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25.01.2022 This week I want to focus on questions... specifically the ones we habitually ask ourselves. Our brains are designed to look for patterns (that's where superst...itions arise!) so when we ask a question like "Why me?" when something goes wrong our brain will search for the all the things that have happened to us to back up this negative question.... unless we happen to also ask this same question when something positive happens?? ;) So you can see how compounding the question with emotional intensity just adds to the experience... "Why does this ALWAYS happen to me?". What sort of state does a question like that induce? Am I more likely to go into problem-solving mode i.e. resourceful or have a "pity party" and reinforce my unresourceful state? What difference would it make to the quality of our lives if our default question was "What can I learn from this situation?? Do you think that would put me a more resourceful, problem-solving state? I'm not saying it's easy and I regularly tread the well-worn neurological pathway of "Why me?" but I quickly catch myself and turn off to my new path of "What can I learn from this?" This enables me to change tack and see possibilities for growth. I'm going to keep coming back to this during the week and explore it some more. I'd love you to come with me on this journey of discovery into questions and feedback is always welcome... #qualityquestions #whyme #whatcanIlearn #lifecoach

25.01.2022 Here's some #truth for ya Ladies & Gents!

24.01.2022 What are you telling yourself? What is the meaning you attach to any particular event?

23.01.2022 Mind your language! #wordsarepowerful #harmorheal #selftalk

23.01.2022 Two years on and preparing for my first webinar!

19.01.2022 Communication is crucial... especially the internal dialogue! Be kind to yourself!

19.01.2022 Communication skills are one way we judge someone on a subconscious level. This person is now doing a Bachelors Degree in computer science. If you know your communication skills are holding you back, make a decision to believe in yourself and do something about it! ... Message me and let’s set up a call to see how a couple of tweaks can make such a difference to your life... and take it from there!

18.01.2022 Please! Not another article about COVID!! By now we’re all about done with this year and the overwhelming elephant that has been COVID. So why am I now adding in my tuppence-worth?... We have just under 5 weeks until the calendar turns over and we say our farewells to 2020, the year that started out with so much promise! Remember? New decade? 2020 vision etc? I would like to open up the conversation on some of the words that have summed up the year for me. I am going to explore the energy around those words, and I invite you to share your thoughts. We all have a different perspective so I would love to hear yours. This week I am considering words beginning with C (next week O, the week after V I think you can see where I’m going with this!) All of us have been *confined* aka in lockdown at some point in 2020 and some of my friends appear to be doing the hokey cokey/pokey and are in and out, in and out! How has that been for you? Maybe you are in lockdown right now. How are you handling it? Is it giving you the opportunity for *contemplation* that you would not have taken otherwise? Time to *consider* what is really important to you and if you are living according to those values? Let's start this conversation and see if we are all experiencing the same feelings re this year...

17.01.2022 Have you ever been fed up with life when it seems every way you turn you are thwarted? You really want something, your heart is set on it but it just doesn't se...em to be happening? Let me tell you a story.... I was desperate to be a Speech Therapist and determined to go to University to do it; I was not going to settle for a Polytechnic! (Well that shows my age and also my prejudice/snobbery!!) I applied in my upper sixth (year 12) to all the Unis I could see that did Speech Therapy as it was in those days. Flat out rejections. So I decided to stay on at school and do another A level (2 year course) in one year with the support of the school in timetabling. I applied again the following year and again, got flat out rejections. I was starting to think this was just not going to happen when another student who had heard of my plight showed me a prospectus for The School for the Study of Disorders of Human Communication offering a BSc in Clinical Communications Studies. Hmmmm.... it wasn't a Uni but by now I was thinking I would have to revise my rules!!! Turns out the Degree was awarded from The City University and they were about to move onto the "campus". It didn't go without a hitch and I had a few more stumbling blocks along the way to getting to do what I wanted to do but I really learnt some valuable lessons in the process... if you firmly believe in your goal and what you're doing to get you there isn't working, maybe you need to revise your approach!!! Are your rules too rigid and stopping you from getting to your goal? Wasn't it Einstein who defined madness as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? It was only by embracing the unknown, stepping out of my comfort zone of Uni or nothing that I ended up doing the course which was perfect for me and meeting some life long friends along the way. The richness of life is closely related to how willing we are to embrace change and a readiness to learn from these new experiences. What are you willing to do to step out of your comfort zone and broaden your horizons?? #uncomfortzone #trysomethingnew #changeyourapproach #teachablemoments #lifecoach

15.01.2022 This week I've been reflecting on the words we use and the intensity of the emotionally charged language. So far I have focused on the impact that other people ...have had on us, growing up and the effect we can have on other people by the words we choose to use. What about the words we use to ourselves? What about the language we use to describe our experiences, good and bad? Most people experience negative situations far more powerfully than positive ones. Why is that?? Could it be something to do with the intensity of the language we use to describe the situation to ourselves and others? Remember yesterday's "Really" Guy? With each additional "really" he felt the upset more acutely. When I asked him to describe a positive event he glossed over it without any qualifiers - it just was OK or good (at a push). What would happen if we consciously CHOSE to reverse the situation and use lots of "really-s" to heighten the positive experiences and stop with all qualifiers on the negative situations... do you think it would make a difference to how we feel on a day to day basis? So many of us have a hard time accepting compliments, and that can start early on in life. How about if we started to graciously accept them from others AND ourselves?? How often have we neglected to celebrate little victories each day? You only hit the snooze button once or even got up straight away! You didn't react grumpily to your Tigger of a housemate, before you had had that first cup of coffee! OK so these seem like trivial examples but you get the idea... celebrate the wee victories!! Let's give ourselves compliments over the little things and throw in a few "really-s" and see how that affects the quality of the day (or the day after ;) ). #chooseyourwordscarefully #wordsarepowerful #lifecoach

15.01.2022 Another booked in March!

13.01.2022 Still continuing with the theme of our multi-faceted humanity, I want to consider strength. This is not exclusively a male trait, although it is more readily as...sociated with masculinity. How do you express this side of your character? It may be a Mumma Bear standing up for her children, or the linchpin holding the family together (which other people only appreciate if you are away or ill!!). It could be standing up for a cause you believe in. There are many ways to express this quality of strength as well as the obvious ones of physical strength and prowess at the gym, on the sports field etc. Do you have any tips for someone who is wanting to express this more in their lives and isn't sure how? #multifacetedcharacteristics #strength #lifehacks #lifecoach

11.01.2022 Celebrating your uniqueness, whether Neuro Typical or not.

11.01.2022 This is why I love to work with people to shine the light on how to communicate both with words and with the voice and body language!

10.01.2022 Congratulations on your butterfly status! I honour your pupation!

09.01.2022 As a Grammar Nazi this appeals!

08.01.2022 Such wisdom! Great to relive a solution focused moment...

08.01.2022 "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" was something I was told as a child when I was upset over a what someone had called me. Hone...stly?? What a load of rot!!! Words have incredible power to hurt, and not just temporarily either. If you were told as a young child you would never amount to anything/you were useless it will have coloured your beliefs about yourself and, as we reflected last week, what you believe it true!! The more vulnerable our emotional state when someone utters something hurtful, the more impact it will have. If there is a power mismatch, whether real or perceived, it will have more impact if you look up to the one who said it (a parent, teacher, any adult when you are a child, a bully, a sports coach etc etc). As adults we are not immune either: it could be a boss, a family member and especially a partner. The same intensity of emotional state applies and it may well trigger and reinforce something from our childhood. I grew up in a school where the teacher called children who were struggling to grasp a concept "a duffer". I was fortunate to only have that levelled at me a couple of times yet the term still had a big impact. As a family we moved away from the area where this word was used so I have not been triggered since. I can look back on it now with some 40+ years distance but it still has power. Let's be careful re the words we choose to use. We can always CHOOSE to use a different word if we are aware of the impact words have had on us. Let's not be responsible for someone believing/having the notion reinforced that they aren't good enough... #wordsarepowerful #chooseyourwordscarefully #lifecoach

07.01.2022 Yep! Beautiful illustration of how we think in a language. Our thoughts are made up of our internal Q&A, so if you have migrated to a different language location (this can be in the same country even), make the effort to *think* in the local language and those Lost in translation moments will soon be a thing of the past!

07.01.2022 The learning is through the the discomfort... and I haven’t reset my PADI, yet!

07.01.2022 You don't need me to tell you that we are multi-faceted beings!!! We all have many sides/dimensions to our characters which is what I want to explore this week.... Some people are very organised - this may be natural or learnt. Personally, I'm not that well organised and have great respect and awe for those of you who are. I was speaking over the weekend to a mother of 4 young children who also runs her own business and has an important role she volunteers for. I met this lady doing the online streamed course I was doing so like me, she was up through the night and was coping with all of her responsibilities in the background. She had the support of her husband but nonetheless my hat goes off to her, being able to juggle so many balls at once!! She confesses she is naturally an organised person and whilst this w/e has tested her abilities to keep on top of everything, she has managed pretty successfully. I had to work pretty hard at working out the time zone differences, when I would eat, sleep, had to get in daylight bulbs etc. It didn't come naturally and I feel a certain amount of energy drain just as a result of that. Where do you rate yourself on the scale with organisation? Is it something you can do with ease of flow or do you have to work at it? Are there strategies you use to make things easier for yourself in your responsibilities? Are there any ideas you could share for those of us who are organisationally challenged?? I would welcome any thoughts and feedback... #multifacetedcharacters #differentmodesofbeing #lifecoach #lifehacks #organisation

06.01.2022 Sometimes you are happy, indeed wanting to embrace uncertainty and go for a job or try a new experience but it just doesn't happen as it should (as you think it... should). I've had a few of those experiences too. Remember on Monday I shared re getting into Uni? I got there but not at the same time as my peer group and ended up being the only student in 6 (3) or year 13!!! When I applied and was interviewed for my post in Moray it seemed perfect. That was MY job. All the ducks lined up... and I didn't get the job! I was more than a little miffed to say the least!!! I did get the job a few months later when the person they appointed left without having done a full week's work and as I had been interviewed at the same time they were happy to take me. The only reason they had appointed her ahead of me is that she had had more experience. In the intervening few months my husband was signed off on long term ill health and the Friday before I started work on the Monday his ill-health retirement came through. Had we gone months earlier we would not have had the financial cushion to cope with the negative equity in the house when it was sold. What was the lesson in this scenario? What could I learn? Patience, for one thing, and this seems to be an oft-repeated lesson(!!) and that sometimes the timing just isn't right!! If we believe in the goal and are prepared to persevere and keep stepping out into the learning zone, when the time is right it will all come together and we will realise that a delay is not a denial and the timing, whilst not our timing and therefore frustrating, was the perfect timing!! #teachablemoments #whatcanilearnfromthis #uncomfortzone #learningzone #patience #righttime #delaysarenotdenials #lifecoach

06.01.2022 So here's a good question to get you thinking... What if life could be better? What if I had a better relationship with my partner, my children, my work colleag...ues, my neighbours? Well, it's perfectly possible.. and it all starts with making the decision to do things differently. If your relationships aren't the way you want them right now, will they change if the same patterns of interaction persist?? Wasn't it Einstein who said that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result was the definition of insanity? So, how about stepping out of your uncomfortable rut and admitting that things can be different? I've already shared lots of insights on how coaching can work, so how about it? I'm available on the phone, Skype, What's App, Facetime and across time zones so don't let not being in Perth stop you... I'd love to hear from you and set up a free hour-long discovery session to nut out your "What if"s :) #whatiflifecouldbebetter #improverelationships #bettercommunication #relationships #lifecoach #relationshipcoach

05.01.2022 I want to pick up on the theme of emotional intensity and tell you the story of a gentleman I worked with who only knew how to qualify his experiences with "rea...lly". As he was explaining to me how he felt about a particular situation he was "really, really, really, really, really upset". With each "really" he sunk deeper into the sofa until it almost seemed to swallow him! He was turning up the intensity of his negative experience as he added each extra "really". I wondered how many "really-s" he had started with and whether another one was added each time he told the story. At the end of the tale he complained he was really, really, really, really depressed. I wondered if it would make a difference if he stopped after one "really" or didn't qualify it at all. I suggested this to him and he got annoyed that I wasn't respecting him. I explained the theory behind what I was saying and suggested he might like to give it a go. He refused. In the next breath he was complaining re how depressed he was. I left that post before I had a chance to work round this with him... I wonder how far we could have gone to turning down the intensity of his negative experiences and turning up the intensity of his positive experiences...?? Anyone had a go yet?? I'll give some feedback on my experiment next week ;) #chooseyourwordscarefully #wordsarepowerful #lifecoach

05.01.2022 The language we use is incredibly powerful. Take that previous statement... Would it have had the same impact if I had said that the words "make a difference"??... The more emotionally loaded the word or its qualifiers the more we take note either on a conscious or subconscious level. If I had said that language is powerful that may have tweaked your interest but by using the qualifier "incredibly" it now takes on far more intensity and you are more likely to sit up and take notice.... agreed?? So the emotional intensity of the words we use has a dramatic (there I go again!!) effect on the quality of our experience. When I woke up yesterday with sore throat objectively it was hard to swallow. This was a repeat performance of last Thursday when I told myself I had a "raging" sore throat and it felt like sandpaper. Beautifully descriptive, granted, but I was wallowing in feeling rough. Yesterday I decided to CHOOSE to describe the same objective (hard to swallow) sore throat differently. My throat felt "pretty rough", I told myself. By "turning down the volume" I started to feel better about the situation and the painful swallow eased much earlier in the day. You may think this is co-incidental and maybe it is but I'm going to have some fun with this concept and turn down the volume on future perceived negative experiences and see how the language, the words I use to describe the situation to myself and others has any effect on the quality of my experience... bet you it does!! If you decide to join me in the this experiment, I'd love to hear your results... ;) #chooseyourwordscarefully #wordsarepowerful #lifecoach

04.01.2022 Communication is key in your thinking (connecting with yourself) and in connecting with other people.

03.01.2022 Another facet to the diamond is the side of nurture. This is not an exclusively female trait by any manner of means although it is more readily associated with ...women. So who are the people (or animals, plants etc) in your life that you nurture? Those of us in a parental role have an obvious outlet for that characteristic but what of those who don't have children... how does that find expression in your life? I didn't experience motherhood but have had the opportunity to nurture many people professionally over the years. Some people volunteer to visit the elderly, or those in hospital, or even in prison. Some run groups like Scouts etc to nurture children. Some see animals and the environment as more of their niche to express this nurturing side of them. What about you? How do you express this side of you? Any tips for people who want more of this in their lives and not sure what to do? #multifacetedcharacteristics #nurture #lifehacks #lifecoach