Victoria Matthews Psychotherapy in Sunshine Coast, Queensland | Mental health service

Victoria Matthews Psychotherapy

Locality: Sunshine Coast, Queensland

Phone: +61 497 773 464

Address: 11 Sunshine Beach Rd, Noosa Junction Sunshine Coast, QLD, Australia

Website: http://www.victoriamatthews.com.au

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25.01.2022 In the attached article, anthropologists suggest that our knowledge of how our species has evolved in response to threat should inform our understanding of a number of our responses, such as post traumatic stress, flight and fight responses and attachment theory, to name a few. To this I say, of course. (And also, well... obviously.) I have always believed psychotherapy should work hand-in-hand with anthropology. I often apply the science of anthropology to my work, as those ...of you who are clients or have attended one of my public talks will know. (I know many of you will have heard me discuss the tribal nature of humanity, and its relationship to adolescent friend groups - often my favourite starting point into teen social hierarchy.) As I often explain to my clients, diagnostic manuals are like a moving ocean... not a fixed state but rather an ever changing one. For example, homosexuality was considered a mental illness right up until it was removed from the DSM-2 in 1973. (We’re now up to the DSM-5, so imagine how many other definitions and diagnoses have changed since then? Too many to list here...) Those who advocate for the simplistic answer of tablets want to believe the medical model is true because they know humans want the easy fix. Of course people want to take tablets and feel happier. (And people who make pills want to make money too, so let’s not forget that.) The thing is, it doesn’t work that way. In fact, recent research has suggested most tablets are little better than placebos for 95% of the population. Of course there are serious mental illnesses that need medication, but researchers estimate people in that group are much fewer than supposed - possibly as low as 2% of the population, rather than the 10.4% of the world’s population currently medicated with psychotropic drugs. That’s because you can’t pop a tablet to feel better about losing someone you love. Tablets don’t shift the stress and fear of being retrenched, or soften the loneliness when you feel disconnected from your family... but of course people will try. You won’t find a tablet out there that can alleviate the burden of feeling rejected by your partner, or one that will help you manage your trauma after abuse, or flashbacks after an assault. These are issues that cause natural human responses, and our responses are part of who we are as humans. As difficult as it is, we need to learn to manage our emotional responses to pain, sadness, anxiety, trauma, distress and grief. When you move away from the medical model, and understand that you actually need to work through your emotions, understanding and clarifying them, learning how to manage and regulate them, then you will find yourself on the doorstep of psychotherapy... and there you will find better mental health. https://www.psychologytoday.com//what-if-certain-mental-di

22.01.2022 As I will tell any room of parents when I’m giving a talk on having a great relationship with your teen, the key is to remember that you’re building a relationship with someone who, one day, you’ll want to have as a friend and close confidant. You can’t parent like a dictator for eighteen years and then think you’ll be able to step into a different role on their eighteenth birthday - that transition takes time. Build the relationship strong and early, and then you’ll be in a... position to trust your child’s judgement (with a few sensible guidelines in place) and you’ll be better placed to let go across the teen years. While I’m on the subject of parenting, coming soon - so watch this space - an online video parenting course that you can do in your own time. I’m in the middle of writing content now, so if you have a burning question you hope the course will answer, leave it in the comments and I’ll make sure it gets covered.

21.01.2022 An interesting article worth reading if you are considering therapy for the first time. I am primarily a psychodynamic psychotherapist, however I’m also trained and qualified to use a variety of other modalities, such as DBT, CBT, Clinical Hypnotherapy, Solution Focused Brief Therapy and Interpersonal Therapy. Actually, that is the reason that you might consider seeing a psychotherapist rather than say a psychologist... being trained and able to effectively integrate a wide v...ariety of therapeutic approaches is our speciality. After all, no two people are the same. Therefore no single approach or modality could possibly fit every single client. The work must be tailored to the client’s needs, rather than attempt to fit the client into a one-size-fits-all approach. https://www.thezoereport.com/p/5-common-types-of-therapy-ho

20.01.2022 An important article worth reading if you have experienced childhood trauma, also known as an ACE Adverse Childhood Experience. I often see adults who have experienced trauma, and for various reasons they have dismissed its relevance to their current mental health challenges or ongoing physical health issues. Historical trauma is always relevant to where you are today and exploring and understanding its impact on your life is a critical first step toward healing.

20.01.2022 A wonderful article, on a theme I often work with when I am doing relationship counselling for couples... Every relationship will rupture, and often. It's an inevitable part of being human, and in close contact with other humans. The trick is getting the repair to happen with grace, compassion and kindness. https://www.theschooloflife.com/theb/on-rupture-and-repair/

20.01.2022 This is a powerful article, written by a young woman estranged from her parents. I see many people who have difficult and ruptured parental relationships, and the pain they feel is significant, traumatic and deeply hurtful. It goes against all human instinct for a child of any age to make a decision to cut off their relationship with their parent. In order for this to occur, something terribly painful must have happened. ... https://www.mamamia.com.au/why-i-cut-contact-with-my-paren/

19.01.2022 Therapy supports change... as he says, it’s like a workout for the mind.

18.01.2022 I’ve seen a number of fascinating changes in my practice since Covid, and I thought it might be interesting to open up a discussion about these, for reflection and your comments. - I’m seeing more couples for relationship counselling than ever before. A constant underlying issue that many of these couples have in common is communication, and I’m finding that in some cases they can be in and out, resolving quite quickly. - On a related note, more people are addressing long-he...ld trauma for the first time. I’m finding that these are often people whose relationship has been put under pressure through the pandemic and they have have bravely come to the conclusion they need individual therapy in order to make their relationship succeed. It has become clear to them that their relationship is so important it’s worth fighting their demons for. - Teens who have been affected by critical and/or controlling parenting appear more willing to address the issue than usual. My feeling on this is that normally these teens would just give up, eventually moving into risky situations such as couchsurfing, but because this is less of an option than usual they’ve been forced to stand up and ask for a better relationship with their parents. - Many teens seem profoundly affected by despair about the future than usually express this kind of existential angst. Drug use is increasing as they look to escape their anxiety into a state of numbness. High risk behaviour is rising as they start looking for the feeling of being alive and excited. This, I think, explains the large massing groups of fighting/partying/drunk teens we’ve been hearing about. - More people talk about feeling powerless about politics and what’s happening in the world. As they struggle to define this they seem to be leaning into the feeling of control they gain through attaching to conspiracy theories. Something about participating in these online groups is giving them the feeling that they’re fighting back against an unknown massive governmental machine. - More young adults have been in to work on, ‘where to from here?’ Their life plans have been shifted since gap years and travel are no longer options, and their perspective about secure careers and incomes are shifting into a survive-a-future-pandemic focus. - I’m also hearing people talk about feeling more attached to groups/political parties/teams/countries than ever before... that lost feeling the pandemic has given them is being solved by finding membership in their groups. Finally, I’m hearing more people are talking to each other about therapy, and referring their family and friends than ever before. My theory on this is that people are feeling so awful that they’re seeing someone for the first time... after dreading it, they are realising the process is easier, more satisfying and gives better results than they’d anticipated, so they’re letting other people know.

18.01.2022 A great little article with some tips that will be useful for any age child.

17.01.2022 This shouldn’t come as a surprise, but it turns out suppressing how you feel so you can ‘get on with life’ isn’t all that good for either your physical or mental health. This is particularly true when how you’re feeling isn’t so great, of course. Often when I speak to clients I might ask them how they feel, and when they reply they’ll share with me a whole bunch of statements about what they think, yet nothing of how they actually feel. They might not even know they’re doing ...this - they’re either just in the habit of suppressing emotions, they don’t know how to express emotions, or they’ve never been allowed to. It can be difficult to examine suppressed or denied emotions but it is extraordinarily healing to do so. Learning to do it on a regular basis can create a significant improvement in your primary relationships, both with yourself and with others. https://www.forbes.com//new-science-on-stress-feeling-you/

16.01.2022 This is an issue I often run into: undiagnosed Aspergers (also known as High Functioning Autism) in female adolescent clients and/or young adults. It can be so difficult to feel different from your peers that often these young women become stressed and depressed, often using unhealthy methods to manage their anxiety. https://www.peoplesworld.org//the-invisible-oppression-of/

14.01.2022 A few reminders as children and adolescents head back to school tomorrow: Your child’s academic future is not at stake here, but their mental health very much is. If you find yourself yelling, screaming or criticising, step back. Children do not learn when learning is shoved down their throats. ... Three thoughts that may help: 1. Get them outside as often as possible for exercise. They will be using their screens far more than normal, and they’ll need a lot more outside activity to keep them physically and mentally healthy. 2. It takes a University education to be a teacher. You’re not expected to pick this skill up overnight - or at all. (If you come out of this time with a new appreciation for teachers, that will be completely understandable!) Teachers have superpowers honed through years of training and hard work. They will be able to help with any learning gaps - but healing mental health issues is another story. 3. Consider that through your children’s life, you have really only one goal - to encourage them to be curious about the world. If you can encourage your child to seek knowledge, to be an active learner rather than a passive one, you will have done all you need to do to make them capable of learning. If you do nothing else, ask questions and let them find answers. Finally... you will need to give them plenty of extra love, hugs and encouragement to bring them through this time in their lives.

13.01.2022 A great article worth reading with some supportive information from the therapist who coined the phrase, ‘conscious uncoupling.’ (Apparently it wasn’t Gwyneth after all.) No divorce or separation is easy, but you can have an easier one if you prioritise each other’s welfare the children’s needs. https://www.abc.net.au//what-australians-say-abo/100026246

12.01.2022 https://www.statnews.com//06/08/antidepressants-teens-kids/ This study was produced by a psychiatrist in Adelaide who specialises in children and adolescent mental health, so you can be confident this isn't research done by a random person with an anti-medication agenda. This doctor genuinely wants people to know the truth that most mental health practitioners have known for some time... children and teens do not respond well to antidepressant medications. There is very litt...le research that proves antidepressants for children and teens are effective, and a significant amount or research that tells us most of them are not safe because kids and teens can become suicidal on them. I know we sometimes just want a quick fix when kids start to struggle. Unfortunately, the quick fixes - particularly when they come delivered in capsules - often come with risks. If you are considering taking your child to see someone, try to find someone who routinely works with kids and teens (and can suggest actual strategies for them to use) rather than someone who thinks throwing tablets at them will solve the problem.

11.01.2022 We need to do so much more to teach young men respectful, safe behaviour around what constitutes consent and harassment if we are to change the future. The reported amount of assaults and rape against women is around 17%. That’s ‘reported’ by the way. Any mental health practitioner will tell you that for each single woman we see who is willing to report an assault, we will talk to another six or seven who won’t. ... It’s possible that sexual assaults on females may be as high as 8 out of every 10 women.

11.01.2022 Its’s important we acknowledge that not everyone has an idyllic Mother’s Day. Not everyone has an easy relationship with their mother. Not everyone feels the warmth of an unconditionally loving and supportive mother. Many people experience their mothers as difficult, controlling, and sometimes, emotionally, psychologically or physically abusive. ... We must understand that this changes people - humans are hardwired to seek connection with their parents. Not being able to form or keep a secure bond will cause significant ongoing issues. In part this may be because the child - even when they’re an adult - will often still crave the kind of relationship with their parent that we’re conditioned to think we’re supposed to have. Adult children will often try to repair the relationship, even when the attempt to continue a relationship will risk their own ongoing wellbeing. When they don’t make the effort to repair - when an adult or adolescent child chooses to sever the relationship with their parent - you can be absolutely sure it was a decision made neither lightly nor easily; and always at great emotional cost. At the point this happens, the cost of continuing the relationship has clearly become too high. I appreciate the insight offered in this quote: ‘By the afternoon, the Dalai Lama talked about mothers and violence. "I always stress the oneness of human beings," he said. "Most of the conflicts we face are of our own creation." But he also believes that deep down, human beings may be different, depending on their childhood experiences. "Those children who received maximum affection from their own mothers, less fear, less sort of distrust in them," he said. Insecurity creates fear that very much affects us.’ - An interview with the Dalai Lama discussing his views on the importance of motherhood. For children - adolescent or adult - who are in this situation, I understand how painful this is. It’s always good to remember the saying: 'how you became hurt is not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility - so that you don’t pass this pain down to your own children.'

10.01.2022 As regular readers will be aware, I often share articles here around the dangers of psychotropic drug use (antidepressant and anti-psychotic medications in particular). These drugs often have poor long-term outcomes at improving mood and worse, a host of awful physical side-effects such as migraines, weight gain, chronic fatigue, nausea, and vertigo. I suggest anyone who is considering starting a medication for their mental health seriously look at a wide range of research be...fore committing to taking something that may turn out to be more of a poison than a cure. In particular, because it keeps cropping up on my radar from people having difficulty with discontinuation syndrome, I want to let people know that there are significant issues with the antidepressant Venlafaxine, brand name, Effexor. If you are on this drug, be aware that you will need specialist support in order to safely withdraw - do not try this at home without help. I have attached another article of interest in the comments which is worth a read. https://www.mdedge.com//venlafaxine-discontinuation-syndro

09.01.2022 Attention: a note for clients, both current and future: If you have been on my website lately to book a session, you may have noticed that it has been difficult to find a session. That might be a little bit of an understatement... I’m currently booked out almost a month in advance and there are bookings in place through to November. ... This means if you are planning on seeing me for a session in around three to four weeks, you might want to think about booking in soon. If you are looking for regular sessions, it might be a good idea to book some of those in, so you don’t miss out. It’s easier to cancel than try to find a spot where none exist. However, if you find yourself in urgent need of an appointment, don’t hesitate to email me. Spaces do come available at short notice as an inevitable cancellation happens from time to time so I always keep a waiting list. Bookings: www.victoriamatthews.com.au Urgent support: [email protected]

08.01.2022 When the Dalai Lama has talked about mothers, he speaks of his deep belief that many of the differences in human beings are created by their childhood experiences; "Those children who received maximum affection from their own mothers have less fear, less distrust in them," he said. "Insecurity creates fear that very much affects us."' Mothers, take care of yourselves... your children need your love to grow into fully rounded, compassionate people.

06.01.2022 Having conversations about suicide with your teen: I am going to share several relevant articles in the comments of this post about adolescent suicide which I think might make a useful conversational starting point for you to use with your teenager. I know that the idea of talking to your teen about suicide might seem intimidating at first. You may even be nervous, wondering if you might give your child ideas they didn’t have before....Continue reading

06.01.2022 Wonderful article, and sure to be helpful for every parent who reads it - no matter how old your children are.

06.01.2022 Sadly, coercive control and emotional abuse happen all too often in our society. This story demonstrates how effective counselling in combination with a perpetrator’s willingness to change and accept responsibility can lead to a complete remission of behaviors. Do you see yourself in this story - on either side? If so, then it’s time to seek help. ... https://www.mamamia.com.au/coercive-control-perpetrator/

02.01.2022 I know there are a lot of parents who are wondering why their children are so disturbed by what’s happening in America. Why should my child be affected by something happening on the other side of the world? parents ask, usually right before they start questioning whether their kids are getting this all from, because they don’t ever seem to watch the news or read a paper...? This current generation (Gen Z) are more than just adolescent members of your household or town, or... city or state or country. These are children who have been raised on the internet. They are global citizens in a way that no other generation before them has ever been. These are children who play hide and seek in Minecraft instead of outside, who have developed a new language to use for online social interactions (do you know how devastating it is to be left on read?) and who learn coding in class along with literacy and numeracy. What happens on the other side of the world is as real for them as what happens on the other side of their town - and that’s because they may have the same level of emotional interaction with people 12,000 kilometres away as they do with someone who is 12 kilometres away. Gen Z are also more informed and more politically nuanced than you may realise. They care deeply and are therefore deeply passionate about the environment, social acceptance, racism and inclusion of minority groups. In this, they lead by example for us all. They may mask how much they care with dark humour, but the vast majority of them are possessed of significant determination to graduate into the world and do something to help, to help change the world. On Tik Tok, many teens have been revealing their shock and horror to find their parents have racist or sexist viewpoints... and this is something I also often hear from teens; as global citizens Gen Z have been raised on a belief system of inclusion. As always, I encourage you to talk to your teens, to stay open to their perspectives and to try and hear how they’ve come by such strong views. I’m going to include in the comment section some helpful memes current in the online spaces your teen frequents so you can get a feel for what they’re seeing and talking about.

01.01.2022 Something different: Looking for expressions of interest from people who would like to attend an adult therapy group... Details to be confirmed pending needs of attendees, but I’m looking at running this for 1.5 hours a week for at least four weeks, and the focus would be ‘I am an Adult Child of a Difficult or Borderline Parent (or Family Member).’... So if you have a parental or familial relationship that you find so hurtful it is almost intolerable, this would be the space for you to come and talk it through with others who have shared experiences. You are welcome to ask questions but keep in mind that this post is public and people you know may be able to read your comments. If you prefer not to post your name (understandable) please message or email me directly. At this stage, I’m just looking to get an idea of numbers... I don’t have details on date/time/small fee yet - that’s to be determined.

01.01.2022 Teens and young adults are more at risk now for mental health issues than they have ever been before. Australian youth already had strong concerns around climate change, which were heightened by the bushfires. Almost immediately afterward, they faced a global pandemic. Follow up knock out blows have been delivered by the lack of travel- no gap years for these kids - and the dying economy.... I hear every day from this age group, and what I hear most is fear for the their future: what jobs they’ll be able to find, how to future proof their lives when the world is changing so fast, and whether there will even be a decent world left for them to live in. Check in, ask if they’re okay, reassure them where possible, and find professional support when necessary. Do not expect this generation to be one that flies the nest early - these late teens and early adults are already talking about living at home for much longer. ‘I really don't see when it's going to go back to normal if it will ever' http://www.abc.net.au//generation-covid-faces-an-/12388308

01.01.2022 What gets missed in all of this is that children have very little incentive to invent stories of abuse. Indeed, they may spend years in denial of how badly they were treated, partly because when we are very young, we don't know what "normal" is and may accept various kinds of abuse as normal, and partly because children in general neither wish to believe they were unloved nor want to broadcast that they were to the rest of the world. If they tell a story implicating their parents in cruel behavior, therefore, the story is probably true.