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Get Help With Domestic Violence

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24.01.2022 From daily monitoring of the web, it's clear there are serious concerns of increases in domestic violence, due to COVID-19, around the globe. This article emphasises this fact. Note: the article mentions only women and children but can be applied to male victims as well.

23.01.2022 Abusers will use anything, even COVID-19, as a way to increase control over their victims. With COVID-19 related isolation increasing, abusers are threatening abuse like throwing them out on the street so they get sick (TIME Online). Or saying if the victim starts coughing they can go to a hospital and die alone (TIME Online). As it is, domestic abuse is abominable. But in times of increased pressure and uncertainty as with the COVID-19 pandemic, it seems abusers will sink to new lows. GET HELP with domestic violence.

23.01.2022 Western Australia has enacted much needed COVID-19 specific laws/amendments. Will other states follow?

22.01.2022 Sadly, it’s common to hear about the always disgusting, sometimes tragic acts of domestic violence. But there’s a story seldom told - the damaging effects of long-term abuse on the health of domestic violence victims. Read on for one real-life example. Deb had been with her abuser 11 years (of 17 years total) at this point. "It was a year of poor health for the kids with frequent chest/ear infections and vomiting. I was experiencing migraines, skin rashes, high blood pressure..., sleep deprivation and recurring nightmares that left me shaking uncontrollably; symptomatic, I now understand, of the constant tension from living in a highly stressful (and charged) environment where nothing made sense. The rules of polite society were non-existent and love for family was expressed through violence. I often felt as though I alone knew what altruistic love was, everyone else around me expressed 'love' according to self-gain. This confused and upset me. Feeling as I did greatly alienated me from my husband, his family and the children. Naturally given my thinking at the time, I laid the fault upon myself for the alienation. I blamed myself for not conforming to their values, for not being more like them. The longer a victim stays with an abuser, after leaving it takes around that same length of time spent with the abuser, to recover. I was with Wayne for almost 18 years; it took a further 13 years to recover to the point where I wasn't afraid to be around people, that long before I could fully trust another person and that long for me to not burst into tears in public over the slightest annoyance. Even so I still continue to have nightmares where I wake yelling (these are becoming less frequent) and I still jump at every loud noise, where my heart then pounds and I feel nauseous. This remnant of PTSD will no doubt remain for the rest of my life. Leaving an abusive relationship early or not beginning it at all helps to mitigate the effects of trauma from being abused because short-term abuse takes on average less time to recover from, trauma is not so entrenched and the patterns of behaviour and thought the victim usually succumbs to when abused long-term, are less difficult to break." - Excerpt from Whose Life is it Anyway?, page 143, by Deb Thomson.

22.01.2022 This article provides an overview of domestic violence features as well as ways of getting help. It is valuable for those of us who may know someone who we know or suspect may be a victim of domestic violence - as well as those who know or suspect they are victims themselves.

20.01.2022 This article has some excellent information for people to GET HELP with domestic violence. Note: the article refers to women but the principles can equally be applied to men. As a growing Facebook presence, we acknowledge both women and men are victims of domestic violence but we will share information with our audience (even if it doesn't itself mention both) if it is valuable in creating greater understanding of domestic violence especially how to GET HELP.

19.01.2022 Is brainwashing happening next door to you? Or is it even closer? Think ‘brainwashing’ and we might see a beam of light piercing the darkness and hitting the face of a soldier as his enemies break his will and his mind. The term ‘brainwashing’ did start in the Korean War, but it’s happening in our very own communities. Domestic violence perpetrators often use brainwashing to gain control over their victims. The following points come straight from a description of military ...style brainwashing. But’s it’s not hard to apply them to domestic violence. We have added the words in brackets as possible domestic violence examples. 1. Daily lectures (This is how things will run around here.) 2. Interrogation (Where were you? And make it the truth!) 3. Isolation (from friends, family, professional help and community in general). 4. Humiliation (confessions, forced self-criticism and much more). 5. Small rewards (gradually conforming the victim to the abuser’s will). We will be posting more on this horrific practice.

18.01.2022 There are reports that pharmacies in France have become secret goto places for domestic violence victims during lockdown. Victims who can't get away from abusers to report, are going to pharmacies and using a code to indicate they are being abused at home. There is no such system we are aware of in Australia - but maybe Australia should adopt a similar process - any thoughts?

18.01.2022 A call to be extra sensitive during COVID-19 isolation toward anyone you know, or suspect may be, in an abusive situation.

18.01.2022 The power abusers wield over their victim’s mind can create a virtual prison. Read on for one real-life example. Being controlled and groomed at the beginning of the abusive relationship led quickly into conditioning that allowed the abuser to freely abuse me with little consequence to his actions. Regardless of the high level of abuse I received, I subjugated my true self in order to fit with Wayne's idea of what being a real woman meant. Who I was quickly became superfluo...us. Staying alive and figuring out the key to stopping Wayne's violence mattered more. It may seem odd to readers (of my book) that at the onset of his abuse I could still leave relatively easily, but chose to remain. That I stayed will be incomprehensible to many. It was by virtue of Wayne's skill of indoctrination that he gained complete control of my thoughts and actions. His conditioning resulted in my total acquiescence....the constant mental manipulation and physical intimidation on his part stymied my leaving. It was easier to stay in isolation than to face the unknown outside the home. My grip on reality rapidly disappeared.' - from Whose Life Is It Anyway?: Recognising and Surviving Domestic Violence, by Deb Thomson

13.01.2022 This article outlines the increased risks of domestic violence during pandemic. It also offers statistical evidence of a link between domestic violence and alcohol consumption.

11.01.2022 Mental health and domestic violence are not always directly related. But victims can suffer mental illness as a result of their abuse. Whatever the cause may be, encouraging awareness of mental health is vital.

10.01.2022 Brainwashing is often used by abuser to gain more control over their victims. Read on for a real-life example of what this kind of brainwashing can be like from someone who experienced it... The brainwashing element is an integral part of the coercive control and conditioning of a victim so that the abuser's actions quickly become a part of the relationship without the victim putting up much resistance to that behaviour. Partly because I accepted his abuse and partly because ...Continue reading

08.01.2022 Several outlets are reporting an expected rise in domestic violence as a result of the Corona Virus - meaning the prospect of victims having more time at home with abusers, due to time away from work or other activities, could expose them to even more risks than normal. The need to GET HELP is higher than ever. Here's a link to one of many sources... https://lens.monash.edu//coronavirus-fear-of-family-violen

07.01.2022 Alcohol does not cause domestic violence and it's never an excuse. But the reality is it's very often involved. Communities like Shepparton are concerned there'll be an increase in alcohol consumption and a resulting increased risk of domestic violence. Anyone struggling with alcohol should reach out for help.

04.01.2022 Could you identify signs someone you know is suffering domestic violence? This post links to a short quiz that can equip you.

03.01.2022 Something the majority wouldn't think of. During COVID-19 lockdown domestic violence incidents are reportedly increasing - but the ability for victims to get help is hindered because they can't get away from their abusers to make a phone-call or otherwise get help.

02.01.2022 If anyone you know uses phrases like these they may be Gaslighting. Gaslighting is a deliberate effort by one person to erode the sense of reality of one or more others. It is a common feature of domestic violence. Here are seven common phrases used by Gaslighters:... 1. "You’re crazy/you have mental health issues/you need help." 2. "You’re just insecure and jealous." 3. "You’re too sensitive/you’re overreacting." 4. "It was just a joke. You have no sense of humor." 5. "You need to let it go. Why are you bringing this up?" 6. "You’re the problem here, not me." 7. "I never said or did that. You’re imagining things." Source: Psych Central This post is a summary. We recommend the full article. https://blogs.psychcentral.com//7-gaslighting-phrases-mal/

01.01.2022 This shows the importance of people around domestic and family violence victims being able to recognise signs someone may be a victim. This can be difficult as sometimes the signs are so subtle, but creating awareness through education is a good starting place.