the City Park monkeys". Hobart Lord Mayor Anna Reynolds agrees, saying council was still cleaning up from the last time Burnie people visited the capital. "A group of them decided to camp in the Royal Botanical Gardens, so they just smashed through the fencing in their 4WDs," she said. "The damage to the lawns will repair over time, and we've cleaned up most of the empty bourbon cans," she said. "The same can't be said for one of our oldest trees, a Quercus Robur, which was planted to commemorate the coronation of Queen Victoria," she said. "Even though the oak was listed on the National Estate, it was no match for three pissed men armed with a Stihl Farmboss".

01.01.2022 LOCAL VIGORO TALENT IMPRESSES MMA TALENT SCOUT A Tasmanian Vigoro pitch might seem to be an unlikely hunting ground for a martial arts talent scout. But according to MMA promoter Chris Anderton, the next female superstar of the cage fighting world could be a crossover from Vigoro.... Vigoro is a cricket/baseball hybrid, most popular in working class regions of Tasmania and Queensland. Anderton, in Northern Tasmania on a mission to recruit athletes for next season’s MMA national titles, say’s he’s astounded at the island state’s home-grown talent. We arrived at the ground just in time to see George Town’s Harlee Archer drop Ravenswood’s star striker with a vicious left hook which knocked out her few remaining teeth, and then finish her off with a savage knee drop to the throat, he said. And this was ten minutes before the game had even started. MMA is an increasingly popular sport, featuring a combination of striking, grappling and ground fighting. Critics claim the sport is barbaric, with fighters regularly suffering lacerations, concussion, and even broken bones. But MMA is tame according to Vigoro Tasmania’s president, Ta-nee Brown, who says it’s the only sport where four ambulances and resuscitation unit attend most matches. When Ravo plays Underwood, we actually need one ambulance for every two girls, Brown laughed. It’s highly competitive and a lot of fun, and nobody ever holds a grudge after the match, she added. But if that fat slut Tammy Arnol turns up again, I’ll fucking rip her head off.