Everyday Love in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia | Marriage therapist

Everyday Love

Locality: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

Phone: +61 438 364 636

Address: 1 Saint Heliers Street 3067 Melbourne, VIC, Australia

Website: http://www.everydaylove.com.au/

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25.01.2022 WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME? <3 (Free event) 6am Melbourne Time ,this Saturday (earlier than I calculated!) you're welcome to join the Worldwide Gathering - "How do we get along in extraordinary times?" It's hosted by the Center for Nonviolent Communication.... My session will be "How disconnection can lead us to connection" This is CNVC's biggest fundraising event for the year and I'm donating my time. The event is FREE and if you can gladly contribute financially please do so on the day. <3

25.01.2022 Comparison is part of violence, toward oneself or another. If I compare myself to an ideal I have or to another person If I compare you to my ideal partner, friend, daughter or to another person... I split myself off and position myself against myself, against you I suffer, you suffer, we suffer

25.01.2022 How easily and often do you leap in to give advice or reassurance? Assuming that this is wanted or needed. Listening to understand first. Then in nonviolent communication you can hope to recognise the sovereignty of each person - by ASKING before giving. Then ... (example)... "are you looking for reassurance?" "would you like to hear what I would do in your situation?" Be willing to hear to hear "no thanks" or "no I really want ..." When you do offer something it will be so beautifully attuned to the other. Like a hand slipping into a silk glove. The closeness and intimacy of that moment, is so gentle, so sublime, so real. Truly. You can learn more about this in my online course Connection Essentials - link in bio. Or join my list for weekly blog articles. :)

23.01.2022 Love is not always reciprocated and I don't know anyone who hasn't felt that some to degree. Bonnie Raitt wrote this song for this ache we've all known in our humanness I love the deep emotion she captures so well - as music and art can. to hearts opening to this and discovering the depths of love available regardless and including any pain. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nW9Cu6GYqxo

22.01.2022 I wonder how the moonlight tastes upon your lips ... exquisite, I bet. The unspeakable mystery and lusciousness of love and the sensual experience. Being joined. Not two, but one. Love in the surrender.... @mattspenser points to this over and over. If you haven't found Matt have a look #mattspenser

22.01.2022 Emotion is what turns an object into a memento, an event into a happening, and a person into the love of your life. -Dr. Sue Johnson #LearnEFT #Love

22.01.2022 the contrast of ourselves is valuable in many ways. Why do we resist it so much? Looking for similarities, believing that precedes merging into union? What say you? Image courtesy @krishnamurti_theimmeasurable

22.01.2022 What's the upside of anger and how can you access this?!

21.01.2022 HONESTY .. for me Love and Truth are the same. One without the other just doesn't cut it. Not because it's wrong. Just doesn't feel real, safe, secure. How about you? It's a journey into one's own heart to walk a path especially with another, from a core of Love and Truth. Let's do it anyway! I can't think of an alternative I'd want - can you?... Love Mukti

21.01.2022 There are felt sensations through which we hopefully experience our common human needs. These are part and parcel of being alive in this physical form. They're not separate from the essence of life which pulses through, breathing this form. Just a natural functioning. Core needs are what I also call these. Not I need a drink. Or I need a lover. I mean Core needs for love, understanding, dignity, honesty, play, certainty, giving and receiving,,,, sometimes a little distort...ed or over wrought depending. A drink or a lover will likely meet some needs Deeply rooted within. Connection to these creates a healthy sense of self. The capacity to have healthy boundaries and connection follows. I see these core needs as 'breathing boundaries'. As opposed to boundaries coming from ideas of right and wrong. These core needs and our awareness of them, respect and responsiveness to them, shapes our life. And let's us know if an an action, event, words, touch meets core needs or it doesn't. If we've experienced primary caregivers not seeing and valuing our needs sufficiently it's REALLY hard to have a clear sense of oneself. No amount of guidance from outside will replenish this. We've all seen that someone can be as enlightened as and not have healthy boundaries. We've seen that over and over. Transcendence AND integration unfolds ever deepening presence and healthy function. You need what you need. End of story. HOW you proceed from there and your capacity to hold with care others needs is deep inner work.

20.01.2022 Love is an organising principle, that we mess with. When relationship becomes a trade, an exchange, a deal coming out of a perceived lack, it's often driven by insecurity. Fear. Perhaps old imprints of relationship and roles. On the other hand have you ever felt how incredible it feels to give just because you can? and you want to. Wanting nothing in return? Feels amazing. ... There's no separate giver or receiver. You as 'giver' receive so much just by giving. And vice versa. That's how love gets things done. Action born of love for the other. Isn't that what you want?

20.01.2022 "there is no such thing as constructive criticism. all criticism is painful" ~ John Gottman Ouch. Criticism says outright or by implication - "there is something wrong with you, something needs to be changed, improved, amended, fixed." It hurts to the degree that we feel insecure in our connection. We receive this as rejection. If we have a partner who routinely addresses us with criticism and contempt it has a huge effect on us. ... *Such comments can even re-trigger depression, eating disorders or other mental health challenges etc. because they activate old pain and survival trauma responses. As Jill Hooley, Harvard reported criticism from a loved one "low-grade punches to the brain" Work on your delivery is one approach. Work on connecting with understanding yourself, your fears, your worries, expectations and projections, so you share from your heart not your critical viewpoint, is vital. If you don't it might cost you more than you will ever know. You can address basically anything from the heart. Bringing a breath of fresh air, creativity and intimacy to your relationship. * adapted from Love Sense, by Dr Sue Johnson, p 190.

19.01.2022 The EXPRESSION of love is completely natural. Openness, care, flowing outward, being expressed. Without gain being sought. Love is strong, honest, not locked into a concept of love. Ours is to unveil and drop the habitual ways we have come to turn away from love out of past pain and fear, ways we have learned and rightly so to protect ourselves from pain, rejection, leaving us reaching for safety and afraid of vulnerability. Isn't it weird how it's so easy to habitually say "...I love you" - words said quickly at the end of a call. Often the I is dropped, making it less personal. Is it that it's easier to say it as we go to hang up? Rather than at the beginning of the conversation when we would be actually heard and connect in the vulnerability of those words. Of that true expression. Love is our natural expression. We love because we love. ----

19.01.2022 Don't wipe away my tears, i need them. don't disregard my anger, listen, change. Personal or social change, comes out of someone or a group of people having had ENOUGH. Anger ideally held within nonviolence is an energy that demands change. No slick words or quotes to sign off. Just Love.

17.01.2022 Individually and collectively we lean toward healing .... wholeness and peace. --- #resmaamenakem #healing #lovelovelovelove #trauma #relationshipsandlove

17.01.2022 What do you really want? Sometimes this get's lost behind everything else. Above and beyond emotional noise or distress; more than solving your relationship's problems - what do you really want? Isn't it crazy making how caught up in fighting or arguing or withdrawing and avoiding you can get at times?... Everyone of us has been there, maybe you're there now? If so this one's from my heart to yours. I invite you to let yourself sense for a few seconds, what would be here if you dropped it all? Drop it in the comments below so we can all bask in it with you <3 <3 If you put your focus there, what would be different? (... it's ok you don't HAVE to do / be, make that shift. I'm inviting you to let yourself go there. To explore and feel into it privately yourself) Follow with me through my weekly emails, send me a PM <3 <3

17.01.2022 i love you exactly as you are i see all your efforts, you're amazing you're perfect just as you are i'm right here with you i love you... i've always loved you, no matter what Words of love, affirmation, validation,,, lyrics of the heart. Healing statements, reshaping the bonds of relationship statements, dissolving decades of childhood tension statements. B e a u t i f u l, precious human love expressions

16.01.2022 Going out on a limb here. I meet with a lot of men in the context of my work and my professional life. I'm deeply drawn to understand and engage with feelings and relating not as it is through purely the eyes of a woman. So I pay heed to research and tune into my male mentors. SO I love this quote AND ... 'Man is never so manly' .. never so in his own selfhood, never so attractive, never so congruent and True. I agree with you thus far Benjamin. "Man is never so manly .. as ...when he feels deeply"... Hang on Benjamin. I'm still with you but he seems to often NOT feel deeply. As if he needs some help around this. Seems he has been abandoned on this or been given a bum steer (as we would say in NZ and Australia). The bum steer - 'you may feel deeply yet do not show your feelings to anyone else. Definitely not. Armour yourself. Don't get distracted by feelings they aren't manly. Do not get messed up by feelings. He generally seems be very unfamiliar with relating to feelings, making sense of these and how these can empower and enrich, so he can - 'act boldly and express himself with frankness and with fervour'. He seems to have been imprinted with painful patterns which say he should avoid, guard or dismiss his feelings. Instead of being ignited by a mentor and guided, shown, how feelings are a vital part of his life, love and creativity. I like this man you are writing of Benjamin. I see these men from time to time. My work is often a part of the path men must take to discover their inner-self, their feeling life, and understand it, so they can act boldly! Express themselves with frankness and fervour. This necessarily involves other male mentors. I particularly enjoying Robert Bly on this - do you have a male mentor? living or legendary? Who is this?

16.01.2022 Who doesn’t love a real paper #lovenote and an invitation to BE with someone undivided attention and togetherness? Image via @tomdilallo

16.01.2022 It's a rewarding, yet tough gig! Source: @Resilient Little Hearts

15.01.2022 To answer truthfully .. literally to have the nerve, the courage, the surrenderedness, as in the trust to handle whatever the outcome is. That's gold. Truthfully ... it was always easier for me to listen and observe than to speak up. My edge has been finding my voice and expressing myself openly, honestly and vulnerably. Years ago I literally felt terror (in my body) as though I was being fed to the lions when I would offer a workshop. I listened to my nervous system and p...egged back to a point where I wasn't sooo challenged and felt joy instead! Gradually everything unfurled - not without intention, support and deep commitment to freedom and truckloads of healing love. Widening the circle of comfort and security within and with out. Are you are talker or a listener? Which is your edge? Or are you pretty balanced, flowing from one to another ... truthfully?

14.01.2022 Less is more.. less pressure is more sensual less volume is more hearable less words is more understanding... less movement is more intense less activity is more peace less haste is more presence .. So important to know what this is for oneself and with each other .. What is one of your 'less is more'? --- . . . . .

14.01.2022 I am And these are the kind of words that heal, can you feel it? - Image courtesy of @2dudestalking

13.01.2022 There's a lot of hunting or hanging on to relationship in the world. Done for love, on the impulse of love that's a powerful, precious action impulse. Done out of fear or trying to add something to oneself, one's so called social capital or status - which might sound ugly but if you stop and be super honest haven't you at some point been motivated by that? I'm sure I have. Those are the relationships which make us wish we hadn't. Which force us to see where we are off track ...in our perception of love. Imagine to love with nothing to gain or retain? How free and alive hey? That's what's here in our hearts. As I see it and sense it. It's our human insecurities which fuel our craving and aversion for relationship. And it doesn't need to stop there. We are deeply inherently, loving and lovable. Yes. And anywhere you're not or I'm not that's where our work is. Our healing work. I hope you'll join me in adding to a world of love for no personal gain just the expression of love - be it in relationship, work or oneself.

12.01.2022 We know that love makes us vulnerable but we are never so safe and strong as when we are sure we are loved - Dr Sue Johnson.

12.01.2022 Let's love all of each other ... You and I are smart social creatures! We've learned to show up in ways that attract love, attention, safety and acceptance. Or to get a version as close as we could get to this. Some of those ways aren't great in a intimate romantic relationship. ... Intimate relationships invite you to lean in and discover how to be safely and successfully vulnerable. To successfully share feelings, longings, preferences. To own all of yourself. Not hide parts you (often unconsciously) think are unlovable and unacceptable. That hiding won't cut it, if you really want to foster and nurture intimacy. You'll end up avoiding true intimacy and struggling in love. The relief and the openness of loving these closed off places and letting them be loved is where it's at. That's the aliveness, the depth, the healing, the us. I'm still discovering this .. it's a lifestyle choice not a one off opening up and then don't go there again. :) That's a life of intimacy. An intimate life. There's a turning point in emotionally focused couple therapy when one's self perception changes. You step into vulnerability that you've never felt safe enough to touch let alone share. You successfully reach and are met, affirming and transforming your old view of yourself. If you have questions DM me or follow my weekly missives to get to know me better - I'd love you to join my email list - see link in bio or visit https://everydaylove.com.au/#newsletter.

11.01.2022 Touching without touching .. our senses of smell, our mental, emotional, spiritual. Our words and conversation weaving together. Our nervous systems resonate with each other in a neural dance. It's more than a crush or a mere physical infatuation. Inlove has a buoyancy, an ease, an attraction to the non-physical as well. A pull toward each other. ... What I found fascinating and so important is that gottman institute says if chemistry is missing at the outset - it doesn't emerge later. And without it there will be a nagging doubt as to whether this is the 'right' relationship. I can attest that this matches my experience. You can't logic yourself in or out of inlove. It just is. Tell me am I right or wrong on this? What's your experience?

11.01.2022 "You are the one essence. To love the essence of who you are is Self love." Spoken by friend and mystic, Sailor Kat.

10.01.2022 Today is Father's day downunder, here in Australia and New Zealand. No-one needs perfection but we do all need the presence and love of an engaged Dad or someone in that role. All of our experiences vary of course. I'd love to hear the qualities you associate with being a father or with your own father -?... Mine was quiet, compassionate, intelligent, liberal in his thinking, tolerant and ever adventurous. I remember clambering after him as he carried my younger sister on his shoulders whilst the incoming tide on our right, swirled around our legs and crashed against the cliffs to our left. He loved birds and we had walked to a bird sanctuary on the coastline, in accessible by road.

09.01.2022 Are you in a drama? Agh .. What we label drama is a precious and vulnerable struggle. A sacred struggle. If we see it as drama, we don’t yet understand it :( Yes, for sure, it's hard to reach the preciousness, let alone appreciate it if you feel impacted by it personally. But you are part of it and it does contain unexpected gifts and growth for you too.... Drama is an attempt to get a message across. Find that gold, that truth. Harsh words and/ or emotional distance aka attachment struggles (drama) cover over these longings. They're nonetheless attempts to correct the dance of closeness and distance, connection and freedom, so it feels more safe, nurturing and alive. I know really you want to do this in a clear, compassionate, conscious and honest way. Yes? Together organising and being with the dysregulated emotions and creating connection. Recognising the half-baked patterns which are not your partner's place to handle, but yours. Showing up with willingness. Love is a demanding teacher. Ultimately not letting you off the hook. S/he wants you to be your true, vulnerable, resilient, clear, loving nature. There's no denying that's not for the faint of heart, takes guts, honesty, character, and knowing 'when to hold and when to fold'. As always, love to know if this speaks to you and how you are. You are loveable and loved because you exist. Love for your coming weekend! Mukti

08.01.2022 I'm a 'responder' - as in I really enjoy responding to questions and points for discussion. So if you want to hear me on a particular topic or your personal circumstance (anon), please click through to send me a private message - Ask Mukti Your Question You'll be helping me to also be sure to be relevant to you Xx

07.01.2022 no fixing, no improving *in order to* ... get, obtain, achieve love. love is here, in the quiet warm open heart that beats within. As Rumi said in not so many words - the task if there is one, is to remove the barriers to love. To let the safe, trustworthiness of love be and offer the safety our nervous systems are seeking to rest in. Let the guns be metaphorically and physically put down. A weekend full of invitation, choice, acceptance to you all loves!

07.01.2022 Back of one of my walking T-shirts, from #nonviolentcommunication international training. The polarities of right and wrong are the basis for an unresolvable conflict Without taking up positions it’s possible to turn toward each other and work an amazing amount of sh*t out. In the very best way .. ... That’s love - #balinvc #nvciit #ubud #marshallrosenberg #rumiquotes #rumiquote #humanconnections #realconnection #realconnections #lovelovelovelovelove #compassionatecommunication #compassionforall #honestyhour #honestyiskey #truth #collaborationwork

07.01.2022 Here is poetry and prose to melt the heart and soul. Truly exquisite, I highly recommend this book to you or as a gift. Thank you Keith !! <3

07.01.2022 Hey, how're you doing hon? How's the world treating you? The vast majority of couples speak not much more than about half an hour per week and then it's often about logistics, who is doing what etc So we are not reaching across to each other at the emotional, relational level.... Prioritise really being present to check in and share emotionally with each other. How will we know each other without this? Co-creating together and caring for each other and their individual dreams too. Are you doing this? Do you want to do this more? I love this. Let me know how you're doing with this! Ps Gottman’s findings inspire and confirm how much this level of connection matters in intimate relationships

06.01.2022 Worth reading <3

05.01.2022 Everything is included .. Love isn't faint of heart. Love goes deeper and grapples with differences. Explores, listens, learns, braves the truth of situation. Love has a singular focus that excludes no thing, includes all. ... IS there a place in your life or love relationship where you are or have been brought to your knees by love? How have you grown? Changed? Love says - yes and no. Protects and soothes. Says stay and go. I remember several times in my life where I resisted what love was telling me. It would be too painful, too messy. I could bend love to my will - I thought. Ha! No way. Love bent me to Love's way. Actually un-bent .. We are here to love one another. That feels so real for me. Love looks like care, creativity, fun, wellbeing, dignity, responsibility, honesty .. in partnership, community, globally. Have you yielded to Love? Are you keeping on with that? Or are you trying to bend Love to fit your will?

04.01.2022 in every relationship something fierce is needed, once in a while. both the man and the woman need to have it - robert bly

03.01.2022 The link between early intimate relationships (parents) and addiction. 2 minute read.

03.01.2022 Don't just shy away from having a difficult conversation or conflict and think that you're safe guarding your relationship. Positive affect that's psych speak for warm, delightful, surprising, supportive, loving vibes, expressions and actions are far more important, in terms of safeguarding your relationship from ... well, ending. I'm too often witness to people who LOVE each other, expressing themselves or listening in ways that they learned but which do. not. carry the warm..., honest, loving vibe which is in their heart deep down! Click through to the bio or my website to learn the 4 keys to this, through Connection Essentials - based upon Nonviolent Communication ... Seriously, learn the language of positive affect and positive cycles of connection :) Online at your own pace xx

03.01.2022 ~ Mukti Jarvis @everyday_love_and_us

02.01.2022 . Image @taka.gani

01.01.2022 Being the love between .. without the labels of spouse or partner. That's a very different experience. Whether you're speaking, listening, making love, solving problems, making plans, visions or decisions,,, You are the love. Dis-identifying from the labels.... You are love. Even apparent conflict dissolves and resolves in love. No problem, no fear too big. Let me know if you're ready for this love in your life with a heart of comment.