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VL Coaching & Consulting

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25.01.2022 Stress. It is a consistent part of our lives. Especially now more than ever with our world so turned upside down. These are my top 5 tips for managing stress. 1. Breathe. I can hear you saying, ... but, I do that already. However, this time do it with intention. Take big, deep breaths when you feel your heart rate increase. Focus on the breathing and not the stressful situation. For more chronic situations, repeat this focus in the shower before starting the day and at nig...ht before going to sleep. 2. Meditate or show gratitude every day. Be in a positive mind space, even if it's just for two minutes a day. Doing this creates a new neurological pathway that will reinforce just how amazing you are. 3. Routines and rituals. Do things that make you happy and that ground you. An example of this would be exercise, playing music, and/or using essential oils. Make it something that you do every day that can bring about a sense of familiarity and calm. 4. Be curious. Learn about what is making you stressed, and what strategies you are (or are not) using to get through it. Awareness is the key and sometimes we just need to change the meaning around something to see past it. This too shall pass. Nothing is permanent. Everything changes. Whatever you are currently experiencing will pass. Trust that it will get better. 5. Talk to someone. Have someone with whom you can be really open and honest someone who will hold the space for you and will also tell you to move on if need be. Stress is very real. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the stress in your life and would like someone with whom to talk, please let me know. Together we can create your personalised program to serve you now, and into your future.

24.01.2022 There are three common approaches to trying to get ahead in life - be a victim, be a worker, or be a winner. What separates the three approaches is the focus chosen in life. The winner is the only one that works. It is about who you need to BE before DOing what is necessary to HAVE what we want from life. If you want to know more about how you can get clear on you future goals, connect with me.

24.01.2022 Unlocking your potential When we are born, we have the potential to do and be anything we want. As life progresses, we seemingly adjust what we want from life by putting boundaries and limitations on and around our thinking. In the early stages of life, we are influenced by that which is in our environment. We establish our belief and value systems and develop a mindset that drives us to reach our full potential, or not. We reach a point in life where we want more. We want to... change, evolve, and/or unlock our potential. We want to be our best self. Becoming our best self is part strategy and part attitude. Attitude comes from within and it takes a strong, positive mindset to rewrite our past so that it serves us now and in our future. Strategy is how we apply that attitude and is where we understand our natural talents and focus on our strengths. Becoming our best self also means letting go of those things for which we neither have talent, nor have skill. We also must stop expending unnecessary time and energy that could be better directed to more fruitful pursuits. So, how do you breakthrough your limitations and identify your true potential? Contact me if you would like to identify and harness the key attributes that will unlock your full potential.

24.01.2022 What is the price of perfectionism? I watched a TED talk recently, and Psychologist Thomas Curran said that he believes one of the biggest problems we face in today’s society is our dangerous need for perfection. We hold perfection to a high regard and measure ourselves against everyone else, with the media also playing a massive part in how we see each other. Perfectionism is rising in society and, proportionally, so is mental illness. At some time in their lives, one in six... women will experience depression and one in three will suffer from anxiety. There is also an increased chance of depression and anxiety during pregnancy, and during the year following the birth of a baby. There is also a marked increase in anxiety during separation and divorce. Women of today face so much pressure to be perfect. Women are expected to have it all together. The perception is that we have to be a perfect wife, a perfect mother, and go to work or run a business, all whilst keeping the house clean, emotionally supporting a husband, and raising perfectly well behaved children. Yet, far more overwhelming is the pressure of perfection that we put on ourselves. What underpins all of this pressure is fear. Our fear of failure, fear of judgement and, even more so, the fear of not being loved, not belonging and not being good enough. We measure our fears by the external world when, in fact, we need to own them. Fear is hard to let go, but possible. It all comes down to how much love and compassion we have for ourselves. So, what is the price of perfectionism? YOU are the cost. You not being able to be all of you, share yourself with the world, or have open and honest connection with others. Is it time to let go of perfectionism and embrace the messiness of life? If not now, then when? PM me if you would like to know more about how I can help you let go of your fears, and start living life to the fullest.

21.01.2022 Red pill or blue pill? It has been nearly 20 years since I watched the Matrix, and I was fortunate enough to binge on The Matrix trilogy over the weekend. For those unfamiliar, or in need of a refresher, the protagonist Neo was given a choice by Morpheus: red or blue pill. The blue pill would keep Neo in the Matrix and oblivious to the real world, and the red pill would reveal the unpleasant truth and eject him into the reality that exists beyond the 0s and 1s of the matrix.... Neo had to decide whether it was better to free his mind, or live in blissful ignorance. Beyond the special effects and over-the-top storyline, the film challenges us to think about our human existence and the nature of reality. The key construct that rang true for me throughout the movie was choice. Everything is a choice. That’s the power we have as humans and individuals. Choices are either consciously or subconsciously made and are inherently difficult because making a choice can sometimes means that you are giving up something as well as moving towards something greater. All choices are made to satisfy our core needs, certainty, variety, significance, love and belonging. However, sometimes we make choices without knowing or understanding why, and in that lies the greatest of discoveries. So, if you struggle with understanding your choices, or you want to make better ones, I may not be able to teach you Jujitsu but I can help with this. That you will have to do yourself.

20.01.2022 The only thing consistent in life is change. The less we are resistant to change, and the more flexible we are in life, the more opportunities will be afforded us. Change means growth, and growth is a beautiful thing.

19.01.2022 So often we fall into patterns of behaviour and forget that we have the power to change. We forget that we have proverbial wings with which we can fly. We forget that we are in control of our lives. ... If you are ready to take that leap and fly, contact me today! See more

16.01.2022 Who doesn’t like a good tantrum? My daughter had a doozy of one recently. It all started with me telling her she couldn’t have her iPad due to bad behaviour. The irony? That decision created more ensuing bad behaviour than the punishment was initially meant to address. Should I have not done anything? Should I have simply given her the iPad so that her tantrum would stop?... As mothers we sometimes take the easy road. We sometimes give in to terrorist demands because we know that sometimes the battle isn’t worth it. In doing so, we also know that we might be proverbially shooting ourselves in the back for not enforcing boundaries because the next challenge to those boundaries becomes that much harder to enforce. Then we use our super mum powers of retro-spectro vision to look back and say that next time will be different. However, it’s not. Next time it is a carnage again a battlefield of anger, frustration, tears, and pure exhaustion. Who wins in the end? No one. There is no winner, and no one prevails. We do it all again with a different trigger in a seemingly never-ending cycle. Every now and then though, we find the strength to enforce a really good boundary (even if it does take over two hours of relentless screaming). Why? We know that we will have our little human wanting hugs on the other side whilst we see them slowly adjusting their behaviour with each interaction. We may lose quite a few battles, but we are winning the war for who they are.

13.01.2022 The lion at the door. Sometimes we are so busy dealing with our own proverbial lion within us, at work, or in the world, that we might not be fully aware and present to those around us. As leaders, we are often so focused on the business that we are sometimes unaware of the needs of our team. They, too, could be facing their own lions, but how would we know?... To be effective, leaders have to have many different skills and attributes. One of the most important skills to have is an ability to communicate. Communication, however, is not autocratically telling others how things are going to be. It is about listening and truly considering the input that comes from your team members. It is about providing the space for senders and receivers of information to provide the feedback necessary to understand the communication. This is commonly known as two-way communication and is correlated with the dissemination of higher quality information and improved teamwork. Understanding your communication style can be an effective way to bring awareness to yourself and help you understand those with whom you work, and the environment in which they work. Contact me to learn more about how you can discover your communication style and how I can contribute to you becoming a more effective leader.

09.01.2022 Boring conversations. It came to my attention recently that I witness and/or partake in at least one boring conversation per day. You know, the conversation where the other person asks you the same five to ten questions every single time? (Insert eye roll). Do you find yourself having these conversations, and do you crave more?... It takes curiosity to have real conversations. It takes a person who really wants to engage with you and allow for your contribution. Some of us live on the surface and never really have deeper conversations. We all know a person like this. So, what makes us afraid of having deeper conversations with people? Could it be that we are scared of engaging on a deeper level because we don’t know how to handle what could come next? Or, are we afraid of getting similar level questions returned? Maybe it is because we fear being vulnerable. As leaders, we have to adapt in order to have deeper conversations. No two are alike, so communication skills are extremely important. Understanding how you and others communicate is the key to life (and business). Taking the time to learn and create more awareness round your and other people’s communication styles is the key. Contact me if you would like to create more awareness around your communication style.

07.01.2022 Who lives in a fantasy world? My daughter has a made up world. Yep, in this world she has another mum named the Ice Queen, a dad who is Dracula, one sister, two brothers, and apparently lots of animals. Oh, and did I mention that her fantasy-world mum has superpowers like Elsa from Frozen, among others? She certainly has a vivid imagination and, apart from her potentially needing a good child psychologist, it has been very entertaining. How is this different to how adults see... the world? Not much. Adults also have fantasy worlds. How often do you hear, When I win the lotto, everything will be okay? Or, have you heard the fantasy of your partner finally picking up their dirty laundry from the floor? No? Well, maybe you have heard the one where your partner starts cleaning up around the house? Wait, I know one that you have definitely heard. The fantasy where they will finally meet the one, get married, have kids, and then be happy. The key difference is the level of intrinsic responsibility. Adults live in their fantasy world and outsource (obfuscate) their responsibility instead of taking control of their own destiny. I, too, have lived in this world and when I really thought about it, my world was one of frustration and loneliness. It was only when I really thought about what I was doing that I realised the only person who is going to change this world is me. Making the decision to stop dreaming about how others will make my life better (or that a ten-million-dollar lotto win will fix everything) enabled me to acknowledge and be present to what I was doing and then move forward and face the real world. Making decisions based on the reality of my situation is when things actually started to change. My daughter, however, loves this made up world. Obviously, she will grow out of it (here’s hoping) and will have to face the real world. luckily, I am here to help, but with different superpowers. If you are struggling to break out of your fantasy world, PM me and let’s chat.

01.01.2022 Happiness is an inside job. Many studies over the years have shown that people who count their blessings are far happier and experience less depression. Often, we look externally in order to find happiness to material things, activities, or even in relationships. ... Unfortunately, those things can wear off eventually and you are still left feeling empty and unhappy. I should know. So, what does one otherwise do? In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude can’t be faked. You need to feel it. Gratitude is a practice that can take time, so you may not feel it right away. However, studies show that it has long-lasting effects on the brain. Gratitude can also relieve us from toxic emotions and help us to connect with our mind and body. When we show ourselves empathy, compassion, and kindness, it can have an effect on our overall wellbeing and how we show up in the world. I’m sure there is a few of you out there that are like, I know, I know, I should be doing this. Stephan Covey once said, To know and not to do is really not to know. So, give practicing gratitude a try. It really can’t hurt, but it will definitely contribute to your inner happiness. See more