The Young Authentic Mum | Personal coach

The Young Authentic Mum

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21.01.2022 External influences can be so strong and they can affect us all in many different ways. I’ve come to realise that if you aren’t confident within yourself and the way that you do things, the easier you will be swayed to what you think others expect of you. Three months ago I knew how I wanted to raise my children, I knew the best way for me to communicate with children, I understood how the child’s brain worked and how it needed it’s big people to approach heightened emotions.... And then suddenly it all changed. I conformed to the way others around me were approaching meltdowns, the way others were communicating with children, the way that others perhaps blamed children for how they were reacting. Then came the flow on of how I was being Mum at home. I’ve been yelling more, my patience has very quickly disappeared, I have felt disconnected to my own children and how they needed me to show up. I’ve felt ashamed, disappointed and scared to admit this. To surrender to it all and know this is what’s going has allowed me to open up again and approach parenting and caring how I want to again. To first connect, second understand and lastly guide all the little people in my life into nothing but a positive environment when in my presence

21.01.2022 Our children are not responsible for how we feel.

21.01.2022 ’ , . . Those words are exactly what came from Eadie’s mouth yesterday as I got irritated with the mess she was making with flour while helping me bake. ... As I asked why she feels the need to keep making a mess I got the response, without any pause, I’m being a four year old Mum. And with that I realised I’m doomed in future years when I’m scared and uneasy about something she wants to do. The reality for me is that is exactly how it will play out and I have to at some stage in her life accept that. Our girls will always know what they’re capable of and what they can do and there’s going to be times when it doesn’t sit well, easy or comfortable with me. How will I deal with that to ensure I don’t dwindle the spark in their heart, the fire in their eyes? I’m not sure yet. But I do know when the time comes I’ll know exactly what to do and say to let them be them. So Mumma’s, let’s make sure we let our kids shine in their own ways and ensure they know what they are capable of and what they are doing is what’s right for them, right now.

20.01.2022 earlier this week Eadie wanted my attention as I sat breast feeding Rosie with my phone in hand which of course left me being more focused on my phone than her. I stated ‘yes, just give me a minute please’ Eadie, with her very beautiful, demanding voice requesting ‘now please mum, get off your phone’. Of course instantly this grabbed my attention, and I gave her my undivided attention. I apologised which she then said ‘next time put your phone away’. I am always focusing on... ‘next time’ with Eadie and what can be done different to have a better outcome than something already experienced. We discuss what was done, why it can’t or shouldn’t happen again and then I let her sit in what she thinks would be better for next time. As I continue to feel this is going unheard and unnoticed Eadie shows me just how important it is to keep at it and how much of a sponge kids are! Being a calm to the girls storms and allowing them to opportunity to reflect and think of what can be different is giving them a life long skill I know they’ll be grateful for.

19.01.2022 All I want is for my baby to sleep, for her to stop crying. Being pregnant was easy. Motherhood is hard. I thought I was ready for this.... Am I failing? Should I ask for help? Am I courageous enough? Or should I not bother them? I’m a woman, I should know how to do this! I thought I was ready. I thought it would just take love. But everyday I put on a brave face to my partner or family. Every day I give up what I need to get her what she needs. I’m starting to feel like I jump from one ‘reaction’ to the next. One pressure to the next. I’m angrier than I used to be. My friends are all out having their lives, and I’m here, doing this. But this is what I wanted. Or did I? Maybe I didn’t know what I wanted. I know I don’t want these feelings. Sometimes they scare me. I scare myself. I need to be better. But who has the answer? Who do I want to be, for myself and for my child? They say if I'm happy everyone else will be too, but how...when I'm under this much pressure!? -The Young Authentic Mum

18.01.2022 As adults we can experience frustration, anger, sadness, anxiety, stress and many other emotions in a single day and we deal with these in so many different expressive ways. Sometimes these emotions are put onto our children in a way of us snapping, shouting, ignoring or yelling - this list isn't exhausted. Yet when our children experience emotions and express them in any form other than calm and quiet they get in trouble, or told to be quiet and sometimes even to just to ...get over it because it can't be that bad. Why is this? And why as their big people, who need to show them how to deal and cope with emotions, are we teaching them to shut off the uncomfortable feelings and suppress them? Why are we teaching our children that you are only 'good' if you are happy? The only way that our children will be able to grow into regulated adults, into someone that loves themselves and understands what they're experiencing is to be the example of a regulated adult and allowing them to experience all of their emotions in a safe and loving space. Remembering; you cannot possibly help a child be regulated if you are an unregulated adult.

16.01.2022 It's so common for Mum's to not practice self care, or to feel guilty for taking some time out for themselves. I actually call bullsh*t on this and to care for yourself is the greatest compliment you could give yourself for the relentless *job* you have and also how better of a person, parent and partner you are for doing something for you. So, if you do practice some sort of self care currently, what is it?

16.01.2022 Why do we get so frustrated with our kids, react to their actions and emotions in a negative way and then find ourselves retracing our thoughts and feeling huge amounts of guilt for the way that we parented for the day? This then seems to always be blamed on the child and that 'they were bad today so what else could I do' with no responsibility being taken by us, the adult. What would it give you, how would it change your life, if you stopped for a moment in reflection of y...our day (or even in the moment) and took responsibility for the way that you reacted, the way that you spoke, the things that you did/didn't do? Would this change the way that your children act toward you and around you? Would this take the load of their shoulders and allow them to fully trust you? Take a moment and really think about who is responsible for how you feel and how you react/do.

15.01.2022 some days I think it would all be so much easier if I just left the girls with Luke or my Mum and ran away. some days I long for the freedom I had before kids, the ability to make plans and just go on the fly. some days I dream of what life would be like to be 25 and not responsible for anyone, to not have to be accountable to anyone. parenting is hard, it’s challenging, there’s no denying that. And while I long for all of the things that I once had and knew before kids, I... know how much these girls have challenged me to be better, to show up every single day and to know that sacrificing all of the other things for now is going to ok. The thing is, some days the overwhelming feeling of wanting to run away is all too real and I let that define me as a Mum for a period of time, taking away from all the great parts of me as a Mum. For all the other Mum’s, know that this feeling is normal and you will always come out the other side, thankful you have your darlings by your side. Maybe it’s all part of the roller coaster we ride just to show us how lucky we are. See more

15.01.2022 ? Today I shared that I had taken a mental health day for myself. It just so happened to fall on R U OK day and I feel that it happened for a reason. The universe has a funny way of doing these things I believe. Through this page, my vision, my purpose, I’m here to help others and ask the question R U OK all the time. I’m here to support and guide all the time. And while I love doing that more than anything, it can be so easy to lose focus on myself and start to slide... away into habits that aren’t so good for me and that drag me away from the things that I am aligned with. And that’s what has happened lately. I lost the drive to put the energy into this, into serving others. I started to lose the want to be better and show up. It was just me, my phone and aimless scrolling on the couch for a few weeks. This resulted in a fairly crappy Me, Mum, Partner. So as I recognised this and called on my support circle I today had a much needed break from the chaos that is my children, I cleaned the house and spent time investing in this page again. And damn, it felt bloody amazing. The best part of all of this, for me, is that I stopped myself playing in my pity party, I reached out for help and I did the things to take the weight off my shoulders. And yes, that was cleaning. My mental health, like everyone, is subject to being pretty poor at times. It’s having a support circle, being aware, and speaking up that makes all the difference. While today focuses on asking others R U OK, I hope you ask yourself that on the daily basis too. Start to really dive into the emotions and know if you really are OK.

15.01.2022 as I go to bed feeling so guilty for ending a passage of communication with yelling, as my patience wore thin, I will remember that I am burnt out. As I go to bed with so much guilt for not being the person or mum I so highly promote and encourage, I will remember that I too am only human and am lacking sleep. As I go to bed with so much guilt around being on my phone too much for the day, I will remind myself to try harder tomorrow to not be so disconnected. Because at ...the end of the day, I too am human and not every day will be what I anticipate or hope for. Be easy on yourself. Especially in the midst of the ‘pandemic’ roller coaster we are riding. Reflect and accept, and promise to try better tomorrow.

13.01.2022 You wait for what feels like forever to meet your little people with the picture in your mind that you'll have a baby to cuddle and stare at for such a period of time. Then you meet your little one and they have different ideas, and so does time. Your baby is now smiling, giggling, rolling. And suddenly they're eating food, they're sleeping through the night and their little personalities are shining through. Time is such a thief and it's merely the only thing that we will never get back, ever. Don't regret missing your little ones early days, wishing away the night feeds, longing for them to roll, sit up or walk. Love them hard, be consciously present, and forgot all the other things for this moment in time. Your children need you.

12.01.2022 Anyone can put on a brave face and walk out the front door, making it look like they have their ‘shit’ together. As someone who has been told twice this week ‘you make it look easy, you have your shit together’ it really has had me thinking. I don’t time manage well, in fact I don’t at all and it’s my biggest down fall. ... Some days the only way I get out the door with three kids is by yelling & persuasion - two thinks I HATE doing. My house is less than clean and the chores more often than not go more than a week between completion. And as soon as I’m out the door with three kids in tow my mind never steps, it’s always switched on watching them and also trying to complete the task at hand being out. I’m not sure what about any of the above makes me have my shit together? I sure don’t ever feel like I do. What I do know and have learnt through many years of intention learning is how to keep my cool and process everything in a calm and productive way - breathing through all the fun and not so fun moments. I communicate with the kids and explain step by step what we’re doing. In return they cooperate - most of the time. Daily I set the intention to wake before, or with, the kids to begin the day as calm as possible. And yes, my children are 5:30/6:00am wakers Some days i step out the door simply because I need to feel the fresh air on my face and shift the energy within the house and the kids. Because I’m losing my shit and that’s not something that sits well with me. Other days I step out the door feeling on top of the world and so full of energy I want to spread that to everyone. So, I’m still not quite sure what makes people think someone else has their shit together. All I do know is we’re all doing our best every day and that is enough.

11.01.2022 The story behind the young authentic mum and what drove me to be better for my children, primarily, all stems back to matrescence for me. A great article outlining what matrescence is all about. Remember that if it all feels to much and not right, seek help.

11.01.2022 'I'm a failure'. Does it sound familiar to you? I know for so many this is reality and something that steals happiness from life and from the really special times with your children. So why do you so often think that you are a failure? What is that you are doing so incredibly wrong that could mean that you're labelled a failure? ... To me failure is pretty bloody big and you'd have to be doing something real severe to be considered a failure. You got out of bed? Amazing. You fed your children? They're alive! You kept the kids alive? Sens-freaking-ational. If you can do the those three things daily then you've done exactly what is needed of you and if that is all that you can achieve you still in no right deserve to believe, or think, that you're failure. Just remember, when you may be feeling like a failure, to think about this. Are you completing one thing and doing it right? Or are you trying to do many things and not completing it? To focus on one thing will allow you to achieve success and see the positives.

10.01.2022 ’ ’ . Lately I have found myself constantly feeling the urge to say no to pretty much anything the girls want to do, that is going to be an inconvenience to me. They want to do art and craft which means I have to clean up - NO. They want to go to the park for hours, which means I have to supervise and be ‘bored’ - NO. It’s the little, simple things for them that have been felt as such a huge inconvenience to me. ... Luckily, I have the awareness to pull myself out of this and enjoy the finer moments in life with them and to say . It has me asking though - why are we so quick to say no to the things that inconvenience us yet expect our children to ‘obey’ us and do everything we ask of them without batting an eyelid? Our children simply want us, and they want all of us. To be 100% present, to be willing to say yes, to explore and be a child with them. Turn the into a and just then you might see a different side to your children. A side that has them willingly listen, cooperate, engage and participate with you when you want it.

06.01.2022 I so often hear that childhood is a time for 'life lessons' and 'reality checks' and I simply don't agree. I find this time of raising children as the time to be kissing their bruises, cuddling them to sleep and staying with them long after they are asleep. Holding space for them when they need to feel the hard feelings, while cherishing and taking in the belly laughs. It's the muddy feet and messy hair, crazy outfit choices and answering a thousand questions. Smelling thei...r hair and cuddling them close. I cherish this time and it's the most important time for so much love, compassion, softness and safety. It's the time of creating the foundations of their home that they will always circle back to for comfort, cuddles and safety as they face the tough 'life lessons' and 'reality checks' in the big wide world. The home that they will always come running through the front door of to us, their mum and dad, and we feel their shoulders drop as they release their scared and any armour they've been hiding behind, knowing that they can simply be at home with us. See more

02.01.2022 Every day there are six littles eyes that look at me constantly reminding me to be present. The ‘cuddles please’, to the ‘please hear me Mum’ are all reasons why I’ve worked so damn hard to push my ego aside, work with my childhood trauma and the shit that simply was dealt with when it needed to be. They’re the reason I created values, for myself, and for our family. ... They’re the reason why I put Mum guilt aside (it’s still there a tiny bit) to serve them on a higher level. They’re the reason why I remind myself happy Shani means happy kids as I am pouring from a full cup. Every single day those six little eyes test me, they push me to my limit and then bring me right back down again. Those six little eyes crave my attention while they also push me away constantly. They’ll never be as young as they were yesterday, they’ll one day not need me as much as they did today. They’ll one day no longer be my little girls that want me, and all of my attention. So while every day is a huge roller coaster of emotions, of ‘why did I have kids’ to ‘I couldn’t imagine my life without you’, of ‘I’m leaving mum, I don’t like you’ to ‘mum, I love you, please don’t leave me ever’, I promise to every single day keep pushing the ego aside, showing up as my best self to give you the greatest life. To create an environment you can only thrive in. My three daring girls - I love you