Think Gray Psychotherapy in Crows Nest, New South Wales, Australia | Business service
Think Gray Psychotherapy
Locality: Crows Nest, New South Wales, Australia
Phone: +61 405 325 731
Address: 98A Willoughby Road 2065 Crows Nest, NSW, Australia
Website: http://www.thinkgraypsych.com
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25.01.2022 The concept of ‘splitting’ describes when we ‘split’ things into just GOOD or BAD. It’s usually talked about in the context of personality disorders - i.e. in individuals who have deep emotional trauma who see people in their lives as EITHER good OR bad (never both or a whole complex human). When we do this we miss out on a lot of the person we’re judging and often damage our relationships and ourselves on an emotional rollercoaster. Now, I don’t really agree with the conce...pt of personality disorder - I find it reductionist and prefer to consider patterns in thoughts and behaviours as attempts at psychological survival in difficult relational contexts. That aside, I want to talk about splitting, and how I think it’s starting to become a more mainstream occurrence. Social media reduces complex ideas and thoughts to sound bytes - we have fewer and fewer opportunities to explore the nuances in things (even my husband can’t be bothered to read my posts in full some days!). So, we focus on catchphrases and slim down ideas to make them accessible - TOXIC PEOPLE DO THIS and IF SOMEONE LOVES YOU THEY WON’T... It just isn’t that simple. Hands up if you’ve hurt someone you love, intentionally or otherwise? Hands up if you’ve behaved in a way that’s deemed toxic by lists on IG? Hands up if you’re afraid of being judged when you tell your life story/choices because you’ve f-ed up at some point? Splitting people into bits and seeing them as EITHER this OR that is dangerous - it’s not something we want done to us, nor is it fair to do to others. We can all be toxic - but what’s really relevant is what we DO with our behaviour afterwards. Do you ignore it? Do you refuse to apologise? Do you think consciously about making amends and repairing? Do you make new choices next time (even 1% difference)? The process of undoing our conditioning takes time and people make mistakes - you and me included. By all means, let go of relationships where people continue to do the same things again and again, but try and avoid using labels like toxic or perfect - or splitting people into EITHER good OR bad for the sake of simplicity #thinkgray
25.01.2022 Heres a pre-New-Week quote from a client: Even if I dont get it all done, Im still more productive than if I didnt have a plan . . We sit in the binary all-or-nothing way too often. Why is it perfect plan execution or planning doesnt work? Why cant it be a plan helps me direct my brainpower to important work, rather than wasting mental energy having to choose what to do next .... . Even if a plan doesnt get completely ticked off, we often manage more (with less energy expenditure) than if we didnt have one to begin with. The additional energy you save on having to choose what to do next can then go to things in life YOU value - like exercise, time with family, reading, socialising, working on a project, etc. . . One of the reasons I love @lesmills is because theres always a plan for my workout. Some days I miss reps, other days I push myself further than the plan, but the beauty is that I dont have to think about it! In Iso I had to overcome this challenge and get @phoenixsnc to program my workouts so I didnt waste time going ugh, ok, what am I doing today... ummm... *cue Instagram scrolling for workouts*.... . . Even if your plan isnt executed, it is mentally more efficient to have one. Even if your plan goes awry, youll still achieve more by having one than if you didnt. Oh, and if theres something on your plan you keep pushing back - that tells you something; its worth examining why youre not doing it, rather than just assuming youre a failure or not good enough . . Can you make a plan for yourself this week? Grab your calendar, map out your workload and your meetings, and your family stuff, and your hobbies... and let me know how you feel (I predict (1) overwhelmed and then (2) more in control when you start to execute it!) #thinkgray See more
25.01.2022 Dont post a picture of you crying, youre a therapist, people will think you cant do your job!!! this is what I think whenever I post something like this. But my job is not to be happy, or to be perfect, or to have everything together all the time... My job is to help people be ok with their emotions - to feel sad without being crushed; to be anxious without fearing theyll die from it; to feel anger and recognise what its trying to protect them from. My job is to be ...human - to empathise, to connect, to share experiences, to listen. My job is to create trust - to hold space for overwhelming emotions, to be open, to withhold bias or judgement. My job is to help people reparent themselves - to learn what their needs are, to learn how to fill those needs, to reconnect with their selves, to accept themselves. I cannot do my job if Im too scared to feel. If I block and suppress and run away from my feelings for fear of judgement, Im perpetuating a system that shames mental health challenges, stigmatises emotional expression, and forces us all to wear a mask. I believe in authenticity. I got sad. I cried. I miss my grandad. I give myself permission to feel - openly - in the hopes that someone else may choose to give themselves permission to authentically feel also. Perfection is unattainable... but, more importantly, when did perfection come to mean happy? How is being happy perfect, and your other emotions are so imperfect? (Ill leave that one for now, I could go on forever about the beauty and fantastic-ness of anxiety and sadness!! ). In short - emotions dont make you bad at life. Pretending they dont exist can make life really bad, though! #thinkgray
24.01.2022 In this chair sat someone who believed she was worthless; who believed she had to achieve to be loved; who believed she had nothing to offer the world. Today, a completely different person sat down. Today, we both almost cried at the visibility of the transformation. ... It’s not over. But it’s just taken one hell of a turn Thankyou: for trusting me with your journey; for allowing yourself to be seen; and for doing the work to see yourself as I saw you when you first walked in. Today, I am grateful that I had the opportunity to create this space - to hold people’s traumas, their pain, their secrets, their vulnerabilities, their hopes, their dreams, their losses, and most importantly, their selves. It’s a wonderful journey to be on with all of you #thinkgray
24.01.2022 Words from a client When youre stuck in the middle of a s...storm, it can be really difficult to see the way forward. If youre prone to all-or-nothing thinking (like me ), you will dismiss solutions because they dont fix anything. In this headspace, you try nothing because nothing seems good enough. It robs you of progress. The thing is, one step rarely gets you to your destination - except maybe in Covid when your kitchen is one step away from your couch - but seri...ously, no one fixes anything by doing one thing. You, your life, your relationships, your career, your world are ALL more complicated than that! You may find that the tiny thing that doesnt fix anything actually makes your situation better enough to be able to see the next step forward... and so on, until you gain clarity on whats needed to make even greater progress to what you want (you may even figure out what you want/need along the way). Something doesnt come from nothing. Fixes dont come from one thing. Make it 1% better - just 1% - to improve your suffering just a little bit...To move you forward just a little bit. Surely thats better than sitting where you are waiting for the 100% solution to make itself clear to you? #thinkgray
24.01.2022 I am, like a lot of people, prone to all-or-nothing (aka black and white) thinking as my internal narrative. It reduces cognitive effort when my mental cup is overloaded, because I dont have to consider more than 2 realities (well, more than 1 really - do we ever consider the positive when were in an all-or-nothing headspace?!) . . I find myself doing this a lot in relationships, as most of us do, because those are the source of my attachment issues. When my husband and I... arent close, I find myself mentally putting up walls and distancing from him because if we cant have proper closeness then well have nothing (thanks Vicious Voice ) . . However, these last few weeks hes been working really hard (like, all day, every day) on moving @phoenixsnc to a new location. So we havent really seen one another much or spent proper time together... ships in the night kind of situation... and Ive noticed myself noticing the lack of closeness. Instead of the old all-or-nothing narrative, Im finding myself allowing the sadness in. I miss him. Hes my favourite person. Ive got no one to hold space for me and cuddle me after long days (or Body Attack ) and that sucks. But Im accepting my sadness and reaching out to him instead of trying to block off my relationship so I can ignore the feeling of missing him and stop being sad (and we all know how I feel about stopping emotions!!) . . Its not comfortable, but it is nice to feel the evolution into Gray areas ... its been a while since Ive been tested like this in the relationship, and its cool to see how Ive changed - and how my relationship is stronger for it. I feel like I have a solid foundation and I know that well celebrate properly when its finished, but until then, fleeting hugs and quick texts between respective clients is enough to know hes there for me. Its also interesting that Im feeling a lot less resentment at being stuck with the kids and stuck with the housework than I used to: Im allowing us to be partners, and trusting the process, rather than falling into the me-vs-you mindset that comes with an all-or-morning perspective! #thinkgray See more
22.01.2022 Had the opportunity to be part of a Masterclass discussion for the Health & Fitness Association of Australia a few weeks ago. We discussed all things mental health and exercise - including how to stay sane during Covid (for those in Victoria especially), as well as how to help ourselves return from the effects of lockdowns and the stresses of 2020. Its always amazing being asked to be part of productions like this - and Im so grateful to be able to share the stage with Amy,... who I learned so much from during the discussion! Whether youre in the fitness industry as a professional, or just into your fitness, give this a listen to learn more about how you can help yourself through these trying times Thanks to @healthandfitnessassociationau for having me! #thinkgray https://www.healthandfitness.org.au/mentalhealthforfitnessp
21.01.2022 Happy hoodies Second order being placed next week - was waiting for some sizing restocks on particular colours #thinkgray
21.01.2022 This was what J1.0 said to me last night. His dad is moving to Qld this week and hes very sad about it. In true my mum is a therapist fashion, weve been talking a lot about emotions - specifically: (1) Its ok to feel, and talking about feelings helps us understand them and feel safer (2) Pretending an emotion isnt there makes it stronger and more challenging (3) Anger is a cover for other emotions - its ok to feel angry, but if we talk about the other emotions it will ...be more helpful (4) Its ok to tell other people that youre sad, and explain whats happening in your life. What struck me was his fear at letting people know how he felt - because that fear of showing sadness would result in emotional suppression, lack of connection with others, and outbursts of anger as he wouldnt have mental capacity to cope with anything else that was difficult. Its this reason that we work on being emotionally open in our house - I tell the kids when I feel anxious about something, and why I feel anxious; I let them see me cry when Im sad (eg when my grandad died) and I explain that sadness happens when we lose someone, but crying helps us move forward so we can remember them and keep them with us. Before I get accused of over sharing - I have boundaries between my kids and myself! However, I cant ask my kids to share things unless I also let them see my own vulnerabilities. I cant teach them that its ok to fail and fall down if I dont show them my own journey. This fear we all have of showing people how we feel results in loneliness, lack of connection, self-deprecating comparisons, and an inability to articulate our own internal world. Its damaging - especially because we ALL fail, we ALL feel sad, we ALL feel anxious and we ALL want connection. But we must take the first step and allow ourselves to be seen. I told J1.0 that if he was scared no one would understand he could just tell them what was happening, so they did understand. Then if he cried they would know why. He is slowly learning that his emotions are not a hindrance or an embarrassment - and I couldnt be prouder of him for that. He is braver than I was, thats for sure #thinkgray
21.01.2022 These boys started their friendship at 12mo (or around about!) at Gymbaroo. Rs mum was kind enough to invite me to a trip to the zoo and it was one of the first times I ever felt included as a parent. Then B and J2.0 were born and we had a perfect matching of 4 wild things It warms my heart to see their friendship continue 6 years later - having moved countries at age 6 I lost a lot of those early connections (and much of my sense of community and belonging). I remember re...-meeting my brother-from-another-mother (hey Nathan ) at my wedding and it was an instant feeling of I know you! It felt like Id found home again (also shout out to my husband who didnt interpret this as something to get jealous at, and allowed me to articulate my feelings of familial reconnection!) Being able to create this sense of community for my kids is so important to me, and watching it come to life yesterday warmed my heart. Heres to roots, stability, family, and a boring life #thinkgray
21.01.2022 Today I facilitated a 9-5 workshop. I felt really tired and drained. Getting the kids ready to be dropped at Gagas so he could take them school - nuff said . Missed the freeway exit. Constantly checking my socials again (remembered why I hate marketing ). But I took a moment in the car and gave a label to my emotions: I was feeling anxious (overwhelmed by Chaos) and sadness (I miss my husband, we havent spent much time together lately). Giving them a label helped me focus... on their purpose. Focusing on their purpose allowed me to work out what I needed, so that they could pass, having sent their message . . Understanding your emotions isnt about controlling them; its about feeling them - allowing them to exist - in a way that doesnt consume you. Remember, emotions only take over when you dont listen to them! We are designed for survival and emotions bring awareness to needs... so when you understand them, you bring focus to your own needs. You validate yourself, you gain direction, and you fulfil whats needed . . Today ended much better than it started. Old me wouldve probably collapsed in the car and felt anxious all day. Today, I ran over my material in my mind, reminded myself that I can trust myself to deliver a great program, and allowed residual anxiety to simply sit in a bubble on my shoulder . . I connected with the participants and helped them achieve some great wins - everyone left feeling more in control and efficient. But most importantly (because its all about me ) my day wasnt ruined by anxiety. My anxiety didnt take me over. My anxiety didnt feel like a demon trying to destroy me. Its something Im continually surprised by, yet, it continually happens! . . Everything in Think Grays 6 Weeks to Resilience is something I use in my personal life, and it mirrors the process above of being aware, accepting, and analysing emotional reactions, so they no longer feel like theyre destroying you . . The most important step to self-empowerment is emotional understanding (followed by trust in yourself that you can handle discomfort!) #thinkgray See more
21.01.2022 Mind Map time This one is one I did myself over the weekend, and it helped me hone in on the issues at hand by recognising the purpose behind my cyclical behaviour. I was totally unfocused in my personal life - couldn’t read, struggled to engage in conversation with my husband - and felt really overwhelmed, but wasn’t entirely conscious about what it was. I kept repeating myself; talking about the same ‘problems’. I mapped out my patterns... scrolling, checking the phone,... drifting into my own head, reading the same sentence over and over again... then I labelled it for what it was: anxiety & avoidance of that anxiety. I was keeping myself occupied with these minor distractions and complaints about not being as good as or successful, when the reality looks a lot more like I’ve achieved what I wanted, and now I need another goal to aim towards as well as I’m feeling professionally isolated and want to make more connections. Exploration and articulation of the underlying issues has given me direction, and allowed me to refocus and direct my attention toward what will help, so I don’t betray myself by scrolling, comparing, or labelling myself negatively. (1) Map out your patterns (2) Label the underlying emotion driving them (3) Look at how you’re betraying your Self (4) Seek obstacles to problem solving (5) Develop ideas that fit your current reality ... or just explore your mind for a bit! #thinkgray
20.01.2022 Weekends #thinkgray
20.01.2022 Sometimes when thinking about self-care, what we want and what we need can feel as though theyre at odds with one another... which makes it hard to choose the right thing to do. For example, last night I was mentally exhausted. Id planned to do Body Balance (my new Tuesday ritual!) but after the kids went to bed I just wanted to collapse on the couch and mindlessly watch TV (probably also scrolling) - escaping from reality at its best! I knew that what I needed was Bo...dy Balance... but that felt at odds with what I wanted. So, what to do? I thought back to a client session from a few weeks ago, where we spoke about the idea of just needing 5 minutes peace and quiet (!), but if we ever got it, we didnt use it in the way we needed to maximise our mental recovery. Ie. When I tell my kids I just need 5 minutes I run away and look at my phone, or do random tasks around the house... but when I ask for those 5 minutes what Im really asking for is space to just BE, without being demanded of. If I truly look at the purpose of what Im asking for, it becomes clear that the time Ive got isnt being used in my best interest - its not self-caring; it ends up being self-sabotaging. In the same way, what I needed last night was peace, mobility, relaxation, and reconnection to my own self... which wouldve been sabotaged by mindlessly watching tv/phone, because my muscles wouldve gotten tighter, I wouldnt have felt relaxed, and I wouldnt have been able to meditate into breath and movement - allowing reconnection. Now, I am NOT advocating pushing yourself to do something instead of watching tv - sometimes thats actually what you need as well as what you want! What I AM saying is that the best self-care activity is best chosen by assessing the purpose: What do you really NEED, and whats the best way to achieve that? If what you feel you need is at odds with what you want, have a think about your purpose - what is it that youre really asking for when youre asking for self-care? Im tempted to repeat myself a third time, but lucky for you, IG has a word limit ...PURPOSE #thinkgray
20.01.2022 Enjoy this adorable video of J2.0 walking Puppy 2.0 (note: 3 seconds later her legs were SOOO TIREDDDDDD)
19.01.2022 Moments to live for: This weekend J1.0 got Player of the Game in football, which was so well deserved. Every week he has gotten more confident and listens to his coaches (and embarrassing sideline mum ) to help him improve . . Moments like these make me reflect on myself at that age: how I was so scared to be part of a team of people I didnt know; how Id hate trying new things for fear of embarrassing myself; and how much I wanted people to like me. I didnt have a solid... base at home - a family unit I could count on to catch me - and so I was always looking to fit in everywhere else (but also acutely aware that I wouldnt fit in anywhere - because I didnt fit within myself). Dont get me wrong, my dad has always caught me, but Im speaking here about a UNIT: a cohesive group that supports one another, not about an individual within that unit . . One of the most protective things a child can have against the ills of this world is self-esteem. This isnt the same thing as positive regard for the self. Self-esteem is a firm grounding in who you are, what your values are, and trust in yourself. At the risk of sounding overly boasty (although, lets face it, Ill shout my kids awesomeness from the rooftops any day ) I am so proud to see my kids self-esteem grow and watch how that manifests in unfamiliar circumstances. I love knowing that Ive been part of creating a cohesive family unit they can trust and enjoy being within - where they can assert boundaries, needs, likes, and dislikes, without feeling like they need to make everyone happy before themselves . . I am proud to be on an emotional journey that breaks the cycles of emotional neglect and interpersonal trauma. Its not always easy, but its always worth it! Being able to see the resulting changes in the next generation cements how important it is to work on ourselves - thats how the world becomes a better place #thinkgray See more
18.01.2022 Rollin into Monday like... because I woke up to find that my cat had peed in the basket I use to store potatoes, onions & garlic. Thanks mate. Love that for me today . . . Heres to practicing what I preach: (1) Feeling my reaction of anger, hopelessness, and overwhelm (Im not a morning person at the best of times)... and (2) Choosing a response that doesnt dismiss my initial reaction, but also doesnt make my day any worse (putting it all in the sink for late...r, making my breakfast, and setting up my filming while the kids arent here, plus making a list of house sh*t that needs doing for this arvo, under the guise of teaching the kids the value of chores ) . . Im still overwhelmed, but Im moving forward #ThinkGray See more
18.01.2022 Have so many ideas running through my head, but after a full day of clients I have no ability to articulate them! Instead, enjoy J2.0 and her protector, Puppy 1.0 while I eat dinner, read a book, and wind down #thinkgray
18.01.2022 A client threw me this question yesterday, and Ill be honest, it challenged me. Why? Because theres no specific thing you do when you show up as you are - its not like you have to say / act in a particular way, nor does it look the same for everyone . . I started to doubt myself - I felt afraid that I was trying to explain something that didnt exist. But then I recognised that I needed to do exactly what I was trying to describe: I needed to show up as I was, not as wha...t I *should* be . . This week Ive felt very flat in my mood, scattered in my mind, and exhausted in my body. I was very proud of myself on Monday, because I survived my pre-period week with minimal impact on my mood (after working hard to improve my PMDD), but my period is now late (no , just stress) and thats impacting my mental state. So, yes, I wasnt feeling articulate - and I was allowed to not feel articulate. It didnt mean I couldnt explain what I needed to, nor did it mean I couldnt turn up for my client, or that Im not good at my job... it just meant I needed to take a breath and model exactly what I was trying to describe . . I apologised and started again. I spoke about my experience in that moment - where I tried to show up as an expert with expectations of myself to be able to handle the difficult questions easily. I explained that showing up as you are is more of a feeling, not an action. Its an acceptance of imperfection, and sitting with yourself without expectations of trying to be more, when you know that asking for more is going to send you over a cliff. Its allowing sadness; anxiety; anger to be felt, not shut down . . For me, its about expectation: not over-expecting when you know its not the right day, week (month, or even your year ); and using times when it does feel like your day to explore your upper limits . . Show up without expectation. Allow yourself to BE. Remove the pressure of the *shoulds*. Its a feeling. A way of existing in the world; not something you do or an action plan you can tick off... not sure if that was more or less articulate, but I liked it #thinkgray See more
18.01.2022 Clarifying some things about 6 Weeks to Resilience (AKA Dealing with your S**t: The Online Version ): 1) When does it start? Whenever you want! The course is driven by you. I suggest watching a video once a week and completing the 10 min journal every day (theres a new one every week). The course is live... forever! ... This isnt a Zoom meeting, or a group schedule - its pre-recorded videos of yours truly taking you through how to process your most difficult emotions and build strength through adversity. 2) How much is it? $115 USD (the platform I use forces pricing in USD, which I only realised after Id set it up - sorry to my Aussie peeps!). This equates to roughly $150 AUD, which is $30/week. I do my best to keep my pricing low, compared to the market, and supplement my income with corporate behavioural coaching. I do have 2 kids, a cat, 2 dogs and a husband to feed though 3) How does this differ from other programs? It has nothing to do with tips and tricks and its not a quick fix. I know thats not really the popular choice, but the long-term results of focused reflection and self-analysis far outweigh the quick fixes. It provides a framework for processing your emotions; a system for understanding them and using them to your advantage, rather than dismissing them or exploding into rage. If you understand your emotions, you gain control over your internal world, and you gain the power to CHOOSE your responses consciously - rather than reacting unconsciously and feeling like your emotions are dangerous or get the better of you 4) Do you actually do what you talk about? Yes. I use every single part of this course in my own life, and its what I teach to my kids. J1.0 is perhaps the greatest example of the power of this program in action! Hes probably better at emotional processing than I am (but he got started earlier in life ) ... Any other questions? Message me or comment (you dont have to feel pressured into buying the program if you ask a question - this is something you have to want to do, and its available forever, so even if you decide youre ready in 6 months it will still be here!) #ThinkGray
18.01.2022 I’ve made Week 1 of my online course free so you can try it out before deciding if it’s right for you! head to www.think-gray.thinkific.com and watch the video for Week 1, then try the 10min/day journal for one week. See what changes!
18.01.2022 6 Weeks to Resilience is my psychotherapy baby Its an online course with weekly videos (slides downloadable) and journal prompts to help people build resilience in the face of (inevitable) adversity. It came from the realisation that theres very little education about emotions - very few of us understand how anxiety, anger, and sadness can actually be amazing tools for psychological survival. Instead, theyre seen as stupid too difficult irrational and in need of ...fixing. We are also under the impression that our brains *should* give us happiness, when theyre actually designed to help us survive - and awareness of how to USE our reactions for this purpose means we can actually lower our negative reaction to negativity! So, I pulled each emotion apart, added in some fun discussions about what it really means to take responsibility for (and make choices about) what youre feeling (without dismissing, invalidating, or trying to flick a switch), and finished it all with a note about the meaning of life and anti-fragility. The result is something that gives you more than tips and tricks on how to cope with what life throws at you; it gives you a set of principles and a method for processing emotions that you can call on whenever the proverbial sh.. hits the fan! It would mean the world to me if youd share this with people in your life who could use a hand understanding and accepting their emotions - or you could trust me enough to give it a go yourself! https://think-gray.thinkific.com/cour/6-weeks-to-resilience
18.01.2022 I saw a post about Instagram saying don’t post poor quality images, or post without a strategy on the same image as be authentic... so, authentically cultivate the best of everything so people see a narrative you want them to see? Here’s a low quality image I took tonight because I effing LOVE this little balcony hide away, where I sit and read and journal with one of my three animals it’s a slice of paradise where I find my space, reflect, and refocus. I can’t begin... to describe the calm I feel sat out here... made better by the cold and blankets! So, in sum, post what you want, when you want, and keep doing whatever you need to do to retain authentic connection with the humans around you - online or in person! We keep saying we hate the bull, but we buy into it for fear of ‘screwing up’. Be part of what you want the world to look like and show me what’s real and raw and brilliant
16.01.2022 Feeling flat today... cant quite work out whether its anxiety or sadness, so its difficult to work out what my emotions are trying to tell me. Im not too worried; I imagine my Rider will be able to decipher the message eventually! . Instead of allowing the feeling to overwhelm me, Ive taken myself out for a coffee, some planning, and a break in the sun reading Mindhunter (highly recommend if thats your vibe!). The feelings are resting in a bubble on my shoulder - existing, but not overtaking; validated, but not intrusive . I feel a little lighter. Not perfect, but lighter - and that improvement is better than no improvement. Ill recharge and regain energy before heading into my afternoon sessions #thinkgray
15.01.2022 This is my happy place. It’s not an exaggeration to say that this stage has saved my life over the years - because when I can’t show up for myself, I show up for them: for every person who has given up their time and energy to come for my classes. I’m not saying that it’s always about other people, or not to listen to yourself. Sometimes you can’t show up, and that’s ok. But some days when you can’t find a reason to get up for yourself, focusing your energy outward on improvi...ng someone else’s life can help you find the energy to go on. At the moment, it is this outward focus that’s giving me the energy to persevere (and distracting me from) one of the biggest health battles I’ve faced in years. In the group fitness space, we move together, we stay together, we motivate each other, we push through the struggle with one another. I’ve said it before: The Gym is not just a place, it’s a home, a healer, a community, and a purposeful focus. When I show up for them, I learn (again) what I am trying to teach others: that I am capable of overcoming the challenges, I am strong enough to withstand the pressure, and I am surrounded by people who want to witness others’ success. So, who can you show up for today? (Also, pets totally count) #thinkgray
15.01.2022 Sweaty AF, post-workout, in my husbands gym Theres a lot of posts hitting my gram around fitness and the perpetuation of ideals, and its got me thinking about what the gym means to me. Ill be honest - it used to be about thinness and ideals. My mum has an eating disorder, and I grew up with ideas of good vs bad foods, a hatred of being fat, and an evaluation of myself based on what I looked like. I saw the gym as somewhere to hurt myself - if I wasnt working har...d *enough* it wasnt good enough (recovery, sickness, and injury were failures). So, yeah, early on, I was drawn to this perpetuation of unrealistic ideas. However, thats long gone. The gym, now, is about community, belonging, and self-development. One of my regulars is leaving to the UK in a fortnight and its going to have a big impact on me. Were not friends in the traditional sense - we dont hang out together or share intimate life details - but for the last few years weve spent an hour every Monday, Thursday, Friday and occasional Sunday getting sweaty and working hard together. Weve bettered ourselves. Weve suffered to the same beats ... its going to be really difficult to enjoy my classes as much without her. Ive also met my closest friends and my husband in the gym. Ive met mentors in the gym. Ive met my inspirations through the gym - and not because theyre #bodygoals but because they share their stories and support one another to be the best they can be. The gym is also a place where Ive grown mentally. Yes, I have learned to trust my ability to handle discomfort... but Ive also learned to SLOW DOWN and recover; to value my internal signals and allow myself to be *less than* as well. So yes, the fitness industry can be fake/showy/idealised - but it can also be inclusive, supportive, inspirational, accepting, and community-oriented. Dismissing an entire industry because a few insecure individuals perpetuate damaging ideals means youll miss out on the joys and connection that can be found here. Seek what you need, instead of throwing it all in the bin! (@sydunisport is a great place to start ) #thinkgray
15.01.2022 Tips and tricks are great. They start the process of change - a quick fix that, when implemented, makes a world of difference! Eg. When I turned on a time limit for my social media However, tips and tricks dont prolong behavioural change because the thing that gets in the way is YOU. A week after I implemented the social media trick, I was pressing ignore limit... why? Because something was happening in my unconscious () that stopped me adhering to my trick. Focusing on... that is what allows me to regain control . There is SO MUCH how to information out there, but without self-reflection its useless . Understanding what stops you - what gets in your way - is the key to ensuring you stick to your plans and achieve what you want to achieve . Journalling is great - what stops you? Meal prepping is great - what stops you? Quality conversation with other people is great - what stops you? Getting into nature is great - what stops you? . Go deeper than Im not motivated... what emotion is driving the lack of motivation? Is it an anxiety (fear) of missing out on something else, of being vulnerable, or some other potential threat? . Go deeper than Im too tired... what is driving the feeling of tiredness? Is it overwhelm? Too many things you *should* do? (Anxiety about never doing enough or the right thing?). Is it important to actually listen to yourself and do nothing for a while? Is that your best self-care? Might you pick up this new trick when you feel more emotionally open? . Both the problem and the solution are within us. We are powerful beyond what we know - but are often held captive by unconscious patterns that we take for granted as being just the way things are . Rather than trying to force yourself to do the tips and tricks (or investing heaps of time and energy into every tip and trick out there), look at what stops you, right now, from doing something you know will benefit you. Can you focus on dealing with what holds you back, rather than beating yourself up for not doing it? (And can you Think Gray about being held back?! ie theres a happy place between all-and-nothing that you can inhabit too!) . So, what stops you? #thinkgray See more
15.01.2022 Who else does this? Whenever something good happens, or we make progress, its really easy to think yeah, but it wont last - as though that makes it less valuable or important. Of course it wont last - its life! Life isnt up or down; black or white; this or that: Life is waves; shades of gray; and a little bit of everything! Nothing we do thats positive lasts. (The same applies to the negative but our brains are wired to focus on that as permanent). But is the... fact that it wont last forever reason enough to not do it? Thats a question only you can answer. Its also worth considering the sense of permanence we invoke when saying but it wont last... we know that things change all the time (the anxiety of good things not lasting is a prime example), but we attach a permanence to the removal of good things - as though once theyre gone, theyre gone! It can be true that they dont last and dont return... but a lot more of that is in our control than we want to admit. Its scary to take that control because we then take responsibility for our outcomes (with great power...) Things dont last. Life doesnt last. But if you choose to make it worth it while it does - or to do your very best to make it the best it can be - then that good feeling does endure as a sense of satisfaction and contentment and resilience. Think Gray - literally, choose to see the nuances and the complexities - and youll realise that whether or not good things last isnt the point at all #thinkgray
15.01.2022 A few weeks ago, I was at a party, and I went to the bathroom before we left. I heard 2 girls in the stall next to me talking (bitching) about someone else... and it took me back to all the times I’d gone out and spent my evenings totally consumed with some form of drama, chasing the high of feeling ‘important’ because I was ‘in the middle’ of it all. It’s also how my mother relates to people - bitching, judging, trying to feel superior by noting every way in which other peop...le were ‘lacking’. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging these girls. I felt so sad in that bathroom because they were embroiled in something that really has no endgame except misery These cycles are emotionally addictive... we get caught up in the high of the anxiety and anger, because it creates a sort of meaning. The issue is, we are pursuing something arbitrary, divisive, and meaningful only insofar as it’s painful. The night could be fun, celebratory, connective... laugher, dancing, a bit of cheek and banter... instead, it was enjoyed inside a bathroom stall, awash with anxiety and anger... which I can definitely say I’ve been guilty of doing in my life too, and it wasn’t because I was happy or satisfied. Being stuck in emotionally addictive cycles of anxiety and anger (and connection via drama) can feel safer if these cycles were part of the fabric of childhood/familial relationships. They feel predictable. They’re part of a well worn script. To step outside of that anxiety, anger and drama into relationships based on vulnerability, openness, and honest connection, feels so chaotic because it’s unpredictable - and leaves us open to pain because we drop our defensive armour! It’s a huge risk to take, and one reason why we chase the drama for so long. (I even have clients who panic more at the dissipation of their anxiety than the experience of constant anxiety!) Just because something is difficult, however, doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing. Living a life of authentic connection, enjoyment, and drama-scarcity is something worth experiencing... take it from an ex-drama-addict #thinkgray
14.01.2022 This is my jasmine plant - it’s one of the only ones that has survived my foray into horticulture (turns out I’m much better at animals and people ). Somehow this plant has managed to remain resilient to my murderous ways, and has sprouted amazing flowers this spring, creating an amazing outdoor space . Jasmine plants are quite special to me, and are how both my kids got their names (because what’s the boy version of Jasmine? I don’t know, but Jasper came close enough ) so I like to think it’s symbolic of my kids’ anti-fragility and capacity to thrive under pressure - or its just a plant that is going to be really hard to move when we move house #makingmeaningoutofeverything #thinkgray
13.01.2022 Just let me love you when your heart is tired I thought of my husband when I first heard ‘Tired’ by Kygo. It’s not easy for me to trust people with the full extent of my emotions - I know I share a lot, but there’s a big difference between intellectual articulation and being in the moment to witness true emotional pain. Spoiler alert: I am not all together and I do lose it emotionally - anxiety and sadness can overtake me deeply, especially around trigger points lik...e my mother, my self-worth, and this overarching belief that I’ll never ever be ‘good enough’ or ‘worthy enough’ to ‘put up with’. Core beliefs like that never really go away. What we do when we recognise their existence is create a choice for ourselves: will I continue to believe this idea that I’ve internalised from somewhere else, or will I choose to believe something different about myself given what I know now and what I’ve experienced? So, yes, I have consistently tried to push my husband away when I deem myself ‘too much’ ‘a burden’ and various types of ‘unworthy’. Why? Because my core beliefs tell me I am all of those things. Why? Because that’s what I was to my mother - a burdensome problem who felt too much. Do I choose to still believe that? No, she was who she is because of her conditioning, and she parented/parents based on that same conditioning today - NOT because I am unworthy/too much/a burden/a mistake. Does that mean these ideas don’t pop up occasionally? No. They crop up to keep me safe... just in case he stops loving me because I’m too much/a burden/unworthy, my unconscious reminds me to be aloof and self sufficient - to suppress and deal with my emotions alone. My unconscious is simply reapplying prior learned knowledge in the wrong context (sort of like applying one formula from maths across the entire exam) Lucky for me, his conditioning makes him especially prone to overcaring (a perfect storm) but I also need to allow myself to be loved when my heart is tired... even if that level of vulnerability with someone I love deeply really scares me. The point is not to be perfect - our purpose is to be better than yesterday #thinkgray @phoenixsnc
13.01.2022 Yesterday I filmed my final version of Week 1 of my online course 6 Weeks to Resilience I have been stressing madly about getting these videos perfect and professional... and yesterday I realised Ive spent my career reframing the idea of what it means to be professional, so why am I stopping myself from being me?! . . These old habits do die hard! Internal narratives return in full force when were under pressure... and thats ok! I didnt have much mental spa...ce to respond to things because I was concerned with what people would think of my course, whether it was good enough, whether it would be competitive with whats already out there... blah blah blah... so I reverted back to the narrative of needing to be perfect . . But Im not. Im a human who juggles a lot, and showing that humanity is what helps me connect with (and help) people who have been through all sorts of traumas. My video isnt perfect - I stumble over words, and at one point I say wow that was a crap sentence! and re-say it. But thats me: imperfect. I do know what Im talking about, but Im not going to talk about it with a sterile script in a suit, because I lose my humanity... and one thing I firmly believe in is practicing what I preach, so you will see me in all my human glory () because thats part of what makes us resilient! . . Looking forward to sharing it with you all when Im finished recording. I am hoping that it will be sorted by the end of next week so keep your fingers crossed for well behaved kids who keep quiet so I can film! #ThinkGray See more
13.01.2022 One of the main benefits of applying a medical model to mental health was the development of a systematic diagnostic criteria that allowed professionals to communicate with one another, treatment protocols that allowed consistency across therapists, and a framework that helped people to understand that they weren’t isolated in their experiences. However, applying this model comes with other assumptions that we can’t meet - one of which is the assumption that gains in wellbei...ng, or treatment, are static (i.e. once I achieve this, it will stay). Psychological ‘treatment’ is never a cure - it is a retraining of your brain (core beliefs, values, assumptions about the world) to help you cope with the sh*t when it does hit the fan. It’s an uncomfortable truth, but life will always find a way to challenge you... the difference between pre-therapy you and during/post-therapy you is that you: (1) Trust yourself to handle the Chaos (2) Can challenge the negative self-talk (3) Understand that you will find a way through (4) Create meaning from your challenges (5) Integrate this meaning into your Story (...and more, but space ) You become stronger than your challenges. But that isn’t static knowledge; often we forget it and need reminding. That’s why we need to continue to practice things that remind us of our worth and value (make choices where we put energy INTO our self, rather than external to our self)... this is how we choose ourselves and hold hope when our self-worth takes a nose dive. (Handy hint: Therapists are great at holding your hope - if you find yourself consistently unable to hold hope for yourself, seek out that help) All in all PROGRESS beats perfection every time. Trust yourself, trust the process, and trust that losing moments of self-worth doesn’t mean there’s no hope. Soon they’ll outnumber the moments where you dislike yourself #thinkgray
12.01.2022 Triggers are not bad things - nor are they good things. They, like most things, have the potential to be useful or hindering to our experience, depending on the context in which they occur and the internal context within which we experience them Let me explain... If youre emotionally vulnerable (sick, tired, hungry, in the midst of difficulty, etc) then being triggered can feel like the straw that breaks the camels back. In that context, a trigger is a hindrance that can... negatively impact you. However, if youre in an emotionally strong space (slept well, consistent routine, eating your veggies, had a few wins in a row, supportive family and friends, etc) then a trigger can be a prompt for reflection on feelings you may not have processed, ideas you need to consider in more detail, or trauma patterns you may need to undo. In that context, a trigger is an opportunity for growth and development Think of the gym: Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone when you havent slept for 3 days is more likely to lead to injury and illness than increased strength - but pushing yourself when youve had 3 nights of great sleep is likely to improve your strength Its not ALWAYS good or ALWAYS bad to avoid or engage with triggers... theres a Gray area in between where you need to ask yourself, am I in the best headspace to be triggered? But what if you cant predict the trigger? In that case, give yourself the best shot at being able to cope. Aim for good sleep, to remain hydrated, to journal, to connect with people... you may not get it perfect but focusing on the basics will give you more space in your mental cup to respond to triggers when they arise Unfollow severely triggering accounts - but those that mildly trigger you are worth keeping. Use your triggers as an opportunity for growth and strengthening and exploration - thats how you become stronger than the trigger, and increase your self-belief for coping with adversity #thinkgray
10.01.2022 The Vicious Voice is that cruel narrative in your mind that says things like Youre not good enough Theyll never like you You never do anything right... You wont get that job Theyll see right through you It is NOT truth. It is learned from an external critic - someone who repeatedly put you down, invalidated you, dismissed you, or shamed you. It doesnt have to be one event, or one moment - in fact, its often more damaging to have persistent criticism, because youre more likely to think that it is the truth (not least because bad is stronger than good in human perceptions) Just because it isnt truth doesnt mean it isnt scary or hurtful. What you do need to remember is that you can be stronger than that fear and you can persevere through hurt The Vicious Voice is designed to keep you down, to keep you from flourishing. But maybe what the world needs are more people who flourish. Maybe the world needs what you have to offer. Maybe you will fail, but in the process you learn something that increases the impact on the world. The Vicious Voice wants to keep that potential capped, but as Marianne Williamson once said: It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world.... And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others You are allowed to disagree with the Vicious Voice #thinkgray
10.01.2022 TB from Halloween: Catwoman (I’m wearing very dainty ears ), Princess Jasmine (of course ), and Spider-Man (because he’s so fast and swings from buildings ). My focus for the last few months has been taking my own advice and investing my energy into my family, myself, and my existing clients and classes It’s certainly paying off - this outing was one where I’d have felt it’s not worth the frustration a few months ago. However, despite the rain, the crowd, the late nigh...t for the kids, we had very few tantrums (from the adults and the kids ) because I had the mental capacity to be patient - I wasn’t mentally elsewhere thinking about all the other stuff I needed to do, I was in the moment and connected with my family. It’s been really difficult this year not to say YES to every piece of work that’s come up. Fear tells me take it while it’s there... but I reminded myself that I built my business to build my life how I want - and a 24/7 work schedule has never been what I want Whenever you say yes to something, you say ‘’no to something else... and that’s ok, so long as you’re aware of what you’re saying no to! We all make the mistake of overloading ourselves or reacting to fear... What’s important is the continual reflection and reassessment to make sure you’re living in line with your values and goals (and being brave enough to make choices and set boundaries when you’ve moved away from those) #thinkgray
10.01.2022 KEEP CALM AND THINK GRAY hoodies are being ordered on Monday so far Ive got 6 on the list (more than I thought thered be )... an opportunity to be constantly reminded that life doesnt exist in the black or the white; its a myriad of Gray shades! If youd like one, DM me and Ill add yours to my list . . Colour choices: Black, White, Gray, Baby Pink (I was corrected by J2.0, who apparently knows that baby pink is not simply pink #sassqueen) .... . Also, no, Im not making money off these... I just got one for myself and a few people asked me where they could get one, so I decided to do a bulk order! $79 from @sweaterclubaus #thinkgray See more
09.01.2022 Took the afternoon off work yesterday to spend it with these two we took his new bike out, which he took 2 tries to master! So very proud of his bravery, and mildly concerned for his enjoyment of speed Im heavily focused on building their resilience. The world is full of awful things and even if we create a utopia, theyll still have to face loss and trauma. The most important job I have, I believe, is to help them develop the strength to persist through adversity and trust themselves enough to know that they can handle whatever comes - no matter how tough it is. Strength is not defined by how little you hurt - its defined by what you choose to do in spite of that hurt #thinkgray
09.01.2022 The result of a spontaneous trip to bunnings! Decided to get some little succulents and create my own terrarium Can 100% recommend as a mindful weekend activity that helps to ground you (especially because @bunnings literally has a section of terrarium plants) #thinkgray
08.01.2022 Once you accept this premise, life gets easier. We often rail against the idea that we need to choose something(s) over another thing(s) - yes that didn’t make sense grammatically but you got the gist I’m sure When we look for the right / best / (dare I say it?) perfect choice, we can end up feeling anxious, overwhelmed, resentful, disappointed... and we will always be waiting for things to go well or calm down so we can begin living (or looking for life hacks ) T...he thing is, there is no ‘right’ choice - just the choice whose consequences you are most comfortable dealing with in that period of time. Right now, what consequences are you happiest to deal with? Which ones are you less happy to deal with? The difficulty arises when you don’t consciously make a choice... when you wait for a choice to be made for you, or you unconsciously choose something because you’re not actively deciding to move in THAT direction instead of the other direction. When you choose, you begin to aim. When you aim, you can formulate a plan. When you have a plan, you can execute (and alter!) it to get to wherever you’ve decided to go. But the most important thing is to recognise that life is a series of choices. It is unfair that we can’t have it all, all the time - YES. But as my father continues to say to me, Sophie, LIFE isn’t fair! Meal prep or takeaway? Stay at home mum or working mum? Own business or permanent job? Coffee with friend X or Y? Go out dancing or watch Netflix? Leggings or pants? (Jokes, leggings ARE pants ) Each one has consequences. You could say some are bad or good choices, but that kind of binary thinking makes it very difficult for you to choose because it imposes self judgement, which takes up mental capacity, which decreases energy, which reduces choosing. What consequences are more important to you right now: an easy meal, or a potentially *not guaranteed* healthier one? Flexibility in working hours, or security in your paycheck (and annual/sick leave)? Consequences are ‘good’ and ‘bad’. Choose which combination you want. Just make sure you recognise that choosing happens whether you like it or not! #thinkgray
08.01.2022 Focusing my energy where it needs to go... matching outfits and walkies #ThinkGray Ps. @natspetro bet you’re jelly of my TG jumpers now right?!
07.01.2022 Yesterday my baby turned 6. I have no idea how we got here... it feels like yesterday that I told my dad, I need you to tell me what to do - I feel like I *shouldnt* have a baby this young, but I also dont think I cant have it, and youre being too quiet and I dont know what you think about it (bless his cotton socks for giving me space to make my own choice ) and he told me, youll regret it if you dont, I think its wonderful (or words to that effect) As usual, he... was right, and Ive been blessed with this little monster who surprises me everyday with his maturity, ability to process his emotions (hes basically the best form of advertising I have ), his intelligence, his humour, his fitness, his kindness, his ability to make friends with random kids, his confidence... basically, like most mums, Im pretty sure I have THE best kid on the planet I dont know if my heart can take him growing up any more - but I am simultaneously so excited to see who he becomes. Ah, the neverending Chaos and contradiction of being a parent #thinkgray
07.01.2022 Mitch Albom is one of my favourite authors... if youve never picked up Tuesdays with Morrie or The 5 People You Meet in Heaven then pop them on your reading list! . . This quote encapsulated my thoughts after an interesting session yesterday discussing the point of revisiting emotional difficulty & trauma from the past. Its common to believe theres no purpose in looking back, because we cant fix it or change it - its already happened. Why must our purpose be to ...fix it though? . . This is a discussion I have a lot... just because something bad has happened doesnt mean it requires fixing. Some things cannot be fixed, and if our only solution is to fix, were not left with much of a way forward! . . What if our purpose was to gain understanding and learn? How would that change your perspective on looking back into your past? Perhaps, on reflection, youll find you still need to feel what youre feeling (see quote) because you havent learned from your experiences... and looking back will give you an opportunity to evolve, so that your emotional reactions can be transformed into conscious responses and you feel more grounded and satisfied in life . . But, the truth is, looking back is scary; its often a place where were vulnerable, and sometimes we dont have enough mental energy to go there. Thats ok too. Start your journey by reflecting on what could happen if you stopped trying to fix things, and instead tried to understand and learn from them - get curious! #thinkgray See more
07.01.2022 When considering the ills of the world, its important to remain open-minded and curious, rather than falling into the age-old human traps of this vs that . Collective social responsibility cannot exist without personal responsibility, and vice versa. We cannot be socially responsible without holding ourselves personally responsible for integrity and emotional processing, or we risk falling into a defensive us vs them headspace that destroys any attempt at working colla...boratively with people who differ from us. We cannot be personally responsible without collective responsibility because we need to feel safe in the world we live in and have structures that support us to grow - without adequate facilities we again fall into a headspace of us vs them resentment and any attempt at bettering ourselves is put at risk . Trying to separate the two is a chicken and egg problem . However, the one thing we do have control over beyond anything else is ourselves. The more we focus on personal responsibility, the more cohesive society tends to get because we listen, we live with integrity, we can hold back defensiveness and attacks in place of curiosity and empathy, and so on. Advocating personal responsibility does not mean we blame people for their shortcomings - of course there are situations beyond peoples control that impact their ability to thrive and flourish. Being personally responsible means (or so I believe) taking responsibility for how you RESPOND - making choices about what you do next . The idea of personal responsibility is taken out of context by people who have no personal responsibility - people who deem individuals born into awful circumstances as not trying hard enough. People without collective responsibility tend to lack personal responsibility; they dont take responsibility for their judgementalism/defensiveness . Being responsible for yourself (your responses) doesnt mean YOU are THE problem, nor does it mean other people have permission to behave badly. It just means you have a choice over what to do next - and without personal responsibility (the only thing we can control) we wont see collective changes in society #thinkgray See more
07.01.2022 I’ve had a few weeks away from regular ‘gramming... been dealing with some personal health issues (nothing serious!) and tried to focus my attention on the present, rather than the world of social media (enticing as it can be ). I’ve spent the last few weeks relearning the lesson that PROGRESS IS NOT LINEAR! I found a new normal after Isolation, which felt great. I was setting boundaries around work, which felt great. I was feeling really good overall... but because I felt... good, I thought I could handle more. Sensible, right? Wrong. What I forgot was that I felt good because I had cut back. I forgot that making progress on my health - both physical and mental - required me to maintain those boundaries, not let them go because I was feeling good. The result? Physical symptoms of overwhelm; increased anxiety; and that pesky feeling of always feeling ‘on the back foot’. That is part of my trauma narrative: to be good, I must achieve. To be worthy, I must push myself. Unlearning that narrative is not linear - it’s a process of consistently making the same mistakes, but each time becoming more conscious of what precipitates the narrative (when I start to fall into the traps of pushing beyond my capacity), and catching myself to do something differently before the proverbial sh*t hits the fan! Human beings aren’t perfect. You aren’t perfect. I’m certainly not perfect. It takes a long time to unlearn trauma reactions and narratives - but progress in the direction you want to go is more important than anything. You’ll hear me tell this story of falling into traps of overworking myself constantly... because I am a work in progress, and that is ok. It is ok to be a work in progress. It is ok to take ‘backward steps’. Reflect: Become aware, accept, and analyse the patterns. Catch yourself doing what you don’t want to do, and reorient yourself (or make a plan to do it next week if this week is impossible, which is what I did this week)... it is never too late to form new (non-trauma-based) internal narratives #thinkgray
05.01.2022 A few days ago, @rachou_rr asked me this question. Ive taken some time to gather my thoughts because I cant give a one-size-fits-all answer! Im going to use the model I designed for my online course: Awareness - Acceptance - Analysis to help understand these feelings (1) When you speak of nakedness, this sounds to me like fear of vulnerability, which is an anxiety. So, youre anxious about expressing love. (2) Anxiety is designed to warn us about threat/danger. You are f...eeling as though expressing love to someone else is threatening to your safety (either psychological or physical) (3) Now, we want to understand why this is threatening to you SPECIFICALLY - and to which specific people you feel this way around. This is where we need to know about your family dynamics (How did your parents express love? How did they respond when you expressed needs, negative emotions, and positive emotions? What beliefs did you learn about expression - is it weak/pathetic/needy or is it strong/brave/self-assured?). We also need to know about how you feel about yourself (Do you believe you are worthy of love? Do you believe you are worthy at all? Do you feel as though other people will abandon you easily?) and other things youre afraid of in relationships, as well as cultural narratives, friendships, social narratives, and specific experiences of trauma. We also need to understand your relationship with the specific people you feel naked expressing yourself to. Although some aspects of understanding emotions are universal - ie the purpose of anxiety - there are so many individual variables that make up the specific reason why YOU feel like THAT in THIS situation. A common vulnerability at expressing love comes from a fear of abandonment - that you dont believe someone else will ever love you (or love you like you love them) and youre afraid of being left for someone better. You may not want to show weakness by telling them how you feel. Or, you might be afraid that theyll use these feelings against you. However, you need to explore your own past to find out what your anxiety is trying to protect you from - and whether its reality or not #thinkgray
04.01.2022 This can mean a lot of things: bubble baths, meal prepping, regular haircuts, boundaries around socialisation... spoiler alert though: it’s not about WHAT you do, it’s about the INTENTION behind what you do. Do you exercise to ‘be thin’? The intention there is to subjugate yourself to a standard of worth that isn’t actually reflective of value. Do you exercise because you want to put energy into making yourself stronger? The intention there is building yourself up and growing... your capabilities. Do you exercise because you want to do a triathalon? The intention there is to push yourself to accomplish something outside your comfort zone. ‘Exercise’ is not what matters: it’s the intention behind it. Same for beauty procedures (does your haircut/nail art express your self, or is it out of obligation to meet external standards?), meal prepping (calorie counting or stress reduction/enabling you to fuel your body?), social boundaries (withdrawal for fear of people hating you or protecting your mental energy?)... Our PURPOSE is more important than the specific behaviour. Become conscious of your reasons for performing a behaviour or habit... is it self harming or self soothing or something in between (the world is Gray after all )? Conscious awareness enables us to make (real) choices about how we WANT to act in the world, and stops us doing things because of our (learned) internal narrative. So, treat yourself in the best way you can with purposeful intention, not mindless adherence to a standard you never agreed to in the first place! #thinkgray
03.01.2022 Its true what they say about life moving quickly... especially when you enjoy yourself. Its bittersweet, watching little people (and puppies) grow - I feel so proud of who theyve become, who theyre becoming, and the bond weve formed; but Im also devastated at the person Ive lost as a result of that growth . One thing I know for sure though is that Ive probably grown more than I ever could have done without them. Yes, even the dogs #thinkgray
03.01.2022 Training the kids early... coach and client! . . This was yesterday afternoon, when we were all having fun doing the Plyo portion of my program together... later on it devolved into a lot of screaming and deliberately annoying one another in woolies because boredom, hunger, and tiredness took over .... . A couple of things to reflect on: (1) Boredom, hunger, and tiredness are mood droppers for adults too; but weve just learned to keep our reactions to these in check better than kids. But they do affect our ability to see beyond the immediate negative and they fill our mental cup - making it more difficult to respond (vs react) to difficulty. The moral? Eat. Sleep. Use your brain. Nourish yourself on the basic level of Maslows Heirarchy! (2) Raising kids is a literal rollercoaster... there isnt a moment where it is JUST good or JUST bad. Its everything, all at once. They can be adorably coaching one another and getting under your feet while youre trying to do your workout. This is the same as life. We look for happiness as though it exists on its own, without any other interfering experiences... but it doesnt! It coexists with sadness, anxiety, anger, disgust... and its always going to coexist with other things in life. Thats why its important to consider your perspective and consciously bring your attention to gratitude for what is good, even among whats frustrating . . Note: thats not an attitude of whats annoying doesnt matter because Im grateful... its an attitude of that sucks AND I can see something there Im grateful for. Holding all the parts of the world at once, instead of trying to focus on one or the other! . . #thinkgray
03.01.2022 Look at how she looks at him (ignore him being ‘funny’ by blinking in EVERY PICTURE )... My brother and I didn’t have a good relationship growing up. We were frequently pit against one another by our mum, feeling like we had to ‘beat’ the other... we couldn’t BOTH be good. It was something I really struggled to articulate and understand until a few years ago, and it’s something I am trying my absolute hardest to avoid happening to my kids. It starts with me (and my husband ...). It’s hard to articulate how we cultivate the sense of connection between them, but it starts with respect for one another, focusing on teaching rather than ridiculing, and maintaining family time at the top of the ‘what matters most’ pyramid! I know I won’t ever be a perfect mum and there are remnants of my emotional neglect that make it through into my parenting (especially when tired / hungry / emotionally drained) but when I see photos like this I know we’re definitely going in the right direction #thinkgray P.S. how amazing is the rainbow Xmas tree?!
02.01.2022 I really struggle with this idea of ‘professional attire’... Especially when it’s rainy and cold and snuggling under a blanket seems like the best way to spend the day! Wearing my Think Gray sweater was an act of kindness for myself today - a small thing that helped me to feel a bit more positive about a 5.30am wakeup and a day of online coaching (I’m struggling with eye strain and headaches with online coaching at the moment). Whether I’m wearing a jumper or a blazer, the qu...ality of my work is the same. Acts of kindness to yourself that allow you to be authentic help to liberate you from the constraints of pretending to be perfect. So many of my clients (and myself!) are so afraid of being caught out as ‘less than’ or ‘lacking’ - and the energy invested in that perfectionism leaves us feeling numb, overwhelmed, unable to concentrate or think straight, and in full panic mode. Life is hard. It’s harder when we judge others. It’s even harder when we are constantly judging ourselves. Step away from the learned narrative... choose an act of self-care this week that will connect you with your authentic self (it can be as small as wearing a snuggly sweater to work!!). Allow yourself to BE, instead of pushing yourself to be perfect. #thinkgray Ps. Custom sweaters & hoodies from @sweaterclubaus (my client and I both had ours on today )
02.01.2022 This has been sitting with me all week. So much power in one simple phrase: Then you might have to be a little less right. In my upbringing, emotions werent allowed to exist simultaneously, and there could only be one version of reality. So, if you were sad, there was no room for anything else. If someone else had a perception, there was no room for other realities or truths to exist. I grew up feeling like I had to prove that my emotions were right - I struggled to hear... where Id contributed to a difficult situation because, in my worldview, that meant my feelings werent valid. Someone else couldnt ALSO be right... someone else couldnt have a different perception of the situation... it was me vs them. As you can imagine, not the best place for a relationship! Luckily my studies, my own therapy (forever grateful for your voice in my head Isaac) and my incredible husband have allowed me to intellectually understand, emotionally experience, and safely internalise the multiple realities that exist - the many Gray areas, if you will! (Here my dad is probably frustrated because he did attempt to teach me this at a young age... unfortunately my mums influence was too strong and toxic. I learned eventually though dad, and you are the Original Gray Thinker ) Another @thinkgray idea: Conflict does not need to be Combat. If you find yourself in Combat, step back and ask yourself do I want to hear, or do I want to be right? If you want to be right, you want your partner to be wrong. If you want to hear, you open a dialogue of curiosity where you BOTH exist. Just because they feel X doesnt mean youre not allowed to feel X too (or feel Y or Z or D or H...) Do you want to hear, or do you want to be right? @estherperelofficial thankyou for your podcast and your insight! #thinkgray
02.01.2022 Puppy 1.0: Teaching me how to embrace Chaos and accept unconditional love, one cuddle at a time #thinkgray
01.01.2022 My dad is my hero. No question. He has taught me what it means to be strong, resilient, and tough as f***, as well as teaching me how to be compassionate, empathic, and caring. He has loved me unconditionally from day dot, and I have never felt alone because he exists. He maintains said unconditional love, despite how incredibly annoying I am (eg. By the way, we got another dog! Can we move into your apartment please?! ), and thats what gives me the power to build my dr...eams every day. Oh, and he let me nick his business name My husband is so much like my dad (hey, Freud ps. Im KIDDING to everyone who took that seriously )... except he doesnt let me get away with as much bullsh*t (although J2.0 gets away with murder haha). He supports me in everything I do, from pushing me to expand the business to programming my training, and never gives up on me. But most of all, he is the kind of father my dad has been to me - and I know J2.0 will speak about him with the respect I hold for Papa G. Beyond that, as a step-father, he has done so much for J1.0 (including suffering Covid home schooling!). There is no question of favouritism - they are both his kids, and for that I will be eternally grateful (wheres the Toy Story alien emoji?!) Happy Fathers Day to the best dads Ive ever known. I know we dont all have them, but I want to celebrate mine today because my posts on Mothers Day have an opposing sentiment (ah, the mother wound!). Also Happy Fathers Day to all the other dads in my family, all my friends who are dads, all the soon-to-be dads, and the dads who arent with us anymore... what theyve taught us will leave a legacy #thinkgray
01.01.2022 Self care is different for everyone, and its difficult for everyone for different reasons. Most of us are lacking in big blocks of time to do things for ourselves. Im realising that my self-care looks a lot more like planning within reality rather than aiming for ideals. Aiming for an ideal, for me, is wanting an entire day (well, weekend... maybe week!) to read, go to the beach and just chill out without interruption. That isnt part of my reality - I dont have a weeken...d free, and even if I could get the kids babysat all weekend its just not the right time for J1.0 with the changes at the moment. I choose to be there for him instead of prioritising my desire to get away. So, whats within my reality? Getting a coffee at 9am and sitting on a bench in the sun for an hour until my first client of the day. Vitamin D, fresh(ish) air, space to think, relative quiet, calm, and something thats just for me. I had a big day of clients today and so I planned within that reality by giving myself space in the morning to calm my mind. Its not perfect, but its better than nothing! The reality is that the ideal doesnt exist. We limit ourselves when we think in black-or-white, because then something either is or it isnt... when the truth is somewhere in between. If you believe you have no time for self-care, Id be curious as to whether youre searching for the ideal rather than planning within your own reality. Start with Awareness: Become aware of the space in your day, and what you choose to do with it (without judgement!). Become aware of how youre planning your time - and how much youre scheduling in. What choices are you making within that potential self-care space? On your full/big days, what might you do to make them easier to cope with? (Hint: aim for a slower start, or a chilled end - like my Body Balance Tuesdays, which is my biggest client day!) Think Gray - literally - and youll see opportunity rather than hindrance #thinkgray
01.01.2022 We all hear how beneficial journalling is... I am a huge advocate for self-reflection; its powerful to put your thoughts on paper (make them real / tangible) and to consider what youre really trying to articulate. However, I havent been doing it . . Why? I struggle to journal at home. First, Im rarely there during the week. When I am there, I need to be doing other things (cleaning, cooking, general house duties!). Second, Im not a get up and go person. I enjoy wakin...g up slowly with a coffee and a book, so starting my day journalling sounds awful . Third, theres nowhere in my house thats nuggly enough for me to journal - no space thats just MINE! . . Solution? Dont journal! OR Examine whats stopping me, and work around it! . . Ive started Journalling when I get into work after dropping J1.0 off at school. I give myself about 1/2 an hour to sit with a coffee and ease into the day. It sets me up by getting things out of my head, helping me articulate uncomfortable emotions, and I often feel more capable and motivated at work . . Instead of these circumstances arent perfect, so I wont try these circumstances arent perfect, so what else can I try? . . Be curious about HOW you can make things work, and youll be amazed at what you manage to do! #thinkgray See more
01.01.2022 So many of us want to be more organised because it’s a good thing to do. The issue with stopping our articulation there is that we don’t really engage with a ‘why’ for our behaviour. What’s good about being organised? We stop rushing, we feel in control, things get done... but how often do we consider organisation in terms of ‘space in my mental cup’? Your mental cup has a finite capacity, and every decision you make fills up that cup to varying degrees. Choosing what t...o eat for breakfast, what clothes to wear, whether you wash your hair this morning or wait until tonight, what podcast to listen to, what gym class to do, whether you start your day with emails or project work, and so on, all take up mental space. The more mental space you take up with these smaller decisions, the less space you have available for problem solving, crisis management, and reactivity to Chaos. So, if you make 15 decisions before you even leave the house in the morning, your cup might already be 1/4 full... it doesn’t leave you with much space to respond to the day, which often leads to urgency addiction, anxiety, anger, irritability, and ‘mindless’ coping responses like scrolling or ruminating. When I talk about being more organised, what I’m really saying is: Make as many decisions in advance as you can, to minimise the number of little decisions you need to make throughout the day, so that you keep your mental cup at lower capacity - reducing overwhelm, anxiety, and anger. In practice, that looks different for everyone. For me, it’s 2-3 days in advance of snack prep, eating the same thing for breakfast, @macros.com.au deliveries for lunch, following a morning ‘get into work’ routine, planning my calendar for the week (knowing when I’m doing things, not just that I need to do them this week), washing my hair on X day, and prebooking my gym workouts. If you’re starting today, think of 2 things you can decide upon in advance and add them to your weekly routine. These advance decisions are Hygiene Habits - non negotiable things that you don’t notice the impact of until you stop doing them, like brushing your teeth! Start small, build slowly, and Think Gray
01.01.2022 I just texted a friend who Ive been rescheduling with for months now. I said, I know I keep cancelling but Im really stressed about getting these videos made for my online course. Would you mind if I cancelled again and used Saturday to do my filming? . . I was so scared to say it because I thought shed get really angry with me for being flaky and rude and stuffing her around. I was afraid shed think it was something personal because Im choosing a different priority. I... was afraid of standing up and saying I need because Ive had a lifetime of reinforcing that my needs *should* be fit in around other peoples . . You know what she said? yes of course, Im always here... tell me about your course! . . She wasnt angry or upset with me - she was interested in what Im trying to accomplish. Shes my friend. She cares. She understands and chooses to support me! I didnt realise how much tension Id been holding in my chest and shoulders until I received her message... I felt myself relax (and also called myself an idiot for actually thinking this epic human would hate me for something so simple!) . . This is what setting boundaries can look like. Its not about pushing people away; its about asking for what you need and creating space for yourself - rather than trying to meet perceived expectations and perceived desires of other people. If you had an upbringing where unmet expectations were met with disdain, shame, interpersonal aggression, etc., youll absolutely think that those things will come at you when setting boundaries in adulthood with new people. But situations like the one Ive described arent uncommon - my friend met my boundary with curiosity and support, which isnt what my unconscious conditioning was preparing me for! . . But the people in your life now are not the people who taught you these narratives. Be brave. Speak up. Ask for what you need. Allow the people around you to surprise you! #thinkgray See more
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