Jo Woods Relationship Counsellor-Coach | Personal coach

Jo Woods Relationship Counsellor-Coach

Phone: +61 412 329 511

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24.01.2022 Being compassionate towards another person can be difficult when you don’t like what they’ve said or done but that is exactly when compassion is needed most. And sometimes that person is ourselves. PRACTICE: Reflect on the meaning and application of compassion and then reflect on the reality of human nature; that we all say and do things that are agitating and/or stingy from time to time. Compassion is what we need to apply for those moments; a sense of acceptance and forgiveness alongside the agitation or sting. . #compassion #selfcompassion #gentleness #forgiveness #understanding #nonjudgement #nonaggression #lovingkindness #buddhistteachings #dharma #selfawareness #mindstate #speechandaction #selfdiscipline #relationships

24.01.2022 Not reacting to another person’s harsh speech and actions is definitely the most challenging practice of all which makes it the most important - not just for you but for that person and for other people around you. PRACTICE: To stop another person’s aggression in its tracks you need to ‘practice discipline to pause’, then take at least one deep breath (preferably 3-10) which will enable a calm mind-state so you can think about how to respond. Do not speak until you’re cal...m an clear. Practice compassion for the person suffering with the aggression, something has triggered them and they’re reacting unconsciously. You can extinguish the chance of transference with your calm & conscious mind-state and a generous dose of compassion. Yes, at times this will seem impossible and but it’s not, it’s just requires practice. Keep practicing. . #mindstate #aggression #harshspeech #reactions #pause #breathe #think #values #choices #control #mindtraining #practice #buddhism #dharma #aversion #unconsciousness #consciousness #innerpeace #lovingkindness #compassion #dailypractice See more

23.01.2022 When we have a tight grip on how our relationship ’should’ be we set ourselves up for frequent bouts conflict which will gradually build a cesspool of resentment, anxiety and relationship instability. Not what you want? Let’s get you doing things differently... PRACTICE: Think about the oceans rhythms, sometimes calm, sometimes turbulent plus all the subtleties in between. This is the same as relationships; to be able to ‘move with it’ you need to practice acceptance of it, a...wareness of your triggers and be disciplined to self soothe when you feel emotionally unstable. Non judgment & non aggression - just compassionate, calm conversations to repair and reconnect. The more you practice the more calm and clear you’ll be when things are turbulent. Practice makes progress. . #relationships #dynamics #connection #disconnection #repair #movewiththerhythm #nonjudgement #nonaggression #calm #compassion #clarity #mindstate #choices #conflict #exhalethetension #calmconversations #trustyourselftocope #dailypractice #unity #relationshipquotes #relationshipcoach See more

23.01.2022 I think it’s Rick Hanson who says negative events are like Velcro to the mind whereas positive events are more like Teflon. This is a sensory function which served our ancestors well when survival was a real moment by moment threat. Thankfully, as modern human beings this isn’t the case. In order for us to have a ‘mostly’ positive (safe & satisfying) experience of daily life it’s vital that we train our brain to ‘notice and savour the good’. This will create a sense of s...atisfaction and security within you and therefore make you less judgmental /cynical of people and situations. PRACTICE: This week, maintain a sharp focus on all the positive moments throughout each day & ‘savour them’ by pausing to truly appreciate them as such. This is what trains your brain to notice them more which will gradually shift your experience of daily life as mostly positive, rather than mostly negative. . #savourthegood #positivemindset #negativitybias #dailypractice #perception #beliefs #thoughts #satisfying #secure #selfregulation #selfcare #selfawareness #trainyourmind #mindbodypractice #choices #momentbymoment See more

23.01.2022 It’s very rare that people in relationships actually ‘intend’ to hurt each other. The hurt is usually a result of legacy issues/triggers being activated and a lack of ability in one or both people to self soothe to a calm mind-state. When you’re both in a calm mind-state you will be more able to view and discuss what happened in a warmer way; listening to each other with understanding and compassion - the pathway to repair and reconnection. Blame will only create more conflict and more disconnection. It’s a choice you both make . #relationships #hurt #blame #conflict #selfsoothing #calm #mindstate #values #speech #actions #communication #understanding #compassion #selfresponsibility #relationshipgrowth #repair #reconnect

22.01.2022 The main theme here is choice - that you can choose whether to say or do something that honours your values, or not. It’s always a choice. Integrity is a value itself, it describes speech and actions that align with what you say matters to you. Whether you’re saying it to someone relatively insignificant in your life, or to someone extremely significant or to yourself; when you act with integrity it feels good, when you don’t act with integrity it feels uncomfortable. The c...hoice is there for you to make and what a blessing that is because it means you’re always in control. PRACTICE: Make today ‘Integrity Day’ - keep your values in mind as you move through the day. Use discipline to maintain integrity with your speech and actions. Notice how you feel and savour it. . #integrity #values #choice #selfawareness #selfcontrol #discipline #speech #actions #alignment #mindstate #mindbodyconnection #dailypractice #selfcare #brenebrown #relationships #dowhatyousay #keepyourword See more

22.01.2022 When we try and maximize the ‘ups’ and minimize or even eradicate the ‘downs’ we are entangled in the delusion of control. It’s absolutely impossible, just as it is to control the weather. Our experience of life is constantly changing, sometimes it’s so subtle we don’t notice it and sometimes it’s extreme - just like when a calm day suddenly erupts in to a threatening storm. This is the reality of being human, it’s a moment to moment experience. PRACTICE: The best way to lea...rn how to live with ‘downs’ is to practice acceptance and compassion: accepting what is happening and how you feel in that experience and then being compassionate towards yourself and others involved. Use the breathe to calm your mind-state so you can think clearly about what speech or action could be helpful and, practice patience as you move through it...just as you would let a storm pass without trying to force it. And in regards to the ‘ups’...enjoy them just as you would a moment in the sun. Be present and appreciative. . #mood #mindstate #moodswings #calm #control #delusion #resistance #upanddown #pleasantandunpleasant #emotions #thoughts #dharma #bodhicitta #dailypractice #buddhism #practice #selfawareness #acceptance #compassion #relationships See more

21.01.2022 The idealised visions we have (which can act like beliefs) about our life and relationships are often the cause of discontent & insecurity and therefore, they are obstacles to us feeling content with how things actually are. That doesn’t mean it’s futile to aspire to a happy life or betterment of any sort, it just means we need to be conscious of the gap between the aspirational story and present moment reality - we need to be agile and adapt as required. PRACTICE: Tap in to... your aspirational mind and notice how it runs a bit like a Disney movie...everything goes relatively smoothly and if there are problems they’re resolved with ease and affection, and in your relationship your needs are met and you feel happy and secure all the time. Now come in to present moment reality - notice the differences and practice acceptance of that, connect to your values and let them guide you in how to respond to challenging situations and reassure the parts of you that feel let down or discontent. Have a go at practicing ‘neutrality’ - that what is happening is neither good nor bad...it’s just challenging. And whilst it might trigger a discomfort of some sort, that is most likely related to the stories of your aspirational mind. Adapt. Adjust. Breathe. Smile. You will be ok. . #unconsciousmind #consciousmind #aspirations #reality #adapt #mindstate #mindtraining #presentmoment #acceptance #selfawareness #selfcompassion #happiness #contentment #obstacles #resilience #selftrust #neutrality #buddhism #dharma #attachment #aversion #dailypractice See more

19.01.2022 The pursue-withdraw pattern is probably the common pattern in relationships. If it’s not recognized and reset to a mutually supportive way of relating it’s likely to cause more disconnection and eventually separation. PRACTICE: To cultivate a mutually supportive relationship both partners need to be willing to learn about each others insecurities (most of which existed before they even met!) and say and do more of what each other needs for a sense of care and stability. Practice makes progress. . #attachmentstyles #attachmenttheory #pursuewithdraw #relationshippatterns #relationshipissues #selfawareness #triggers #selfresponsibility #calmconversations #mutuallysupportive #unity #understanding #listen #validate #care #emotions #insecurities

19.01.2022 A ‘mistake’ may be something you have said or something you have done which caused distress for you and/or others. When this is repeated many times over it is called a ‘habit’; destructive, unhealthy and unworkable. This state of being needs change - it’s time to do things differently. PRACTICE: Think of one habit that isn’t serving you, list all the reasons it’s causing harm. Think about how it may have started and grown over time in to a negative habit. Now think of the an...tidote behaviour you will practice when this habit gets triggered. Get the new behaviour crystal clear in your mind, imagine yourself doing it/saying it. Then do it/say it repeatedly until it becomes a ‘habit’. (NB. ‘Bad habits’ are just that, it doesn’t make you a bad person) . #habits #destruction #unhealthy #unworkable #change #selfcare #selfawareness #commitment #dailypractice #persistence #newhabits #healthyhabits #onelife #yourchoice #livewell #smileoften #feelgood #behaviour #relationships #s#personaldevelopment #paulocohelo See more

19.01.2022 Accepting things as they are can be very hard, but accepting things as they are ‘at the moment’ leaves room for us to work on improvement. The improvement may be a positive action of some sort or it may simply be our willingness to accept things as they are and be open to a new way forward. Be patient as you work through it. PRACTICE: Think of something you’re struggling to accept; practice acceptance as suggested and then come up with a ‘positive action’ and try it out. Bt...w, positive actions are not necessarily to produce instantly positive feelings, they are more to neutralize the negative ones and make room for new ways to view things. . #acceptance #viewpoint #mindstate #options #atthemoment #values #choices #improvement #positivemindset #positiveemotions #selfunderstanding #selfawareness #relationships #issues #problems #triggers #conflict #calmness #relationshipquotes #relationshipcoach See more

18.01.2022 When you develop self awareness you develop self understanding. When you develop self understanding you develop self-compassion. When you practice this for yourself you will develop compassion & tolerance for the struggles other people experience. PRACTICE: Think about the hugely challenging experience of going through a relationship fracture or break-up. Consider the fact all the adult people you know and care for will have, in some way, also experienced that. Could that e...xplain some of their challenging behaviours at times? As you contemplate this can you feel compassion/empathy for them? Does it grow your capacity to accept that, just like you, everyone has their inner world struggles? Does it help you see the importance of practicing patience and kindness? The bonus of all this work and practice is that you will feel generally calmer, lighter and brighter Namaste. . #relationships #lovingkindness #selfawareness #selfunderstanding #selfcompassion #tolerance #patience #compassion #supportiveness #lovedones #relationshipquotes #relationshipscoach #relationshippsychology #behaviour #relating See more

18.01.2022 All relationships change over time. They change because the people in them are changing. As people, we all change as we move through life, it’s a necessity. From time to time relationships need to be reshaped to meet the needs of each person as they move through each stage of life. Progressive relationships are healthy and they are built on conscious and compassionate communication. PRACTICE: Reflect on your relationships progression, are you and your partner supporting e...ach other as your respective wants/needs naturally shift? Are you talking and listening well? Move with the relationships rhythm, sometimes it’s smooth, sometimes it’s bumpy and sometimes it needs rest and rejuvenation. Be open to all of it. Longevity is born from healthy perseverance. . #relationships #lifespan #perserverance #change #transition #seasons #agesandstages #mutualsupport #speakingandlistening #compassion #selfcare #selfawareness #growth #openmind #openheart #lovingkindness #acceptance #time #workability #rejuvenation #recalibration #revival #newlife #freshstart #beginnow See more

17.01.2022 When you are thinking about or speaking harshly to your other, you’re more likely to trigger aggression, in yourself and in them - and so the pattern of conflict and insecurity continues. Time for change? PRACTICE: The way to a calm and connected relationship is through calm, connected conversations; speaking and listening with open hearted compassion. Stay soft in your voice and listen carefully to the meaning and needs behind the dialogue. Both of you need to feel understood and cared for (protected/secure) so be willing to take the lead and keep practicing. Practice makes progress. . #relationships #communication #calm #compassion #emotions #aggression #nonaggression #calmconversations #listening #rightspeech #rightaction #buddhism #innerpeace #selfawareness #personaldevelopment #mindstate #dailypractice #habits

17.01.2022 What this ultimately means is that you’re not stuck with any ‘unhealthy mind-states’. Want to unhook? The first step is to make this truth the relief you’re looking for - if you really want it, the relief is in your hands right now. It doesn’t actually require years of ‘therapy’, it just requires dedication to practice. PRACTICE: Write a list of all the unhealthy/ unhelpful beliefs you have about yourself. Then write the antidote belief to each one. Then write the speech and... action practice that aligns with each of them. Then practice them. Everyday. (Alternatively, you can keep practicing the unhealthy mind-states you currently live with everyday. It’s a choice.) . #mindstate #entanglement #unhelpfulbeliefs #stuckness #openess #freedom #innerworld #dailypractice #dharma #attachment #awareness #buddhism #choice #selfunderstanding #selfdevelopment #relationships #possibilities #growthmindset #unstuck #awakenings #justpractice #changehappens See more

17.01.2022 A good enough relationship means that each person accepts the others imperfections and supports them so they feel content enough and secure enough. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, just a good enough one - which when accepted as such might just feel perfect enough! PRACTICE: Contemplate what each of you need to feel content enough and secure enough. Talk about it & then practice it in your speech an actions every day. . #relationships #longevity #securebase #safehaven #goodenough is #goodenough #content #supportive #unity #friendspartnerslovers #loyalty #attachment #secureattachment #relationshipquotes #terryreal #relationallife #relationshipcoach

17.01.2022 When we continually try to avoid or block out negative experiences (‘the dark’) we are effectively shutting ourselves off from our (negative) emotions which will impact our capacity to experience positive ones (‘the light’). Just like we have pleasant weather we also have unpleasant weather; similarly in daily life we have pleasant experiences and unpleasant experiences; comfortable and uncomfortable, breezy and bumpy - light and shade, and sometimes confronting darkness. It’...s just not possible to shut out the the dark and expect to be showered in light - there will always be both. Feel it all and trust your resilience when it’s rough. PRACTICE: Focus on the ups n downs of daily life. Notice the range of the ups and of the downs and move with each experience just as you would if you were bobbing in a choppy sea. Practice being present without judgment (acceptance), breath in to a calm mind-state and trust yourself. . #numbing #avoidance #attachmentstyles #traits #selfawareness #emotions #calm #mindstate #breathing #exhale #relationships #vulnerability #shame #brenebrown #dailypractice #courage #livelifewell #feelitall See more

17.01.2022 When you’re aware of the stories and biases of your mind you can fend off your habitual heated reactions and that can have a really positive impact on the relationship. PRACTICE: It only takes one person to make a change to how they engage in the pattern of conflict to change the pattern itself. The best first step is commit to pausing when you notice either one of you is getting heated. Suggest a mutual commitment to calm conversations about difficult things. It may require... a few pauses to get to the repair and reconnection so just hold the course - even if they don’t. Every time you practice you are training your brain to a new habit which will serve you and your relationship well. #pausepractice #habitualreactions #biases #triggers #storiesofyourmind #relationshipdynamics #relationshippatterns #conflict #repair #reconnection #relationships #calmpractice #mindstate #selfawareness #choices See more

17.01.2022 The pursuer-distancer dynamic is the most common pairing - ie, ‘opposites attract’. It can be a complimentary pairing if each person is aware of and committed to balancing their tendencies, but when heated conflict pushes each to their extreme reactivity it’s explosive and often, very damaging. PRACTICE: Awareness is key to balancing a relationship dynamic. Your awareness of your temperament and tendencies and your awareness of your others temperament and tendencies. Your pr...actice is to draw on self discipline to curb your urges to pursue or distance in an aggressively reactive way. It is also to practice tolerance and calm communication towards your other for their reactivity. Yes, this is challenging but isn’t it challenging now, being stuck in the explosive cycle that disconnects you more and more every time? Make the change. . #relationships #attachmentstyles #adultattachment #securebase #safehaven #pursuerdistancer #anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment #relationshipdynamics #johnbowlby #harrietlerner #relationshipquotes #relationshipcoach #selfawareness #dailypractice #selfdiscipline See more

16.01.2022 What we perceive is happening in any given moment isn’t necessarily true (nor good or bad), in fact it’s probably safe to say, it’s rarely ‘true’ - our biases just make it seem that way. How we relate to what is happening determines its affect on us and, our mind-state is what determines how we relate to it. Maintaining a calm, clear mind-state is the key to processing challenging moments in a healthy, non-judgmental way. It’s just takes... PRACTICE : Just for one day, activ...ate a sharp awareness of your experiences; notice your mind judging them as good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant, wanted or unwanted etc. Notice the biases and beliefs that influence your thoughts, emotions/feelings, urges and actions and then consciously unhook from anything that isn’t true or helpful. The more you practice unhooking the more peace of mind and vitality you’ll have. . #mindstate #calm #clear #nonjudgement #acceptance #confirmationbias #habitualthoughts #urges #selfdiscipline #selfawareness #relationships #dailypractice #values #ACT #buddhism #dharma #practice #geshetashitsering #momentbymoment #buddhistquotes #relationshipquotes See more

16.01.2022 Sometimes, no matter how you present it and for all sorts of reasons, your partner may not be able to hear your plea for change, let alone make the change you seek. That doesn’t mean it won’t be heard or won’t happen, it just may not be in the time frame you have in mind. And, it must be said : is possible it won’t happen at all. The most helpful response to this is to stay on your path, to keep walking the talk, to keep expressing yourself in a gentle way and trust you’ll k...now what to do as time goes on. PRACTICE: Reflect on a change you might be seeking in your partner (or other) ; are you putting it forward gently (with compassion) as a request? And practicing patience? Conversely, is there a request your partner is making of you that you could take a little step forward with? (Encouraging tip: When you take a little step it’s more likely they will too.) . #wriggletothemiddle #relationships #change #stickingpoint #conflict #differences #listentounderstand #behaviourchange #requestsnotdemands #willingness #openhearted #openminded #growth #bethechange #walkthetalk #stayoncourse #selfresponsibility #selfawareness #compassion #connection #disconnection #relationshipdynamics #calmpractice #harrietlerner See more

15.01.2022 Problems and the pain they cause are a part of life. Everyday includes a broad spectrum of problems which could range from a slight inconvenience or disappointment to a devastating loss or shocking tragedy. We can’t avoid problems but we can overcome them with the right mindset and self care practices. PRACTICE: One of the most helpful mindset shifts is to fully accept that problems are inevitable which will help dial down your reaction to them. As you move through the next... day or two observe how you view the problems that arise. Do you accept what is happening, soothe your emotion and move in to resolution? Or do you react from an ‘unjust’ view, resisting against the problem, creating additional stress and avoiding finding a resolution? If you find yourself doing the latter it will be hugely beneficial to start practicing the former. Every. Day. . #problems #acceptance #mindset #attitude #selfcare #values #positiveaction #pausebreathethink #slowdown #lessreactivity #moreconsciousness #decisions #stress #anxiety #worry #calmyourmind #selftrust See more

15.01.2022 There are often unconscious biases, beliefs and back stories at play when we say or do prickly things. Noticing them (being conscious) and practicing values guided action is the way to disempower our defenses-the parts of us that are protecting us from perceived threats. PRACTICE: For the next day or two, heighten your awareness of your thoughts and urges, particularly the critical ones. Can you identify the biases, beliefs and/or stories they’re attached to? Where do they sprout from? What does that part of you need to feel less threatened? Do that. . #relationships #conflict #judgement #innerworld #thoughts #beliefs #urges #stories #perception #legacyissues #selfawareness #selfresponsibility #dynamics #selfsoothing #selfcare #relationshipquotes #relationshipcoach

13.01.2022 Our special other can be a part of the healing of childhood wounds (if they’re willing and able) but we must be responsible for the majority of it. It’s a reasonably complex process and it takes time to really feel free from the hurt but it’s absolutely worth it! You may need a session or two from a skilled therapist to help to understand the wounds and plan a healing path. In the meantime... PRACTICE: When you’re next feeling agitated and reactive, pause whatever you’re doin...g and walk. While you’re walking do some calming breaths; long deep inhales and long sighing exhales. Ask yourself what’s upsetting you? And respond to whatever it is with a warm, compassionate and encouraging voice. Just like you would to a distressed friend. Be that for yourself and you’ll have a trusting friend for life. . #selfcompassion #selfcare #selfhealing #childhoodwounds #lovingkindness #selfunderstanding #awareness #dailypractice #relationships #support #forgiveness #relationshipquotes #hilaryjacobshendel See more

13.01.2022 Attachment injuries/insecurities are sustained in infancy and early childhood and will create relationship turbulence until they’re understood, accepted without judgment and repaired. The repair process is the responsibility of each individual; ideally done within a supportive relationship but it’s not a necessity. When both partners in a relationship repair their attachment insecurities alongside each other, a more freeing yet closer experience of relationship becomes possib...le. PRACTICE: Reflect on any insecurities you may have. What do you understand about them & how do you support yourself with them? Can you accept these insecurities as ‘unintended’ childhood wounds? Or, do you still hold blame/resentment about them? Wherever you’re at with this, the most helpful point is that you can either keep the pattern of insecurity going or you can ‘break the chain’ and leave it behind. The choice is yours to make. . #attachmentstyles #attachmenttheory #attachmentinjuries #anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment #relationships #securebase #safehaven #supportiveness #partnership #healing #reparenting #selfunderstanding #selfawareness #acceptance #lovingkindness #relationshipquotes #sigmundfreud #truth #livelifeconsciously See more

12.01.2022 If you find it difficult to feel satisfied and secure in relationships that’s probably due to developing insecure attachment as a child. It’s how you’ve been wired. But now that you’re an adult and aware of this you can practice new ways of relating to what’s happening in the moment and gradually create new neural circuits, rewiring your brain and body for inner peace - a sense of safety and security within. PRACTICE: Whenever you feel anxious/withdrawn in your relationship, ...go inward. Tap in to your mind and body and listen to the thoughts and feelings that are causing the agitation/distress. Then be the reassuring friend you need and coach yourself to do something meaningful, something that not just distracts you but is a satisfying experience. Keep the self-soothing actions going and connect with a friend for a chat and if possible a long warm hug. Crying is absolutely fine so don’t hold it in, it’s a way to release the internal tension. You’ll be ok. Keep practicing and know that you’re actually rewiring your brain. . #relationaltrauma #relationshipanxiety #attachmenttrauma #attachmentstyles #selfsoothing #neurobiologyphysiologybehavior #neuroplasticity #rewire #innerpeace #mindstate #selfawareness #selfregulation #calm #connection #mindtraining #mindbodyconnection #dailypractice See more

11.01.2022 How well you feel in mind and body is vital to feeling happy and secure in life. There’s no thing or person that will fix a neglected self, only you can make a difference to your wellbeing. When you do so consistently - guaranteed it will be worth it. PRACTICE: Here are 5 simple wellbeing practices: > Eat nutritiously and light > Move regularly + strengthen and stretch > Sleep well and rest when fatigued ... > Breathe deeply: 3-10 long slow breaths 3 x per day to keep your nervous system calm > Stay connected; to your values, to your work/vocation, to nature, to music, to interests and to the people around you. In a nutshell: Nurture yourself from the inside so you can nurture the people and entities you care about on the outside. . #wellbeing #selfcare #mindbodyconnection #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #physicalhealth #innerpeace #balance #selfawareness #dailypractice #discipline #purpose #meaning #values #lifestyle #livewell #contribute #generosity #kindness #compassion #tolerance #laughter #exercise #nervoussystem #digestivesystem #nurturance #happiness #security #contentment See more

10.01.2022 Solving problems is a part of every day life. It requires a calm, clear mind and values guided thinking. It also requires consideration of all the entities involved and a prioritisation of needs. A good way to start the process of resolving a problem is to ask the question ’what is most important here?’ This will lead you to the next step of how to proceed in support of that. Some problems are resolved in a couple of swift steps, some require a lot of time, patience and per...severance. One thing is sure, there will always be problems to solve, until the very end. PRACTICE: Consider your usual problem solving process; are you a knee-jerk resolver or a never ending analyst of options and consequences? Do you have the balance right and if not what do you need to do to improve it? Practice that. Every time. . #problems #resolution #options #consequences #calmmind #values #consideration #balancedview #prioritiseneeds #problemsolving #everyday #acceptance #positiveaction #stepbystep #patience #perserverance #selfawareness #relationships #lovingkindness See more

08.01.2022 One of the most common triggers of conflict in relationships (and indeed within oneself) is lack of integrity. When we consistently don’t keep our word it builds a lack of dependability which is a form of trust. When trust is eroded, relationships become unstable - leading to more conflict. And down the slippery slope we go... PRACTICE: Bring in to awareness your own level of integrity...do you mostly do what you say and live daily life in a values aligned way? In your relationship are you mostly dependable and trustworthy? Before you make a request of your other for more integrity you need to walk the talk yourself. . #practicemakesprogress #dailypractice #integrity #walkthetalk #dependable #trustworthy #consistent #values #aligned #speechandaction #mindstate #clartity #relationships #selfawareness #calmlife

08.01.2022 Here’s the thing, being productive is good for wellbeing - overloading yourself and rushing around everyday isn’t. There’s a lovely chapter in the book ‘Ikigai’ that references centenarians beliefs about longevity, this one particular 100yo man said he believed it was because he lived an ‘unhurried’ life. Purposeful, productive and meaningful but lived in an unhurried manner. That really resonated with me and I now practice living it each day and can testify that it’s defin...itely better than my previous crammed, busy, pressured way of living. PRACTICE: Take the word ‘unhurried’ with you, think about how you can live it and practice it consciously as you move through the next few days. Just try it out. Notice the level of busyness and perhaps freneticism you have been living with and notice the difference between that and being productive yet ‘unhurried’. Do what feels best and what yields the most vitality. Long and well may you live. . #longevity #livewell #unhurriedliving #choices #busyness #stress #pressure #anxiety #productive #purposeful #meaningful #contribution #balance #vocation #fulfillment #wellbeing #vitality See more

04.01.2022 When you’re worrying about all the ‘what ifs’ you are missing living the moment you’re actually in, not to mention fueling your delusion that you can create certainty in the future. By all means have a plan A and a plan B as well as an open mind that neither may eventuate - and trust you’ll know what to do if that’s the case. PRACTICE Self trust is the antidote to anxiety; here are two self trusting statements to affirm and practice when you’re feeling wobbly: I trust I’ll know what to do and I trust I’ll be able to cope. Breathe deeply and tap in to your values, they’ll guide you through. . #selftrust #selfassurance #uncertainty #anxiety #future #presentmoment #mindstate #mindtraining #dailypractice #selfcare #selfawareness #calm #values #breathedeeply #slowdown #bestill #eckharttolle #beherenow

04.01.2022 Mutual supportiveness: I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine. It’s a great way to build the attachment foundations of secure base and safe haven, an effective way to build a cohesive partnership and the best way to communicate needs AND have them met. That’s why it’s a Golden Rule...it cultivates golden experiences! PRACTICE: Ask each other the question on the image and converse kindly about how you can support each other more. Start with 1-2 ‘do-able’ requests each. Then do them, warmly and consistently. . #relationships #supportiveness #contribution #consideration #generosity #care #kindness #nurturing #warmheartedness #lovingkindness #unity #cohesion #partnership #values #mindstate #speech #behaviour #compassion #love #RLT #terryreal #relationshipquotes

04.01.2022 When you fight against a hurtful/threatening/frustrating/inconvenient/painful situation you are doubling up on the intensity of the pain and likely to be prolonging it too. Accepting it and the emotions that accompany it alongside some calming breaths (whilst walking if possible) will enable you to settle your mind so you can think about a response of values aligned speech and action. PRACTICE: When you’re next faced with a painful situation which triggers an urge to react ...with aggression > pause for a walk/calming breaths until you have restored a clear mind (mindful acceptance). Then you’ll be conscious enough to decide what to say and do in line with your values. . #agitation #reaction #urges #aggression #hostility #emotionalpain #anguish #fightorflight #nervoussystem #threatresponse #acceptance #values #nonjudgement #calmmind #breathe #mindbodyconnection #valuesalignedaction #selfresponsibility #selfawareness #emotionregulation #clearmind #consciousliving #innerpeace #buddhism #dharma #practice #comfortanddiscomfort #acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy See more

03.01.2022 A breathing & meditation practice to start your week with and guide you through each day with intention and presence. Relationships are a series of moments, accept every moment as it is - whether it be comfortable or uncomfortable, breezy or bumpy, connected or disconnected. It’s all a part of the experience. The main practice is compassion, for yourself and for those around you. . #dailypractice #intention #meditation #breathing #beherenow #presence #aliveness #experience #comfort #discomfort #pleasant #unpleasant #calm #conflict #acceptance #compassion #selfcompassion #buddhism #awareness #thichnhathanh #nomudnolotus

03.01.2022 Idealised/aspirational relationship Vs actual relationship experience. Quite different, a lot of the time. Accepting this and adjusting to reality as the storylines shift is the difference between feeling let down a lot of the time and, not. PRACTICE: Contemplate this concept and reflect on your level of awareness about it. Be aware of ‘aspirational triggers’ (ie. how you thought it would be or should be) versus how it actually is. Write/talk about those gaps and how you co...uld support each other to have a bit more of the relationship experience that really matters to you. . #aspirational #idealised #reality #relationships #acceptance #agility #gowiththeflow #psychologicalflexibility #change #uncertainty #unpredictablelife #breathandadapt #lessgrasping #attachment #aversion #buddhism #breathe See more

02.01.2022 When both partners are continually fighting to get each other to do/be exactly what they want (ego-clinging) the relationship becomes unworkable. Being in a relationship actually requires each person to accept they’re not going to get exactly what they want (some of the time) because of the fact that the relationship is made up of two different people with different attachment needs - amongst a myriad of other differences. It also requires each person to know to what the oth...ers needs are and support that in speech and action every day. These two practices will not only make the relationship workable but quite possibly ‘satisfying and secure enough’ to continue with indefinitely. PRACTICE: Ask each other this question what are the top two things I can do to help you feel more satisfied and secure? Before you do this make sure you’re both clear on what your top two things are - the most helpful requests are behaviour based...eg. I would like you to listen with the intent to understand me more and respond in a supportive way. Or, I would like you to express more appreciation and affection towards me. Clarify you’ve understood each other’s requests and agree to check in again about them in a month - they may need tweaking. . #relationships #conflict #ego #selfawareness #fighting #differences #acceptance #listentounderstand #supporteachother #buddismforrelationships #buddhism #dharma #pemachodron #nonjudgement #nonaggression #attachment #aversion #attachmentstyles #relationshipdynamics #triggers #defenses #selfsoothing #calm See more

01.01.2022 Constant self-denigration creates a ‘hopeless and helpless’ view of self (a belief) which keeps you from growing. This means you are stuck in a cycle which also keeps you from cultivating a (mostly) satisfying and secure experience of life. Want that to change? PRACTICE: Start where you are. Step 1 is to accept where you are in your development, step two is to clarify where you want to be (how you want to live and love ie. speak and act). Step 3 is to clarify how you will li...ve daily life in service of that vision. Step 4 is practicing the behaviours of step 3 everyday. Including the acceptance of ‘slips ups’ that are supported with compassion and then discipline to get back on the path. It’s time to practice. . #selfdenigration #selfloathing #selfcriticism ##selfesteem #selflove #selfcare #growth #dailypractice #livingandloving #satisfyingandsecure #acceptance #discipline #newhabits #mindtraining #values #speechandaction #momentbymoment #changingeveyday #selfrrust #keepgoing See more