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The journey through Cancer

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25.01.2022 Life is complicated, when I tell people what I am dealing with they look at me as though I am telling porkies.... (lies) how can one person have so much going on they ask. Well my answer is it is life - thing is most people hide what is going on in their lives, they dont want people to know. This is a form of control and also of denial I have found. I accept what is happening to me and my family, it breaks my heart but I am in acceptance that today is all we have, yesterda...y is gone, and tomorrow uncertain. I am able to embrace today with love and not grief because I face it all head on. I am strong willed, but have a tender heart, I am finding more and more my faith in this moment gives me the power to stand while the storm rage inside me and around me. Cancer sucks, big time, dont let anyone tell you different, but you do not need to fear it - grab it with both hands and shake it - happiness is the best life extension, grief robbs you of life - there is a time for grief, and the faster you allow it to overwhelm you for a moment you come through to a more stable day to day existance. I dont know if that all makes sense, but I do hope it does. blessings my friends.....love to all of you out there, stay safe.

20.01.2022 It’s been a tough year, and it’s time to share why I have been absent from posting of late. You all know about my journey but what most of you don’t know is in October last year my beautiful daughter Maxine was suddenly diagnosed with stage 4 malignant melanoma - a rare type which has no primary skin site - no mole - nothing at all to indicate it’s presence. Now Max is a strong fitness active woman 47 at the time of diagnosis - the only symptom she had was she was a bit ti...Continue reading

19.01.2022 Good morning-this has been my week for medical review. It’s always stressful and no matter how hard you try it’s so easy to be a bit snappy or irritated. The tension is terrible it’s like an ongoing roller coaster ride where your going round magic mountain at Disneyland and for those who have done that ride - it’s in the dark and you never know when you are going to get slammed against the side of the car next. The build up is awful, the relief incredible after the results... come in. Sometimes the results aren’t so great, and that day you put your big girl or big boy panties on take a deep breath and keep going. After all what choice do we have? Fall apart and sit and cry or go for it summoning every ounce of inner strength you can muster. I think my teeth are sharp as razors these days after the grinding I’ve been doing Today is day 3 of this review - have seen the other specialists and today onto Oncology - see what Dr Paul says. I’m acutely aware of my body, 40 years of meditation will do that to you, I can feel the smallest tumours in my chest and the second they begin to move I feel the shift. I don’t panic - it’s best not to - however knowing my body enables me to be armed with questions and to prepare in my mind for what is obviously to come in a few weeks or months time. The dilemma on the horizon for me is one tumour situated next to my heart. The current status is 4-6mm Minor changes noted, but for a couple on months now I feel that heavy ache beside my breast bone. So, what can I do to slow this impacting on my health a little longer? I can increase my fitness for a start - I can expand my lung capacity and I can increase my flexibility for general physical comfort. I eat very healthily already lots fresh vegetables and lots water along with several supplements I find personally improve my well being. Everything in moderation always looking towards a sustainable course of action. Balance - enough rest, enough exercise, enough fresh food, enough laughter, and on I go - next appointment 11am... See more

18.01.2022 Cancer transforms - over the last year I have watched not only my own reactions calm but the amazing evolution of my daughter as she has fought the same battle. More on this soon

16.01.2022 You never know how many people your words and actions influence. Every word every smile every angry scowl is capable of brightening a day or shattering a heart. Be kind, make the choice that the example you lead is inspirational to others. It took me years to realise a very simple fact - if I react to another persons words in frustration then I need to look inside myself at my own frustrations - if I can see and listen without taking on responsibility for their stuff the...n and only then can I actually make a difference by seeing the situation with clear eyes and heart. It may seem easier to bite back when others are snapping and stressed. I take a few deep breaths and listen - or try. This virus is affecting people everywhere in so many different ways, it will make or break many relationships. The ongoing financial implications will be felt for years to come with business being forced to evolve or die. Your going to be tested, I’m being tested and yet I know it’s my choice to get frustrated and angry or breathe and let all the things beyond my control go - if I can’t change it no point getting upset. Hang in there people trust in yourself - that will get you and me and everyone through this uncomfortable time See more

15.01.2022 I am closing down this page - if you wish to stay in touch please friend me on my personal page

14.01.2022 Attitude: I admit I am fast becoming a senior citizen although I have no idea when that happened or how! Age brings wisdom - for some and if we are blessed we get to share that wisdom with those we care about. I am a great believer in the fact you attract to you what you give out. I see it daily, people who internally or externally stress out and complain attract problems, where people who live with the attitude of ok crap happens no point stressing over it attract the l...ove and support they need to resolve issues and get them over the bumps. You can’t control life - you actually can’t control anything except the way you respond to life and pressures. Over the last few weeks I have been told of so many people being diagnosed with illness - cancer in particular. It’s a horrible experience and definitely life changing. If you know someone having personal battles - be kind. I guess due to the road I have had to travel and my daughter travelling the road beside me I can say without a doubt that the key to hard times is the - I’m not going to say positive attitude because that to me is a false floor you are definitely going to fall through. It’s a realistic but courageous attitude to hard times. Courage is what we must find in life, and courage combined with kindness and generosity of love and spirit will make whatever you or your loved ones have to face easier. Yes Attitude is everything - love to all See more

13.01.2022 Another results day today - always unsettling. Three months since last treatment and although feeling fine and positive the reality is you always wonder what the scans will show. Cancer patients and people with many other progressive illness go through this ordeal over and over and over again. I don’t know some days what would be worse not knowing you have tumours growing inside or the monitoring regimes where drs have the attitude of not if but when! The stress on the body approaching scan time and the relief when and if you get the all clear to no treatment for another 3 months and even knowing there is more treatment straight up is bizarrely a relief because you somehow feel in control again. The waiting game - you have so little control over all you can do is really be gentle on yourself -

12.01.2022 Well yesterday was a cleaning out cupboards day finally getting house in some sort of order after renovating bedrooms - it’s so easy to underestimate how much work is involved - only a couple of tidy bins left to empty and unpack. All my clothes in one place finally. The new wardrobe system from Ikea is stunning. To top it off I found a place to store my large canvases- in office wardrobe. I have 4 very large canvases nearly finished and another 10 new 24 x60 inch waitin...g There are bits of half constructed jewellery all over my work bench that I need to get to sometime soon - 4 new veg garden beds are in waiting for plants from seed raising - this year I have managed to strike 11 red rose plants too. Not bad for someone supposed to be stage 4 cancer. I definitely believe my love of life and my love of my family and friends my love of making things beautiful is what powers me forwards every day. It may sound silly to some however the following is true - appreciation - thankfulness for everyone and everything arround me even on a rough day - my thoughts are constantly saying - thank you - I talk with love to my house, asking it what it wants and thanking it - I talk to my animals telling them how beautiful they are and checking they are happy, I talk to my plants admiring their beauty and constantly checking they feel content in my garden. By now you must be thinking I’m a nutter I can assure you I’m not - I believe all things are connected - people, plants, animals, even inanimate objects have a form of consciousness- it’s just like my intuition - I know, I feel, I sense others energy. Always have. That was what made me such a good therapist during my life. Anyhow back to the message for today here - Everything in your life is a reflection of your internal being - everyone in your life is to some degree showing you a reflection of yourself - we attract to us what we need in order to overcome or realise how our thoughts and past actions contributed to our current situation. There was a time in my life that my life was emotionally horrific, during that time I wanted to die - life hurt so much I was so unhappy. Now I experience the opposite of that - that is how energy works through us everything must be balanced eventually. Today I am the happiest I have ever been I have the love and family that fills my heart, my 5 children grandchildren and great grand daughter make me so proud. The contradiction now is I’m stage 4 - a hard thing to say however true. Yet I want to live more than I ever have - I live every moment in gratitude and I truly hope my posts bring a new way of thinking into your life so you will understand the balance of life - what you think about today will happen tomorrow or thirty years from now - so live in gratitude my friend - live in gratitude and not lack .. See more

11.01.2022 good morning everyone. Appologies for not posting for so long, life has been a bit of a whirlwind of late with all the carona virus impact and just having everyone at home. The governments choices of restrictions are having a massive impact on our household as well as for thousands of you out there Im sure. Staying safe shouldnt be so complicated. My post today is a bit different, its about the stress that is being added on to our already stressful lives. The rules, are fo...r our own protection and yet there are many differing oppinions to that as well. From the onset we have endevoured to do the right thing, stay away from hot spots, washed our hands to the extreme. For weeks we or especially myself and our son didnt venture from home unless medical. Last week we needed to make a trip to see my daughter who has stage 4 metastatic melanoma. something shockingly discovered last October, she is doing well, but the immunotheraphy is knocking her strength and resilliance in a massive way. Anyway, we went to visit, and were shocked to see just how many people arent taking this virus seriously. I have yet to understand why, the government allowed places like Kmart, to stay open. Is it life or death as to when you buy new nickers? Yet small business are forced to close, there would appear to be a basic fundamental imbalance happening. Petrol pumps for example have the danger of carrying the most bacteria to the most people and yet no one is using hand sanitiser at the pumps? Yet people can not go to a park and sit at a table and have a chat to friends - in the open air with a table between them. I use that just as an example, any way I am glad to be home, safe and sound. I loved seeing my girls, and my son on the journey back home. It was food for my soul. It looks like I will be back in treatment in a few weeks as two more tumours have begun growing. The last gama radiation was successfull, so it will be onwards and upwards. Keep the faith out there people, know you are not alone, and you are welcome to reach out at any time. Blessings Lesley H. See more

09.01.2022 Your state of mind can make or break you! People do not realise - being consumed by thoughts about your cancer is so destructive. I watch as people live their cancer every moment that’s all they focus on how to fix it - meditation- supplements - research- the list goes on and on. I was asked just this morning how am I doing so well with such a bad diagnosis? My answer is definitely my state of mind! I don’t think about my cancer - I don’t feed it with my thoughts or fears - I actually rarely think about it - I’m too busy living and loving everything I do. On reflection:

06.01.2022 Having everyone home with the shut down is such a nice change - everyone is busy with projects - and I find myself distracted making coffee and tea and cooking way too much food! How are you all out there? Love to hear how you are going with the isolation - think I’ve put on weight but feeling well - appreciate it if you take the time to let me know how you are - blessings

06.01.2022 Hi everyone - so much has been happening I have neglected to post - my apologies to all. Firstly, I begin treatment tomorrow for a tumour lower left lung - Gama Knife radiation over 3 weeks. I’ve been busy as our family has grown - 1 new Puppy a German Shepard rescue 8 months old - pure white lovely girl but very timid. My son had another melanoma removed a couple weeks back and it was successful. My daughter has has fantastic results with her treatment for stage 4 melano...ma - miraculously she is now tumour free and continuing with immunotherapy every two weeks. The COVID grounding at our house saw tons of renovations done - we put the time to good use that’s for sure. I’ve started walking 4 times a week at least 3 kms to regain some fitness. My diet has changed - less junk food more veg and eggs and less meat. I trust everyone is keeping well - keep your spirits fed with laughter and doing tasks you love - blessings See more

03.01.2022 It’s taken a couple of days to feel like sharing. First doc didn’t have all my tests when he gave me the 3 months all clear - to chill and retest second specialist - lovely guy walks in the room slumps in the chair and had THAT look - ok I asked what is it now. Well Les your tumour markers have jumped quite high, he looked so sad giving me the news. My heart sank and I felt immediately exhausted far out..., What does that mean? Well I have another tumour somewhere - ...brain - stomach - bowel - somewhere they have not seen and it’s growing fast. Can’t seem to get a break lately - anyhow more bloods tomorrow - then PET scan, and probably Chemo. So I will be stage 4 cancer - doc says going on Chemo again there will be no going back - I will be on maintenance till end of days. So my friends. Praying for a miracle and that bloods were a testing mistake - not ready yet to take that next step - not my time yet I keep telling God. I’ve too much to do, too much love and life to enjoy Love to everyone Godbless you are all my family - my spiritual family and I am truly blessed See more

02.01.2022 Being told your expiry date changes many things, it is like being dunked with a big bucket of cold water in the middle of winter. I think im very lucky, I have as one neighbour said a great tollerance and I would like to think that I am also very thoughtfull. The one thing I have learned from my journey is how not to try to control anything. People think they can control their cancer and in reality you can try however, the biggest primary influencer with cancer I believe to...Continue reading

02.01.2022 From my page: Fear is a luxury no one with Cancer or other serious illness can afford. Fear paralyses, it negates our ability to constructively deal with day to day decisions. Yes, I know fear very well. Personally the sooner I open to the possibility of the worst case scenario the sooner I once again become master of my own destiny. Fighting to regain health while in the grip of fear I have found energy fragments, and that’s no good help dealing with the onslaught of... treatments, grieving or healing. My wisdom is hard won, 6 bouts of different cancers, a broken back, bankruptcy of my business due to a sale that went very wrong. All of this I have faced and overcome in the last nine years! People look at the surface and assume it can’t have been that bad but to be faced with death, and being broken, and loosing your life’s work at the age of retirement! You have to have a measure of stoic determination, willpower and intuition. What I have overcome you can too you just have to get rid of being afraid. Look that devil in the eye and tell it straight - I’m not dying today and I’m not dying tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, do it all again and the day after that do it again. Get angry, not frustrated. Anger is a great motivator, frustration yells I’m helpless. My thoughts today were prompted by a conversation with a gentleman in the mall today his wife had cancer and he was telling me how terrified she was of it coming back. Funny how people cross your path who trigger thoughts and those thoughts help me write - goodnight my friends - be well See more

02.01.2022 Since my last treatment I am battling exhaustion - they say it will pass It takes a lot to make me sit and feet up - well this is me today

01.01.2022 Life is never dull and challenges keep coming - you have to get determined that nothing will get to you - nothing will disturb your joy and sense of grace. This week I was bitten by our German Shepard puppy (12) months when she got into a tiff with the older dog - 2 days in hospital and plastic surgery all I was worried about was the puppy - life is so full of unexpected -