Daly Waters Pub in Daly Waters, Northern Territory | Bar

Daly Waters Pub

Locality: Daly Waters, Northern Territory

Phone: +61 8 8975 9927

Address: Lot 105 Stuart Highway 0852 Daly Waters, NT, Australia

Website: http://www.dalywaterspub.com

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22.01.2022 A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."... He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: Are - my - test - results - back? See more

21.01.2022 On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed...... ... On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God agreed...... On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed again...... On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God. "You asked for it." So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained to you.

21.01.2022 Some Gouldian Finches and a heap of other species out the front of our room this arvo .

17.01.2022 Too funny not to share. Four retired truck drivers are walking down a street in Cooktown. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timer's Bar - all drinks 10 cents!... They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?' There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a martini.. In short order, the bartender serves up four iced Martinis.. shaken, not stirred, and says, 'That'll be 10 cents each, please.' The four men stare at the bartender for a moment. Then look at each other..they can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their Martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent Martinis are produced and the bartender again saying, 'That's 40 cents, please..’ They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They have each had two Martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, 'How can you afford to serve Martinis as good as these for a 10 cents each?' 'I'm a retired tailor from Sydney,' the bartender said, 'and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs ten cents - wine, liquor, beer, it's all the same.' Wow!!!! That's quite a story,' says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their Martinis and couldn't help but notice seven other people at the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there. One man gestures at the seven at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, 'What's with them?' The bartender says, 'Oh, they're all grey nomads from the caravan park, waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price, gotta love em.'

09.01.2022 Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'What you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Thank you my love, I'll have chicken'. She replied, 'You're having soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat!'

07.01.2022 Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replies, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?"... Watson ponders a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!" See more

07.01.2022 An elderly woman walked into the main office of Chase Manhattan Bank building, holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the teller’s window that she wished to deposit the $3 million in the bag and open an account at the bank. She said that first, though, she wished to meet the president of the bank due to the amount of money involved. The teller thought that to be a reasonable request, and, after opening the bag and seeing bundles of $1000 bills, which... amounted to approximately $3,000,000, telephoned the bank president’s secretary for an appointment for the lady. The woman was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president’s office. Introductions were made, and she stated that she liked to get to know people she did business with on a more personal basis. The president then asked her how she came into such a large sum of cash. Was it inherited? he asked. No, she replied. He was quiet for several seconds, trying to think of where this elderly lady could possibly have come into $3 million. I bet, she offered. As in horses? No, she replied, as in people. Seeing his confusion, she explained that she just bet on different things with people. Suddenly, she said, I’ll bet you 25,000 that by 10 o’clock tomorrow morning your balls will be square. The bank president figured she must be off her rocker and decided to take her up on the bet. He didn’t know how he could lose. For the rest of the day, he was extremely cautioushe decided to stay home that evening and take no chances. $25,000 was at stake. When he got up in the morning and took his shower, he checked to make certain that everything was O.K. There was no change in his scrotal appearance. He looked the same as always. He went to his office and waited for the woman to come in at 10 AM, humming as he went. He knew this was his lucky day. How often did he get handed $25,000 for doing nothing? At 10 o’clock sharp, the woman was shown into his office. With her was a man. When the bank president asked her what the other man was with her for, she informed the president that he was her lawyer and she always took him along when there was this much money involved in her betting. Well, she asked, what about our bet? I don’t know how to tell you this, he said, But I’m the same as I’ve always been, only $25,000 richer. The old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. Well, okay, said the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure. Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, What’s wrong with him? She replied, Nothing, except that I bet him $100,000 that by 10 am today I’d have the Chase Manhattan Bank’s president’s balls in my hand. See more

03.01.2022 Not a silly idea.

03.01.2022 We built a wildlife watering hole, instant results.

02.01.2022 Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them his results after the examination. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner. "Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol Poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third b...ody?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Paddy from Belfast, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. "Thought he was having his picture taken See more

01.01.2022 Chrissie Tree is Lit !!!!!!!

01.01.2022 Coming in for landing.

01.01.2022 The local watering hole.

01.01.2022 Does anyone have any good tips for the Cup? I just rang Gambers Helpline, they didn't have any tips. In fact they were not helpful at all.